Chapter 1
Snow crunches underneath black boots as a man navigates between gravestones. He holds a boy's hand, maybe twelve or thirteen years old, and the boy looks solemn. The boy's father stops, and the child looks at the grave in front of him.
Oh.
It is—
In Remembrance of Jung Hoseok
-
Age 35
-
A loving father, husband, and brother
-
"It was the way you laughed... I knew I wanted that in my life."
-
Yoongi tears up, and his vision becomes blurry. His son's lip quivers, and he presses his face to Yoongi's chest. Yoongi lets out a shaky breath, and sniffles. He purses his lips, and brushes away his tears.
Seung-gyo starts sobbing, and his heart twists.
He would know what to do.
I miss you.
—-
Yoongi runs a hand down his face as his classmate—Jung Hoseok—makes cheers erupt from the class. He grumbles and shakes his head.
Turning around, he can see Namjoon sighing, and he's resting his head in his palm. Seokjin is standing next to Namjoon and leaning against his desk. He's pinching the spot between his eyebrows, and unexpectedly, a small form of pity swells in him.
It's weird. Hoseok was loud and extra most of the time, but that was just him. He normally didn't cause any trouble, and he was a good student.
Yeah, he annoyed Yoongi with his bugging and cheerful attitude and all, but he wasn't a troublemaker.
So why was he acting this way?
He sighs, and shakes his head. He didn't need to worry about him anyways.
But the goddamn thing was—
Yoongi's eye twitches as the the yelling gets progressively louder. He grips his pen so tightly that his knuckles turn white.
Won't they let him study in peace? He sighs as the noise rises several decibels. Fighting his irritation, he starts gathering his textbooks.
Namjoon glances at him, looking strangely amused, but Seokjin had his eyebrows raised, his lips pursed in a thin, disapproving line. Yoongi almost flicks him off, but decides to not do so.
He stuffs his textbooks in his bag, and slings it over shoulder. He weaves through quieter students, muttering apologizes, but as he approaches the door, a voice behind him says—-
"Where are you going, Yoongi-hyung?"
Ah, shit.
Everybody's staring. Namjoon and Seokjin just look confused, and he can see Seokjin mouthing 'I don't know what's going on anymore' and Namjoon nods back, a crease between his eyebrows.
Me either, hyung.
There's silence. Someone coughs loudly. Yoongi grimaces, and turns around.
"None of your business," he snaps, and Hoseok's smile grows wider. He pouts, and as he crosses his arms, he takes a step forward.
"Don't be such a buzzkill, hyung," he says cheerfully, as students pipe in with agreements, and Yoongi's eyes flutter shut in anger. He grits his teeth, and his hands clench into fists. His nails dig into his palms.
"I told you, I don't care. Why are you so adamant?"
Holy fuck, why are you targeting me? Maybe I should shove your arrogant ass—
The bell rings.
He storms off, and slams the door behind him. He can hear the muffled "aw's" and "wow's". He stops and huffily runs a hand through his hair. Why the fuck is Hoseok acting like this?
Like those douchebags in American movies. Okay, that's a huge exaggeration, but still. He was acting so unlike himself.
The classroom doors open and students file into the hallway, and he decides he better get going.
School continues, and after it ends Yoongi trudges home, frustration lingering in his body. Seokjin and Namjoon accompany him.
"Yo, where was our teacher?" Namjoon blurts out, suddenly realizing. Yoongi and Seokjin both give him a look, and while Yoongi accelerates further ahead, Seokjin says with a ticked-off tone, "I honestly don't know, but those kids are going to drive me insane one day."
"You sound like an old man," Namjoon snickers. He sounds hopelessly fond, though. Seokjin shakes his head, but he smiles and give out a high-pitched laugh.
Just hearing their exchange makes Yoongi feel lonely.
Aish, will they ever date? he thinks with disdain. He glances back at them, and studies how comfortable they are with each other, more than the friends he's seen around on school grounds, and nods to himself.
Probably.
Suddenly, Hoseok pops into his head, and his mood bitters.
He opens the door to find the house empty, as per usual. His mood sours even further. He sighs, walks in, and closes the door. He cooks some dinner, and quickly finishes his homework.
He hears his dog, Holly, bark in the basement.
Oh, yeah, it's nearing seven. I should take her out.
