Survivor's diary

Chapter 21

Dear diary,

While walking towards the house where Daniel said the Governor lived in, I thought about something. If I hate this motherfucker so much, why not kill him right now? It will prevent a lot of shit from happening, and Rick and the others will be safe. And Daniel and his family too.

So I just made this awesome weapon, with the blade of my knife taped on a stick, so I could stab that Governor-dude in his other eye, and then in his heart. I was pretty excited about it, and I was walking down the street with my awesome stick and a package with the Walker-flavoured muffin inside it. The people on the street lifted their eyebrows at me, but thought I was one of the towners like them. Well, I think that's what they thought. No one attacked me, so I guess they're just fucking stupid. I don't know how many people there are in this town, but c'mon, if you've never seen me before, you can think about the possibility I'm not one of them?!

Anyway, I walked to his apartment, and I already didn't have a good feeling about this, 'cause there were no guards in the whole building. I just thought I was lucky, but then I thought; no, Victoria, you are never lucky. When I stood in front of the door, I hesitated. Was this really the right house?

I then shrugged, and lay my hand on the doorknob. Then I thought I could make it cool, and kick the door in. So I kicked the door in. My first attempt failed pretty hard. There was only a bump in the wood. So I tried again, and my foot went through the door. This door seemed to be very locked, or something. I pulled my foot back, and decided that maybe I was meant to just open the door by hand.

Standing in the doorway, I was very, very disappointed. 'Cause the motherfucker wasn't around. I even shouted 'hey, motherfucker!', but he didn't come. So I shouted 'hey, dickhead!' but that didn't work too. So I just opened the door with my hand. Then, I got even more upset, 'cause there was no living person in there. I searched through the whole ugly apartment, only found a dead walker and a broken aquarium with walker heads. Those heads were pretty funny, though. Next time I make a walker-muffin, I put a head inside, instead of the brain. Would be pretty interesting

I just put my genius muffin on his desk, for when he comes back. I didn't think it was wise to wait for him. The Woodbury-people could still start to realize I'm not one of them. It may take a while, but I'm not going to wait for it.

I went back to Daniel, who was feeling better. We decided to go, and find a way back to the prison. I bet he'll love it. It's safe, it's cool, it's awesome! And maybe I can introduce him to Beth. I bet they'll be a cute couple…and maybe that dead-guy Jimmy will stop asking for her. He's so annoying. He keeps on telling me Beth's so sad all the time, and that she cries at night and blah, blah, blah…

Right now, we're taking a pause. I really need to find some more paper, this one's almost full. We're in the forest, which I don't like, 'cause I wanna go to the supermarket. Or a toy store. I want to get Baby-Grimes a present, and maybe one for Beth too, 'cause she's sad.

Daniel standing up. "You coming?"

I don't answer, 'cause I'm writing everything down that's happening right now.

"Are you writing everything down?" he asks.

After I finished writing this, I say; "Yes. It's my journal. Maybe I'll make it a novel someday, like Anne Frank."

Daniel laughs at me. I ask why. He says he laughs because he doesn't think I can write. OK, he doesn't say that, he just says; "Really? You gotta be very good at writing to make a novel."

I shrug, and I write it down now too. OK, my hand is tired, see yah later. Terminator.


When I walked into the cellblock this morning, I thought everything would be fine. My dad had promised me he would help me look for Vicky. He was a little shocked to see the new people I brought in, and we quickly went inside the cellblock, leaving Tyreese and his group stunned. I hugged Glenn and Maggie, and I was glad they were alright. I was also surprised to see one of mom's best friends and her son. I hugged them too, and they were very grateful for the food Carol handed to them.

Seeing the eat so happily, I thought everything would be fine. I thought everything would be alright. But then, my dad walked back to the new group. Tyreese tried to convince him, my dad said no. The other people started begging him, he still said no. Then, out of nowhere, he started screaming and waving around with his gun. I didn't know what to do. We tried to calm him down, but it didn't work.

Tyreese and the others left, shocked. Dad ran outside, and was wandering outside the fence.

I was just showing Miriam and Vinnie the courtyard, when we heard the first shot. Beth and I ducked immediately behind a metal table, when more shots sounded.

I hoped everything would be OK. But I was wrong. I was so wrong.

I reload my hand gun. Dust flies around our ears as bullets hit the ground. I notice there's a sniper on one of the towers. I need to hit him.

Vinnie sits behind me, crying. "Mom! Mom! No, please!"

I don't pay attention to it. I try to hit the sniper, but need to find cover for the nearing bullets. I hear the sound of a machine gun, and look at the fence. There are a few man standing by a car, both firing all their ammo at once.

