We're All Mad Here

Chapter 5: Spending Time with Marco

Once I unlocked Marco's cuffs he slowly stood up. Then we made our way outside of the freezer, once out he stretched all his muscles and he broke off all the icicles that were attached to his body. Oh, I should probably do that now. Marco probably wouldn't want to help me with it, all he would want to do is be left alone I think. I then take my hat off my head and I put my hand inside the hat to try and find the other two things I stole from the kitchen earlier. While I was doing that Marco was giving me this look saying 'what the hell are you doing?' I was going to answer his silent question, when we both heard a loud boom come from the second floor corridor. In a flash Marco was run towards the corridor.

"Marco Wait! It's nothing, trust me!"

"What the hell do you mean its nothin'?! The Marines probably found my nakama and are attacking them! I have to- What the Fuck happened here?"

Once I arrived at the hallway I saw the once 24 Marines were now dead. 22 of them were affected by my 'don't- touch' liquid, so that caused them to explode. So in the hallway I see a freaked out Marco starring at 2 intact Marine dead bodies, while looking around the hallway at blood, intestates, some brains, an intact heart, and multiple limbs spread all around the hallway. Marco then turned to me and started to screech.


"Nothing much, I just killed the Captain and his crew. The Captain was a total dick, so I moved on to playing with his crew. But after a little while I got bored of them too. Hey I have to do something on this ship before we set sail. My ship is a medium sized boat and it's to the right of the starboard bow. My companion is in there so if she tries to attack you just tell her that everything is fine. Oh right, you have to drink this. If you don't then you'll end up just like those 22 Marines that exploded."

"Wa-Wait a sec… you killed all these Marines and their Captain. You do know he's a devil fruit user right? What do you mean you 'played' with these Marines? And what the hell is that?"

While Marco was giving me the third-degree I pulled out a small clear bottle that had the words antidote on it. Inside the bottle had liquid that was a mixture between a purple and light blue hue. Once I pulled it out of my hat, I could tell that Marco was beyond confused with what just happened to him within the last 24 hours.

"Here just drink it. I'll explain everything once we are off this Marine ship, okay? I would ask you to trust me but you just met me and you don't seem like a very trusting guy unless you're Captain approves of the person."

Marco then looked at me with uncertainty in his eye, then he took the small bottle out of my hand and he gulped it down as if it were a shot of tequila.

"That tasted horrible. If I die because of you Pops will come after you and kill you… What are you doing now?"

"I know, I know. Whitebeard will seek revenge if you die. I might be a new pirate, but I'm not stupid. I know that the Whitebeard Pirates are like a big family and if you go after one you go after everyone. What do you think I'm doing? I'm opening a tank of gasoline and I'm going to pour it all over this floor, then I'm going to do the same thing for the third corridor and the deck. Then I'm going to torch this Marine ship, duh."

As I answered his question I was walking up and down the second floor corridor with the gasoline tank in my hands and the liquid was flowing out all over the dead bodies of the Marines. Once the tank was completely empty, I throw the tank across the corridor; I don't need that thing anymore. I then pulled out another tank from my hat. As I make my way to the staircase to the third floor I was opening the top of the tank when Marco took the tank right out of my hands. What the fuck does this stupid mythical flying bird think he's going to do?

"I'll carry this one. I thought it would be faster if I poured all the gasoline on the third floor then you can go do the same thing on the deck. If we split up and I do one floor and you do another then we can get off this ship faster. I do have to say, it's a good idea setting this Marine ship on fire. The government will probably think that it was takin down by a Sea King. Good thinking kid."

Oh… so that's what he though. I guess he isn't really that stupid after all, well I guess he can't be stupid if he's Whitebeard's first Division Comma- Wha-!

After his little comment Marco gave me a small smirk and he ruffled my hair.

"Quit daydream squirt and get doing. We don't have much time until other Marine ships come by and find that all these Marines are dead."

"Yeah, yeah… just don't ruffle my hair. I hate it when people touch my head… You knocked my hat off my head!"

