In Which Beck Meets Her
Thursday, November 3rdHey so I got your message, and I really am sorry about the whole pants thing. I'll be by later to pick them up. But!!! Don't let Robbie take them home, not after what he did last time.
Wrong number, you idiot. Though I'm curious... What happened last time?
Please tell me you're kidding.
Do I seem like a person who kids around? No. Now, as punishment for your foolish mistake, explain about this pants situation.
No way! In fact, I think I'll delete your number right now! I'm such a bad boy. I even surprise myself.
You won't. Primarily because of the fact that I could just trace your number right now and inform your whole school about your pants-sode.
Ugh. Shut up. Only intelligent people would be able to infer that that means pants episode. Now. Explain.
Promise you won't somehow trace my number and use it as blackmail?
Cross my heart and hope to die. ....literally.
Fine. I went over to my friend's house the other day, and I didn't bring my swimsuit, but then we decided to go swimming. So I took off my pants and left them in my friend's yard while we swam, and I guess they kind of just blew away.
I bet you're laughing. So stop. Or something.
Unfortunately, your story was not as amusing or blackmail-worthy as I'd hoped. Waste of my time. Who's this Robbie kid anyway?
Dude, I explained about the pants-sode. I didn't promise to tell you anything about Robbie.
Another story for another time.
So you're planning to continue texting me?
Probably. Is there a problem?
Um, why do you want to?
Unfortunately it would seem that you're more amusing than the majority of the idiots I come into contact with. Most of them barely even know how to string together a sentence, much less text with proper grammar. That makes you a prime choice. Don't get too cocky.
wat if i strt txting lyk dis xxx
Then I guess you would be losing my offer of something that resembles friendship. Which, mind you, is a very valuable offer.
Look, stranger, I don't even know you. I don't even know if you're a guy or a girl!
Well, I'm a girl. And I'm hardly one of those stereotypical females either, so if that's what you're looking for, take a long walk off a short cliff. That, or find some brain-washed cheerleader to text.
Funny how you just assumed that I'm a guy. Lucky for you, though, I am male. And I mean, I don't care if you're a cheerleader or not. That's not what I'm looking for.
Then what are you looking for?
Something different, I guess. Something real.
We'll get there. Let's start off with the basics. First off, we have the same area code so we must be in the same city. Name?
Rude. I'm Beck.
Now, Beck, what if I was actually a forty-five year old man who preys upon weak little high school boys?
You aren't. I know.
A lot of trust for someone who has never even met me.
People who know me tend to say that I'm pretty loyal.
People tend to say I'm not. In fact, most of the feedback I get is negative.
Oh. I'm sure they're wrong.
My name, idiot. Jade.
Well, Jade, you have a nice name. Even if you are secretly a pedophile.
It's not a secret.
Hm. What school do you go to?
Whoa there, hold your horses. Too much too soon, Beck. We'll get there... maybe.
I feel like I know a lot about you already! ;D
What do you think you know? And no smiley faces. They disgust me.
Wellllll, Jade, you obviously don't like bad grammar and you're discriminatory against smiley faces. You're kinda rude, judging by the way you call me an idiot pretty often. You're confident and you're also funny. And apparently people think badly of you, which, of course, is completely unfounded. ;)
Nice job, I guess, aside from that obnoxious winky face. Impressive for someone of your mental standing.
I'm an actor, you know!
Well, I am too at times. I don't get what that has to do with anything.
I thought girls were supposed to go all weak in the knees over romantic, handsome actors.
Maybe. But normal girls, aka not me.
Yeah, whatever. One day, though, I bet you'll find me attractive too. Just you wait.
Oh, yes, I will... in your dreams tonight.
...shut up. ;)
Night, Jade. Sweet dreams!
Monday, November 7thI hate Monday.
Well, I'm sure Monday isn't too fond of you either. And I was right!
It's too early for this. What are you talking about exactly?
I knew you would text me first! I'm just so intoxicating that you couldn't stay away. ;D
Ugh. No. I just wanted someone to dump on. My other disgusting acquaintances told me to shut up and stop complaining.
Well, I'm sure Monday can't be all that bad.
This is a crisis situation, actually. They won't allow me to buy coffee on Monday, and I need coffee to survive. I'm on the brink of death already.
Why can't you get your coffee?
Some dumb coffee fasting day. The teachers complained that the students were all too buzzed off coffee, so they're cutting it out one day at a time. Of course, I'm hardly the hyper type, even with coffee.
I might be able to fix this... hey, if I got you coffee, would you drink it?
Depends. Are you a psychopath who will slip fatal poison into my beloved drink?
No, I don't think so...
Then yes. Not like I have any other choice anyways.
Awesome. I'll leave it under the Hollywood Arts sign.
How did you know that I go there? Creepy much?
I didn't. But I guess I do now, don't I? ;D
I hate you.
I don't think you do.
No, seriously. I despise you.
Well, that's cool. In return for my trickery, I'll tell you that I go to your school's rival school.
Hollywood Arts doesn't have a rival school...
That's what you think!