He goes down and decides to take her on a walk. He fetches his coats, and makes sure to bundle his precious dog up as well. He tightens her leash, and they leave.
Yoongi starts tracing the way to the park and Holly drags him forward. He curses underneath his breath, and stumbles to catch up with her. He almost trips over his foot. He blinks, surprise evident on his face.
Something had caught his eye, and it's a dark silhouette.
Oh, fuck me.
They pass by a streetlight, and the silhouette comes closer.
Yoongi swallows, scared, heart thumping in his chest. Holly barks, and the dark figure jumps.
"...Who is it?" Yoongi ventures, voice hesitant.
"It's just me, hyung," a familiar voice says, and Hoseok shuffles forward, his hands stuck in his pockets.
He's grinning sheepishly, and although Yoongi couldn't tell if it was from the lighting or something else, there were dark bags underneath the boy's eyes.
He scowls, and lets out a huff. "What are you doing here? You scared the fuck out of me."
Holly struggles with the leash, and Yoongi pulls her back. Hoseok bends down and, after a questioning glance and an accepted nod, runs his fingers through her fur. He smiles, and the shadows of his eyelashes cast out on his cheeks, making him look extremely beautiful.
Wow, Yoongi, what was that thought? he thinks, frowning.
Hoseok throws his head back, laughing. The corners of his dark eyes wrinkle. "Sorry 'bout that. I came to take a walk. Why are you here, Yoongi-hyung?"
"What does it look like, kid?" Yoongi retorts.
Hoseok's mouth forms an 'o' and he nods. They sit in silence for a while, the only other sound Holly's heavy breathing.
"Hey," he blurts, "why did you act like an asshole during class today?"
Huh.
He takes note of how Hoseok's body stiffens, and the leisurely hand that was petting the fur freezes.
Yoongi tilts his head in consideration, and narrows his eyes, studying his classmate. "I mean, you're not the type to act like that. Hell, even Jungkook acts up more than you do. Why?"
The streetlight flickers.
Hoseok is silent.
—-
Yoongi stares at the letter in his hand, confused.
Who the fuck wrote him a love letter?
It says:
Ode to Yoongi-hyung
In a blood red day, I transcend your body
your black hair, a pulse through the future
I share with you my kiss
I melt in your soul.
Sorry, Yoongi-hyung
Say goodbye
I am but a broken dream
the grief plagues
don't mourn for me
a dream faded by the years
They say, all good things must end
Sorry, Yoongi-hyung
Who the actual fuck writes such an emo poem for Valentines Day?
He huffs, and grabs the essential things from his locker, while balancing his backpack on his hip, and the note his held tight in his fingertips. He starts thinking furiously as he does this, trying to figure out the admirer:
Okay, so, it says 'hyung'—- it's gotta be a girl from a younger year. But who? The fuck, I don't know any girls from the younger years!
His thinking is interrupted as the letter his ripped from his fingertips. He whirls around, furious, but relaxes as soon he sees who it is.
Hoseok studies the letter, grinning, and wiggles his eyebrows teasingly. Yoongi rolls his eyes, and smiles as he puts his supplies into his backpack.
"Oooh, hyung, you have an admirer?" Hoseok teases.
"Apparently I do," he grouses, but stops short when he catches the soft pink on Hoseok's cheeks.
Wait, what?
Maybe he has a fever, Yoongi thinks, but Hoseok's face grows darker as he reads the note. He swallows, and clears his throat as he straightens, while Yoongi watches, entirely confused.
"So, what did you think of it?" he asks—- bashfully. Yoongi blinks, surprised. When was Hoseok ever bashful, or flustered?
"Um, it was weird," he says, slinging the backpack over his shoulder with one strip. Hoseok frowns, and he seems to deflate. He folds the note, and gives it back to Yoongi, who's eyes flicker back and forth.
"I need to go," he says hurriedly, and basically runs out of the hallway.
"Wait, Hobi, you forgot your backpack..." He trails off when he realizes that his friend isn't there anymore, and he stares after the direction Hoseok ran off to.
What has gotten into him?
—-
"Shit shit shit shit—"
Holy shit, Yoongi's late. To the first day of University.
God help him.
As he's running, he pulls out his phone and tries to contact the group chat.
sweetassuga: holy fuck im lost???? help??????
Namjoon: Wow, hyung, you're late?
