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We're All Mad Here

By LadyHatter614


Chapter 1: First Mate Selected

On Kuraigana Island, Grand Line every second of the day is filled with darkness and gloom. Darkness and gloom together equal a very happy Dracule Mihawk and the resident Humandrills. However that all changed eight years ago when my trusty companion and I, Dorothy were forced to occupy this island… along with Garrett. So for the past eight years my companion, Garrett and I have been staying with Dracule; the Greatest Alcoholic Swordsman on Earth. I swear every time I see that man He is drinking or He's on Hisway to get a bottle. I tried escaping a few times, what captive wouldn't escape from their imprisoner. Garrett wouldn't. Garrett was brain washed by Him to think that we are Hisguest NOT His prisoners.

When He first captured Garrett and me, we were welcomed to Kuraigana Island on the Grand Line. Everything was so dark and depressing; I was 9 back then so to a 9 year old dark and depressing isn't very fun. So I did the only thing that was natural… I REDECRORATED! However He didn't fancy it very much. Mr. Grouchy-pants kicked me out of Hissuper-duper dark and gloomy castle for a whole week! How Rude! I was just a 9 year old girl; I would have died if I didn't meet my teachers… and if Garrett didn't steal some food for me every day. Bless that boy's soul; he is the best human friend a girl can ask for, anyways my teachers! My teachers were the local Humandrills. They kind of look like if a boy monkey and girl human came together and had babies that would equal Humandrills. They are super cool; they taught me how to fight with weapons and with my hands while I taught them how to have Tea Parties! A week later when He came to give me one of His I-am-better-than-you-so-follow-my-rules speeches with His stone cold glares, I showed Him that at the age of 9 years old I could survive without stupid adults around! He was too pissed off when He saw how much fun I was having with the Humandrills, I even told Him that I didn't want to go back to His stupid castle. But that made Him even madder; which caused Him to drag me all the way back to His castle while I called himstupid and a meanie. That rewarded me in cooking all three of our meals for the next eight years. So for the last eight years I have been pissing Dracule off and He has been pissing me off. While Dracule and me piss each other off Garrett sits in the background with Dorothy with a serene smile on his face. I asked him once why he doesn't try and piss off Mr. Grouchy-pants and why he smiles so much. That little maggot told me that "we are all a big and happy family. I was reading a book where it said that family members fight a lot to show each other they care for the other person. So while you and Mihawk fight, I think you both are just expressing how much you care for each other. And that makes me happy." That rewarded in Garrett getting a split slip and a black eye for a whole month. That boy has to be crazy if he thinks I like Dracule. I hate that man ever sinceHe kidnapped us. So that's why for the past eight years I have pissed him off Every Single Day For The Past 8 years.

For the past eight years I have developed a schedule. Every morning Garrett wakes me up at 8 a.m. saying that if I don't cook breakfast Dracule will cut my head off then he starts rambling how he wants me alive not dead and blah, blah, blah. At 9 a.m. the three of us sit down at the super long dining table… well Garrett and I set at one end eating, Dracule sits as far as humanly possible away from us barely touching the food while nursing a hangover, this time would normally be called 'breakfast' to other people but not inHis castle it's called 'don't-make-a-sound-until-noon-or-else-I'll-kill-you'. He's a ball of sunshine isn't He? Around 10 a.m. I leave to escape the boys; I go and train with the Humandrills. We have fun and try and kill each other, the perfect way to spend a nice afternoon… until He shows up. At 1 p.m. Dracule's hangover has magically disappeared andHe comes out from His cave and hunts me down demanding for me to cook food. By 2 p.m. I have finished making lunch and I meet with Garrett again… along with Him to eat lunch. At lunch Garrett and I discuss what we have done so far and we crack some silly little jokes. After lunch Garrett goes to train with the Humandrills while I go back inside the castle and have fun! I call it fun, Garrett calls it experimenting, while Dracule calls it me trying to kill myself; Spoilsport. Then at 6:30 p.m. I stop having fun, sadly, and I prepare dinner, the only meal which I do remember to make. At 7:00 p.m. we all have dinner and for the first time, Dracule talks while eating! It's a Miracle! After 8:00 p.m. is when the fun starts. At 8:30 p.m. Dracule has His bottle or two of wine for the night. He calls it His alone-time while I call it 'time-to-piss-off-my-imprisoner-time'. Then Garrett usually sits down at a couch or chair and readings a book with that stupid little smile on his face. I really just want to rip that smile off his face sometimes, it's so annoying.

At the beginning I was really bad at my verbal battles with Dracule since I was only 9 and well… 9 year olds don't know a lot of bad words, but over the years and at my current age of 17, I'm able to stand toe to toe to the World's Greatest Alcoholic Swordsman on Earth…In Verbal Battles! Sometimes I really wish I was strong enough just to kill him… but that would mean that I would have to be the next World's Greatest Alcoholic Swordsman on Earth… I like tea more than alcohol and I have bigger and brighter plans for my future. Yes! My Future… if only He wasn't in my way of my amazingly bright Future!

