Glimmer of Hope
I now feared that my time is rapidly running out. I was finally with pup, my abdomen is slowly beginning to swell and that has been my whole purpose. What will he do with me now? Once I give birth, which is if my unborn pup lasts that long, what will I do? He would take it and I was afraid that he would put an end to me.
I was defiantly a worthless excuse for a female. A disgrace to the Yautja race. I was not much to look at. I was completely naked. My thin, bony body was constantly shivering. I was covered in bruises, pussy gashes and red scabs. Even my vision was failing. Every minute of the day I strained both my eyes to provide my normal infrared vision.
So there I sat on my mate’s bed, weak, sore, shaking and drained. I desperately wanted this nightmare to end, oh how I wished for it to end.
My mate had gone; he just left but had not instructed the guards to take me away.
I was glad of that. I did not want him to come near me. He had done all but kill me and that was now my worry.
I continued to sit and listen to the distant noises coming from the outside of the chamber in which I sat. It was all too much of a nightmare. To fear being killed by my own mate, my unborn pup's father.
I was also glad that my male had left me to think. My thoughts and precious memories of my kin and my little unborn pup were the only things keeping me going. I closed my tired eyes and lay down on the bed. I could not tell if I lay down or merely collapsed onto the firm bed.
But despite the sudden joy of being alone, memories and carrying my first pup, I knew that the damage had already been done. If he did not finish me then I would almost certainly die of malnutrition, exhaustion and dehydration.
My wrist was also broken; he had crushed it with his muscular arms during his forceful mating.
I exhaled deeply and reopened my eyes but my vision was going again. My strength was fading. As soon as I closed my weary eyes to rest I heard a noise, almost like an explosive. The sound had startled me. Despite the pain in my body I jumped up and looked around.
I could see nothing, there was no one there. Not a single Yautja. I continued to be cautious about the strange and apparently frightening sound until I heard another. This time I fell back and covered my head in the best form of protection I could think of as the entire chamber filled up with dust and smoke.
It drifted around the room and I nearly choked to death. It was uncomfortable and also irritating. I needed to choke or cough but my throat felt so raw and tight due to that vicious male who called me his ‘mate’.
I held my breath as the dusty air finally settled. But before I could feel the much needed fresh air I could hear my mate and the rest of his clan. They were furious. I knew from the sounds that I could hear that they were obviously in a fight! In combat with a different group of Yautja warriors!
Their voices were unfamiliar and slightly more determined. I could hear my mate, he bellowed at the top of his voice but I could not see him.
I hoped that he would fall, that he would meet his end. And when that happened then and only then would my pup and I would be safe at last.
I clung to the bed and kept hold of my breath, as much as it pained me. I kept my eyes shut as everlasting fear welled up inside my broken body.
I felt as though the fight would go on for eternity but at the very last moment before I gave up all hope of being free I heard a noise that nearly caused me to shed tears of joy. It was the painful and anguished roar of my mate. I knew that it would be over soon, I simply felt it. Then came another piercing growl of my mate, I knew that it was his last. After a few short moments I knew it was done. He was gone... gone for good!
After I knew it to be true I felt so much emotional pain lift from me. I was free from him and so was my pup. I would make sure the pup would never know its father and that it would never be anything like him.
I waited for a few more moments before slumping onto the bed. The relief and the joy had made me feel as though I really was worth something, unlike what he told me. I would never think of his words again, they were lies and nothing but!
I laid my hands on my swollen abdomen but did not feel anything. I hoped that my dear pup was alright. Nothing mattered to me except the health and life of my young one.
I knew that the leader of the clan was dead and since there were no familiar sounds from the other hunters I assumed that they were possibly wiped out too. But the one thing I nearly forgot about was that other clan, who I could still hear outside the chamber.
I knew that they would be coming in soon but I somehow felt no fear. I felt as though I feared nothing now even though I knew there was much to fear.
I waited with my eyes closed, knowing that they were drawing closer until the feeling of ‘no fear’ left me. I could not understand why I was so fearless all of a sudden and within a few short minutes I was frightened again? I did not understand and could not think about it. I did not want to think about fear! I simply tried to relax as the voices of two male Yautja came closer to the room until finally at last I saw him.
He was tall, muscular and healthy looking. His head was large and rimmed with bristle- like spikes. His armour symbolised an upper class Yautja and his giant mandibles and teeth were beyond compare.