Jin: You're late?
sweetassuga: i have no time for your bullshit joon
sweetassuga: where's the civic's class
sunshine: where are you right now, hyung?
sweetassuga: oh my god, hobi
sweetassuga: my life savior
sweetassuga: im near the entrance
sweetassuga: the one with the huge ostrich
sunshine: oh ok :D
sunshine: go down the hallway, and take a left
sunshine: are you following me?
sweetassuga: always, hoseok
gucci: wow im about to cry
jiminiemochi: why??? :0000
gucci: their bromance is so sweet
bunny: don't say bromance
bunny: ever
gucci: :(((
gucci: you're mean, babe
bunny: the heart wants the heart wants :)))
Jin: Guys, shut up.
Namjoon: Where's Yoongi-hyung?
sweetassuga: bITCH THE BELL JUST RANG
sweetassuga: hurry the fuck up hobi
sunshine: sorry hyung
sunshine: i can't text in class
sunshine: sorry :((
sweetassuga: yOU MUST BE FUCKING KIDDING ME
sweetassuga: also its fine hobi
jiminiemochi: haha whipped
sweetassuga: SOMEONE ELSE HELP ME
No one responds, and Yoongi groans.
So much for friends.
A loud yelp catches his attention and he tucks away his phone as he approaches the poor girl that fell. He bends down to pick up her stuff, but a hand stops him. It encloses around his wrist, and he looks up to stare right into her eyes. He jumps, and the girl scuttles back, surprised.
"Oh, um," she starts, "You don't have to help me. I'm fine."
She sends him a small smile, and Yoongi's eyes narrow as he glimpses the dark bags under eyes, and something purple peeking from underneath her collar. He grimaces, realizing it was similar to Hoseok's situation.
He shakes his head as he continues gathering her things, and the girl blinks as they rise up together.
He gives the girl her supplies back, and she takes them with a appreciative gleam in her eye. They stand there for a moment, but with a jolt, Yoongi realizes he still needs to go to class.
"Where's the civic's class?" he asks, and the girl's eyebrows elevate. She points to a door off to the side down the hallway, and Yoongi bows. She blushes, flustered.
"O-oh, uh," she stutters, "That's my class too."
"Really?" Yoongi asks, disbelief in his voice. She nods, and a determined look settles over her face. They walk the same direction, and as they do, he asks:
"What's your name? Mine is Min Yoongi."
She shoots him a sweet smile.
"Beom So-hwa."
—-
"Hyung, I can't do this—"
"Shhh, Hobi, calm down—"
"Please, Yoongi, I can't—"
"You know very well you can, because you're motherfucking Jung Hoseok, and you KNOW you can. Now, take a deep breath— that's it."
Yoongi swallows, the lump of panic that was building up in his throat already dissipating.
Damn, who know there would be a day where Hoseok came to Yoongi for help?
Certainly not himself.
"You good?" he quietly asks, and there's a choke and a cough at the other end.
"Y-yeah," Hoseok hiccups, voice thick with emotion. Yoongi exhales shakily, and nods his head. "Good. That's good."
They're silent for a moment.
"Yoongi-hyung?"
"Mm?"
"...Can you come over?"
"Yeah, definitely." He glances at the clock. "Um, I'll see you in ten minutes."
"Okay." He hangs up. Yoongi stares at the black screen for a moment, then gets up and grabs his coat. He goes down to the basement and feeds Holly.
She barks at him, and he smiles as he pours the dog food into the bowl. A pale hand scratches at Holly's nape and Yoongi has a feeling he'll be gone for a while. He climbs inside the car and drives to Hoseok's place. He opens the door, thumps the snow out from his boots, and throws his jacket on the coat rack.
When he enters the living room, Hoseok is sitting there, the baby cradled in his arms. He's looking down at the boy, and there's so much panic and worry and- and affection in those eyes that Yoongi wants to cry.
He swallows and moves closer, sitting down next to the newly appointed father.
It's quiet, except for the air conditioner.
The baby waves a fist, and Yoongi stares at his small scrunched up face, and decides he's cute. The baby's dark eyes, so much like his father's, stare soulfully into his, and the corners of his lips lift slightly.
"He looks like you," he says begrudgingly.
"I know."
"There's not a lick of So-hwa in him."
"I know that too."
"Do you think she'll return?"
