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The Practical Joke

By Robin McAllister

Other / Humor

Chapter 1

“Sookie, you do have an evil mind!  I never would have suspected this when you were a breather!”  That’s Pam talking.  We’re planning a practical joke on Eric.  We’ll get a kick out of it, maybe even a giggle or two, for many years to come.

We’re in Pam’s house, the one she used to share with Chow, trying to figure out just what we want to do and when.  The TV’s on and we’re sipping a True Blood (vile stuff by the way, totally vile, but it beats the heck out of hunting every night) when a commercial comes on for one of the local car lots.  There’s a car there that looks almost exactly like Eric’s.  It’s the same shade of red, the same contours, everything!

My mind starts churning, spilling forth the plot to my mouth so Pam can hear it too.

“We buy an old junker red corvette and crush it.  We move Eric’s car to a safe place and leave the crushed one in his spot with a little note from us saying something like:  From two girls who feel like you love your car more than you do us.  Hugs and kisses, your children.  There’ll be little hearts drawn on it and an arrow through it.  Hearts drawn all over the paper.  All the dots over the i’s are hearts, all the periods, all the o’s….”

I’m practically jumping in my seat I’m so excited by this idea.  Pam gets a glint in her eyes that has nothing to do with the lighting and says “I like it!  He uses a club at the bar to prevent someone from stealing it so we could lay a Club on top of it, cut in half, with the note underneath.”

“Perfect!  Oh my god, this is going to be so much fun!  Can we go to the junk yard right now to see if they have what we’re looking for?”

“Unfortunately we’re both due at the bar in a half hour so finish your blood and take your shower.  We can go tomorrow night though, before the club opens, as long as you can manage to keep your enthusiasm down so he doesn’t suspect anything.”

Darn it!  Darned work!  It always seems to be getting in the way of my having some fun.  I only have to be there two hours every other night but those nights and times seem to be when I actually have something fun I want to do.  I grumpily acquiece and in no time we’re on our way to the bar planning how we’re going to keep Mr. Nosy from finding anything out until it’s too late.

Work flies by for once and I’m on my way home with Eric.  I’m bouncy and perky, he suspects something.  He won’t suspect for long though.  I have a plan.  A sneaky, devious plan that will certainly take his mind off my mood, or at least attribute it to something else entirely.

We walk in the door & I fly upstairs, expecting he’ll follow me, if only to figure  out why I didn’t do what I normally do and head for the kitchen and a True Blood.  I’m wrong.  He heads to the kitchen, I hear the microwave ding, then I hear the TV being turned on.  “Sookie,” he says, “You want to come down and watch True Blood with me?  It’s a new TV series and I want to check it out.  It sounds kind of cool.”

He turns to see me standing in the doorway and his jaw drops open.  I’m wearing only a see through blouse and skirt and a smile, nothing underneath.  End of TV show and his suspicions.

The next night, as soon as he’s out the door I text Pam and she comes right over so we can get to work getting our prank ready.  We find the car we need at the third junk yard and they gladly crush it for us.  I get the fun of glamoring him to forget he saw us and helped us.  I’m pretty good at it but I can’t do anything more than making them forget just yet.

The car is now just a 4X4 foot cube of crushed metal and plastic but we manage to get it into the back of the SUV Pam drove for this special occasion.  Next we stop at a car parts store and buy the same Club that Eric uses right down to the colours, and drive to Pam’s so it can be sawed in half and I can write the note.

When we’re done we inspect each other’s handy work and approve.  We’re good to go.  We’ll do this tomorrow night so I can ‘break the news’ to him on my way in to work.

The next night can’t get here fast enough for me but finally it does & I’m fidgeting the whole night until it’s time to go in because I’m so excited.

We get there early so we can make the switch.  Pam drives his corvette home so it’ll be safe.  When she gets back we move the hunk of metal into his parking space and put the note and sawed in half Club on top.  Perfect!

I run into the club, “Eric!  Where’s your car?  It’s not in the parking lot!” I ask when I find him in his office.

His face goes from glad to see me to total panic in zero seconds and flashes past me and out to the parking lot.  Pam’s standing there with a camera so she can take a picture for posterity’s sake.  He picks up the note, reads it and glares at both of us and commands us both to our homes with absolutely no communication with each other until he tells us other wise.  Pam to hers and me to mine and Eric’s.

Uh oh.  I think maybe we went a wee bit too far with this one.

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