He looked at me from head to toe. He looked shocked and stunned. I did not expect him to act otherwise. I was a naked, skinny, pregnant female who had been badly beaten.
He entered the room and looked at me even more. I turned my eyes away from his enormous body. I was nothing special to look at and I was surprised that he did not just laugh at me.
After I looked away from gaze I heard him growl lowly. It still did not make me look around. I did not need his sympathy, nor did I feel I deserved it.
I could still see him in the corner of my eye even though I was not looking directly at him. After a few moments he turned his head and called out “Scar? you may want to come and have a look at this.”
His voice was deep and powerful as it echoed throughout the dwelling. As I listened to his strong voice I knew that there was clearly another with him, another who would obviously find me to be a shocking sight.
It did not take long for the other male to come into the room. When he arrived he immediately stopped in complete and utter shock. He put a clawed hand over his mandibles before muttering “Wolf…is that a female?”
He could not believe what he was staring at and I felt ashamed to be in such a state in the presence of two males.
They both looked strong and healthy although the one called ‘Scar’ was somewhat taller and seemed stronger than the one who had seen me first.
The male known as ‘Wolf’ came closer to me as he stretched out his hand to feel my bare shoulder. “Use your eyes Scar, of course it’s a female.”
I flinched as I gazed at his muscle. I did not want him to hurt my pup so I quickly covered my abdomen where my little pup was growing.
As much as I flinched I still did not want to offend him. He did not look as though he was going to hurt me. I sat still as I let him stroke my shoulder. He was so tender. If I could I would have purred.
As he continued to pet and stroke me I slowly began to loosen up and before I could think or move he scooped me gently into his arms.
I lay limply in his arms as he walked towards his companion. “We need to get her to my father. She is carrying a pup and it will die if she does not regain her health.”
I felt my thoughts drift as he spoke to Scar. I closed my eyes and rolled my head weakly into his chest as he carried me out of the chamber followed by the other. It was the first time I had ever felt safe with males in such a long time.
I knew that they would not harm me, and with that thought I closed my eyes as they carried me to their Elder.
When they brought me to their elder they saw a look of horror on his face. “What is this?” He asked, barely noticing me to be a female.
“It’s a female, father. We found her in the chamber of possibly her mate.” Wolf answered, sounding worried for me.
“I see. And what is her condition, Wolf?” The old male asked whilst attempting to get a better look at my weak and beat body. He attempted to raise my head up but remembering what my mate had once done to me I refused to cooperate with him.
Frightened still for my life and my pups I buried my head into Wolf’s arm. It was the only form of protection I could think of. The Elder retracted his hand, not wanting to scare me further.
Wolf looked down at her and stroked my head. He knew that I was frightened and possibly confused.
He faced his father and eventually responded. “Her condition is certainly not stable. She needs rest and her pup which she is weakly carrying needs all the nourishment it can get.”
The Elder nodded and signalled the young Yautja who were guarding the entrance to her mate’s dwelling to come to him. They were covered in luminous green blood but it was not from their own wounds. They had shed the blood of a rival clan without mortally wounding themselves. It was simple proof of how agile and well trained they were.
The two large Yautja that were guarding the entrance bowed their respects to the elder as they approached but I felt the familiar feeling of fear as they began to stride towards Wolf. I held onto Wolf even tighter and at least tried to make a sound but as I attempted to do so it felt as though someone was cutting open my throat and then soldering it closed again while I was awake. Despite my bony wrist being broken I still forced myself to grasp my aching throat with it. I ignored the pain. I was used to agonizing feelings.
I actually began to think that living a content and comfortable life would be more painful than what I had to go through for the past five years.
Even though I was frightened they still approached me with great stealth as they tried to lift me out of Wolf’s arms. I could not make a sound but I could at least try to push them away. They went to take hold of my arm but I swung weakly at them making one of them frown with concern. “She is too frightened, Elder Tarik.”
Yes, I knew I was frightened and I knew that they only wanted what was best for me but then it was a different story. I was mentally scarred. My physical wounds would possibly heal in time but the trauma from my ordeal I was not quite so sure about.
I kept hold of Wolf until I saw blood begin to stream down his arm. I looked at his arm and found that my clawed fingers had dug into him so hard I actually made him bleed. Horrified, I looked into his eyes.
‘This is it’ I thought ‘he’ll kill me for that’. I continued to stare, my gaze never left his. I watched until he lifted his hand. I shut my eyes and flinched, wanting to cry. But as I waited for him to finally put an end to me I found that his hand slowly lay on my slightly swollen abdomen.
