Survivor's diary

Chapter 46

Diary, dear diary, dear dear diary,

I've got a sister now. Katy used to be my niece, but I decided that we might as well be sisters if we're the only ones left. I mean, both my parents are dead, uncle Isaac is, and from what I've heard from Katy, the rest s too. At least, everyone who lived in California. We might have some far siblings overseas, in Ireland perhaps. Family we've never met before, so we might as well assume we're the only ones. And now we're sisters. Katy and Vicky Robson. Katherine and Victoria Robson, rulers of Muffinland. Well, only me. I'm the ruler of Muffinland, but if something happens to me, Katy should take over immediately. I think she can do it.

From what I've heard, there's been happening quite a lot in the prison. The drama continues. It seems Vinnie has completely disappeared, and now Carol is gone too. Rick and his homies are all looking for them right now. Perhaps they just left. I mean, with everyone being so grumpy all the time, I would want to leave too. For now, I'm stuck in this prison cell. 'Stuck' might not be the correct word to describe it, because I can break out any time I like. But I don't do it too often, because I already have Rick breathing down my neck with everything I do. He's still pissed at me for 'kidnapping' his son. In my opinion, I was saving that stupid kid. Rick was being a dick to him, just like everyone else. All I did was shine some light on the situation, and they all freaked out. Am I truly that terrifying? I think Katy mentioned that earlier, that I scared everyone with being me. I don't think that's true, because I could name at least ten people who are not. For example; Carl. Daryl isn't either. He's not fond of me, but neither scared. And there was this group of kids who asked why my hair was red. They're not scared either. And Hershel's not, nor are Maggie and Glenn. Beth might be a little. She almost pissed her pants when bringing me food the other day, but we're cool I think.

For as far as the trial goes; I haven't heard anything about it continuing some other time. It was awesome at the beginning, little boring in the middle, and spectacular at the end. I'd love to see what happens next. Katy said Daniel blames me for Cal's disappearance. I'm very curious to hear his theory, since I'm not very active these days. Dan's been acting like a real pussy lately. I mean, everyone knows he's been a cry baby all along, but I'm starting to think he might be sick or something. As if he needs special medicine not to cry or be depressed. And he's mad at me for some reason.

Maybe I can make him happy again somehow. Maybe I should make a muffin or something, with a lot of chocolate. Or cookies. Frozen yoghurt? Smoothies? Ice cream? Perhaps throw a party? Wait, no, a BALL! Like real royals do. Then we could dance and eat cake(I need to bake a cake) and then he'll be happy again. And perhaps he's not mad at me then.

It's a great plan, I know. But it sounds like a lot of work. I'm not sure whether I'm up for that, since I've been tired all the time. It's really weird, I sleep a lot but I'm still tired. And lazy. Very lazy. But I wasn't lazy before. Maybe it's a laziness virus.

Maybe I should go for something easier, like finding Calvin. Shouldn't be that hard, since this is my palace. As its owner, I should know every corridor, every stain, every stone, every closet and stuff. I should know everything about it. This is the perfect time to test it, before I leave. It will tell me if I can be a good ruler for Muffinland. I'll have a big palace there, I should practice getting to know how a palace works before I go there.

So, finding Calvin. Shouldn't be that hard. Maybe I'll find Carol along the way. That would be great, finding two missing persons in one go. That confirms that I'm a loving queen. I take care of my people, my underlings. Maybe it will convince Katy to tag along on my journey to finding Muffinland. She still hasn't said yes, but I know she will after this.


In the dark, I move my arms around, till I hit something. "Oh, sorry sweetie!"

Vinnie quickly grabs my hand, and comes closer. "It's OK. I can't see a thing either."

He's right. There's no light in the whole room at all. Not even from the hall. Will has turned off the lights there too. All we can do is listen to each other's breathing and hold hands, not to lose one another.

"What happened, Calvin? How did he get to you?" I ask carefully. The little boy moves closer, and sits down close to me.

