Survivor's diary

Chapter 10

Summerday 6, later in the morning

I feel like I'm in some kind of Big Brother-show. I just told Beth about my broken door, and I know she's gonna tell the others. I think I made a smart move. They'll probably blame the Daryl- dude for doing that, and that's just about right. I know he didn't do it, but I just like to watch him suffer the hate of his friends. ;)

Maybe he will leave the prison. Would be nice. Or boring. The others are really nice, as far as I know, but Daryl is one to hate. And when he leaves, I'm stuck with the nice people. That's supposed to be good, but it's boring. Daryl is like my own little toy, the one that I like to do dangerous games with.

I met a girl today, about my age. Her name is Beth, and I really like her. She was nice to me, and I like that. But I only spoke to her once, so I don't really know what she thinks of me. Most girls in school before this didn't like me. I don't know why. Perhaps I shouldn't have put gum in their hair.

With telling Beth about my little problem, I've started a plan which will show me which ones I can kill off, and who can stay. Seriously, they cannot all stay here. If they do, the weird people from the town will notice, and they will come here. And then I can leave too. And I am not leaving for the stupid actions of some random group of the road.

And there's also the thing with the hunter/cannibal group I still got some issues with. They don't know I'm here, and I like to keep it that way.

OMG! I just got the greatest idea! Hershel's leg still lays somewhere in the cafeteria, maybe I can make a fake trail to lead them out of the area around the prison! I might have an idea where they are stationed! I seriously need a genius award.

Beth asked me to come join her when she and her dad go out to try the crutches I gave them. Perhaps I will. I might have a chance to talk to Rick about the lock, and I really want to see Daryl's face when they make him a suspect!

With this all happening right now, I might need to reconsider the plan of killing them. Every time I've talked with one of them, I have this strange feeling in my chest and tummy. It feels really warm, like I just ate a pile of….what's it called again? Pizza! It was always my favourite food. It always made me feel…..happy. Is that what this feeling is? Happiness? I don't know, it could also be the feeling my body's trying to warn me for the new people. I still need to figure it out.

Rick

I looked over the sheet of paper in front of me. I ticked with the pencil on the table, as I tried to see the halls of the prison in my failure of a drawing. I've been trying to find a map of the prison, but now I haven't found one, I need to make one. It looks more like a drawing of a blind walker than from me. I sigh, and make the paper into a prop. I throw it away in frustration, almost hitting Beth, who just walks out the cellblock.

"IEK!" she screams, jumping up.

"O, sorry, didn't see you" I apologize. Beth goes with her hand through her blonde hair, trying to calm her hart.

"It's fine, I'm fine" she says, more to herself than to me. I realize the girl has had a rough time these couple of months, and she is still not used to living in this undead world. It scares her so much, she almost gets a heart attack from a flying paper. I feel sorry for her, but I don't say anything about it. I overcame my fears for this world, and created new ones. She has to overcome both of them.

Beth sighs. "Mister…..Rick, I kinda need to tell you something."

Mister Grimes lifts his eyebrows. I'm amused that she still doesn't call me just Rick. She tries to, though.

"What is it?" I ask, playing with the pencil between my fingers.

"It's about…the new girl. She came here this morning."

I drop the pencil. "What?"

"She….she came to bring more food, and we talked, and then she left." Beth seems to be scared by my overreaction.

"When was it? Where?"

"Just…here, at this table" she points out. "I was early awake, at the time you were at the watchtower."

I put my hand over my eyes. "Did she do anything else?"

"No" Beth answers, still carefully. "But she told me something. Someone broke in to her cellblock."

I look up. "Are you serious?"

I meant it to be a rhetoric question, but Beth nods. "She said she was going to fix it."

"With what? Does she have the tools for it?"

"Dunno. But she asked me to tell you she wants to talk to you about it."

"Of course" I grumble as I stand up. "Thank you for telling me this."

I grab my gun, and walk towards the door. When I step outside, the light of the early sun shines bright in my eyes, and I can see the shadow of the redneck with the crossbow, leaning over the balcony of the watchtower.

Later

I'm pissed. I saw dad again. He's creepy as fuck. This time, he appeared at the top of the stairs. It was like real creepy. I was about to go seed the garden, and then I turned around, and saw him standing. This time, he was wearing his favourite t-shirt of the Ramones and a sloppy pants. His red hair was messy and his blue eyes were, like, normal. But still, it was creepy.

When he appears, all he does, is stand still, and stare. Sometimes, he extends his arm out, like he tries to reach me or something. This time, I told him to go fuck himself. Still no reaction. Only that stupid dead face.

Last week, I saw him at the fence. But he was not normal, he had this face of a creeper. Half rotten and ugly. I'm happy that didn't happen this time.

