“Mom, You're not listening!” I shouted throwing my arms in the air. Anger and anxiety flew through my body like wind flowing through leaves. Panic rushed through me. “I hate that school! It's absolutely horrible!” I didn't want to go to school because I didn't study at all. I didn't do anything. I have to much anxiety and I just can't go.
“Emily, I can't do this with you right now. I have work today and I can't leave you home alone. You can't just skip school.” She kept calm, but that only made me more aggravated. My emotions were becoming uncontrollable. I felt like I was going to cry, but I used all my willpower to calm down.
“Okay, fine. Whatever.” I quickly turned away to get my bag and secretly stuff my laptop in. A tear rolled down my face and I practically ran out of the house. I had only one thing left to do.
I walked quickly as my shoes clanked loudly against the pavements. My breath was uneven and tears unwillingly rolled down my face. My face was red from stress. Finally I reached Hiro's bakery house where I was just in time to talk to him.
“Hey Emily, sorry I can't-” he had cut himself when he saw my panicked expression. “Hey what's wrong?” His face softened as he came up and pat me on the back. He was so warm and comforting, but that didn't stop me from crying.
“I don't want to go to school! Really just can't...go to school.” I grabbed the sleeves of his shirt and sobbed into his chest. He put his arm fully around me for comfort and kept patting me on the back. “Do you know anywhere I can go? Please...” I begged through quivering sobs.
“I don't think that's a good idea...” He looked down and I saw his cheeks reddened.
“Please? I have my laptop in my backpack so I'm just going to be looking for schools online. I just can't go today. It's Friday so who even cares?” I looked at him in a need of plea. He gave a loud sigh and let go of me.
“Well, I guess you can hang out at my school since-” I cut him off with a loud shout of joy and hugged him tightly. We ended up hugging for a few seconds as I calmly told him how grateful I was. “Okay, but we have to go now. We're going to be late, or I'm going to be late...” He said more to himself than to me.
We arrived to a huge school made out of glass? I tightly gripped my bag that was on my back and slowly followed Hiro through the crowded hallways. He suddenly stopped at two door that were as high as the ceiling. Hiro held the door open for me as I examined the whole place. My mouth fell open in awe of the people around me. People were making things and flying and planning and...was basically having the time of their lives. Something inside me felt so empty watching this. It made me want to be as smart as them...
“Emily I would like you to meet my friends. Friends, I would like you to meet...uh...Emily.” His face grew a soft shade of pink as everyone looked over at me. They all looked at each other and then smiled. Hiro then motioned over to the girl with long blonde hair and pink glasses, “That's Honey Lemon.”
“Hi! Nice to meet you Emily!” She quickly came over and shook my hand tightly then looked over to Hiro and winked. He gave a loud sigh and face palmed.
“And that's GoGo,” He said now motioning towards the girl with a pixie cut and a purple streak in her hair blowing bubblegum. She seemed to have been working on some kind of advanced motorbike not even putting in the effort to shake my hand.
“Sup,” she greeted effortlessly.
“That's Wassabi,” he pointed to a dark skinned guy that looked a lot older than most of the team here. He had some kind of afro and was working on something that looked to hard for me to even understand.
“Hey, I heard a lot about you.” He told me. My face turned red as I looked at Hiro. He was giving signs telling him to stop and he looked so red he might as well have been a tomato!
“That's...Fred,” next was a male in a costume and he looked as if he wouldn't even go to this school. He might be my favorite in the group so far. He seemed laid back, lazy, and he had shaggy light orange hair.
“Hey how are you doing? Shouldn't you be in school?” Fred asked raising an eyebrow. He was lounging on the couch reading a comic book.
“You should be talking.” I replied with a smirk. Fred gave me a smile of approval. He seems like the type of guy always there for fun and games. Never to serious.
“Ooh feisty one. You got a keeper there, Hiro.” Fred called and the words barely came out of his mouth when Hiro went by and kicked him off the couch and made him get to work. Which apparently was being the school mascot. Hiro put a table in front of the couch for me. I guess the table was for me to put my laptop on.