I was going to lecture him some more but he was already down the staircase. Stupid Bird. Ughhh. I HATE being bossed around… but I guess it can't be helped with our current circumstance. I pick up my hat off the ground and I take out my last gasoline tank. As I walked to the opposite side of the corridor that Marco went to I couldn't stop thinking. Was that Captain really a devil fruit user? I guess I killed him so quick and he was off guard that he didn't expect me to kill him. That would explain why he was promoted to a Captain's rank at such a young age. Since he was promoted he must have ate a really powerful devil fruit. That would also explain why he was moved his office too; he must have thought he was a big shot was a super-duper powerful devil fruit power and that caused him to look down on his crew. When you're out at sea you NEVER EVER turn your back on your crew; if you do then they could all come together and take you down. Oh, I'm already on the deck. During my thoughts about the now dead Marine Captain I have already climbed the stairs and I'm on the stern of the ship. I then started to walk all around the ship with the gasoline pouring from my tank… there! After my tank is emptied I look around, everything seems to have the gasoline on it or has something close to it that has gasoline on it. I then threw the tank aside as I did with my previous one… I should go and check to see if the Captain is really dead. I know for certain I killed him, but he might have a devil fruit power that causes him to revive or maybe he doesn't need his heart to survive. Marco did say he was strong, so if a Whitebeard Pirate with a bounty over 500,000,000 beri bounty then I should believe him. I then take off my hat from my head and I look for the last thing that I stole from the kitchen. The last thing I stole from the kitchen was a box of matches; only about two or three were used so there are plenty left which I could use in the future. After I pulled the matches from my hat I put them in my super-secret hidden pocket in my dress; then I put my hat back on.

Ughh… I've been waiting up on the deck for an hour for Marco. I bet he's looking through everything on the ship; bad news for his is that I took all the information on these Marines. I now sat on the starboard bow of the Artic Wind. It's about 7:30 p.m. maybe closer to 8:00 p.m. I was currently looking up at the stars, Kuraigana's stars at night were always beautiful, but out at sea the stars are just breathtaking. I think I could get used to looking at the night sky out at sea. I already checked on Captain Dickhead and I'm 100% sure that he is super-duper dead, that's good to know…

"To your left you could see the Leo constellation. Did you know that you can only see the Leo constellation during July and August. I personally like the Libra constellation better, but I can admit Leo is a magnificent constellation too."

"Leo huh? I never st- WHAT THE HELL! WH-"

In my shock to hearing Marco's voice right behind me I scream right in his face and I lose my balance were I was sitting on the ship and I fall. Thankfully I feel Marco grab my arm right before my entire body goes overboard.

"Whoah. Sorry for scaring you like that but I didn't realize you scare so easily."

"I have nervous of steel! I was just caught off guard because I was focused on the night sky. If you would have come up like a normal person, like right beside me then I wouldn't have almost fallen in the ocean! I could have died you know!"

"I already said sorry. What are you doing here anyway?"

"I was waiting for you Mr. No Show. Where were you anyway? We need to get off this ship and find your crew."

"I went back in the kitchen to get some food. I haven't had anything to eat in over 24 hours. Then I went to go see if there was any government info which I could take back and give to Pops."

"I took all the info the Marines had on this ship. Now if you wouldn't mind but could you move your feather-butt and get on my ship! I have a Marine ship to set on fire."

"I swear kids today are so impatient. All right just hold on a sec."

Marco then jumped on the edge of the ship were I was previously sitting at, then he extended his hand to me.

"What the hell are you doing? I don't want to marry you, I just met you."

Wha- I was just offering you my hand just in case you needed help getting down. What the hell were you thinking about; your nuts aren't you?"

"I don't need your help I can get down just fine by myself. And before you ask I'm not going first. I'm currently wearing a dress and I don't want to flash you, so you go first and then turn around. And I was told that if a man offers a girl their hand then that means that they want to marry them. For your information, I'm not nuts I'm Mad!"

Marco then exhaled a deep sigh and I faintly heard him mutter something along the lines of, "kids these days…" Then he withdrew his hand from me and he soundlessly jumped to my nearby boat that was about 8 to 10 feet below the Marine ship. When Marco landed he dusted off his dark grey length pants and his purple jacket. After he determined he was alright from the jump he turned his back to me and he said, "Alight kiddo let's get this show on the road and get down here."

"Hold on a sec, I just need to light my match and we can go."

I pulled my matches from my pocket and once I finally lighted the match I saw a blue orb fly past the left side of my face. I looked behind me and I saw that the Artic Wind was blazing with blue flames…what th- Marco… In a split second I looked down and Marco was whistling a happy tune and he was kicking invisible dirt.

