Feeling the bed dip beneath his weight when he joins you, hesitant fingers hovering over your waist when you could practically hear him swallow the lump down his throat, should not have to make you feel like this. You should not have to feel this irritated at his presence when you’d been counting down the minutes for him to come home earlier. Now he’s finally next to you, all you feel is dread weighing down your chest.
“Baby? Are you sleeping?”
To say he woke you up with those lowly whispered words would be a lie, and as much as you’d like to pretend you were asleep, that would also be one.
“You smell like wet dog.” is your monotone response when your body does nothing to acknowledge the warmth of his. You want to envelop yourself in his heat, the wolf genes spiking his natural temperature to that of a hot stove. On better days, better nights, you’d like nothing more than to curl your limbs around every part of his body you could get a hold on, pressing your chest eagerly against his while he warms your back with his arms. But not tonight.
“I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore, Taehyung.”
A defeated sigh sounds from behind you, and although you’re determined to quite literally give him the cold shoulder, lying with your back facing him, you can’t help but feel a treacherous curiosity about what kind of expression his face is sporting right this moment. Guilty? Angry? Annoyed?
“It was just a harvest run… I know, it was unexpected but there’s a new moon tonight and…”
The words die in his throat mid-sentence, needing more time to weigh over his words carefully as to not make them sound exactly like an excuse. You don’t have to face him to know he was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.
“You still could’ve called to say you were going on a run tonight.” you counter, voice meant to be firm but coming out more exhausted than anything else. You were so done listening to him endlessly trying to justify his actions with half assed apologies when a ten second phone call or even a damn text could’ve prevented the unpleasant conversation you were forced to have with him, yet again.
“My phone was still in the pocket of my jeans when i shifted…The pack-”
The word triggers something within you, your cool annoyance quickly escalating into sheer anger and pent up frustrations rising to the surface when you finally turn around to sit up and look at him so he could see your face as you bark the words you’ve desperately been holding in until they burst.
“Sure, the pack! It’s always that stupid pack, isn’t it?! The pack this, the pack that, packpackpack! It’s all that fucking matters to you!”
He looks slightly taken aback by your sudden outburst, mouth gaping in surprise and eyes wide in shock, but not for long.
Sometimes, you’d rather forget about the fact that alpha blood runs through his veins, but how could you when he towers over you like the giant wolf he is, growling from deep within his chest. The guilt-stricken pup long gone now you’d dared to insult the pack. His pack.
“Just because i fell in love with you, does not mean i’m going to disregard everything i am, everything i’ve ever known, everything i’ve been made for and raised to be! Don’t expect me to apologize for not playing house like a weak human all the fucking time!” He bites back. The stern, dominant tone in his voice, created to make a large group of huge, angry and instinct-driven wolves cower before him in ultimate submission, doesn’t miss its effect on you either when a shiver crawls down your spine. You hate it when he uses his packmaster voice against you, thundering from his throat like a force of nature.
But you’re no wolf. Your genes can’t be forced to make you submit to anything, nor anyone.
“Well, have fun finding yourself a nice werebitch then!” You sneer the harsh words that make you regret saying them the second they leave your mouth when you watch him tiredly shut his eyes with a sigh. You’re stubborn and petty, so you go back to your former position of angrily stewing as you show him your back again. Only now there’s something aside from frustration and annoyance brewing inside your chest.
“I’m going to take a shower.” He mumbles quietly, his tone no longer that of a proud alpha male, as much as it’s that of a beaten dog.
You know you weren’t being fair, but you weren’t wrong either. Still, guilt starts to weigh you down when you listen to him walking away from you. It starts to seep into your thoughts and break your resolve, and it annoys you. Being stubborn just takes a whole lot of effort and it’s pretty damn tiresome to stay mad at him every time he makes a mistake like this. Sighing and rolling over on your back, your arm hits the empty spot on the bed where Tae’s supposed to be. Where he could be laying in your arms if you hadn’t been having this fight.
You listen to the sound of running water coming from behind the bathroom door, and as your determination to punish him by staying mad fades as time passes, you feel the desire to be with him gnaw at your heart. He’s only a few feet away, only a wooden door and your stubbornness keeping you from wrapping your arms around his strong shoulders, and his around your waist. The more you think about it, the more you start longing for it.
After a few more minutes of internal struggle, your heart wins the fierce battle with your mind and before you know it you’re reluctantly rolling yourself out of bed to wrap your fingers around the bathroom doorknob. You still feel conflicted, not forgetting how he messed up and made you worried sick, but you don’t want to go to bed feeling like this. These back-to-back nights have got to stop. You should at least try and talk about it like adults, if you want to make this unconventional relationship last, and you do. You really do.
The first thing you notice when you step inside the damp and humid room, is that it’s unusually quiet, aside from the clattering of the water against the natural stone tiles. Not hearing Taehyung sing in the shower, not even hum, means that your previous conversation is seriously weighing on his thoughts. You want to change that as soon as possible. You’re sure neither of you want to feel like this.
Your hands quietly go to remove what little clothes you’re wearing as your sleep attire, and judging from how he hasn’t called out your name, you know he’s not aware of your presence just yet. Taking advantage of that, you silently step inside the walk-in shower, a cloud of steam surrounding his naked body, his back facing you and his head thrown back as he lets the pressure of the hot and steady stream massage the tense muscles of his shoulders and the delicate skin of his face. His eyes are closed, so the sudden feeling of two arms curling around his waist in an embrace comes as a surprise.