“You can sit here and stuff. I'll be in that room over there if you need me.” Hiro said pointing at a room in the far corner. I gave him a nod and smiled, and watched him walk to the room he was pointing at. I couldn't help but smile the whole time getting my laptop out of backpack and setting up. I also couldn't help taking glances over at Hiro working and being smart in his office.
“Hiro is just so cute over there, isn't he?” Honey Lemon said leaning against the couch I was sitting on.
“What?” I asked in surprise. I didn't really know what she was talking about. Did she like Hiro or...?
“Oh come on, you like him don't you?” Her lips shaped into a mysterious grin; almost malicious. My face heated up as I thought about, and when I did my heart jumped a little to fast in my chest.
“Uh, no way! I would never! He's just my friend...my best friend...” I trailed off and looked up. I tried to look calm but my face wouldn't go back to it's normal coloring.
“Hm, okay.” She said walking away slowly. My face was a terrible mess and I knew myself that I was in denial. I can't let anything get to far.
I kept searching and searching for schools. I even went to look at schools I could just transfer too. Nothing looked like anything my mother would approve of. Or at least think was any better. I was in such distress. I couldn't last another second in that miserable school, and I definitely wasn't smart enough for this school.
“Hey everyone takes a break at this time for a few minutes. You wanna come?” I snapped my head up to see a very at ease Hiro standing across from me.
“Nah, I'll be here looking for schools...” I replied looking back down at my screen. I had to find a school today. I just had too. What am I going to tell my mom when I get home? 'Hey mom, sorry for disobeying you. I was really stressed out so I went somewhere else for seven hours and no one knows where!' but if I do tell my mom the truth she'll never let me see Hiro again. Would that be for the best?
“Okay, we'll be back in a little bit.” Hiro headed out the door and it had only been of few seconds of being alone that I went full panic mode. Once I went through all the schools in the area I was so stressed out I didn't know what to do. My heart was beating so fast and suddenly I couldn't breath. I cradled my head in my hands and hyperventilated. Tears started to leak out of my eyes and all I wished for was someone to help me. Tell me how to calm down. That's when he came back in to get something he forgot.
“Emily, what happened? What's wrong?” Hiro slightly shouted in shock coming towards me. I wasn't really thinking straight though, so I couldn't answer. All I knew is I couldn't breath. I started to cough in between heavy breaths. Suddenly I hear shifting in the distance.
“Hello, I am Baymax. Your personal health care assistant. I will scan you now.” I wasn't looking. My eyes were closed so tightly it hurt and I hugged my legs close to my chest. “Scanning complete. There is nothing physically wrong with you, but there is a chemical imbalance in the brain which can cause depression and anxiety. In this case it is causing high heart rate and hyperventilation. Here is some breathing tips to calm you down...”
At that point no one was listening. I could still hear Baymax telling me to breath in and then to breath out slowly. Hiro sat next to me and patted my back. I still couldn't breath and I was freaking out. I just didn't know what to do.
“Calm down...It'll be alright...” He said trying to reassure me. I was squirming and couldn't calm down. Hiro then put both arms around me to calm me down.
“There's...nothing I can do....I'll never be happy.” I coughed in between breaths, but Hiro just held me close and pet my hair shushing me slightly. I cried and started to breath normally. I didn't even notice that Baymax had stopped talking. Soon I was fully calm and was getting cradled by Hiro. He was still petting me and shushing like I was a wild animal. I wrapped my arms around his slim body and rest my head across his chest. The way he breathed, the pattern his heart would beat, and his the warmth was the most comforting thing ever. I could hear every breath he took and after awhile he stopped shushing me. He gave me a squeeze as if giving me a hug and I could feel something warm in my chest. I was suddenly feeling really relaxed. My breath slowly had turned from soft breathing to slight snores. I had fallen asleep.
