Chapter 12

"Riley? You ok in there?" Donnie knocked on the door loud enough to wake up the entire lair. I gasped for air and started to cough out water from my lungs when I heard his voice. I quickly wiped the water from my eyes and responded.

"Y-yeah, Don! I'm fine." I yell out.

I really wasn't. After Leo explained everything to me, I had a panic attack and had to run away into my room for an hour to try and get myself to calm down. I wouldn't let anyone in, not even Mikey.

The turtles had seen me cry enough times, they didn't need to add another hysterical water works to their list. I always feel so guilty after I cry, as if I shouldn't because it makes me seem weak.

Bruce always has one rule and that was not to cry in front of him. At first, it was hard to contain my tears and sadness but after a while, I just stopped feeling. It was like everything around me got numb. There wasn't anymore pain, but I felt more dead inside than ever.

"I am not okay." I whispered under my breath as I stared blankly in front of me. I wasn't getting better, I'd like to think I am but I'm truly not.

But that's the thing, I want to get better. I want to be better for my friends. I want to be better for my parents even though they're not here. I want to be better for Mikey.

It's weird to think that I like a turtle. And a turtle that I've known for less than a month, in fact. But I can't explain it. He makes me feel like something that I've never been able to feel before. But I can't tell him that.

I can't ruin the friendship that we already have. Sure, he acts all flirty but that's just his personality, I guess.

So here I am, taking probably the longest bath in history, just sitting in the tub with warm water and staring at nothing as I think.

My eyes glance at the water that I'm in and I start to sink a little deeper every few seconds until every part of my body is surrounded by water. The only thing that is dry is my face as I close my eyes. Soon, I am completely under water and I can't breath, I won't let myself breath.

Maybe, if I stay like this for a little while longer than maybe I won't have to deal with any of this for a second longer. Maybe I won't have to go through all of the trouble that I think is going to happen. Maybe then Mikey can find someone else, someone who isn't me.


I want to like Mikey, I want to have a future with him. I want to continue living with the turtles, I want to have long conversations with Splinter.

I want to have Leo by my side as I meditate and help me when I make mistakes.

I want Raph to go out and buy me a bunch of junk food when I feel like it because I know that he's going to be there for me when I need him.

I want Donnie and I to talk and joke and teach me things that I feel like I'll never need in life because no one can do it better than him.

I want April to be my friend and prove to her that I am worthy and that hopefully, she'll be the sister I never had.

I want Mikey...

Because I love him.

I love Michelangelo.

I gasp for air as I come back up and choke out the water for my body. My eyes hurt and my lungs are burning but I don't care, I don't care because Mikey is the only person who's important to me now.

I love Mikey.

The only other two people that I've said I've loved where my parents and they meant the world to me. And now so does Mikey.

I quickly hop out of the shower and dry myself off with the fluffy towel at my side. I brush my hair out and put it in a braid. I change into my pjs as fast as I could and walked out of the bathroom.

My head was starting to hurt immensely, I need to to sleep it off. I couldn't tell Mikey that I loved him, not yet at least. I walked into my room and turn off all of the lights as I cover myself under the warm blankets to heat myself back up. The sewers were getting colder now that it was getting closer to winter.

"Ok, ok. Just fall asleep, Riley. You can do it. In 1, 2, 3, SLEEP! Crap this isn't working. Ok, fine, you want to be like this. I can play your silly games, I'll just stare at the clock, no biggie."

My eyes widened bigger and bigger every second that passed. I think I'm crying, ok, ow.

I groaned as I threw my face into my pillow. I turned awkwardly from side to side hoping to find a position to would feel comfortable to me but nothing worked. Why did I have to have a realization right before I go to sleep?

"Fuck it." I mumbled under my breath as I threw my covers off and walked out of my room. Maybe some TV could help me fall asleep faster, but apart of me knew that wasn't going to the living room to watch TV.

A part of me knew that if I didn't fall asleep, I would walk out of my room and stand in front of Mikey's door. Which is exactly where I found myself.

I sucked a breath in and let it go quietly. Here goes nothing. I turned the nob and opened the door, not bothering to knock since I already knew he was asleep.

Mikey's room was way more cleaner that Raph's. It was still a mess but then again, no one can be that perfect. The walls were painted tangerine with posters covering every wall of it. There were colored pencils and paint brushes scattered across the floor, I never would have pegged him as an artistic kind of guy before.

Mikey was sound asleep in his bed, the only thing that was poking out was his head. His mask laid on his night stand and exposed his face with cute freckles.

"Um, Mikey?" I whispered as I poked his cheek gently to try and get him to wake up.

"Hm?...Riley?" He said after a few seconds and opened one of his brightly colored baby blue eyes. His face was groggy but made me want to smile.

"What's the matter? Did something happen?"

"No, no, um, I just couldn't fall asleep. And I was just wondering-"

"Get in here." he said as he chuckled and grabbed me. Mikey threw his blankets over me and hugged me tightly.

Both of our bodies were pressed together, his chin laying on top on my head and my face in his chest. It was warm. My cheeks turned bright red as he cuddled closer to me and our bodies touched.

Maybe I could survive if I had Mikey by my side every night.

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