We're All Mad Here

Chapter 4: Death of Marines

After I made my list I looked it over…hmm... I've already done steps one through 6, I just have to do 7 through 14 now. I think I might have the hardest time talking to the Whiteb-

"Dammit! I forgot to ask Captain Dickhead were the Whitebeard Pirate is! Aw! This is what happens when I get to excited or mad when I plan on killing a Marine! Garrett even said, "Now don't do anything wreck less, you're going to be out at sea all by yourself and that's very dangerous for a devil fruit user…and blah, blah, blah. Well he didn't say the blah, blah, blah stuff I just tuned out after he stopped talking about the sea…what was I talking about again… Oh, the Pirate! I really need to stop talking to myself out loud too."

I guess I could just look around the whole ship until I find him…only problem is that I won't know what he looks like. Ugh… I really need to work on having more patience…until Garrett joins me. How long do I have to wait until he comes…let's see… 365 days in one year…times 3 years… 1095… but it might take him a few days until we actually meet up. I'll give him 1100 days, after that I will personally go and look for him myself! What was I doing again? Right, Whitebeard Pirate! I really have to get a better memory.

I then stood up from the desk and grabbed my list as I made my way over to the love seat to pick up my hat. I should have asked the dead Captain when lunch started, and then I could see how much time I have to prepare for my plan. Oh well, guess I just have to get on more and more Marine ships to improve. Once I picked up my hat and placed it on my turquoise and magenta locks, I left the now dead Captain's office.

I then checked the deck, second floor, and the third floor to see were all 24 of my vict- I mean playmates are.

Good news is that all 24 are in the Dining room; bad news is that it looked like most of the crew is half way done with their meal. That's bad news for me because I have at the most 30 minutes to find the Whitebeard Pirate, set up all my 'games', make sure they don't find out their Captain is dead and try to keep 24 grown, hormonal men in one room… how hard can that be?

I guess spending years doing cardio training wasn't just for nothing. Because of my training, I'm currently running as if I had grown wings and am flying so fast that I could win a race against a Peregrine Falcon. Wait, have I grown wings! Nope, I just checked my backing and I have no wings. That would have been cool if I could use my devil fruit powers and fly at the same time… maybe I can fly with my devil fruit powers, I need to check that out once I torch this ship. In my mad dash all over the Artic Wind I have currently found 12 swords, 30 guns, 32 cannon balls, and 40 rounds of bullets. Next stop is the kitchen.

As a dig my heels into the white tile floor of the Marine ship on the second floor, I really hope my feet don't make that ear bleeding screeching sound… I finally stop and thank Kami because I didn't hear any screeching and my ears aren't bleeding. I stop right in the doorway of the second corridor. Now my problem is how do I get to the kitchen? I've previously checked to see if all the Marines were in the dining room by peeking my head into the room, thankfully nobody saw me, I also saw that the kitchen was closed so when a kitchen closes that means that nobody and I mean absolutely NOBODY is getting in that room for the rest of tonight. I should know I've cooked about 8760 meals over the past 8 years 'stay' with Dracule, Garrett and Dorothy… I need to stop doing that! I need to stop thinking about other stuff when I have to solve a problem… now what do I do? Draculealways said that if I can't think of any solutions then I should out smart myself … I've never really understood what th- Ohhhh… that's what he meant. Sometimes that guy can actually be useful, I wonder how their doing? I bet their both starving and crying ab- nope that's what Garrett would do. Dracule would probably be drinking His stupid wine and saying how nice and quiet it is without that brat around. Bastard. Now it's time to outsmart myself…


I look around and I see what I was looking for a few feet above me. This is all my stupid parent's fault, if they were taller than I could have been taller and I could have reached. But no worries, I take off my hat and I put my arm inside it. Let's see… nope that's a sandwich… that's a blanket… that's oh, I've been looking for you for weeks! Hello Ms. Poisons snake… I'll use you later. I guess I have to go elbow deep now. As a put my entire arm up to my elbow in the hat I still can't find it. I guess I have to go 'that' deep. I lay my hat on a nearby table and I stick all of my upper body into my hat. As I look around I realize something… I really need to clean my hat out more often. Oh there you are… wait don't runaway, come back here! I don't have time to jump inside my hat and look for you, just COME HERE NOW! After some carousing, I finally retrieve what I was looking for… my step-ladder. I put my step-ladder on the ground, right in front of where I want to go, and then I pick up my hat and put it underneath my arm for now, I'm probably going to have to use it later. I step on the very last step of my step-ladder and I'm finally able to jump in, except I have to unscrew a few bolts. I take my hat out from underneath my arm and I put my arm in it, again. This time though I'm able to find the object I was looking for without any trouble, my screwdriver. I then unscrew the four bolts on the air vent shaft. Once I get the cover off I stick it into my hat. Don't want any of the Marines to know that I'm in the air vents, which would cause a lot of trouble and waste a lot of time which I don't have. As I climb inside the air vents I mentally thank my parents for being short, because if they were short then that would mean that I would also be short to… I wonder if my parents were tall or short, I actually don't remember.