I woke up stretched across the couch with a pillow under my head and a blanket over my body. Had it all been a dream? Suddenly I thought again, I had fallen asleep on Hiro. I had fallen asleep on my best friend. My best friend had put me to sleep! I fell asleep on top of him!
“Aw she's awake!” Honey screeched. My face had turned a bright shade of red. I was almost positive they saw what happened. “Have a nice nap?” She winked.
“Uh...” I didn't know what to say. Surely Hiro must be upset with what happened. How could I have fallen asleep?
“You guys looked so cute together! I knew you liked him!” I quickly stood up and went over to Hiro's work place where he worked on smart stuff.
“Hiro, I am SO sorry. I shouldn't have done that.” I apologized turning red. He cannot see the feelings I am growing for him. He'll hate me. Just like everyone else. He'll hate me like all the other guys did when I did something stupid like that. They were never empathetic. I probably just ruined my favorite friendship.
“Why are you sorry? What did you do?” He turned around to see me. I stood there awkwardly fidgeting with my hands and looking to the ground. My face was red from embarrassment. Surely he's not going to make me say, is he?
“You know...for...falling asleep and stuff...” I looked another direction to keep away from eye contact.
“It's not your fault. I'm glad I got you to calm down at all. I was so worried. Try not to scare me like that again, huh?” He gave me a relieved smile and I laughed. My face still wouldn't go back to normal coloring.
“Can I...uh...have another hug?” I asked looking directly at the floor as if having a conversation with it. He gave a wide smile and got up wrapping his skinny arms around my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around his waist and inhaled a deep breath of his scent. His warmth made me sleepy again, and all I wanted was to curl up to him and fall back asleep.
After a little while I packed my laptop into my back, and Hiro waited at the door to go home. We walked in silence for most of the walk, and the whole time I was just wondering what I was going to say to my mom. What was I going to say?
“I'm going to be in so much trouble when I get home.” I gave a soft sigh and frowned to the ground. We were at least half way to my house.
“I told you it was a bad idea. Do I need to say 'I told you so'?” He joked and I giggled and shoved him lightly. He gave a warm laugh that calmed my insides a little.
“Hey, you totally wanted me at your weird nerd lab...nerd.” I spat back sticking my tongue out at him.
“You better be careful with that tongue, missy.” He warned pointing a finger at me with a serious look.
“Oh yeah? What you gonna do about it?” I urged looking up at him. He gave a devilish smile.
“I don't think you want to find out.”
“Oh, but I do.” I replied. Suddenly he took my arms and brought me so close to him our noses were almost touching. I looked deep into his eyes and could feel his warm breath on my face. For a second I was almost sure we were going to kiss when he finally said something.
“I'll chop it off!” He let go of me and at first I was stunned. I had finally realized my heart was beating 100 miles per hour. I decided to laugh, but my face was so red from the experience. I was so sure we were going to kiss. We reached his house when I finally had to say goodbye. I had watched him walk to his door, and he turned around to give me a smile. I turned around and was about to face my biggest fear, but he came back.
“Oh I almost forgot! Here's my number just in case you feel upset or you just want to talk...” He gave me a slip of paper with some digits on it. His face was slightly pink, but quickly turned around and went inside. Now it's time to face my demons.
I came home to find my mom sitting in the kitchen at the table. If she wasn't my mother I would have thought she was some lawyer from how she looked. She was so professional.
“Where have you been all day?” My mom asked me in almost a furious tone. I froze for an instant. Not sure what to say or how to react.
“What are you talking about? I was at school.” I lied trying my best to look genuine. She didn't seem to believe me.
“The school called asking me where you were.” Her voice came out low and serious. I tried not to fidget and look obvious, but I wasn't doing a good job. I looked away towards a wall.
“Well, they must have made a mistake...” Mother sighed and put her hand on the table.
“Are we going to have to do this everyday? Am going to have to drive you to school?” I suddenly went in full rage, as if someone was framing me for murder and taking away my freedom. That's how I felt. Completely violated and unheard. Why didn't anybody understand?