That stupid motherfucking mythological bird lit my very first Marine ship on fire. To saw I was furious was an understatement. If you asked me if I was willing and ready to jump on his back, skin him alive and then rip his head off… then yes, I was that pissed off at him that I would do all that to him. But if I did that that, Marco the fucking Phoenix would just Revive! And tell Whitebeard… can't have that happening… ughh…

I was making wild hand jesters around myself and I screeched at the top of my lunges, "MARCO YOU BASTARD! I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO SETTING THIS SHIP ON FIRE FOR HOURS! WHAT THE H- WHAA!"

During my rant I was making too much hand jesters too quickly that I lost my balance and I fell overboard. But this motherfucking blue fiery bird caught me; that stupid bird was Marco… Bastard saved me from landing in the water twice now. Now I owe him two fucking favors… my once lucking day turned out to be one of my worst days which I've ever had since Dracule 'kidnapped' me.

"You need to cool down kiddo."


I then leapt out of Marco's arms and I quickly turned to face the now burning Marine ship. Such a pity, this would have been the first time I lit something on fire in years.

"Sorry about setting the ship on fire. Seems like y-"

"It's fine. I'll have plenty of opportunities in the future to kill, rob and burn down Marine ships. I'm just a little steaming because this was the first time I faced any Marines and I guess it was a test of strength of some kind."

"… I think I understand. You're new on the sea and you kind of wanted to prove to yourself that you're strong enough to take down a ship of Marines all by yourself. But I gotta say that it's really dangerous for a 13 year old little girl to be in the Grand Line all by herself. Wer-"

"You think I'm 13?"

"Well yeah… aren't you?"



Calm down, calm down. I can't afford to kill one of Whitebeard's best men. I know I should at least slap him or call him a perv but I have to work with him… be nice with this jackass Blue Bird… be nice…

"… I think I'll sail your ship to the coordinates that I planned to meet my crew mates at once I escaped… so…"

"I'm going inside… when you're done come inside and we should… discuss somethings."

I went inside my boat and I went to the dining table and sat down. Ughh… this has been such a long day; maybe I should do a mental recap on what's happened since I've left Kuraigana. It's been about 34 hours since I've left Kuraigana. Let's see, those first 32 hours I was on this boat… I got bored, took a long nap in the sun… I got sunburn… at least it doesn't hurt anymore; it kinda looks like my natural skin tone is a rosy pink now… weird. I was about to have tea, then I met Captain Justice. Then in an hour I killed the Captain and his crew. Then I took all their money, weapons, some food, and important papers… oh and I rescued Marco; the 'captured' Whitebeard Pirate. I bet he got himself captured to get Marine info, but I don't think the Whitebeard pirate roll like that… it really has been a long day. I stood up and went back to the little kitchenette in my boat; it has been 6 hours since I've had a cup of tea… I'm surprised I haven't dropped dead yet. I set about preparing the tea. I fill my kettle with water and then I boiled it, after that I take out my peppermint tea leaves. Then I take my hat off my head and I bring two other tea cups with me; then I fill my hat and the tea cup with a little boiled water; after that I swirl the water around the pot and then discard it. Then I place one tablespoon of the peppermint tea leaves that I got out and I dish it out to each cup, my hat and the pot. Now I top up the teapot with the boiling water. Then Marco comes in through the door.

"Sorry about the mess; I met the Marines right before I starting making my tea, so I'm making it right now. I was going to make you a cup too."

"…That's fine."

During our little exchange Marco was looking around and then he walked over to my dining table and he sat down in the chair that was facing were I just sat. After a few minutes of silence the tea was ready and I walked over to the dining table with the tea cups, tea pot, some spoons and milk; I then poured Marco his tea in a tea cup that is matching the tea pot and I also poured myself some tea and some tea in another tea cup.

"Where's your companion? I haven't seen any other Pirates around."

"She'll come soon."

"Why did you pour the tea in your hat?"

"I'm pouring my tea in my hat because my hat is also a tea cup. Do you want milk?"

"No th – Wha!"


To my left Dorothy popped out of nowhere and she was facing me. I set out her tea cup to the left of where I am currently sitting; and Marco is sitting in front of me.