I crawl through the air shaft in the ship until I see that I am right above the kitchen; this parts going to be tricky now. I have to jump about 8 feet to land on the ground without making a noise, grab all the knifes in the kitchen and grab some food. I took my hat off my head and I found my screwdriver in it, and I unscrewed the hatch to the air vent in the Kitchen. I put that hatch and the screw driver in my hat and I put my hat on my head. I slowly slid to the very edge of the now open square in the air vent, and I put my hand on the edge and lowered myself to the kitchen. I had most of my body out of the air vent, except for arms and my hands that were holding on for dear life to the air vent. I looked around fast to see if I can land anywhere without making a sound… there! Over to my left by about 3 feet is an island that has almost nothing on it. I quickly listen to what's around me…and it seems most of the Marines are about two feet away from the door that connects the kitchen to the dining room. Okay Maddie, you can do this, it's just like when you were jumping from tree to tree in Kuraigana while trying to flee from the Humandrills… I can do this, I can do this… I could do this if I had a cup of te- NO! It's time to focus, now... Go!

I started to swing from where I hung from the air vents, and as I picked up momentum I mentally braced myself and as I was swinging towards the island I let go of the air vent. I quickly flipped in the air and I put my hands out. I land on the table with my hand on the counter while the rest of my body is vertical to my hands… I really should have done a LOT more upper body training. As I stand there I wait to see if any the Marines have heard me when I landed… nope, no sounds. Then I slowly bring my body down and I put both my knees on the counter, I wait until all the blood drains from my head as I sit on the counter. Once my head is back to being all mad again, instead of having all my blood in it I slowly scoot off the counter and I put my feet on the ground without making a sound. I listen again… nope still haven't heard me, I wonder if these Marines are deaf… or maybe I'm becoming a ninja! I've read a lot about ninja's their s- No! I have to work fast and stay focused… FOCUSED!

I find about 12 different knifes and I stuff them all inside my hat. Now it's time to find my food. I slowly and quietly rummage through the whole kitchen, I would normally move at the speed of light trying to find the food, but there is only a really thin wall that separates me from the Marines. I should gab this… have to have that… this could come in handy… I'm definitely going to use these two later… and this is a must have. I take off my hat and I put all my new belongings in it. Then I grab my step-ladder, screwdriver and air vent shaft lid. I put the step-ladder under the open air vent and I climb back into the vent, then I go down and grab my ladder; can't leave any evidence behind. Once I put the step-ladder in my hat, I go back inside the vent and I screw the air vent shaft lid back on. Then I wiggle all my way back to the main hall way.


In the hallway I put my hat on the ground; I'm trying to currently find one of my 'toys' that I made on Kuraigana. I finally find it and I pull out all the food I found in the kitchen. Now it's time to put my mad/genius plan into action. I take my 'don't-touch' spray bottle that I created a few years ago; I created it when Garrett told me that he saw Dracule go into my room one day. Then in that same day I created this, I sprayed this all over His door. That was the first and only time that I've ever heard Him scream like a little girl, the only reason I didn't get my ass kicked was because I told Him I knew He went into my room. We both ended that battle with us screaming at each other and having a staring contest. The liquid inside the 'don't-touch' spray bottle has an orange tint to it; I made it while mixing a bunch of acids together. I spray the bottle all over the walls, doors, doorknobs, and portholes. I then take out plastic wrap that I found in the kitchen, I start to wrap the portholes and doorways with the plastic wrap. Then I douse the whole hallway with chili pepper sauce and then I set 12 sticks of butter on the ground. I take a nearby table and I set it at the end of the hallway and I take out one of the Den Den Mushis that I disconnected on the table. While I was in the vents I came up with a great idea! I connected two Den Den Mushis together and I would give it to some of the Marines while I have the other one. I would talk to them as if I were a high ranked office, that's where my mental torture comes into play. Now one last step until all the fun begins. Last but not least I take out a whole set of glass plates and I take a few and I throw them around the hallway, the ones that are still in my hands I drop and I look at my work. It's quite a beauty if you ask me, after all this will be my first time playing with Marines. Uh-Oh… I hear the Marines. Shit! I forgot how loud a glass plate can be when it shatters into hundreds of places. In less than a heartbeat I run to my step-ladder that is under the air vent shaft and I climb in, I grab the step-ladder once I'm in the safety of the air vents and I quickly screw the lid on the shaft close… now it's time to watch… I really should have checked if they had any popcorn in the kitchen.