“What? No!” I threw my hands up in defense. “I just don't want to go to school, okay?” I yelled starting to cry.
“You can't just skip school!” She yelled back. “I had no idea where you were all day! What if you were in danger?” I knew she cared about me and wants the best for me, but I am so unhappy where I am and what's going on. I might as well never have moved. I feel so trapped.
There was a long silence and sounds of me sobbing. Mother sighed deeply and finally said, “Okay, we'll look for other options for you, but until then you have to go to school.” I stared at her in disbelief, but have stopped crying. I sniffled and rubbed my sobbing eyes, “Okay?” She repeated. I gave her a big smile while running up and giving her a warm embrace. Something inside me just clicked. As if the whole weight of the world fell of my shoulders. Tears of joy ran down my face.
The good thing about today was that it was Friday so there was no school tomorrow. I was almost sure that I was helplessly in love with my new best friend, and I don't have to panic so much anymore. Maybe I was going to be okay after all. I mean, all I've ever wanted in life was to be saved, and it seemed as if someone had finally answered my prayers.
The weekend pressed on slowly. Time was stressful as I put all my efforts on school. I was trying so hard not to think of Hiro or taking a break or even checking my email. The better I did in this school, the better school I will get into. I'm sure schools looks on grades, and what class you're suited for. I just don't want to be put in the same situation I am in now or the situation I used to be in. Although I have put Hiro's number in my phone, and may have called him like seven times a day, I'm trying really hard to concentrate.
Soon the week started back up, and I had to go back to school. I'm not going to lie, having the knowledge and anticipation of transferring schools makes it harder to go to the school you hate. I'm taking longer getting out of bed, doing work, and studying at night. My mom said she found some options for me, but those schools were farther away and she said we might have to move to go there. Personally, it made me sick to my stomach. Maybe that's because I don't want to live far away from my only friend. What can I say? You wouldn't want to leave someone you loved either.
After two days I was emotionally tired. I haven't really had people interaction since Friday, and I've been working so hard. I just wish all the work will benefit me in the future. Today was Wednesday and I really wanted to procrastinate. I had my study guide laid out on my computer desk, and I was ready to work, but I decided to lay down on my bed instead.
I look up at my ceiling and I just know that at this point I want to do nothing. Nothing at all. I lay completely flat and close my eyes. If I really thought about it, I could feel pain. Emotional, bottled up pain. The way it can just creep up on you like that is the scariest part. The thing is, you got to learn to sit with it, but sometimes I can't do that. It's so hard, and I don't want to tell anyone about it. I'm just stuck here thinking, and wishing someone would just distract me.
My phone buzzes and lights up at my desk where my study guide is. I should really study first, I thought deciding whether to see who it is or to get back to work. But one text won't hurt... I get up off my bed and lift up my phone, and it's exactly who I expected it to be, Hiro Hamada.
HIRO: Wanna hang out?
I tensed. Of course I want to say yes. I am literally dying to see him. I am dying to hug his slim little body, but I know I have to study. I have tests, and I have to be prepared. With all my might I had tell him the truth.
ME: Sorry. Have to study.
My heart sank deep into my chest. I let out a long sigh, and sit in my chair to face my worksheet. That's when my phone buzzed again.
HIRO: Why don't you just come over here to study? I'll help you.
ME: Ok great idea!!!!
I couldn't help it. I practically jumped out of my shoes I was so excited. I haven't seen Hiro since Friday, and if I wait any longer my heart will die out. I quickly stuffed my things back into my bag, grabbed my phone, and yelled to my mother where I was going before heading out the door.
I had practically bulldozed down the door helping myself in. Hiro was right there sitting in the bakery laughing at me, and I blushed laughing with him. Aunt Cass has told us she was making cookies and that they would be done in half an hour. My mouth was practically watering when finally we headed up stairs to his bedroom.