"Sorry I was so late Dorothy, but I found a pirate in the Marine ship and I rescued him. Let me introduce you too. Dorothy this is Marco the Phoenix. Marco the Phoenix this is my trusty sidekick, Dorothy."

Marco looked at Dorothy then to me with a shocked face.

"… Um… nice to meet you… Dorothy…"


"… What?"

"Dorothy said that 'it's a please to meet you Marco'."

"You can speak to animals?"

"Nope, I can just speak to Dorothy. I've had here ever since I was 5, so after a while I started to predict what she thinks and what she says."

I then took a sip out of my hat… ahh that's some good tea. Peppermint tea always hits the spot.

"How can you drink your tea out of your hat like that?"

"It's very simple actually. My hat's design is very similar to a top hat; however for a normal top hat it's shaped like a cylinder at the top. But with my hat the top is shaped like a tea cup, it even has the handle on the side; and the riming is very similar to a saucer. The inside of my cup/hat is made out of unbreakable porcupine and the saucer is made out of very fine fabric. The inside of the hat is totally different then the outside. You see this hat has been in my family for three generations and when my Grandpa first made this hat he was able to feed it a devil fruit power; and don't ask me how he gave a hat a devil fruit, I have no idea. All I know is that the devil fruit allows the hat to stretch as thin as a piece of paper and as deep as a black hole. The inside even has a checked pattern with orange and turquoise too!"

"…You're really cr- mad aren't you?"

"Yep, but enough of this small talk we need to talk some business. Did you set my boat's course to your rendezvous spot with your crew?"

"Yeah, we have a rule in my crew where if a crew member ever got lost or captured by Marines or another Pirate crew, then if they were able to escape they would go to the rendezvous spot. We have a certain number of spots that are always the same and if a Whitebeard Pirate spots a fellow crew member at the spot then they notify one of our divisions."

"Smart, so for example, a Whitebeard Pirate got captured by another Pirate ship and they were able to escape, so they go to the closest rendezvous location near them. Do you have like 18 locations total or is it more?"

"Hypnotically yes, but we have more rendezvous locations then 18. I've been meaning to ask you, how did you defeat the Captain of that Marine ship? I'm guessing you're a devil fruit user and someone with a devil fruit power would have a difficult time defeating him. Even I had a difficult time."

"I am a devil fruit user. I didn't know that Captain Dickhead was a devil fruit user, but it makes sense. He told me that he was recently promoted to Captain; so if he recently found a devil fruit then that instantly would get him promoted. How did you get capture, you know… Marco the Phoenix! The Strongest Man in The World's Right Hand Man! It's kinda hard to believe someone so strong could get captured by some stupid arrogant Marines…"

"I wasn't really meaning to get captured. M-"

"Did you do it to gather info about the World Government?"

"What? No way, the Whitebeard Pirates don't operate like that. We would never willing let one of our own get takin by the Marines. Like I was saying, my division and I were going to meet up with Pops when we ran into these show ponies. Like normal Pirates and Marines we fought and for most of the battle we were winning, but after the Marines took to many casualties we thought they would retreat; but no… the Marine's Captain activated his devil fruit power. It was an extremely powerful type too, it seemed like a zoan. Bec-"

"Why a zoan?"

"Hold your horses kiddo, it was a zoan because the guy transformed into a sea serpent. Tricky bastard snuck up behind me after I transformed into my Phoenix form and he shot… I think they were compressed spheres of water. And-"

"Since you were in your Phoenix form you went down when the water hit you. Yeah that devil fruit sounds like a bitch. And after you were takin' down your crew probably fled to go tell Whitebeard what happened right?"


"Good thing I took out the guy before he used his devil fruit on me…"

"How did you take him out?"

"Well it all started-"

"Oh Kami, this is going to take an hour isn't it?"

"Shut up! It'll take maybe… 45 minutes MAX to tell you my first awesome adventure as a Pirate. So be quite and listen to me!"

Marco scoffed then shook his head at me. He drowned the tea in one gulp and he was about to pour himself another cup when he muttered a, "Continue, I'm just going to drink the time away with this non-alcoholic tea…"

"As I was saying… it all started on evening… a few hours ago, and I was making my favorite tea, Peppermint Tea when it happened! Dorothy and I heard this loud Bang… or was it a Boom... it was a loud scary noise! Dorothy went inside her home my tea pot; she's a really big scaredy mouse. I felt like hiding in that tea pot too, but then I realized that my capturer isn-"

"You were a prisoner?"