He massaged and stroked it gently and I could not understand it. I had wounded him and he did not make me suffer as punishment for such dishonour to a hunter such as himself?
As my eyes left him he put a finger under my chin so I could once again look into his eyes. I waited for what he had to say but most of all I waited for what he was going to do to me. But once again he did nothing. No beatings, to punishments, no pain.
I finally let out a wary sigh as he whispered “you do not have to be afraid anymore.”
I did not hear all of what he said, I felt my eyes closing and my body grow weaker. The last thing I felt before I lost consciousness was his hand tenderly massaging the nape of my neck.
As I slept I felt as though all the pain from the world that I knew suddenly went away. I stirred weakly every now and then but that was all.
My dreamless sleep shielded me from worries and pain. I could not stop thinking about Wolf. He was a young male and still so handsome. I am and always will be grateful to him for bringing me out of that place. It was something in my life I hoped never to endure again.
I could feel the hot air of the terrain blowing against my arms and legs as Wolf continued to carry me to their destination which was another thing in my interest. Where were they bringing me? I was beginning to realise now that there was no horror awaiting me. Not anymore.
It was a comfortable feeling to think about, that a male who I have never met before in my life was taking such great care of me and I had asked nothing of him, how could I?
It was indeed a feeling that wanted to purr about. He did not care that I was carrying the offspring of a bad- blood. He did not care that I was from another clan. All he seemed to care about was finding me help and also for my little one.
I personally did not want sympathy. I felt I did not deserve it. I was a female Yautja and my gender is naturally larger than the males but me, no, the males tower above me. And the answer to that is simple. I have been a small size ever since birth; I came early, months before I was originally due and for the age of 21 cycles I looked as though I was merely 16 cycles.
It was in a way hard to cope with but I soon learned to deal with it.
Anytime I felt as though I was not good enough or I was a disgrace to my native species I always tried to remember what my mother had always told me;
‘Do not ever doubt for one second that you are not worth anything. If you doubt yourself then the only one you are bringing dishonour and misery to is yourself.’
I tried my best to keep that within my mind and after all those years I finally understood why I was so miserable. I was letting him make me feel the way I did.
But despite the thoughts of ‘it will not happen again’ or ‘I will recover,’ I will be alright’ I still disbelieved them and continued to doubt myself. Sometimes I even thought I had failed my mother. Though that her teachings were for nothing.
By the time I awoke I found that the world around me had changed. It was not a baron, featureless desert of a planet with scorching hot winds, no, instead it was rather spectacular. It was the inside of a ship and it actually took me a few moments to figure out that it was a ship.
The colour and texture was a mixture of silver, gold and black. There was also a hint of red inscriptions riddling the walls and corridors of the ship in every direction.
It was amazing. I looked at the world around me in complete awe. My eyes still did not lose interest even when Wolf, whose arms I was still in began to carry me down one of the dimly lit corridors. This one was like the rest, lit up with their native language but it was also decorated with wall designs of the Yautja.
It showed them on hunts, at blooding rituals and even in courtship with one another. It was an amazing sight but the carving of courtship just simply brought back memories that I would rather forget.
Wolf did not mind as I nestled into his arms as he continued to carry me in a tender bridal way. I still did not know where he was bringing me; all I knew was that it was going to be somewhere safe.
I leaned my head back against his arm and wished for nothing more but to purr in gratitude.
By the time I got used to the design and architecture of the ship found that we were finally outside a sealed door. Even the door was finally decorated. It was a fine and elegant silver with what appeared to be rare black gemstones making out the form of a Yautja slaughtering a fierce looking alien type of creature which I soon identified as a Kiande Amedha.
I had heard stories of the creature. It was told to me as a pup when I would not behave. My mother had told me that the queen of the Kiande Amedha would come for me if I did not do as I was told. I look back on it now and find that it is nothing to be afraid of when you are older but it still scared me nonetheless.
I continued to think of my mother and possibly would have discovered more memories long forgotten over the years if Wolf did not nudge my arm, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him and saw that there was still concern in his fierce eyes.
This time I did not stare into his gaze for long, I did not want to do anything to make him worry about me. Although the whole feeling of someone feeling pity for me was not the kind of feeling I experienced every day.
It almost made me feel as though I was loved.
Even though he felt an overwhelming compassion for me he still knew that I was going to be alright as long as I was looked after properly until I regained some strength that would allow me to regain some independence of my own.