What another weird thing is, is that every time I try to reach him, he just so happened to disappear when I get to him. I never get the chance to ask him something, or even say anything. Yeah, 'go fuck yourself' doesn't count, OK?

The first time, I tried to reach him. Everytime I thought I had him, he appeared somewhere else. But he doesn't come over a lot lately. Maybe he finally understands that I don't want him here. He's dead, really dead, not undead, but like, ghost dead. Maybe he can't hear me, but he can see me. So I write this down for him;

DAD, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!

Daryl

"Seriously, dude, I told yah, I was outtin tha woods!" I am so fucking done with this guy. It's like he likes to bother me with things I don't have anything to do with. He asks me where I was yesterday, 'cause he needed to talk to me about something. He says he couldn't find me, and he just heard that someone broke into the cellblock of the little bitch next door. And now he thinks I did it?

"If you say it wasn't you, I believe you" Rick said, holding up his hand. "But that means we have a serious problem. If someone else tries to sabotage Vicky, he will soon come to us. We need to find him or her, fast."

"What do yah wanna do?" I ask, with a little sigh from within. We couldn't get one day to rest. "Getta search party together?"

"Somethin' like that" he answers. "But first, I think we should help the girl find a new place. It's the least we can do after-"

"What? Dude, no!" I might let her live, but that doesn't mean I won't let her die. "Don't help it! Then it will never go away!"

"Do you really refer to her as 'it'?" Rick says, narrowing his eyes. "This 'it' has helped us out more than I like, but I think we can thank her with a small favour."

"And that is?"

"We help her find another cellblock."

"That it?"

"Nothing more" he ensures me.

"What if we don'?"

"What do you mean? There are plenty of other places in this prison."

"Well, she was here first" I say. "What if she wants our cellblock?"

Rick put a hand on his hip, just above his gun, and thinks about the possibility. He then shakes his head.

"You really think she's so bad? You really think she's a rotten person?" He seems to be….almost offended by what I said. "Yesterday, she went out on a run with Glenn and Maggie. She saved both their lives, when they were attacked by walkers. She helped them getting our stuff, but didn't take anything herself. Maggie asked her to come have dinner with us, but she rejected. Even though she's low on food. You know why she didn't want to come? Because of you. She is isolating herself from us because of you."

He stops, for what I call a dramatic silence. Like this is supposed to hit me. It's not. OK, maybe a little.

"Maggie got almost bit, she was scared" Rick continues. "When Glenn found her, Vicky held her in her arms. She was comforting her. You think a crazy psycho would do that? She is not all that bad as you think. Deep down, she's just a teenage girl. That same girl is still in there."

"What are yah sayin'?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. "You think we can bring her back?"

"Yes, I think it's possible" he nods. "After all she has done for us….I feel like it's our duty to help her."

"Rick, yer notta cop anymore" I say, almost chuckling.

"But I'm a person" he says, making me lift my eyebrows. I didn't expect that. Rick leaves me stunned at the watchtower, as he walks inside the prison again.

I lean over the balcony, shaking my head. "Boy, o , boy, what do we have trouble."

T-dog

I hand the pregnant woman a bottle of water, and Lori takes it gratefully.

"Thank you" she says with a smile.

"No prob. You need anything else?" I ask. She drinks a little and then puts the bottle against her forehead, to cool herself.

"If you could do something about the heat?"

I chuckle. "Sorry, miss. We gotta hold out for a couple of more months, before days are getting shorter."

I wipe some sweat of my forehead. This damn spring is really hot. It's not even real summer. Or maybe it is. Living like this, all days seem like the ones before. Maybe the weather sometimes is a little different, and that's the only thing that can tell you which season it is. And I just so happen to live in the south, where the weather is a funny thing. Spring looks like summer, summer looks like a heat wave, autumn looks like spring, and winter is winter.

"God's a strange man" my old man would've said. I smile at the memory.

I hear the door of the cellblock open, and see Rick walking in, looking pissed. At this time, I normally wouldn't bother him, but I have the feeling this can't wait.

"Hey Rick" I say, as I walk towards him. I see he tries to hide a sigh of irritation and exhaustion, but he stays friendly.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

He nods. "What's up?"

I clear my throat. "Have you decided what to do with…the girl?"

His eyes twinkle in a strange way, the way you can't say what it means. So I don't know if I should react or not. I decide to just wait for an answer.

Rick grins then. "I've been thinking about her. She has done a lot of good things for us, and I think we should thank her in some way. She's been giving us food ever since we came here. We could return the favour by inviting her over. Just for dinner, nothing else."

I smile, a little relieved. "How do you wanna do that? Send a postcard?"