I wiggle my way in the air vents until I'm over the dining room; I then see that a group of 4 Marines are trying to figure out how to open the door. Who knew Marines were so stupid that the- Oh… I put plastic wrap on the dining room doorway too. I guess they must be really weak if they can't even open a door with a few layers of plastic wrap on. Oh now the group has grown to about 6 Marines trying to break the door do- now the doors down. Hahaha! That's really funny, how many Marines does it take to break down a little door? None because they just use brute strength and stupid weapons to break it down, they don't actually use their heads. When the 6 Marines that finally broke the door down they all fell on top of each other, hahaha; Marines are so stupid that it just hurts sometimes when you see how stupid they act. Once the 6 Marines climbed off each other they went in the hallway, then about a dozen other Marines followed them; guess I should move back to the hallway to what they do. Once I make my way to the second corridor air vent shaft I saw one of the funniest views I have ever seen so far in the 17 years that I have been alive. 3 Marines were sliding all over the hallway screaming at the top of their lungs, they must have stepped on the sticks of butter. 4 other Marines were passed out on the ground with cuts on them; must be from all the blood loss and 6 other Marines were running around screaming for their mama's to help them, I'm guessing from the cuts and chili sauce burns on their faces they fell a few times, got some bad cuts and the sauce went into their cuts… yeah… if that happened to me I would do- no I would scream at the world and fuck up anyone I see for the next half hour. Then the other five that went in the hallway are running around trying to find a way to escape, guess they haven't realized that I put my special 'don't-touch- liquid on the… guess they found out. Ouch, now those look like some bad burns, but the bad thing is with my special liquid is that if the liquid makes contact to your skin it burns your skin off and if you don't wash the liquid off your skin then in less than 5 minutes bad things will happen to you. Let's see how much time they have left… about another 3 minutes and the 'bad things' will happen to them. Oh it seems like the 5 Marines that entered the corridor have ushered some of the cowardly Marines who stayed in the dining room to help them. Oh that's not good, now a group of 10 have gathered and their broke some of the dining table chairs into piece, guess they're going to try and puncture holes in the plastic wrap around the portholes and jump out to sea. I can't let that happen. I take off my hat and I reach inside until I find what I was looking for…let's see, does it have any ammunition… yep! I took out one of my guns and I see that it's fully loaded with bullets… it doesn't look like any of these Marines have any devil fruit power… that's odd thought. Usually at least one member of a Marine ship has a devil fruit power or is extremely good in one field of fighting. I guess I just got lucky with this ship. I also take off the air vent shaft lid, good thing I didn't screw all the screws back in. I place my hand in the shadows of the air vent so that none of the Marines see that I'm here, I don't even think they know I've boarded. It's also weird how they aren't asking for their Captain. Oh, that's why Captain Dickhead switched his office with his Captain's quarters so that he can see if any of his crew was planning of killing him… I should have asked them if they hated their Captain. If they did I could have just 'talked' them into killing their Captain. But it's too late to think of all that stuff, I need to focus on 'playing' with these Marines. I point the gun at the group of 10 Marines that are trying to puncture the plastic wrap. I aim at the 5 scaredy-cat Marines that were hiding in the dining room. This is going to be a little tricky. I've only shot stationary objections at Kuraigana when I was practicing how to shoot a gun. Stupid Humandrills better have taught me how to shoot a gun the right way or else I'm going to go back their one day and kick all their asses…when Dracule isn't there. I'm going to delay my next meeting with Him for as long as I can. I aim at one that is currently shaking and… BAM! Wow! That had a lot more power than what I was expecting, I was nervous so if I'm nervous then my weapons will be nervous too, that's what Dracule always said. I look to see if the bullet actually hit the Marine… yep. Oh! Now all the Marines, except for the ones that are passed out are looking around with big and shocked eyes. I hit the Marine square in the forehead, and some of his blood got on some of his comrades, his comrades are all looking around to see who killed the little Marine; now it's time for the mental torture.