That leads to my current predicament. I want to go out to sea and welcome for future with open arms. While Garrett and Dracule have teamed up against me and have determined that I should spend the rest of my like on this goddamned gloomy island. Garrett that little bastard, I knew he was brain washed but I didn't know he was this bad. He's one of those types of people who would rather put you in a bubble and be safe then to live your life. I love the guy, but he's just too over protective sometimes. I've known Garrett since the day he was born; I've always been his big sister while he's been my baby brother. But in reality he acts more like the big over protective brother, while I'm the carefree and troublemaker younger sister. That's one of the reasons why I want to leave Kuraigana, so that Garrett could grow up and be his own person without me around to trouble him with my problems. That's why for the last two years I have tried to seriously get off Kuraigana and live in the future I can see for myself. But my stupid baby brother Garrett has always found out and told Mr. Grouch-pants about my plans. Sometimes I really truly do hate Garrett. But tonight is different! Tonight I will leave Kuraigana and become a Pirate!

I tried escaping two times… those attempts didn't end very well. Two years ago I built a 'boat' to sail off to sea… that day I planned to set sail during noon, that was my first mistake and my second mistake was when the stupid Humandrills found my 'boat' and thought it was a toy; they destroyed it and threw it into the sea. The Humandrills destroyed my 'boat' and stupid Garrett told Dracule that I tried to leave the island. As punishment I had to clean Yoru, his 7 foot long sword for a month. I swear that man loves His sword to much. He loves it so much that I'm surprised that He hasn't tried to marry Yoru yet. Or maybe He is married to Yoru and He's too ashamed to tell us, because He knows that we... well I would make fun of His 'marriage' to a sword for the rest of His life.

A year ago I tried to escape again. That time I was smarter, I planned to escape around 8 p.m. I learned I can't build shit, even If my life depended on it. So I had this stupid idea that I would 'borrow' Dracule's coffin boat. That led to my ultimate disaster. As I was about to leave a dark and gloomy figure appeared…Dracule Fucking Mihawk appeared; seems like that man doesn't know the concept of sharing with people. My reward that time was being cutting practice for Dracule Fucking Mihawk. At least He was kind enough not to cut me too deep to leave any scars on my body. When I do get scars on my body I want them to mean something and represent that I did something besides trying to 'borrow' a boat from a man who doesn't like to share with people.

However today is different! 6 months ago I was able to 'talk' the Humandrills into believing I was going out to sea to fight really strong people, and then I would bring the strongest people back for them to fight, but I couldn't go if I didn't have a boat. So the Humandrills started to build me a super awesome boat, but I told them to build it in secret so that when I come back with the strongest people that I faced, they could fight them, without Garrett and Him knowing. It wasn't a total lie. I planned on finding the strongest people to join my crew… but I wouldn't ever bring them back to Kuraigana. Garrett always did say that I was a good liar, while Dracule always said I would become a master Manipulator. So this time, I have a super strong boat, I'm leaving at Midnight; Dracule is always passed out drunk before 11:00 p.m. and a few hours ago I packed up all my belongings and placed them in the boat.

Now I just packed up some food and some water for me to survive on while I'm on the boat. As I walk to the shore of Kuraigana that is on the opposite side of His Castle; while I walk to my destination I remember all my favorite and most hated memories on Kuraigana. I remember the first time I had a tea party in the deepest part of Kuraigana's forest. It was my first birthday on the island and I had to beg Him to let me have it. It was one of the best memories I have on this island, even Darcule came and had some tea with Garrett, Dorothy, the Humandrills and I.

As I past the castle ruins in the forest of Kuraigana I remember a lot of my most painful memories. In the ruins I used to train with the Humandrills, they always kicked my ass, until a few years ago when I started to get stronger and be able to win a few times. But the worst would be when Dracule would just come to the ruins every few weeks and Hewould watch me get my ass handed to me by the Humandrills. Stupid Bastard even smiled once when He saw me get thrown into a tree. Sometimes when He was in a 'good' mood Dracule would make me spar with Him…those were the worst fights I have even been in, in my life. Dracule would justify it by saying, "If you ever want to leave this island to become a pirate you have to at least draw my blood to be able to survive in this world." Stupid Bastard always thought He was better than me. I'll show Him when I get a huge bounty and kick His ass one day, then He'll finally see that I'm better than the stupid go-

"Did you really think you were going to leave without saying goodbye?"


As I reached the shores of Kuraigana, Garrett is leaning against my boat with a disappointed look on his face.

"Don't yell so much, you'll wake up Mihawk and I definitely know you don't want that."

As I slowly approach him I realize that he's not going to stop me from leaving this time. "You're not going to tell Him that I'm leaving this time? Why aren't you stopping me like last time? I know you told Him that I was going to 'borrow' His coffin boat. And He can't hear me, Dracule's on the opposite side of Kuraigana" I spoke in a hesitant low voice to try and not wake up the Humandrills and cause Him to come over here.