"I don' know yet" he says, staring at something behind me. "If we have to go to the E-block again, we have to go through the halls again. And you see how they are…I don't like to send any of us in there again. It's too dangerous."

I look at the ground. Damn, I hoped I could finally meet this girl in person. But I get the point, damn walkers.

"I would like to go" I hear myself saying. "She's been risking her life all day for us, I'd like to return that favour too."

Rick looks at me, narrowing his eyes. "You sure? You might need to take someone with you."

"I'll go with him" a voice from somewhere else sounds. I look up to the balcony, where I see Daryl standing. I see Rick lift his eyebrows, but he doesn't say anything about it.

"You sure?" I ask Daryl. Daryl nods, and for the first time since….I don't even remember, I see the confidence in his eyes. He really wants to do this. And I'm happy about it. I think this means he finally quit the selfish and childish act and finally put aside his differences with the girl.

"OK, I'm gonna get ready" I say, and I pat Rick on his shoulder as I walk towards the cell where we put the weapons. As I walk towards it, I see Lori leaning against the wall next to her cell. She smiles thankful to me, as if she wanted to have the girl over for a long time. I think this is the right thing to do.

I grab a chest armour, a crowbar, and a small gun. Just in case. I check the ammo. 4 rounds.

"What are the odds?" I grunt to myself, a thing my ol' man used to say. I walk back with the stuff, and Daryl lifts his eyebrows at the thing on my chest. He opens his mouth to say something about it, but I shake my head.

"Let's go."

Don't know what time it is.

OK, I'm really scared right now. I haven't left my cellblock since this morning, haven't eaten since last afternoon, and haven't slept since this morning….wait, the last thing isn't that bad, but the other two are.

My dad is freaking me out. I tried to shout at him, but I got tired, so I sat down on the ground. He smiles really creepy, but he doesn't reach out for me. I can't leave, 'cause I know he will follow me. Most times, he just goes away after half an hour, but now he's been spooking here for almost two hours, maybe three.

I have this strange feeling in my throat. And my chest feels weird. A little to the left, it hurts, really bad. I can't place it. It's like someone put a knife in it. OMG! Wouldn't it be awesome if I have a knife sticking out of my back, without even knowing it?!

Ah, crap. I just felt with my arm, and rubbed with my back against the wall. Nothing. Still, it would be awesome.

OK, this is weird. I feel my eyes burn. They're like, dried out or something. And my throat feels really thick. I don't know what's happening to me. It's all because of my dad. Why won't he leave?

Shit, shit, shit! I'm leaking! Water is pouring out of my eyes! It's falling to the ground! Crap, what if I dry out? I'm trying to put the water back into my eyes, but it's not working! I'm really, really scared right now! I don't want to die like this! It's not fair! I still have to find the town people, and play with Daryl, and kill the cannibals in the woods. I got too much to do! And by the way, this is a silly death. In this world, there are much more cooler ways to die. I want to get eaten, or fall off a cliff and break my neck. Not dehydrate!

Maybe, this is the end. Maybe I'm dying right now! It needs to be spectacular. I need to make it spectacular.

Wait, I have the greatest idea! What if I walk into the halls, and let the walkers come to me? Then they can eat me, and I still have an awesome death! Maybe I'll end up like my dad, and I still can play with Daryl! It doesn't seem so bad after all!

OK, the water is leaking on the paper. I think I'm gonna do this! I'm sooooo excited! This is probably the most awesome thing I did since cutting off a leg!

I'm gonna tell my dad to fuck off one more time, and then I'll walk towards the halls.

Daryl

It's dark. Very dark. We try to lighten the place up, but the flashlight are almost out of batterys. T-dog grumbles something to himself, but he's quiet. I'm behind him, he leads. We had a little discribtion of the way from Carl, though it doesn't really come to mind. The last time, Rick went himself. It was dangerous, and he almost didn't want us to go now. But now we're here, in the hell hole again.

I hear some footsteps on my right, and quickly turn around, aiming the crossbow.

"Psst" I say to T-dog. He turns around, and stands still, awaiting for what's coming. The footsteps continue to come, closer and closer. In a couple of seconds, it will reach the corridor.

"I'll take this one" T-dog whispers, both hands on his crossbow. I nod, and let him pass. With his back against the wall, he walks closer towards the steps.

In a second, a walker comes around, and gets stabbed in the eye before it knows what's happening. The body falls to the ground. T-dog puts his foot on the head, and pulls the crowbar out of the skull.

"Not bad" I grunt. T-dog ignores me, staring at something behind the corridor. He walks towards it, leaving me behind.

"Whattup?" I sigh, following him. He points at something on the wall. I shine the flashlight over it.