He stroked my head gently and whispered “you will be safe in here.” I turned and looked to where he was bringing me as soon as I heard the door unlocking when he punched in a security code to the room.
As it unlocked, a slight hissing noise followed. I felt the cool, soothing air as he brought me into the room. It felt so good on my skin and at that moment I laid my head back and breathed in the clean, fresh, air of the room.
The entire spacing was large and tidy looking. There was a single window which provided a stunning view of the different planets and stars as the ship drifted past them.
In the middle of the room were a number of things. There were weapons, skulls collected as trophies, there were inscriptions around the walls and they also surrounded the equipment and skulls. But the thing that caught my interest the most was the different variety of masks and armour that was once worn by hunters and huntresses.
The facial masks were cleaned and polished until any gleam of light reflected off them. Some of them bore the mark of honour whilst others had inscriptions carved or chiselled into their crown.
It was a most impressive display but all it was merely the rewards for years of training and skill. It was the art of the hunt.
I continued to stare at the gleaming objects as Wolf soon noticed. He had looked down on me a couple of times and each time he did he saw that I was too intrigued by his clans work.
I had the feeling this made him somewhat proud that I was admiring his ships design and treasures.
I looked back at him as he nodded gently in the direction of a large bed. It was bigger than my mates and certainly, without a doubt bigger than what I had. A ragged, torn, thin piece of cloth on the dusty floor would be outcompeted anytime.
I did not resist as he went to lay me on the bed. I thought that he was finding it difficult, I was weak and limp. I could do very little to get onto the bed myself but he did not seemed bothered, he was glad to help me.
Once my back and head had sunk into the pillows he soon lifted my thin legs onto the bed also. Once he saw that that I was comfortable, he carefully puffed the pillow before my head once again sank into it. As I relaxed on the bed I noticed that this was the first time I had ever lay comfortably on a bed before, let alone laying on it at all.
For years I had never lay on a bed before, I had only done so when either forced to or instructed to do so.
I breathed out slowly as he stroked my head. As usual he was tender and gentle despite his shear strength and size.
He continued to stroke me but even though I could barely speak I still made sure that he knew I was saying thank you. I used half of my strength just to reach out to him. I closed my eyes and once I felt his touch I began to stroke the bicep of his muscular arm and in return he purred.
I loved the fact that he had shown so much care for me and I only hoped that I could repay the favour one day.
He continued to sit with me until I once again felt my eyes grow heavy. I strained deeply to keep them open but it was he who gently closed them for me.
“Do not fight against what your body needs.” He whispered as he carefully pulled the blankets over my body. As they draped over me I caught the scent of them. They smelt fresh and they felt soft and crisp as it seemed to mould itself over my tired body.
He smiled at me as I yawned and nodded my head in appreciation. He smiled again as he bent down to turn off the side light that lit up the bed in a luminous colour of blue.
When he straightened up again he quietly got up after petting my shoulder. As soon as he got to the doorway of the room he turned around slightly “is there anything you require?”
I did not know if Wolf knew that I could not talk or not but as much as I would have loved to have answered or even spoke to him I could not answer, It was too painful to talk or to even make a noise. Instead I simply shook my head.
He nodded slightly in some understanding as he whispered again “I will bring you some water anyway, sleep well.” And with that he turned off the dim light to my room and closed the door, leaving me alone to have some much needed rest. It did not take long; I quietly lay in the bed peering out another window that was right beside my bed.
I watched as planets seemed to drift by along with the diamond like stars that were seen from a distance and at the odd glimpse there was a shooting star darting by.
Once my unfocused eyes became accustomed to the dark I could almost hear the rhythm of my heartbeat. My hand was weak but I still tried to stroke my abdomen carefully as I felt my pup move. Whether it was a strong little male or a fair little female I was sure that it was going to be beautiful.
As I became lost in thoughts of my pup I wondered what I would do about its father. It would want to know and it would kill me to refuse my pup knowledge of him. But how could I? He was a brutal and abusive monster! How could I possibly tell my own offspring that its father was a vicious killer Yautja.
I could see my world become even blacker. The stars seemed to become dull and the planets also seemed to change. Their light was fading just like the stars as they began to slow down as they continued to drift past their ship.
Moments passed and I felt my entire body grow heavier even as I lay there. I was becoming wearier as the thoughts for my pup continued.
It only took me to relax and that was it. All my worries ceased to exist as I entered the realm of sleep.