Sunday May 17 2015





That Pabo. Thanks for making me read it only now. You know I usually don’t check my computer when it’s daytime ><

Hi journal,

Hurray! The window is fixed! Although for some reason, I can’t help but feel a little sad about it. It’s like somebody erased a trace of our passage.

Youngbae’s turn. One more hole in our group. But it’s also one more saved. Three more to go.

This morning was quieter than yesterday. When I arrived, I saw that they had been waiting for me. For the first time, there was an empty chair around the table. We all ate without a word as Seunghyun even waited for Kwan to turn his head to give me my morning kiss. As some of us began to clear the table, Youngbae suddenly got up and everyone looked at him.

“I’ll be next.” he said determinedly.

At these words, G-Dragon abruptly left the table and locked himself the bedroom without a word. Seungri, Seunghyun and I looked at each other. Taeyang just looked down at the table with set lips and a sorry look. I got up and headed towards the bedroom. I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in. When GD gave me permission and unlocked the door, as I came in, I found him sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and his head bowed. I could tell by the way he was hiding his eyes behind his hair that he was preventing himself from crying.

“We discussed this together, him and I.” he started to explain in a low voice as I sat down beside him. “When I suggested I should be next, he said it was a bad idea because since I am the leader, I should stay to look after the others while I still can. But I don’t want him to leave.” he said and tightened his grips on his knees. “He’s my best friend. We knew each other even before we met at the lab! These guys are the only friends I ever had in my life. I’m not like Daesung. Without my team, I…” he said and his voice got stuck in his throat. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life!”

As I couldn’t hold it any longer, I took him in my arms and he struggled even harder to not cry as he clenched his teeth and pressed his face against my shoulder, holding me tight. I stroked his back gently to calm him down.

“And the worst is, I am thankful for Joseph-nim to have made us all meet. But I still want him to pay for what he and his team did to Taeyang, me and everybody else. But I’m not even sure they will ever pay!”

“They will pay.” I assured him. “Trust me. I will make them pay for what they did to you. Even if I have to spend my whole life on it, in the end, they won’t get away with this.”

G-Dragon nodded against my shoulder. He obviously wanted to believe what I was saying. So did I.

“But first,” I highlighted and parted from him to make him look me in the eyes. “We need to make sure you guys are all safe. Every day we spend here is another chance we give to Joseph to take you back. If you let Taeyang go, he will be safe. He’s not abandoning you! Do you know how much it means when a muscle-bound dude like him trusts you more than himself to protect his team-members? I dream of having friends like that! Heck, I would never let Joseph watch over my kids if I had any, he would rather pretend to have lost them just to get rid of the chore!”




GD smiled.

“What about TOP- I mean, Seunghyun-hyung?”

I paused, a little thoughtful.

“I suppose I would trust him.” I said and now regret it strongly ><.

He chuckled.

“Better not. He’s such an airhead I’m sure he’d rather hypnotize your kids just to follow you like a dog.”


I guess I’d better wake up first tomorrow and tell him to hide from his hyung then XD.

“Remember what we said that one night?” I told GD. “You’re a good leader, the best I know. Taeyang is not sacrificing himself. He’s just taking his own weight off your shoulders.

“He’s not a weight to me.” GD mumbled.

“Go tell him then.” I said with a smile and took his hand to lead him out of the room.

When we went back to the living-room, as soon as GD faced Taeyang and apologized, the latter instantly smiled and hugged his leader so tight he almost choked him. Then Seunghyun hugged them both.

“Kiss, you fools.” he said in an exaggeratedly serious tone.

They both stared at him awkwardly and told him to shut up at the same time, which made the maknae laugh and he was told to shut up too. Now that’s a good way to start a normal day :D

The itinerary to Youngbae’s village, Hwaesong, was shorter than to Incheon. In the car, as the boys looked distractedly at the landscapes outside and I turned on the radio, after a while, we heard a song we recognized as Ne-Yo’s. I think it was “So Sick”. When Youngbae recognized it, he started humming and we let him do so on his own, so entranced he even started singing. His voice was incredible. However, I couldn’t tell which was the most beautiful between his voice and the boys’ proud smiles at him as they listened to him in silence.

When we arrived in front of his orphanage, he had the same amazed reaction as Dae Sung. However, he didn’t take as much time as he directly walked towards the main gate and rang the bell determinedly. They let us in just like last time and Youngbae entered first. This time, I had a better story to tell the receptionist as I shortly introduced myself and Youngbae and asked her to contact any staff member who could possibly recognize him. The young man at the reception, either impressed by my efficiency (or maybe scared by my sudden outburst in the building and fast talking), called a few numbers and told us to wait there.

As we did, the five of us sat down on benches for what seemed like an eternity. No matter how brave he tried to look, I could tell by the way he was tapping his hands on his knees that Youngbae was still pretty nervous. So was I. Suddenly, as I looked on my left, I saw a little girl with short black hair and big black eyes, maybe 5 or 6 years old, standing in the middle of the hall, looking at us, or rather looking at Youngbae precisely. When the lady accompanying her tried to catch her, she ran away from her and got closer to us, then stood right in front of Youngbae, barely one foot away from him.

“Annyonghaseyo,” I smiled at her and greeted her in Korean “what’s your name, cutie?”

The child turned at me for a second but then ignored me and went back to staring at Youngbae (D8 did I just get ignored by a 5-year old? How unpopular in Korea am I??) and kept smiling at him, which disturbed him.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“You’re handsome.” she replied. “Can I kiss you?”