When he let me inside I dropped my bag, and flopped onto his bed. I don't understand why I like his bed so much. Maybe it's because it's comfy...or the fact he sleeps on it. I don't know. I have no idea at all.
“So what work is it? What do I have to test you on?” Hiro asked sitting on the edge of his bed since I took up most of the space.
“I don't wanna do work!” I groaned turning over to put my face flat on his pillow.
“Why not? It'll be fun. I'll even put Baymax in the mix.” He tempted turning me back over. I allowed him to do so making it so I was looking directly into those chocolatey eyes. The eyes I most desired.
“And why do you have to quiz me?” I asked dumbfounded getting my backpack to pullout the study guide.
“Because it's one, it's your test, and two, I'm the smarter one here.” He snickered having his arms to the said as if shrugging. I laughed and playfully punched him in the arm. “Ow!” he laughed holding is arm with his other hand. Suddenly there was shuffling in the distance.
“Hello, I am Baymax. I am your person health care assistant. Rate your physical pain on a scale of one through ten. One being no pain, and ten being unbearable pain.” On Baymax' body there was ten faces all showing different facial expressions for pain.
“See I told you I'd bring Baymax into the mix.” Hiro smirked motioning over to Baymax who just stood there oblivious to the situation. I giggled and looked down. I got out the study guide I needed to work on and handed it to him. He gladly took it out of my hands and read the study guide. “Hm, really? Okay lets get this done. Where is the Byzantine Empire?”
“Uh...I have no idea...next question?” I smiled widely and batted my eyes. He gave me a small smile and moved on.
“We'll come back to it then. How about...who conquered the Aztec Empire?” He looked at me and I paused. Who conquered the Aztec Empire? Hmm....
“Why are you picking all the hard questions?” I whined laying back down on the bed covering my face. I was hiding my face because I was slightly embarrassed and now slightly stressed. I absolutely hate not knowing answers to questions.
“I'm not. You just can't remember any of these.” He simply said putting the worksheet down.
“Oh really? Well how about for every question I get right.... I get to slap you in the face!” I bet pointing to him. I really hope I know the next question, I laughed to myself.
“Okay, deal!” We shook hands knowing the bet was on, and I gave a mischievous smile.
“Well, can you tell me who conquered Rome?” He gave me a look of doubt, but also a sense of fear. I gave a brilliant smile and then as calmly as I could, I answered.
“Julius Caesar.” My smile didn't fade an inch, but his face went from displeased to laughing.
“Please to smack me,” He demanded flinching and holding his hands over his face.
“Hey you cheater! You can't do that we had a deal!” I yelled pouncing at him. He jumped off the bed and ran. “Hey come back here!” I got off the bed and ran after him. As I was trying to catch him he was laughing. He was dodging all my hits and kicks, and was a little faster than I was. Suddenly as we were passing the bed and I tripped over the leg, and my reflects was to find something to stop me from falling. I attempted to lean on Hiro for support but ended up making him fall as well. After we hit the ground I rolled off of him and onto the floor next to him. He turned his head to the side and once we made eye contact we started laughing.
After a minute had gone by we had calmed down and ended up just staring at each other for what seemed like forever. I had finally broke the silence, “Why do you underestimate me?” I asked also taking my eyes off him.
“I don't underestimate you.” He argued lifting his body with his arm so he could tower over me. I completely turned around and put my hands under my head like a pillow.
“Yes you do. You thought I wouldn't get any of the questions right, and I wouldn't get to smack you.” He attempted to pull me back to face him, but I didn't budge.
“That's not true. It was just for fun, remember?” He was attempting to lean over my body so he could see my face.
“Then why are you refusing to let me smack you?” I asked rolling back over and smirking at him. He grimaced.