"Pele- Pele- Pele- Pele- Pele- Pele- "

I started to call the Marines through the Den Den Mushi that I took from Captain Justice. Once the still living Marines hear the ringing of the Den Den Musi, they all freeze. Then the brave little coward that was still in the dining room came out and he slowing started to make his way to the other end of the corridor were I put the Den Den Mushi. Once he got to it he answered it. "Hello, who is this?"

I put on my most stoic face and I leveled out my voice so that I sounded very serious.

"This is Rear Admiral Nikki Tries. Is this Captain Justice? I have an important message to the Captain of Artic Wind."

"This is not Captain Justice Ma'am. I am Petty Officer Ashton John. Our Captain is currently missing and I have a hunch that we are under attack from the Whitebeard Pirates."

This guy is at least a little smarter compared to the other assholes.

"Hello Petty Officer, why do you think your ship is under attack?"

"Well… Ma'am we are currently stuck on our second floor and I think some of our Prisoner's crew mates have come and trapped us here. All our exits are currently blocked off and many of my fellow Marines need medical attention. Could you send another Marine ship to help us? We are currently a-"

"Where's the Prisoner now? Who is he?"

"Our Prisoner is hidden in the freezer in our Kitchen. He has devil fruit powers so Captain Justice thought it would be a go idea to put him there. He is th-"

Oh. That's a smart move for Captain Jackass to do. Put a devil fruit user in a freezer, he must have sea prism stone handcuffs on too.

"That's all the information I needed to know Petty Officer. The Whitebeard Pirates didn't come and trap you in the second corridor…I did."

There was a hushed murmur that fell around the second corridor. Then I took my gun and I shot another Marine. Then all hell broke loose.

"Ma-Ma'am what do you mean you did this? What's going on?"

"Do you really want to know what's going on? I'm going to kill every last one of you! About half an hour ago I even killed your Captain! So far it seems like about 6 of you are dead so far… and there's only 20 seconds left now."

"What do you mean '20 seconds left'? You aren't a Rear Admiral are you…?"

"15… 14… 13… 12… 11… 10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…"


Boom! The five Marines that were previously running around and calling for the scared Marines to help them exploded. The reason why they exploded was very simple. When they were touching the walls, doorways, and portholes they exposed themselves to my 'don't-touch' liquid. At first contact, the liquid burns the skin then from the burn the liquid enters the blood stream of the person. From there the liquid spreads throughout the body of the person through their blood stream, the liquid attacks the organ, tissues, blood, muscle… everything until it destroys the person from the inside out. Once the liquid destroys the whole body of its host, the liquid still wants to attack and kill, to do that it must escape the body of the infected person. To do that the liquid self-destructs their host. This all occurs within 5 minutes of the victim's first burn. The only way to survive form the liquid is if within those five minutes you drink my antidote or the liquid gets exposed to a part of your body that isn't exposed to skin. The liquid only works if it makes skin contact and then it reaches your blood stream… from there the victim usually die if they don't have the antidote. Once the liquid self-destructs, it can usually still spread to other living organisms if they are exposed to their skin or an open wound.

Once my liquid self-destructed, about 11 of the other Marines were exposed to the liquid now. They were exposed to it when the blood of the now dead Marines went into their open wounds. The only ones that weren't exposed were Petty Officer Ashton and one Marine that was sliding through the corridor on a now melted piece of stick; he was on the opposite side of the corridor when the Marines exploded. Now the two only surviving Marines are stunned into silence.

"Do you like my little gift? I think they all look so much better now. My mom always said that I should always judge someone from what's inside, not their outside appearance… now I know for certain that all you Marines look horrible from the inside-out."

The now unfrozen Petty Officer looks at the Den Den Mushi that I just spoke through, and he screeched:

"YOU BITCH! THE MARINES WILL CATCH YOU FOR KILLING MY CREW MA-"

Bam, I shot my gun at his head this time. He provided me with some good information, but now he's being too noisy and I'm getting bored playing with these Marines. Once I shot him in the head; right between his eyes he dropped to his knees and then he fell forward. Now I just have one more to kill. I then jumped down from the air vent shaft and I hear a scream come from my left. Oh there's the little lone survivor. I slowly walk towards him with a bored and stoic face, while he has pure terror written all over his face. He then falls to the ground and starts scooting away from me. Every step I take towards him, he scoots another step away from me. I put up with this for about 10 or 12 steps then start getting pissed off. I then stop moving, and then he freezes, in a split second he stands up and tries to run to the dining room. In his run I bring my arm up to in front of my face and I flick my right wrist while snapping my fingers, then I said in a bored tone "Freeze." In mid-step the survivor freezes. I'm guessing he's trying to make his body to move because I can see his muscles flex and stiffen on his arms and legs. While he's frozen I start walking toward him again with my gun still in my left hand. As I approach him he has this look on his face saying 'please-don't-kill-me-I-won't-tell-anybody-want-happened-today'. I look at his face that is painted in full fear, then I could feel a sinister smirk grace my face as I look at him; this makes him even more scared. I bet he's pissing his pants right now.