"Lizzie had this plan to go through a chimney on the roof to go see that thing everyone was talking about the other day. We wanted to know what was happening. But when I slid down and fell on the ground, there were biters. One wanted to bite me, but that man killed it. He brought me here, and he….he…"

I hear his voice trembling with fear, and I attempt to comfort him by awing his head. But I quickly pull my hand away when I feel the back is all wet and warm. Blood. I bite my lip in anger when I hear the poor boy swallow away some tears. That bastard hit him. "It's OK, sweet pea, I'm here now. We'll get out of here."

"I hope so" he mumbles softly. I gently squeeze in his hand as encouragement, but he doesn't respond to it, as if he's lost in his own thoughts.

I carefully stand up after a while, and feel my head pounding. I've had quite a hit myself. Never thought someone like Will had that in him. But he's totally lost it. I can't recognize him the way he is now. The failure of not being able to help Vicky and her 'condition' must have been too hard on him. He couldn't handle it. Helping others with their mental states must've been the only thing that kept him sane himself. Now that his theories about the human brain proved to be incorrect, he released all the feelings he kept hidden all that time. Things he tried to forget. He kept focusing on his mission to cure everyone from mental diseases. But he failed anyway.

I finally begin to understand why he's doing this. At least a little. But the part of hurting others…I can't seem to figure that out. Not yet.

I hold Vinnie's hand tight as I look around. All I see is nothing. No shadows, no silhouettes, nothing. How are we gonna get out of here?

The little boy sniffs his nose, and I feel my heart melting. The poor boy was in here all alone. He must've been so scared.

"What are we gonna do?" he asks, almost whispering. I close my eyes. Now, I'm rather glad that it's too dark. He can't see my desperation. I'm not sure what to say. He won't understand why Will has gone insane, and trying to explain it will only make him more confused and scared. But lying to him isn't an option either.

With the little courage I have left, I answer; "Don't worry. The others are looking for us right now. They'll be here in no time."

"You sure?" Vinnie asks uncertainly. I swallow the truth down my throat.

"Yes, of course. You know what? We should lend them a hand by letting them know where we are. If we could just find something as a crack in the wall, or an opening somewhere in a pipe, we might be able to make a sign or something." I assume that Will has locked us up inside one of the many boiler rooms of the prison. The plan sounds too idealistic, but it seems to calm Vinnie down a bit. I hear him humming with agreement. "Maybe I can crawl into one of the pipes, and then I could lead Rick to us."

I smile, even though he can't see that. "Yes, perhaps you can. Let's try to find it together. Do not let go of my hand, OK?"

"I won't."

"Good" I sigh, while I search with my hand around my belt. Crap, he took my knife. Of course he did. "Now, let's carefully take a step, to the left…no that's the right….here we go." As subtle as possible, I try move my foot inside my boot. I used to stock a small pocket knife in there. I can't feel it in there anymore. Maybe I've gotten too used to the feeling of it being there.

"Watch out, there's a table back here" Vinnie says when we take the next step. "I lay under there when I woke up and bumped my head against it." I grind my teeth. That psycho's gonna pay for what he did. Playing with Vinnie as if he's a toy.

We take another step, and I finally bump my knee against something. Just as I thought. The room couldn't be that big.

With my free hand, I reach out to where my knee touched the thing. It's cold metal, it feels like some kind of cylinder. I search with my fingers further over the wall, and I find another pipe almost at the same height as my eyes.

"I think I've found something" I mumble softly, keeping in mind that Will could enter at any moment.

"A way out?" Vinny asks hopefully.

"Hopefully" I answer, although it's hard to believe. "But to make sure, I'll have to do something you're not going to like…"

"What is it?" the boy asks with a small voice.

"You're gonna have to let go of my hand for a second" I say, and I feel that he's squeezing my hand even tighter. "Instead, you can hold on to my shirt, while I move along the pipe to where it opens up, OK?"

"OK" he says, still trembling with fear. The poor boy.

As I told him, he lets go of my hand, and immediately grabs my shirt. I hear him sigh in relief.

"Alright. Now, I'm gonna move slowly to the right, and you'll just follow my lead."