"...I-"
"Are you going to say 'I know'?"
"...Hyung."
"Sorry."
Suddenly, Hoseok's handing the baby to him, and Yoongi panics. "What are you doing?"
Hoseok smiles at him softly. "Making you hold him, of course."
"Wha—" Yoongi cuts off when he catches the red in Hoseok's eyes, and the dark bags underneath it. It gives him memories of highschool— how bad it was, and how bad Hoseok's situation was, and he purses his lips, shaking his head in resignation.
Yoongi takes the baby from him, gently, and holds him to his chest. His nose buried in the baby's hair, a faint scent of baby powder wafts up. The boy giggles, and blinks sleepily, and Yoongi stares. A hand clasps around his finger, and he's immediately teary-eyed. For no reason.
Fuck emotions, man.
He smiles at the baby softly, already hopelessly fond, and boops his nose. "Hi. My name is Uncle Yoongi."
Hoseok laughs at the awestruck look on his face, and beckons the baby towards him. Yoongi hands back the boy back, albeit reluctantly. Then, a thought hits him.
"What's his name?"
Hoseok looks nervous, and the smile lines around his eyes wrinkle. "He doesn't have one yet."
"What? Really? For this long?"
"Yeah," Hoseok swallows, "I, uh, actually wanted you to name him."
"...What?"
"I wanted you to name him something."
"What- Hoseok- I- What about So-hwa?" Yoongi stammers, completely overwhelmed, and he fidgets, trying a way to get out of the situation.
It wasn't like he isn't honored to have this type of duty, but shouldn't the child be rightfully named by their mother and father? Not by your dude's homie?
"Are you sure?" Yoongi asks, concern pinching his brows, and Hoseok gives a tired smile, and nods.
Yoongi grimaces, and says slowly, because he'll know he'll regret bringing it up, "Have you told So-hwa?"
Hoseok looks down.
A frown settles on his face, and he absent-mindedly tugs at his fingers, a habit Yoongi managed to break him out of, but in tense moments like these, reappears.
"I told her over the phone." Hoseok's eyes curve, and he sniffs. "She said it was okay."
"Oh."
Yoongi didn't expect that, and Hoseok raises his head, shooting him a pleasant grin. Yoongi smiles back, but feels a bit guilty as he takes his phone out to check for boy names.
"Seung-gyo," Yoongi says after a while of scrolling, and Hoseok laughs. Pink dusts his cheeks as he shifts the baby in his hold.
"That's perfect."
—-
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Seokjin asks, eyebrows raised. Yoongi licks his lips, and nods, letting out a breath. He straightens up his tie, and Taehyung smiles at him, Seung-gyo pressed to his chest.
"We'll be fine, and you'll be fine, hyung," he says soothingly, and Yoongi nods again. Seokjin grins at him, and slaps him on the back. "A dad joke before you go."
Yoongi rolls his eyes, but sighs in resignation. "Hurry up, Hoseok's waiting in the car. I don't want him to wait any longer." Seokjin snickers, and Taehyung gives a throaty laugh.
"Alright, I'll be fast, I know you're waiting for your Sleeping Beauty," Seokjin nudges, and lets out a wind-shield laugh. Taehyung bows, and leaves waves a bye as he carries Seung-gyo into the living room.
"What does a vampire drink in the morning?" Seokjin asks excitedly. Yoongi raises an eyebrow, and glances at his watch impatiently. "What?"
"Kopi-"
A big boom comes from the kitchen, and Yoongi watches with surprise as Seokjin whirls around, fury on his face as he roars, "NAMJOON-AH!"
"AHHH! HYUNG, I'M SORRY!" his husband screams back, and Yoongi can distinctly hear Jungkook and Jimin howling in the background.
Seokjin stomps his foot, and tugs at his hair. "I told those two to look after him!" he mutters angrily, and Yoongi nods, lips twisted in an amused smile.
Seokjin throws his hands up. "I swear, even though Taehyung married Jungkook years ago, that boy is never going to grow up!"
"If that isn't the truth, I don't know what is!" Taehyung yells from the living room, and Yoongi smirks as Seokjin runs into the kitchen. He can hear the menace in his voice as he lets out every single curse word in existence.