“Okay, go ahead, you can smack me.” He shut his eyes tightly and waiting to feel the hard sting to come. I stared at him for a second unsure if I should do it or not. A different urge drifted into my veins as I gently lifted my hand in the air. My hand slowly made it's way onto the smoothness of his cheek as I softly placed it there. His skin was so smooth and warm it gave me chills down my spine. He opened his eyes to the surprising act I had pulled. We stared deeply into each other's eyes. Something warm and new swirled around in my chest, and it was almost unbearable. Slowly we moved closer to each other and I could see Hiro closing his eyes. My heart seemed to race in my chest, and I was sure he could hear it. I had closed my eyes as well now and I could feel his warm breath on my face. Hiro started to place his hand on my back, and our lips were so close together they might as well have been.
“Hey, I brought you guys those cookies-” Aunt Cass had entered the room with a bunch freshly baked cookies on a plate. Hiro and I snapped away from each other so quickly we might not have been doing anything but talking and laughing. I wasn't sure if I was breathing. In fact I knew my face was so red I think it might turn blue. I looked over at Hiro and the same thing was happening to him. “I'll just place these on the table over here,” she said quickly placing the cookies down and running out. She was about halfway down the stairs when she yelled, “Keep the door open!”
I awkwardly laughed scratching the back of my neck. “Lets not let those cookies go to waist eh?” I walked over to the plate of cookies and took a bite of one. They were absolutely wonderful and delicious...and wonderful. But you know what was going to taste better?
“Yeah...uh yeah! Her cookies are the best...yep...” He got up and had one as well. I had hummed in agreement and we awkwardly stood there for a minute eating cookies.
“Um... I think I should go. It's getting late, and I have a test tomorrow and all that...” I rambled.
“Oh...uh...yeah sure. Um, I'll see you tomorrow...” His cheeks were still dusted with a pink glow. I packed my bag up and got ready to go. Before I left his bedroom I looked back and smiled. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't know what to say. I was kind of scared. Things were kind of getting intense now, and right now I didn't know what to say. I looked to the floor, then back at him, and then I left. I just left. When I was walking out I heard him mumble out a goodbye. His aunt Cass saw me and said her goodbyes and I waved. This was really awkward.
I didn't actually know how much this experience would make me hysterical until I was a few feet away from the bakery, and started jumping and screeching in joy. I wore a big smile on my face, and I could still feel my heart beat in my chest trying so desperately to jump out. All I could think was he likes me back, he likes me back, hE LIKES ME BACK! I wasn't even able to think properly. I was almost in tears and I honestly couldn't ever be happier. I wonder what his lips would have felt like if his aunt hadn't interjected.
I walk into my house, throw my bag to the ground, lean against the door, and sigh closing my eyes.
“Emily? Is that you?” Mother shouted from her room. I replied telling her it was me and she walked out into the living room and sat on the couch. “How was your study date?” I flushed and froze.
“Oh...good. It was good.” I said nodding uncomfortably and tried making my way to my room so she didn't ask anymore questions, but it didn't stop.
“What happened?” I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face her.
“You know...a whole lot of studying...that's all.” I replied. Technically I wasn't lying since we were really just studying...and staring at each other...and playing around...and almost kissing, but that is not the point!
“Oh? Anything else going on? What are you thinking?” When she asked my that my face immediately heated up. I quickly said nothing and my plan was now deny everything. I don't know why I don't want her to find out, but I just really can't have her find out. Maybe it's because that was going to be my first kiss, but we didn't kiss. The thought of not actually kissing was tearing me apart.
“Are you sure it's nothing? It looks like a really big something,” her eyebrow raised in curiosity. My stomach was getting queezy.
“Yeah. It's nothing. Got to go bye!” I exclaimed running into my room and shutting the door. I could hear my mom from the hallway chanting “Emily's got a boyfriend, Emily's got a boyfriend,” over and over again. I honestly couldn't help but laugh.
That night I couldn't get to sleep. I didn't even attempt to. My heart still raced so fast in my chest that even the thought of sleeping sounded ridiculous to me. All I knew is that I was going crazy. My heart was going insane, and my brain was becoming irrational. At least I'm not depressed anymore! I guess someone did distract me from my thoughts...