"I would normally not kill you… but I don't believe in leaving behind survivors. It's more painful to be the only survivor, so I'll put you out of your misery and kill you."

I then brought up my gun and pressed it to his temple. The Marine had this look in his eyes saying 'No! Don't Kill Me!'

"… Hahahahaha! You should see the look on your face! I wasn't really going to kill you! I was just kidding!"

I then dropped my gun on the ground right in front of the Marine. His face instantly relaxes, and he is trying to play along. He must think I'm a psychopath of something… but in reality… I'm just Mad, nothing else.


"Snap."

Once I turned my back to the lone survivor I mutter that one word and I hear a chilling snap fill the corridor from behind me. I said I wouldn't kill him… and I didn't, I just paralyzed him.

Mentally torture, check. Physically torture, check. I might not have done them in the right order, but what really counts are the end results. Eventually I did kill all the Marines along with their Captain. Now I just have to find the Whitebeard Pirate and 'talk' to him. I'm guessing he has to be a really important crew member because the Petty Officer thought that the Whitebeard Pirates would come and find him. But I've heard plenty from mouth and from written words about the Whitebeard Pirates. The Whitebeard Pirates are currently one of the strongest Pirate crews in all the oceans. Hell Whitebeard himself is even one of the four Emperors from the New World. If I'm not mistaken this is around the very start of the Grand Line, so why would one of the four Emperors come to the start of the Grand Line? I have to ask him later.

Before going to the kitchen and looking for the Whitebeard Pirate, I look at the third floor and the deck to see if there is any money need which I could take. In total I found about 50,000 berries, I thought there might be more on a Marine ship. Oh well, this was my first time killing and robbing Marines, if I do it more often I bet I can find more money, but I just have to be careful. I don't want the government knowing about me yet. Slow and steady wins the race; I just have to remember that until I become super strong.

After about an hour of going through everything on this Marine ship I put all the money in my hat and I also went back to the Captain's office. I went back and I found some important government paperwork and the key to the sea prism stone handcuffs, I took the papers because I could always use them later as blackmail against the government. I need as much information against the government as I can get. I then make my way to the kitchen. In the kitchen I take a few pounds of canned food, apples, peaches, oranges, bread, bottled waters and some meat. After I stuff all my new food in my hat I turn to the huge walk-in-freezer. As a devil fruit user, I am vulnerable to the cold but since I have my super-duper handy dandy sea prism proof and cold proof gloves on I'll be okay. I face the huge door and I turn the handle of the door and I push the door open. Inside I see the devil fruit user of the Whitebeard Pirates. Wait, I think I know him. I then pull off my hand I search for the wanted posters that I stuffed in my hat earlier. Oh, there it is. Yep this is definitely this guy. I then make my way over to the far left corner. As I approach the Pirate I see that he has icicles all over his body. I then crouch down to him so that I'm eye to eye with him.


"You don't look like a Marine. Who are you?"

"Your right, I'm not a Marine. I'm an up and coming Pirate. My name is Madeline Hatter. It's nice to meet you Marco the Phoenix, or would you rather be called Whitebeard's first Division Commander. I would like to talk to you for a few minutes, and if you do what I'm asking for then I'll be glad to take those cuffs off you, and you can go back to Whitebeard."

"What do you want to 'talk' about kid?"

"I would like to meet with Whitebeard himself and talk to him. I'm guessing your Division will be here shortly and I would rather them not find you at the bottom of the ocean, compared to them finding you in my safe little boat."

A pregnant pause filled the chilly air in the freezer as 'Marco the Phoenix' gave me a death glare. Dracule has given me those same glares for the past 8 years so I've grown immune to them.

With a scoff and his head turned to face the blue icicle wall, he answered my request.

"I'll see what I can do. Now do you mind and taking these cuffs off."

"Sorry first Division Commander Marco, I need a promise. I won't accepted an 'I'll see what I can do.' It's a yes or no. which is it?"

"Ughh… fine. I promise you that you can see Pops once you unlock my cuffs and get me away from this Marine ship."

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