"MY KITCHEN! I SWEAR TO GOD, KIM NAMJOON, IF YOU MANAGED TO DESTROY IT COMPLETELY, WE'LL BE GETTING A DIVORCE!"
Yoongi glances at his watch, and goes pale when he realizes it's super late. He grabs his dress shoes, and slams the door shut behind him as he scurries to the car. He knocks on the window, and he can see Hoseok stir. He blinks sleepily, and smiles tiredly as he unlocks the door.
"Sorry about that," he throatily murmurs, and Yoongi shakes his head as he sits in the driver's seat.
"If anything, it's my fault."
"I mean, I got a pretty good nap," Hoseok inputs, and Yoongi grins sweetly. Then Hoseok's face drops as he thinks about something. "Hey, is Seung-gyo okay?"
"Never been better."
—-
"Happy birthday!"
Cheers are loud as Seung-gyo cuts the cake with the help of his father. He giggles as Seokjin reaches over and smears some icing on his face. Yoongi watches fondly, arms crossed and leaning against the wall.
As the guests mill about, Hoseok closes the window shut. The night is chilly, and the wind has been drafting in since noon. He walks over to his friend, who's taking a few sips of beer.
"Why were you so far away?" Hoseok asks, concern in his voice, and Yoongi frowns as the beer hits him. "I didn't feel like."
Hoseok blinks, momentarily confused. "What, why?"
He shrugs, and takes another sip. "I dunno."
Hoseok cocks his head, looking at Yoongi with piercing eyes. "You know he loves you," he says quietly, and Yoongi swallows, a lump building up in throat. His voice quivers as he says, "I know."
"Seung-gyo loves you," Hoseok says more fiercely, and Yoongi stares at him. Hoseok smiles gently, so gently, and intertwines his fingers with Yoongi's. "If you didn't know that, now you do."
"Hoseok, not now," Yoongi snaps, and shakes his hand, trying to get rid of his hand, and Hoseok lets it drop. He slumps against the wall, and Hoseok leans his head on Yoongi's shoulder, who, despite getting angry, softens and readjusts his shoulder to make it more comfortable for his friend.
"He calls you 'Appa', hyung, and—" He cuts off, overwhelmed with emotion. Yoongi looks at him with concern.
All of a sudden, he starts dragging Yoongi to his bedroom, and by this point, Yoongi's confused and frustrated. He tries tugging on his hand, but Hoseok seems determined, and he turns the light on as they step into the room.
Seung-gyo's sitting on the bed, and he grinning, a birthday hat tied around his head. In his hands, he's holding a small box, and giggles and thrusts the box towards Yoongi, who glances at Hoseok, and takes the box with shaking fingers. He removes the top, and Hoseok sits next to his son on the bed.
Inside the box, there's a little note. Yoongi pulls it out, and he's pale as he opens the folded paper. His eyes scan over the page.
luv you, apa! yor the best daddy ever!— seunggyo
I love you, Yoongi-hyung. You're the father to our child, and I've loved you since that night on the street. Will you willing to take that risk, to be with me? To marry me, to grow old with me? To raise Seung-gyo with me?
Because I know I will take that risk.
— Hoseok
It's quiet, and the clock ticks.
Yoongi looks up, and the note drops from his fingers. His eyes are swimming with tears, and Hoseok gives a choked laugh, his own eyes teary.
"Do you... really feel that way?" he asks softly, and Hoseok nods, shifting Seung-gyo in his lap.
"I have. Gosh, hyung, I've loved you since you walked through that door." His face twists, and he drops his head into his hands. Seung-gyo is quiet, probably realizing something's wrong. Yoongi stares at Hoseok.
He takes a deep breath, and slowly walks up to Hoseok, who lifts his head at the sound of soft footsteps. He sits next to him, and cups his face.
Hoseok stares at him, almost afraid, and Yoongi rubs a thumb over Hoseok's jaw, smoothing over it. He traces the contours of his face, his nose, his eyes, and his mouth. Hoseok stares back, a blush settled on his cheeks.
"Can I kiss you?" Yoongi breathes.
Hoseok nods.
Yoongi nods too, and leans over, capturing the other man's lips with his. Hoseok wraps his arms around Yoongi's neck, and his fingers get tangled with his hair. He tugs on it, and runs his hands through it.
Hoseok's lips are soft and warm.
They taste like home.
—-
"Seung-gyo!" Hoseok calls out, grinning.