I see a figure outside the fence. My dad.

The firing stops for a moment. The door of the cellblock opens, and Maggie runs on the courtyard, holding shotguns.

"Beth! Here!" she shouts, and hands her sister one of the guns. Maggie hides behind some drawers we pulled out of the building yesterday, just in time to avoid the new bullets flying through the air.

I see her aim, and shoot.

"Carol! Now!" I completely forgot about Carol. She's laying on the ground, using Axels dead body as cover. I lay a cover fire, so she can find shelter at our place.

"O my god!" she shouts, and I don't know why. I see Maggie fire, and a second later, the sniper on the tower falls down.

I turn towards the fences, and try to hit one of the men at the car. Without any success, they're too far away.

Again, there's a weird silence. We both stop firing. The first seconds, there's only silence. Then, there's the sound of an engine. A car. A van. I see it coming through the trees. A white van. It nears the gate, not slowing down.

It burst through the first gates, makes a turn, and stops in the middle of the field. What's going on?

I stare at the van, nothing happening. I see Michonne hide behind the buss, grabbing her sword.

I can also see a white spot moving in the high grass. Hershel. He's still there.

Suddenly, the back of the van opens up. The first moments, there's nothing. I look at Beth. She shrugs. We both don't know what to expect.

And I sure as hell didn't expect walkers to come out. The undead storm out of the back, spreading out over the field.

I see the men by the car drive away, and I immediately walk towards the fence of the courtyard. I see my dad, fighting against the walkers, who are drawn by the loud shooting. My dad can hold a few of them off, but they're forming a blockade around him.

Suddenly, another car drives onto the field. But this is one of ours. Glenn steps out of the vehicle.

"Get my dad! Get Hershel!" Maggie shouts. Glenn grabs his gun, and fires the walkers nearing him. Michonne jumps up from behind the bus, blood on her clothes. With one move with her katana in her hand, two unheaded walkers fall to the ground.

I open the gate, and Glenn drives the jeep onto the courtyard, with Hershel and Michonne in the back.

I turn towards the outside fences, and see my dad still fighting walkers. I see something move behind the bushes of the forest. No, not more of them! Please, no more!

I see an arrow flying through the air, and a second later, Daryl appears from the woods. I sigh relieved. Dad's safe.

Beth lays a hand on my arm. "You gotta help me! Quick!"

"What? What's going on?" I turn around to see Miriam lying on the floor, with a hand on her belly. Blood drips through her fingers. Vinnie sits next to her, holding her hand.

"Please, mom! Don't die! Please, don't die!"


We duck behind a car. I stand up a little, to look through the window. The way to the front door of the supermarket is clear.

"You ready?" I should've known I don't need to ask. Vicky already jumps up, sprints towards the door, and kicks it in. The walkers at the end of the street turn their heads, and start making their way towards us. Vicky gives them one look, and laughs. She holds up her hand, and….gives them the finger. She turns towards me.

"C'mon, let's go inside! I wanna get some cool stuff for back home!" she runs inside, not waiting for me. I sighed, and follow her. During our escape from Woodbury and our travel to the prison, I noticed she really thinks that prison is her home. Her new home. She doesn't stop talking about her friends, the people at the prison. I believe she said something about a cop and his son, a man with a bow and arrows, a complete farmer's family, a ninja, a samurai and a witch. I don't know who's real and who isn't. There's also a baby, who she calls 'Baby-Grimes', because she thinks her real name is stupid.

I see Vicky run towards the child department. I shake my head, with a smile on my face. She's determined to find a duck.

I walk towards the canned food, or what's left of it. We both haven't thought about bringing a bag, so I just take one of the baskets. I remind myself of the threats outside, and close the door of the shop, just in time to see the shadows of the undead coming closer.

I throw some of the cans in the basket, and walk further. Most of the shelves are empty. After all these months, most of the stores are like this. In the early days of the event, people just grabbed whatever they could get their hands on. I remember there were fights in the supermarkets, about the most stupid things. There were two man fighting over a pack of diapers.

I grin, and throw some comic book in the basket. For when I can't sleep.

I hear some rumbling in the back of the store. "Vicky? You there?"

No answer. That's weird. Most of the times, she just shouts "Where else?" or "I'm here, idiot" and often "O my god, look what I found!". But now, nothing. That is weird.

I walk with my basket towards the rumbling. It's the wine department. "Vicky?"

I hear the sound of glass breaking, and something falls on the ground. I start walking faster. "Vicky?!"

I drop the basket, now running. Please, let her be OK. Please, let her be alright.