"Yeah" Vinnie says, and there's a small glimpse of hope in there.

I lay both my hands on the metal pipe, and use them as my eyes as I move slowly. I don't let go for just a second, afraid that I'll get lost again. I have this little guy depending on my every move.

My feet scrape over the ground, and even though I move as slow as I can, I still hear Vinnie stumble on his feet every time. He's still a little scared with following me blindly.

I keep concentrating on my hands, following the pipe alongside the wall. Suddenly, I feel a crack in the metal. Too late, I realize it's a sharp bulge. There's a sudden pain in the palm of my right hand as it cuts through my skin. There's a soft thud as the sharp piece of metal falls to the ground.

"Ahw, shit!" I curse, and quickly step back. Caught by surprise, I hear Vinnie stumble and fall.

"Carol!" he cries out, as he collapses to the ground. I grab my wounded hand, feeling blood streaming down my pulse.

"I'm here" I say, trying to keep my voice calm through the pain. "Just follow my voice. I'm right here."

"Don't do that!" Vinnie says indignantly, fighting back tears of fear. He almost hugs me, and with my good hand, I grab his shoulder.

"Listen, Vinnie, we have a little problem." I try to grab my pocket knife hidden in my boot. I need to bind this wound fast, or I'll lose too much blood. "Will has set all kinds of traps in this room, to prevent us from finding a way out. I just cut my hand, and you woke up under a table, hurting yourself when trying to get up…" Vinnie lets out a cry, and sobs softly. I bow forward, feeling his breathing against my cheek. "But I have plan. Don't worry. We just have to find that piece of metal. We're gonna be alright."


Matches are very interesting, now that I think about it. There like this little lollypops. A think stick with some kind of ball at the top. A ball that you can set fire to if you want. Who came up with that idea anyway?

I look at the wooden stick, before I scrap it at the side of the little box. There's a soft sound and then a flame emerges from the top. I look closely at the first match. The funny thing is that the flame doesn't stop after the small ball. It continues on and on, goes through the wood. It looks as if the flame is eating it. It swallows the splinters, making it into nothing but small molecules that fly up into the air. The flame destroys everything that dares to get into its way. A real destroyer. Only a little flame can do such damage. Just this little thing. Imagine what a whole fire could do. A real spectacular sighting it would be.

I drop the match as soon as the flame has reached my finger. The small lollypop falls on the ground, just a few inches from my foot. I stare as eventually the flame dies out too, just like everything that it touched. Only a few splinters survived the mascaraed.

I hold up my hand in front of my face, and stare at my index finger and thumb. The top of my index finger is reddened by the heat of the flame, and it hurts a little. A real miracle, how flesh burns. Totally different from the wood of the match. There are no splinters that disappear one by one. With flesh, it's cell per cell. A longer process, which can be fastened when the flame is even greater. Imagine how flesh would burn by the heat…

In the end, every single thing that's been touched by fire will be nothing but ashes. Ashes that fly up into the air.

I light another match, but this time, I do not wait to watch it burn down the wood. I let it slip through my fingers. The flame makes a short trip through the air as it falls. It lands in the middle of a pile of papers. Useless papers. Written papers. Pages with useless information. Dreams, theories, ambitions. It was all for nothing. I tried to stop something that was inevitable; destruction of the human mind. Everything will submit to the power of madness. Everything people once knew will disappear. The flame of madness can't be stopped; all the memories, all the feelings will be turned into ashes.

The oil triggers an even greater flame, and soon all my research has turned into a huge fire. Smoke rises up, taking the ashes with them. This is what the world is now. Nothing but a big fire that destroys everything its path.

I grin as I watch the flames feeding on my lifework. They're eating my life, so to speak.

I chuckle. "Eating my life…they're eating me!"

I laugh. I throw my head back, and laugh. I laugh till my cheeks hurt, till my throat is sore, till my abdomen are too stretched out. But I can't stop. I've discovered the truth, and this is my punishment. This is everyone's punishment.

Sorry if I scared the shit out of you with this last part. Here's a dancing kitty : watch?v=SaA_cs4WZHM

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