Garrett then scoffed at me and turned towards me and looked down to me to speak to me eye-to-eye, "I really do hate it when you refer to Mihawk as 'He, Him or Dracule'. That man saved our lives and we will forever be in his debt. But that's not what I came here to discuss with you about. I finally understand that no matter what, you are determined to go to sea, and we can't stop you anymore. I came here to say goodbye and to give you something." Garrett then pulled out a medium sized bag from my boat. I don't remember putting that in there? What is it? He then hands it to me and I eye the bag for a few seconds before I look at Garrett. "I promise I didn't put any poison in it or anything that will hurt you, just trust me." This time I scoffed at him and say, "I always trust you Gar, I just don't approve of your decisions most of the time, I just don't get how you can- wow! Where did you get this?! Garrett how much is in here?!" During my rant I discover that hundreds of berries were inside the medium sized leather bag. As I look up at Garrett with bewilderment in my eyes I see that he had his back to me now and he's scratching the back of his neck. He only does that when he's nervous and or embarrassed. "Well you see I might or might not have found a couple thousand beri lying around while I clean the castle…okay, okay the truth is that I did find most of it lying around…in Mihawk's room. He had so much that I know that if I took some he won't mind. There are about 50,000 berries in that bag so…"


Garrett then swiftly came over to me and bent down and put his hand over my mouth to keep me from yelling anything else. I can't believe he took so much! When Dracule finds out he's going to murder Garrett…I can't let Him give me this much, it's too much!

In a hushed whisper Garrett said "How many times must I tell you, you must be quiet. There's a time and a place to be loud and right now is most certainly not that time. I know you think this is too much, you're going to be starting your life over from scratch and you need a lot of beri to do that. Its fine, Mihawk will think that you stole the money before you left. I just need you to make me one promise before you leave."

"What's the promise?"

"…When I do leave Kuraigana, I want you to let me join your crew. I know it's a lot and its years away and you might be really far away but..."

I then swallow my little baby brother in a bone crushing hug. Garrett might only be 14 but he's as wise as Dracule sometimes. He knows that no matter what he could say to me, I wouldn't let him come with me tonight. So the next best thing he thought of was reserving a spot on my future pirate crew. I think that might be one of the sweetest things he has ever done for me. I withdraw from the hug and I stare up into Garrett's dark golden eyes, "Let me tell you something Garrett Walker… you're not just going to join my crew, you're going to be my first mate. I just have to wait at the most three years and then we will meet again and you can meet my awesome crew and everything will be awesome. We will create a pirate crew that will leave the whole government shaking in their knees."

"…Understood Captain, just be safe and wait for me to get strong enough to where I can protect you and our whole crew."

I then lightly swatted Garrett on his chest, he knows I hate it when people try and protect me. Just because I'm a female and I'm not built like a God or anything doesn't make me a weakling. If I can't take down my opponent, then I'll just out smart him or her until I win.

We both laughed at my pathetic excuse of trying to punish him. We then sat down on the beach and we watched the stars in the now wee morning, we talked about our 8 years on Kuraigana and discussed what type of crew members we needed for our future pirate crew. After what felt like only a few minutes Garrett said, "It's getting really late, I think it's about 2 a.m. now. Mihawk's going to be up soon and he's going to see that the berries are going to be gone sooner than later. And you should be as far away as possible when he does."

I gave a deep and heavy sigh when he mentioned how pissed off He's going to be at me… well at least taking all those berries will be the last time I piss off Dracule on His island. That thought suddenly brought a wide and sinister smirk on my wonderful face. As if Garrett could read my mind, which I'm sure he can since he's known me since the day he was born. Garrett chuckled at my wonderful smirk that painted my face. He then stood up and took the bag of barriers and put the bag in a very secure spot in my boat, and then he came over to me and offered his hand for me to take to help me stand up.

"Garrett this is so sudden… even though we've known each other for 14 years I sadly have to decline your proposal of marriage. I just don't feel that way towards you."

"Wha-what the hell are you talking about? I was just trying to be a gentleman and offer to help you stand up from the beach. What the heck were you thinking about?"

"My sweet little brother, I was just joking with you. When you offer your hand to a girl she thinks it's for marriage. And if you get married you can't be my first mate so don't ever get married… if you do your wife will most likely be a sadistic bitch."

"What? But Mihawk said that I have to help girls stand up if their sitting on the ground by offering my hand. You always make me really confused when you contradict Mihawk."

As Garrett was thinking about the mysteries of social etiquette in our world I stood up and I jumped into my boat. "Gar I'm leaving now so see ya in three years and don't die!" At that comment he snapped out of his daydream and faced my boat and he gave me one of his saddest and most serene smiles I've ever seen him have and he gave me a small wave and muttered "see you later Maddie" as I sailed off to sea.

As I sailed off to sea away from my 'home' for the past eight years of my life I couldn't help but be nervous. A life of a pirate is dangerous, but if my mom could do it, then I'll be damned if I died before I could get a bounty. My mom died when her bounty was… if I could remember correctly… I think it was… about 850,000,000 berries. So once I pass my mom's bounty then I'll be okay with dying, so until then I just have to not die…how hard can that be?

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