Whatever, weirdo. I'll come get the unpoisoned coffee at lunchtime. You better have it out there by then.
I can't believe you actually got me coffee.
Not so much of a weirdo now, huh?
I already said you weren't like the idiots at my school, idiot.
Welcome to my life.
By the way, Beck, can I ask you something?
Sure, gopher it. (I bet you liked that pun!)
All right, if we're going to keep this texting thing going (and don't get me wrong, I'd like to, and there's not much I like doing), I have to ask a favor of you.
Should I be scared?
No. God. Just... don't try and find me. In real life, I mean. You know my name and my school; that's enough. Just don't try to meet me or see me or whatever. You won't like what you find.
I highly doubt that, but you've got a deal. I guess in a way I kinda know what you mean. Meeting you would make things too...
Yeah, exactly. I would like us to be simple. Different. Real.
Whoa there. Two conversations over text and there's already an 'us'.
Yep. ;D Is there a problem?
You know... actually, no.
Good. You know, Jade, despite my inhibitions, I think I like you. You're interesting.
Good interesting or bad interesting?
Good interesting. I think.
Thanks, then, I guess. I think I like you, too. The way to a girl's 'heart' (that is, assuming I have one) is through coffee.
Was it good?
Amazing. Best I've had in ages. Everyone in class was jealous, including the teacher.
Awesome. Looks like I succeeded in my mission.
You're a dork.
To infinity and beyond!
You know, Beck, I have a boyfriend.
Oh? And you're telling me this all of a sudden because...?
I don't know. I guess it felt weird to keep it from you. It's not a secret or anything.
Well, is he good to you?
Yeah, I guess, not that I've had much experience in this area. He's a musician and somewhat uneducated, but I put up with him nevertheless. He writes a lot of songs, some for me. Some people think he's cute, but in reality he's just sort of weird.
Nice. But anyway, I'm glad you have someone.
I'm guessing you don't?
Nah, I'm a bachelor. I flirt, but nothing serious.
Wait, wait, wait. You're one of those non-committal types, right? Using girls to get what you want and all that?
No! I mean, not really...
You know, you shouldn't use them at all. They're humans too, people with feelings.
Whatever, Jade. Since when did you become Captain of the Moral Police?
Maybe I'm a nun in disguise.
I didn't know nuns texted random guys. Or had boyfriends, come to think of it.
It's all part of my ruse, sir.
Fine. I beg your forgiveness, Nun Jade.
I don't think people address nuns as 'Nun'.
Fine! Sister Jade, then.
Does this mean I get to wear those long black robes?
Yeah, I think so.
Then the nun life sounds great to me.
You're such a strange girl.
So I've been told.
Tuesday, November 8thHow's Matt?
You're so creepy.
I think I'll take that as a compliment.
How's your so-called rival school?
Wonderful. Amazing. In fact, we're plotting at this very moment to graffiti and defile your precious school.
Terrific. Make sure you defile Vega's locker.
She's just my archenemy. Seriously. Don't even ask.
Not Tori Vega?
Wait... how do YOU know her?
Long story short, I used to date a girl named Tori Vega. Come to think of it, she went to your school.
Well, why'd you break up with her? Aside from her irritating voice and equally irritating personality, that is.
We just didn't work together, I guess you could say. Our personalities clashed. She wanted too much from me that I just wasn't ready to give. It was more my fault. No fault of hers.
Nothing to add to my list of reasons to despise her, then. Too bad.
Wait, you have a list? Seriously, Jade?
Well, I need something to show her when she tries to use that idiotic 'how in the world could you hate me, Jade? I'm so perfect and innocent' facade.
It's funny, imagining you doing these things.
Wait. How do you imagine me?
Dark hair, definitely. Eyes, I don't know. Maybe some shade brown? Or red, like demon eyes. Kidding! Pale skin, probably, like a vampire or something. Am I right?
You'll never know.
Troll. How do you imagine me?
Obese, sixty-nine-year-old pedophile, obviously.
You know, you really do suck sometimes.
In what way?
Friday, November 11th
Aren't you supposed to be in... I dunno, class? Like a good student?
I am in class, idiot. What do you take me for? A delinquent?
Well, then do your work, get good grades, go to college, don't do drugs, eat your veggies, and stop texting me during class time!
Wait, are you in class?
Just acting class, thank God. Doubt any other teacher would've been as forgiving if my phone went off in their class.
And your acting teacher just didn't care?
Suffice it to say that he likes my ringtone.
What's your ringtone?
No way am I telling you. You'll laugh at me.
I will not.
Liar. Go do your schoolwork.
I couldn't care less about the merits of the American Revolution.
You could use a lesson or two in merits.
As could you, womanizer.
Was that a Britney Spears reference? And anyway. Totally not a womanizer.
Shut up. And you know, somehow I don't believe that for a second.
I gotta go. Math class next, and I have a test.
You know, you could text me during your math test.
Lol. no. I'm not getting expelled for texting some forty year old pedophile during my math test.
You're actually the worst.
Go finish your work.
Don't want to.
Die in a hole, Beck.