Whether he considers it a pleasant one, you have yet to find out.
“Hey.” you whisper against his back, your lips leaving a small kiss behind between his shoulder blades before you press your cheek to his wet skin.
His big hands easily envelop your smaller ones, giving them a little, reassuring squeeze and promptly making you feel more at ease.
“Hey.” he answers softly, and although he doesn’t appear to be mad at you anymore, he’s obviously still hurt, bothered. Even after all this time, the contrast between his alpha role and him just being your boyfriend, just being Taehyung, still manages to amaze you. You know that behind the dominant and intimidating exterior, he’s actually very sensitive. A trait that has never been kindly received by his family, who only want to see a fierce wolf in their heir and next packmaster. You’re the only one he feels safe enough with to let his guard down and be himself like this, even if it means being vulnerable.
You mold your body further into his and you would probably squeeze him to mush if he weren’t almost twice your size and brawn.
“I’m sorry…about earlier. I shouldn’t have said those things.”
Your arms loosen their grip around his middle when he slowly turns around in them, a slightly sad smile marring his face when he takes yours into his large hands. His thumb softly caresses your cheekbone before he leans down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead.
“I know why you did.” he murmured, carefully wiping the wet strands of hair sticking to your skin out of your face. “I’m sorry, too.”
You mirror his sentiment, and it would be easy leaving things at this. But easy isn’t always best, and you’re in for the long run. Taking a deep breath, you continue.
“You can’t make me worry like that, Tae… Even though i know it wasn’t intentional, you should think about how i feel.” Your voice is soft as you also mumble under your breath.
The rivaling packs circling the territory of Taehyung’s family are a constant concern. Run-ins often lead to bloody fights where casualties are no rare occurrence. When he didn’t call and stayed out for hours tonight, you thought something had happened to him.
Taehyung has always thought the way you spoke your mind in these kinds of situations was endearing, a little whiny while already half accepting his apologies. When you weakly hit his chest with your fist, a little smirk tugs on his lips.
“You’re right… It’s not easy but I know we have some stuff we still need to work on.” He sighs as he tugs you a little closer. “Especially me.”
It’s hard, adjusting to this lifestyle. To understand his point of view, his life, the way his kind does things and has been doing them for ages. You’ve always tried to make this gap caused by the differences between your species as small as possible, as did he. But sometimes, things don’t really work out the way you want them to.
“Still… It wasn’t fair of me to hit you with that.” you refer to your earlier sneer. It’s always been a sensitive topic, the gorgeous wolf women in his pack.
“It was even less fair to yourself, ___.” Taehyung pets your damp hair, the look in his eyes somber and regretful. “I wish you’d stop beating yourself up. We’ve talked about this.”
“If being with another wolf would have any importance to me whatsoever, would I be standing here with you?”
You turn bashful at that. You know he meant what he said, but the thought always seemed to linger in the back of your mind. You, a human, a weak mundane girl, claiming the only son and heir of one the biggest and strongest packs of the country. It felt like you were committing a crime, if the disapproval of his parents was anything to go by. How his family rejects you because the chance you’d ever bear him strong, full wolf children is only one out of three, and they need a secure line of succession to lead the pack that’s been in their family for generations. His family is to wolves what an ancient royal family is to humans, and he chose to be with a kitchen wench.
No matter how hard you try not to get jealous of all the gorgeous wolf girls practically throwing themselves at his feet and trying to seduce him so they could be the next packmaster’s bitch…In times when things got a little bumpy in your relationship, the fear of him leaving you for one of his own tends to surface. What a devastation it was for the entire community when he chose you over the strongest, prettiest she-wolves.
“Bet you wouldn’t be having these kinds of fights if you’d be with one of them…” You whisper, your eyes avoiding his gaze and your teeth digging into your bottom lip when the insecurities start to cloud your judgment again, making rational thinking all the more difficult.
“Do you want to talk about it some more?” He asks sweetly, large hands softly kneading at your hips even though you’ve had this discussion countless times before. Your lips curl into a feeble smile only a little bit at that, since he has his faults but he never makes you feel like a fool for having these feelings and insecurities. You often wonder where the beast is hiding underneath all that patience and softness.
You shake your head in response, not feeling like going down that negative spiral again. Instead, you want to move forward.
“Good, ’cause i’ve made up my mind anyway.” He chuckles softly, briefly pecking the tip of your nose.
“Which is?” You tease, knowing the answer very well but still craving the validation of hearing him say it.
“You’re strong,” He answers before his lips descend on your cheek, “You’re kind”, they move to the other, “You’re brave and beautiful,” he kisses both your collarbones, “And you’re mine.”
Finally, his lips find their way back to yours, insistent but gentle before he deepens the kiss by adding hungry pressure after having a taste of the love and forgiveness his heart had been longing for. You chase after them with your own in equal desperation, feeling like you’d denied yourself the growing fire in your chest and stomach for too long, your love finally released from its prison of stubbornness.
“I want you to be mine forever,” Taehyung murmurs slightly out of breath in between starved kisses as he affectionately nuzzles your nose with his own, “You’re the only one i’ll ever want, the only one i want to have pups with.”
Your stomach flips in sync with the way your heart tightens in your chest upon hearing those words. You’ve obviously had the baby talk a few times during your relationship, but never this straightforward, never this determined as the words sounding from his mouth in this very moment. It’s always been cute pillowtalk, a nice thought to muse over. This is the first time it’s sounded this serious.