Chick Flicks 101
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy, but I do own Sophie :)
When the chosen two headed back downstairs with the books a while later, they found Willow in Tara's lap kissing her passionately, their research forgotten.
"Hey you two, save it for the honeymoon" Buffy shouted down at them. "We have to find a way to change Connor back before Spike drives Angel nuts with his laughing and one of them ends up in an ashtray."
"Okay, we got a little distracted" Willow admitted, moving back to her own seat. "But it's not like you can talk. Seriously, how long does it take to bring some books downstairs? Don't think that we didn't work out why you were up there for nearly two hours."
"Okay, I admit, we got a little distracted too" said Buffy, blushing slightly. At that moment, the group began t o hear crying coming from the lounge room. When the four headed in to investigate, they found Dawn and Sophie comforting a weeping Connor.
"Why did Jack have to die? Why?!" the She-destroyer sobbed.
"Uh, Pipsqueak, why's the she-male cryin'?" Faith asked Dawn.
Earlier that day, not long after Buffy and Faith had disappeared upstairs, Dawn had decided to use Connor's current predicament to her advantage, thinking that it could be a blessing in disguise. After all, maybe becoming a girl was the best way for him to learn how to understand one. But the female mind was a complex thing, so if she was going to teach Connor how to understand women, she'd have to ease him into it, and start with something simple.
"We're gonna watch a movie?" said Connor skeptically, while Sophie sat in the corner, drawing her own artist's impression of the Destroyer's female self. "That's your big plan to help me understand girls? We're gonna watch a movie?!"
"Not just any movie" said Dawn, as she placed the disc in the DVD player. "One of the greatest, most popular romantic movies of all time. And, It launched the film career of one of Hollywood's greatest heartthrobs. We're watching Titanic!" Connor slapped his/her forehead, groaning. He had heard of this movie, as well as hearing the story of the real Titanic from Spike and Angel, and had never had any desire to see it. But, as the movie began to play, Connor found himself enjoying it. His new female hormones allowed him to be caught up in the romance of Jack and Rose's relationship. Unfortunately, these same hormones also caused Jack's death to have a severe, slightly unhealthy emotional impact on the She-Destroyer.
"Jack can't die!" Connor cried, as he watched Leonardo DiCaprio's frozen form disappear into the icy water. "He and Rose were supposed to be together forever!" At this point, he/she burst into tears.
"Connor, calm down, it's just a movie" said Dawn, trying to calm her friend down.
"But the Titanic was real!"
"The boat, yes, the iceberg, yes, but Jack and Rose, and all the other people in the movie are just fictional characters."
"I don't care!" said Connor, continuing to sob. "That doesn't mean Jack has to die! Why did Jack have to die? Why!" Connor's head dropped into his hands as he kept crying loudly and hysterically, causing Sophie to come and help comfort him, and eventually drawing the attention of the other Scoobies...
"And that's when you guys came in" said Dawn, concluding her story. The four women listening remained silent for a few minutes.
"Well Dawn" Buffy said eventually. "This just demonstrates yet another situation in which you have been incredibly stupid."
"What do you mean?" Dawn asked, annoyed and a little confused by her sister's words.
"Well, Titanic is like the mother of all chick flicks" Buffy explained. "It's way too heavy for a first timer. You should have started with something light and funny, like Legally Blonde, to ease him into it."
"Oh" said Dawn.