"It's the map" T-dog says. "Carl said something about a map, right?"

I nod. "We're here" I say, pointing with my pink on a spot on the map. "And the E-block's...right down that hall."

"Great" T-dog says, as he picks the frame with the map off the wall. "Present for Rick."

I grin. "Yeah, he's been drawing an imaginary place for too long. Might help him out."

"Exactly" T-dog says, glancing. He holds the frame under his arm, and stands up. "Let's get going."

I go first this time, keeping the map in mind as we go into another crossing, and go to the right, left...till we see a door.

"E-block" I say. "That's what it says."

I want to open it, when I hear something. Something really creepy. I freeze in my position, with my hand on the lock.

"What it is?" T-dog aks. I put my finger against my lips, and put my ear against the door. It's not locked, so I need to hold it preventing it from opening. Who knows what behind it.

I listen carefully, and try to place the sounds. What does it sound like…..

I hear groaning, as if someone's in pain. Between that, I hear sobs, as in crying. Was it….the girl?

I nod to T-dog, and he softly puts the map on the floor. I count down with my fingers, and when I get to the last, I push open the door.

With one quick movement, I have my crossbow in front of me, ready to shoot anything close and far. The light of the windows of the cellblock shine bright in my eyes, and I blink, trying to get a sight. I look around in the cellblock. The lock on the gate with the bars is broken, and the gate itself is open.

I give T-dog a sign to follow me, as I walk towards the gate. Slowing down my pace, I walk slowly towards it. I look through it, and what I see, is weird.

The girl with the red hair, Vicky, is laying on the ground. Her face seems to be pushed into the floor. She has one hand on her belly, and one hand in front of her, as if she tried to reach the gate before collapsing to the ground.

I lower my crossbow. T-dog looks over my shoulder, and widens his eyes. Before I can stop him, he walks past me and kneels down next to the girl.

I put the crossbow back on my back, close the door, and join T-dog. He pulls her on her back, wiping all the hair out of her face. She groans, her eyes closed.

"Girl, listen to my voice, can you hear me?" T-dog asks, softly. He puts his hand on her forehead. "She's burning up" he says to me.

A rush of pain flows through her body, and she rolls herself into a boll, around her belly. A tear rolls down her face as she lets out a painful sob.

"What do we do?" I ask, a little affected by the sight. As much as I don't like her, I can't bear the sight of her having pain.

Suddenly, she opens her eyes. "What? No, why?" she says. She stares at something behind us. I look up to the balcony behind me, but see nothing.

"I think she really is insane now" I grumble.

"Shut up" T-dog says, and I hear pity in his voice. "We gotta help her. She's in pain. We gotta take her to Hershel."

"Please, don't….the arrows" the girl says, as her eyes roll away. T-dog gives me an angry look. I just chuckle, finding this a little too amusing.

"You go first, I'll carry her" he says, putting his arms under her body, and lifting her up.

"The arrows…the arrows!" she whispers, her voice breaking by another sob.

"Shh, it's gonna be OK" T-dog says, trying to keep his voice steady as he starts walking. "You're gonna be fine."

I lift my eyebrows at the sight of the black, tough man who seemed to have changed to a nurse or something. A little stunned, I stay behind, waiting for him to reach the door. I look around the cellblock, overwhelmed by all the drawings and paintings. Colours, faces, walkers, animals, abstract, realistic….everything at once. All the walls are filled with them.

Somehow, my eye catches a small book. It lays on the floor where she just lay. T-dog must've missed it.

I pick it up, looking at the back of it. Nothing. It doesn't look like a book you're supposed to read. I open it, going through the pages. Almost half of them are written, sometimes with drawings or notes. It's seems like she had been writing everything down that came into her mind.

I go back to the first page, and read it. I'm not really the kind of person that gets into the privacy of others, but this was a different story. The story where a girl with a possible mental illness has the leading role.

I almost drop the book, as I read the first page. It seems to get right into my heart. The first page is a drawing of a man, a man that kinda looks like the girl herself. I remember the face. The face of this man, I had seen it before.

I look to the wall, where the same face is painted, but in colour.

"Shit…." I say to myself. My thoughts go back to the first day of the apocalypse, where Merle and I found shelter in a farm house outside Atlanta. It was surrounded by walkers, and when we got inside, I shot a walker who had just turned. A just turned walker mostly looks like the person it was before. I still remember his face. The face came really close, when it grabbed me with his arms and tried to take a bite of my face. Merle stabbed it, and it fell to the ground. I still remember that face.

"Daryl, what are you doin' in there?" T-dog shouts. "We ain't got all day!"

"Arrows!" the girl groans.

"I'm comin'" I say, as I put the book in my back pocket of my pants.

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