"Yes… where was I …Oh! So I realized that my capturer isn't here so he won't take care of that noise so I gathered all my nerves and I ran outside to my deck… I jumped on the dining table and after a few minutes I cowardly creeped up to my door and I peeked out to see what was outside. What was outside filled my heart with joy! I saw a Marine ship outside! I went out to my deck and I preformed the perfect damsel-in-distress- act to the Captain of the Marine ship; stupid bastard bought it t-"

"What's the 'perfect damsel-in-distress- act'?"

"Have you ever met a drop dead gorgeous woman on some random island. She's in distress and she seems extremely dumb and gullible but it's okay because of how beautiful her face is.


Then she gives you a weepy face with big doe eyes. And you go over to her and you help her, right?"


"Then she spends some time with her and you both get a little flirtatious with each other…"


"Then you both decide you want to spend the night together, so you both go to a hotel together."


"Once you get to the hotel room things start to get a little hot and steamy, right?


"You then think your both ready, but then she says that she needs some alcohol to set the mood."

"… Yeah, what's y-"

"Once you get the booze you come back and you see that she's gone and all your money and valuables are gone, right?"

"… Yeah…"

"That's what I did to the Marine Captain, but instead of leaving him when he turned his back to get the booze, I killed him."

"How did you kill him?"

"With my devil fruit powers, duh. But anyway were getting off topic. After I did my act for the Captain and I killed him I disconnect all the Den Den Mushis that were on-board. I determined were all the Marines were then I set up my trap for the Marines. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail about my traps but after the Marines fell into my trap they died. But I left one alive to ask him were you were and after he told me, I killed him. Then I went to you and rescued the 'real' damsel in distress and-"

"Hey, I'm not a da-"

"After I rescued you, we poured gasoline all over the Marine ship then you set it on fire. Then I set out on an epic journey to bring you and your crew back together. The End."

"…That only took you 30 minutes… good job. And for the future reference, no man likes a little girl to call him a 'damsel in distress'."

"I'm not a little girl… I'm 17, you stupid big Blue Bird!"



"… Sorry… so anyway… it's going to take us a few hours to get to the rendezvous location so why don't we go to sleep. That okay with you?"


"Okay, so I'm guessing you- what do you mean by 'no'? What's the problem?"

"First I don't like it when people repeat what I say when it's something that isn't important and I'm not going to sleep. Someone has to keep watch in case another Marine ship or Pirate ship comes by."

"… Fine, then le-"


"What Now!?"

"… Hmm, how about I go to sleep and you go on watch to see if any ships come. And if any ships come that isn't your ship then you come and wake me up and I'll greet the visitors. How does that sound?"

"… I don't have a choice do I?"

"Nope. Well good luck with being on watch. If you get hungry then you can eat anything I have. Goodnight."

"yeah, whatever… G'night…"

I then stood up from my chair and I go over to my kitchenette and I rinse out my cup portion of my hat. Once I determine my hat has no reminisce of the tea that I just drunk then I put it back on my head and I make my way downstairs. I wonder if I should change into my bedtime clothes… I probably shouldn't. I really don't want that moody blue bird to see me in my matching tea cup pajamas. I bet once we get back to his Captain he'll chill out and then he'll become better company. But until then I should get some shut eye, let's hope no ships come by.

I make my way over to my bed; there are about a dozen different single beds downstairs. I chose the one that was closest to the staircase in case there was an emergency… now that I think about it, that could have been a bad choice too. If an intruder comes down here then he or she would see me first and kill me in an instance. Oh well, I can always change were I sleep later, until I get some crew mates. I could also wait a few months to get some crew mates too, I want to fully get used to being alone… I mean having no other humans around first before I start recruiting crew mates and making nakama. Ughh, I have to go to sleep, whenever I lay down my brain can't stop thinking… now that I think about it my brain never really stops. But I guess nob-NO! Stop thinking! Sleepy time… I'll try and count hats. A normal person would count sheep; boring… but being myself; a Mad person, I count hats!

1 hat… 2 hats… 3 hats… 4 hats… 5 hats… 6 hats… 7 hats… 8 hats… 9 hats… 10 hats… 11 hats… 12 hats… 13 hats… 14 hats… 15 hats… 16 hats… 17 hats…

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