Youngbae, even more puzzled, looked at me for help, to which I smiled and nodded. As he seemed to have no choice, he in turn nodded to her and leaned closer as the toddler extended her little lips towards his face and gave him a tiny peck on the cheek. When Youngbae backed up in surprise, she giggled happily. That’s one brave little woman! She kept giggling as the young woman who was following her took her in her arm and scolded her so fast and in such a low voice I couldn’t understand half of what she was saying. However, the girl ignored her noona and kept her eyes locked on Youngbae whose cheeks were now a little redder than before.

“Solly.” the noona then told me in English with a strong accent and bowed, embarrassed. “Giwl little. Vely lude.”

“No, it’s okay.” I replied in Korean and jokingly added. “She wasn’t rude. She asked him for permission first!”

However, as the small plump young lady made eye contact with Youngbae, she in turn moved back a little and froze as if she had seen an angel, then bowed her head and blushed madly.

“The directress, Mrs. Lee,” she muttered in Korean. “told me to tell you that luckily, she found a copy of your file. It turns out she found and old article about you in the newspapers, about you being the only boy in a former all girls orphanage. I was not very close to Dong Youngbae-ssi but I called four of our former comrades. They should be there very soon and they told me to tell you that they can’t wait to see you.”

She then slowly turned and walked faster and faster towards the hall where she came from. The child in her arms waved at her hyung to say goodbye with a beaming smile.

“I don’t get it. What was that all about?” Youngbae said and turned at me, clueless.

However, as I turned towards Seunghyun and G-Dragon, we just gave knowing looks at each other and smirked at him.

“You’re gonna have a lot of fun there, hyung!” Seungri exclaimed and nudged him. “I envy you!”

“Envy me? Why? What do you mean?” Youngbae asked and blinked innocently.

Next to him, Seughyun and G-Dragon kept sneering discreetly making Youngbae so upset he started sulking.

About half an hour later, four beautiful creatures entered the orphanage, the four of them with their hands full of gifts and flowers. As they walked towards us, when Youngbae got up, they let their gifts fall to the ground and put their hands in front of their mouths, wide-eyed. Some of them even had their eyes tear up.

“Youngbae-oppa! It’s me, Kim Tae-Yeon!” the first one (who looked like she was 12 but was probably in her 20s) exclaimed. “I used to say we’d marry each other when we’d be old enough! I would hold your hand and-”

“How about me?” the second one cut her off. “Remember? Joo-yun? I was the girl with the big glasses who helped you with math and grammar!” she said and winked with her gorgeous doe eyes.

“Back off, girls. I was with him first.” the third one in high heels retorted and pushed the others back lightly. “For your information, I used to climb in the trees with him and he liked me the most because I was the most boyish of you all! The name is Hwang Mi Young but you used to call me Tiffany because I’m half American!” she said and smirked at Youngbae who didn’t know who to listen to anymore as they all either talked at the same time or giggled.

“Oh yeah?” the fourth one and most gorgeous replied and then added proudly. “Well, I used to give him all my sweets at noon and I even taught him how to kiss a girl on the mouth! Right, YB? Surely you can’t have forgotten about Yoon-Ah!” she said and gave him a cute smile, pointing at herself with both forefingers as if she were 8 again.

As they all tried to convince him at who was his most legitimate (and sexiest) childhood best friend, smothering him with gifts and seductive compliments, touching the muscles of his biceps as if he were a giant doll, Youngbae could only smile embarrassingly at them, blushing like mad and more intimidated than if he had suddenly found himself stuck in the middle of a combat zone. Any move, any sound he made was enough to make the women around him nearly faint and squeak in admiration. So he didn’t dare to do anything, which made Seunghyun and G-Dragon laugh as Seungri kept looking at the scene from the corner of his eyes with his arms crossed, green with envy. When he signaled his presence and tried to show the ladies his own muscles, they all smiled politely at him and quickly turned back towards Youngbae, which made their hyungs laugh even harder, almost bringing tears to their eyes.

By the end of the day, we had met the directress who, in spite of not being able to recruit Youngbae, gave us a few good addresses where he could postulate. Given his physical abilities, surely site managers and security offices would recruit him right away!

And of course, once more, girls fought as to who would end up bringing their friend to her home! Although still red, Youngbae looked as if he were in Nirvana. We left him in good hands for sure!

The hardest thing was to watch G-Dragon and Youngbae say goodbye. Their hug was the longest. When they parted, though GD tried to resist, when he saw Youngbae cry for the first time, he gave in and they both let tears stream down their cheeks. However, they soon wiped them out and gave each other a manly smirk as GD went closer to Younbae’s ear and I heard him whisper in English “Keep one for me.”, pointing at the girls.

YB blushed with a nervous smile and I smacked GD behind the head. What a macho! Yet they both laughed at it and we finally left.

However, in the car, GD’s boyish smile soon left his face and he kept looking at the landscape outside with a blank expression. Not even Seunghyun dared to disturb his thoughts as we kept talking, pretending we were not watching him. When we finally arrived and I asked him if everything was alright, he gave me a confident look and said he was fine. Looking at the two others, he straightened up and went on with a determined tone: things were okay now. He knew what to do. He said he would help me in the future to get Joseph and the lab punished for what they’ve done, especially since I promised him I would do everything I could about it.

“Let’s not give up, guys. You can count on me!” he assured them with fire in his eyes.

At these words, we were definitely reassured and confident as well.

Three more left! Then I will try to gather as much proof as I can about Joseph’s activities. I’m aware I can’t make the Pentagon fall for operating it all. However, with enough proof, I can definitely make the public be on our side. Plus they will definitely detach themselves of Jo for good. Now the question is, why don’t we still have any news of him? What is he doing?



Saranghae, Bingu Seunghyun ;)

안녕히 주무세요,

E> Joan AND 최승현 <3

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