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chapter 1

I Check myself in the mirror , again .Ive got on my knee high black skirt with black tights, and a baggy black sweater top . I put on my coat , its a padded coat which reaches mid thigh with a fluffy hood .I Put my glasses on. I hate wearing glasses but im blind ,plus my medication makes my vision worse.But that’s life for you , you can’t have it all .

I don’t consider myself as pretty . I’ve got long thick light brown hair that is up to my hips, it has a tint of auburn in it but you can only really tell in the sun .I hardly ever put my hair up . For me my hair is like a shield . I use my hair to hide myself .I got made fun out of at school for it though. People would always say ‘why’s your hair always in your face ’ and so much more . I wasn’t bullied over it . I just got made fun out of. I have Hazel eyes that my sperm donor gave me, along with everything else of his . I don’t look like my mother in the slightest and I hate it . I don’t wear much makeup . I started off wearing makeup young, because I always felt like I wasn’t pretty. But another reason to me wearing makeup was my family my cousins wore make up, my auntie and I just wanted to copy them . Yes typical childish behaviour . But now I hate it . I’ve only got my tinted moisturiser on, mascara and just filled in my eyebrows a little bit. I’m not a fan of highlighter. I don’t like it and I seriously don’t understand what the hype is .I don’t like contour even though I do need it with my fat face. Even when I was like six stones I had a chubby face. But I don’t want to remember the time where I struggled to gain weight and got bullied about it.

In September it gets cold in England, so my coat is a must.Im not those girls, who will bare the cold because the coat doesn’t go with their outfit .

I plug my head phones into my phone because I can never buy air pods .whenever I try to save up I always end up spending it on a book .If I fall in love with the blurb, and my curiosity gets the best of me, I spend my money straight away.It takes me two days to finish a six hundred paged book.If im lucky and I’ve completed all my assignments and done some revision .But sometimes I won’t even bother with any of them, because I just need my escape from reality.Silence is a massive trigger for me, it brings the demons out that I fight so hard everyday to keep at bay, they come out and torture me . So sometimes well mostly everyday, I need to shut off the world, go into another world that isn’t mine. However, books is the only way I can do that .whilst I read I also listen to music on my headphones on the loudest volume.People think that’s weird. They wonder how I can listen to music plus read at the same time .well they already think I’m weird for reading books . But like I said; silence is a massive trigger for me .books is an escape for me those two added together is the perfect escape from life and my mind .

I walk my usual five minutes to the bus stop ,pull out my phone and check the time . Im on time however I can’t get that hot chocolate I wanted because I have to meet with the counsellor about my health this morning. I tried to avoid writing in my diary when I was in high school, but sometimes I need to do it .Its either that or have one of my downfalls and I don’t want to have that.Even though I went through therapy for months trying to not have them. Sadly sometimes it just gets extremely hard to ignore .

I make it to college just in time . I’m so nervous I’m shaking. I was the only one who got off the bus along with some other girl ,but I didn’t know who she was . Kenzie said to meet her at the bus stop . But knowing her she will probably be late. She made me be late to the experience day too .

kenzie is my friend from high school . We were in the same English class and she would always make sure I was alright . She had a crush on my boy best friend Alejandro.Alejandro is my boy best friend but I call him brother and he calls me his little sister .I haven’t known him long because I moved to that school from another school.

I started high school at Cresent high school, but in two thousand and eighteen I moved to Aajlant high school in year ten because I couldn’t stand to be in that school .

Im so lost in thought, that I don’t see that Kenzie is right in front of me. She pulls out my headphones then pulls me in for a hug .I hug her back.“I missed you,” she squeals in my ear . Kenzie pulls me back by the shoulders , to look at my face and gives me a big smile. I give her a big smile back.“I missed you too beautiful.”

A loud honking noise makes me jump and look behind kenzies shoulder . In a black Corsa two guys are looking toward us . Kenzie shouts over her shoulder “Im coming!” I give her a questioning look and she nervously smiles, “My cousin and his friend agreed to take us to Starbucks, to get a drink before college.” She hesitates for a second ” please come,” she pleads . Another honk rips through the air and a small squeal leaves my lips . Kenzie turns around rolling her eyes and screams “one minute Kyron!” She turns back to me .tightening her grip on my shoulders, as she pleads. “Please!” She says in a cute little voice .

“I don’t know , Kenzie.” I shrug my shoulders .

“Pretty please,” she begs .

I give her a small smile,” look you go , I’ll meet you here when you come back.” She nods her head no . I tilt my head lifting my eyebrows, silently pleading for her to just listen to me .

Kenzie shakes my shoulders, making me laugh ,“come on please!” she juts out her bottom lip .

I roll my eyes at her , smiling at her effort .I feel bad . I don’t ever get into strangers cars , but Kenzies pleading eyes convince me . Kenzies going to be in the car with me, so its not like im going to be in danger .I need to stop being so paranoid . I purse my lips nodding my head yes, because I’m scared my voice might indicate my fear . She smiles, grabs my hand then leads me toward the car. I look up at the car but regret it immediately . The guy in the passengers seat is staring at me from head to toe, with an expression that sends shivers down my spine. He has a black hoodie on,with a leather jacket on top, the hood on his hoodie is up so I can’t make out much of his face. He’s got his arm bent out the window, with a cigarette in between his fingers .He brings it up to his lips. Stupidly, I follow the movement and our eyes lock. I quickly look away swallowing hard , my mouth feels dry all of a sudden . I smile at Kenzie and she intertwines our fingers as we cross the road. I don’t look up from our joined hands letting her guide us across the road. It’s not like I’ve ever cared for my life anyways .She opens the car door then gets in the car. Once she’s seated behind the driver , she gestures for me to get in .I take my bag off whilst I get in. Once I’m seated, I place the bag at my feet .It smells like weed ,I have to control the urge to cover my nose. To my utter horror ,I’m right behind the guy who was staring at me. The window in the passenger seat is down as the guy in front of me puffs out smoke . Because the window is open ,Smoke from the cigarette goes in my face , I release a small cough. I can feel the guy staring at me through the side mirror, but I don’t dare to look .

“Took your time,” the guy at the drivers seat says in a frustrated tone. I glance up at Kenzie and she rolls her eyes.“I haven’t seen my girl in so long so shush,” she huffs . The car starts is ascend. I feel my stomach turn with nerves .

“Oh this is my brother Kyron, the rude one,” she points to the guy in the drivers seat .

He has the same skin tone as Kenzie, honey brown with short spiked hair.I can’t really see his face properly .He snorts at her comment, “sup” he murmurs .Then she turns to the guy who was staring at me earlier, “and this is Damien.” He doesn’t say anything, I’m glad because I don’t trust my voice right now . Instead he puts the music on really loud .Rap music.

Kenzie turns to me and shouts over the music, “are you nervous for your first day ?” I nod and she smiles . “I wasn’t,” she triumphantly states .

She gets her phone out, starts typing something ,then shows me. ” Isn’t this cute,“she exclaims , but there’s nothing cute on her screen . Theres a message though, It reads; ‘don’t mention the boys in my life in front of my brother.’ I nod giving her a small smile .

Damien I think she said his name was , puffs out more smoke, and because the car is moving now it hits my face but a lot more than before ,causing me to cough ,again . However this time I can’t stop coughing .

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