Yoongi yawns, and tilts his head back. He wraps an arm around his husband's shoulder, and a soft smile settles on his lips. Hoseok tucks his legs underneath him.
Seung-gyo runs towards them. A dandelion is caught in his grasp, and he waves it around wildly.
"Appa!" he calls out, and Hoseok laughs brightly. Yoongi beams, and beckons Seung-gyo forward. The boy crawls into his father's lap.
"What is it?" Yoongi asks, and Seung-gyo giggles. He unfurls his hand to reveal the dandelion. Hoseok cocks his eyebrows and crosses his arms.
"It's a secret," he whispers into Yoongi's ear, "don't tell Daddy," and the man's face goes slack with seriousness.
He places a hand over his heart, and solemnly says, "I swear I won't tell Dad."
Seung-gyo nods, and cups his hands around his mouth. He loudly whispers into his father's ear, and Hoseok leans in to catch what he's saying.
His son glares at him, and Yoongi covers a hand over his mouth in exaggerated surprise. His eyes are wide with mock betrayal, and Hoseok can't help but laugh at them.
Yoongi shakes his head, and with a grin tells his son to continue playing. The six-year-old races away to the playground across from them. Hoseok leans his head against his husband's shoulder.
"What did he say to you?"
Yoongi presses a kiss against his head, and hums. Hoseok can feel the vibrations thrumming throughout his body.
"Your surprise birthday present," he mutters, and Hoseok blinks.
"Though I guess it's not a surprise anymore," Yoongi adds softly, and the corners of his eyes wrinkle. Hoseok gives him a fond smile and kisses him on the lips.
In the distance, they can hear Seung-gyo's delighted laughter.
It's peaceful.
—-
Yoongi's blood runs cold as he stares at the diagnosis.
Pancreatic cancer.
Tears run down his face as he silently sobs into his hands, trying to not wake his husband up, who's sleeping next to him, his face buried into the crook of Yoongi's neck.
Yoongi's face twists as he stares at Hoseok, who is sleeping like he has no care in the world. He reaches over and kisses him on the forehead. He cups his face, and rubs his nose against Hoseok's.
He hears the door open from downstairs, and Yoongi stops crying as Seung-gyo drops the home keys onto the kitchen table. He just got home from school.
"Appa? Daddy?" he calls, and Yoongi takes a deep breath. He sits up, grabs the paper, and climbs out of bed. "Up here, kiddo."
"You'll never guess what happened today, Appa," Seung-gyo says excitedly, running up the stairs. Yoongi clenches the paper, and grits his teeth as his son opens the door, happiness in his face.
"I—" He cuts off, realizing that his dad's sleeping, but he's still grinning as he walks over to his father. He sits next to Yoongi, and places his hand on his sleeping dad's supposed leg, rubbing it softly.
"What happened to Daddy?" he asks quietly, and Yoongi shifts uncomfortably. He takes in another deep breath, and brings out the paper.
"Daddy's sick, Seung-gyo-ah, and, um..." He trails off as his son narrows his eyes, and in a flash, grabs the paper that was in Yoongi's hand, and he panics.
Seung-gyo's eyes grow wide, and the hand that was gripping the paper slumps. He blankly stares at the ground, his lips trembling. "Daddy's... going to die?"
Yoongi feels the tears again, and he reaches over to hug his son, who bursts into tears. He's sobbing inconsolably.
"I'm so sorry," Yoongi cries. They sit there, mourning.
Father and son.
—-
Yoongi hears a knock on his bedroom door.
He doesn't bother to answer it.
A few more knocks.
"Appa?"
Seung-gyo's voice filters through the door, and Yoongi responds with a hum. He sits up, and studies himself, before getting up and owning the door. Seung-gyo's standing there, wearing his own tuxedo.
"What is it, kiddo?" Yoongi asks, and he's suddenly so very tired. Upon inspecting his son further, he can see the bags under his eyes, and he grimaces.
"It's time for the ceremony," he says quietly.
Yoongi's lips purse, but he takes his eleven-year-old's hand, and nods. "Alright."
He leads him down the hallway and outside, where in the distance, he can see a crowd of people gathering. They're wearing all black, and some of them are crying. He can spot Namjoon patting Jimin's back as he's blubbering into a handkerchief.
Yoongi's own tears ran out a year ago.