I find her in front of the last shelve. She sitting on the ground, with a broken wine bottle, the red alcohol spreading on the floor. Vicky can never wear those jeans again.

I slowly step closer. I see her eyes are cloudy, the blue has a weird glance. She softly moves her lips up and down.

Kneeling down beside her, I wave my hand in front of her eyes. "Vicky? Can you hear me?"

No reaction. I look at her hands. She's squeezing. The glass is breaking in her hands. She's hurting herself. I see cut's appear in the flesh.

"Vicky, stop! What are you doing?!" I take the broken bottle out of her hands, and she blinks with her eyes. It takes her a few seconds to realize where she is, and then there appears a smile on her face.

"Hey, Dan. Have you found some food yet? I'm starving. Wow, what happened to my hands? It looks like I'm some kind of emo. I bet it makes good scares, though. Can you hand me a towel or something? I think I pissed my pants…O my god, is that wine? Did you now that's one of the things you can never wash out of your clothes? You know, that's awesome! It'll make awesome prints on my jeans! Is wine tasty? I always thought it looked like lemonade, but it isn't of course. It's so filthy. I like beer more. Do you like beer? I also like 7up. Or Fanta. Hey, did you know-"

"Vicky, stop" I say, helping her up. "What happened?"

I notice Vicky avoids my look by inspecting her hand. "I dunno. Hey, do you think there's some bandage here? I really need to-"

"Vicky, tell me." I grab her by her shoulders, and she still doesn't look at me. She shrugs.

"I dunno what happened. I think I fell. Can we look for some doctor stuff? You can play the doctor if you want…"

I lift her chin up with my hand. "I don't think you just fell. You were in some kind of trance. That doesn't happen when you fall. C'mon, Vick. I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to. I'm fine. Well, I'll be fine when my hands stop bleeding. I bet those deadies outside go cray-cray if they smell this…"

"What did you call them?" I ask, smiling by the sound of her own voice speaking.

"Deadies. Sounds more fun than walkers, or biters."

I put my arm around her shoulder, and we walk away from the wine department. "Well, they're not fun, actually."

"No, you don't think they're fun" Vicky says, and I hear another weird theory coming up. "I think they are. There are lots of stuff you can do with them, like making muffins."

"That wasn't a real success, was it?"

She shrugs, kicking a box away with her toe. "You don't know that. Master-Douche hasn't seen it yet."


"Yeah, that's what I call him."


I can't cry anymore. My eyes are dried out, and they're hurting. I also have this pain in my stomach. It won't go away.

I'm not hungry. And I'm not thirsty. I feel alone.

I hear the door of the cellblock being opened, and see mister Grimes walk outside. He has a different shirt on now, and his hair isn't that sweaty anymore. He smiles at me, and I try to smile back.

Mister Grimes sits down at the bench, next to me. He pats me on my head, but doesn't say anything. I stare back at the field, where a man is digging a hole in the ground. I've been staring at him ever since he started digging. I don't like that man. He's weird.

First, he escaped from Woodbury, with Merle, who is his brother. Then, back with his friends, he leaves again. And suddenly, he comes back again. I don't understand that. I don't like Merle, and I don't like him.

I turn towards mister Grimes, who's looking at the man too. "Aren't you gonna say anything?"

He looks at his hands, which are folded together. "What do you want me to say?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Words."

He grins, and looks at me. "I'm sorry about your mom, Calvin."

I nod, and look back at the man I don't like who's digging a hole in the ground. "That's OK. It's not your fault."

He lays a hand on my knee, and squeezes a little. My dad did that too. When he was still alive. But he's not now. Not anymore.

"Mister Grimes?"

"It's Rick. Just call me Rick."

"Sorry, I forgot. But Rick…what's going to happen to me now? I don't have a mom, don't have a dad, and Danny is gone too."

"Don't worry," Rick says, standing up. "We're all going to take care of you. All of us."

He holds out his hand. "You wanna say goodbye to your mom?"

I grab his hand, and stand up. "Yes."

Together, we walk towards the man who's digging. I feel a little better now. I was scared Rick was going to send me away. He sent those other people away too. I thought he was going to do the same to me. But I can't go alone. I'm eight, almost nine. I can't fight. I'm too scared.

The man who's digging looks up as he sees us coming. I feel more pain in my tummy as I see mom laying on the ground next to the hole. Someone put a blanket over her. If I didn't know it was mom who lay underneath it, I would've thought it was someone else. But I do know it's mom. And this is all real. I'm all alone now.

The man I don't like steps out of the hole, with the shuffle. He wipes some sweat from his face with his upper arm, and looks at me.