They approach the casket, and Yoongi suddenly doesn't want to see it. He doesn't want to remember how he died, how he suffered, how he wanted to spend all his time with his son— but couldn't.
Hoseok couldn't.
Yoongi blinks, and he realizes he's crying. Full-blown sobbing, in fact. He peers through the dull haze of his tears, past the memories, past his grieving son, past his grieving family, and he finally lands on Hoseok's face.
It's an open casket.
—-
Yoongi starts laughing as his eighteen-year-old son, who's graduating this year, who's valedictorian, who's getting his diploma, and who finally gets to make a speech, climbs the stairs up to the stage. He settles his papers on top of the debate team's budget box, and quickly tests his microphone.
Namjoon and Seokjin, Jungkook and Taehyung, and Jimin have all come here with their own children to support their nephew.
Even from here, he can tell Seung-gyo's hands are shaking, and he smiles.
"Um, hello," Seung-gyo nervously starts. "As you may well know, I'm the valedictorian here at the school. But, I mean, who hasn't heard of me, am I right?" This garners a laugh from the audience.
"And I am so grateful to able to graduate. I want to thank my teachers, who helped me with my schoolwork. I want to thank my friends, who dragged me to arcades to relax, so I wouldn't spontaneously combust." The whole audience laughs again.
"I also want to thank my dozen uncles and cousin, for helping me and making the stereotypical family game night happen. Thanks a lot, you lot of weirdos." He grins, and laughs into the mic.
"But, most of all, I want to thank my parents."
Yoongi jerks. He was expecting that, but he didn't expect it to be this solemn. Seokjin squeezes his arm, and the rest glance at him in concern.
"My Daddy and Appa raised me, even when my Daddy had a choice not to." Seung-gyo lets out a audible sniff.
"For some of you who don't know, my Appa died years ago." Here, his voice breaks, and Yoongi stares at the stage, completely breathless.
"He died from pancreatic cancer, and my Daddy raised me from that point on. But my Appa was the brightest man you could ever meet. Oh god, it was like meeting a personification of the sun."
He laughs quietly, and the audience laughs softly too.
"But my Daddy is here tonight—" The audience cheers.
"My Daddy is here tonight, and all I wanted to say was: I love you so much, Daddy, and I love you Appa. I miss you every day."
He covers his mouth with his hand, and he's struggling to not cry. Yoongi's crying, at this point, and he wipes his tears with a tissue that Eun-Woo had given him.
"Thank you for loving me, for cherishing me, for raising me, for supporting. Thank you for staying up late to take care of me, thank you for taking days off to spend time, thank you, Daddy and Appa, for being my parents— I love you both so much."
He cuts off, as he starts sobbing and a girl ushers him off the stage.
The audience cheers, loud enough to blast his eardrums, and Yoongi's shaking as he stands up to clap alongside the others.
Oh, Hobi, I wish you could see this.
—-
After the graduation, Yoongi walks to the graveyard all alone. He's clutching a bouquet of flowers in his hand, and when he approaches grave he sets them down.
He doesn't know what to say.
"Hello," he says.
"You're probably wondering where Seung-gyo is." He stops, and plops down on the grass, right in front of the gravestone. He dusts the grave, and plucks a daisy from the bouquet. He twists it in his fingers.
"He's too busy graduating," he says cheerfully, dashing the tears from his eyes.
It's quiet.
"Namjoon-ah and Seokjin-hyung are married, as we betted— remember? — with two kids, a boy and a girl. Ji-Hoon and Eun-Ae. Jungkook and Taehyung are married with two sons, Eun-Woo and Sunghyon. Jimin is single, unfortunately, but he does have a daughter, Sunghyo."
He lapses into silence, picking at the blades of grass.
He sighs wetly. "Why couldn't you live? I miss you everyday."
He falls quiet again, and looks at the bright, blue sky. He smiles, a slither of happiness blooming in his eyes.
"Seung-gyo's growing up, Hobi, he's going to leave soon."
He leans over and kisses the grave. He smiles as he hears the shouts of his son and his nephews and nieces and his friends, all worried.
"I love you, Hoseok."
He stands up, and looks down at the grave. He grins.
"Tomorrow's a new day."
Yoongi turns around, and greets his family.
From beyond the grave, Hoseok smiles.
—