"Yah OK, man?" he asks, and his voice doesn't sound so bad, but I still don't like him. I thought Merle was nice too, but he's not. So this man's probably not also.

I take a step towards Rick, feeling uncomfortable. I decide not to answer the man's question. Rick lays his hand on my head.

"This is Daryl. He's a friend. You've seen him before, right?"

I look up at Rick, and he has a smile on his face. I like Rick. He's not confusing. Or maybe he is. But he told me that all of them are going to take care of me, so I'm not scared of him.

But if he said all of them, that means the man I don't like is also part of them. I hope Merle isn't.

I nod at Rick. The man I don't like who's name's Daryl, steps towards me, and kneels down, till he's at the same height as me. He smells.

"I'm sorry 'bout yer ma, lil'man. But don' worry, we're all gonna protect you."

I look back at Rick, who nods. I look back at Daryl, and I decide that I think he's not so bad.

I look past him, to my mom. "Are you going to put her in there?"

Daryl looks over his shoulder. "Yep. You can put some flowers on top if yah want."

That doesn't seem like such a bad idea. I look around, but all I see is grass. That's not so good. The field's still full with dead creepy-heads. There's a man, who looks like Jacky Chan, who's dragging them away, with a pretty girl with brown hair. I like them. They seem nice.

I then see a row of other graves. I point at them with my finger. "Who are they?"

Daryl stands up, looking at Rick for a moment. Rick looks at the ground.

"They are dead too, right?"

"Yeah" Daryl says, pointing at the first. "That one's for a friend called T-dog. He was a very nice man. Next to her lays…well, yah probably know her. That's Lori."

"Yeah, she was mom's best friend" I say. "Who's that?"

"That's Axel, the man who died today too."

"And that one?"

Daryl hesitates. He doesn't say who it is. He walks towards the shuffle, and picks it up. He starts digging again, without telling me who's laying there. I look at Rick, but he's not looking at me.

I slowly let go of his hand, and walk towards the grave. Daryl's still digging, but I have the feeling he's watching me.

I kneel down in front of the grave. There's a wooden cross put in the ground. At the bottom lays a book, with a pen on top of it. I wonder why they put it there.

There's also something carved in the wood. "Vicky"


I wait for Rick to take the poor boy inside again, before I walk up to Daryl, who's throwing the earth into the hole again. He looks up as he sees me coming, but doesn't interrupt his work.

I stand there, for a couple of minutes, looking at the hole slowly filling up. Daryl looks up, after a long silence.


I shrug. "Nothing. Just glad to see you back."

He snores, and throws more earth on top of the pile. "Glad to be back."

He throws the shuffle away, and wipes his face with a handkerchief. I cross my arms, looking over the row of graves.

"It's starting to look like a real graveyard here" I say. Daryl grabs the cross Carl made for the grave of Miriam, and puts it in the ground.

"That's 'cause we dug holes for people who only played dead."

I giggle. He's referring to my holiday in a closet after walkers came into the cellblock. "It wasn't my fault! She put me in there!"

Daryl chuckles, and looks at the ground. He picks up the shuffle, and I see his face has gotten a dark expression. We both look at the grave next to Miriam, what used to be mine, but was now used for her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring her up" I say, feeling guilty. He shrugs.

"We gotta talk 'bout the ones we've lost, right? That's what she told us."

I smile, and nod. I swallow a lump to my throat, feeling tears filling my eyes. "You think…you think she's…."

"I don' think it. I know." Daryl turns towards me. "Merle told me. They killed her. Execution."

"Wha…what?" I gasp. Daryl lays a hand on my shoulder. He looks at the ground, with a pale face.

"Executed….how cruel!"

"I know. She must've been very upset, 'cause it wasn't on her "ways to die"-list."

I sniff my nose, and laugh. "I didn't know she had that. She told you?"

"Yeah, when we were lookin' for you. And that's not the only crazy thing. She has…had lots of stupid things in her head."

I wipe a tear from my cheek. "But most of the things she said….it made sense after a while."

Daryl nods. "It takes a long while to make sense out of the walker-leprechauns, if yah ask me."

"I said most of the things, not everything!" I laugh. Daryl grins, and looks at something behind me. I then see his face change. From the grieve and the memories is nothing left, there is only shock. And a little relief.

"No shit" he mumbles. I turn around.

"What? What is it?"

Daryl throws the shuffle on the ground, and runs towards the just repaired gate. I follow him, running as fast as I can. At the same time, I look through the outside fences. When the thing Daryl shocked catches my eye, I stop running. There's a flash of red through the bushes. It's nearing the gate.

I close my eyes, and my lips curl up into a smile.

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