Love Like Fools

Desperation

“Shit. Shit. ...shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.” Cosima touched her lips, still burning, still tingling, her body warm and fizzing. She was frozen, rooted to the spot, still feeling the pressure of Delphine's lips hard against hers. She sucked a shaky breath into her lungs. A blush crept onto her face, starting at her cheeks and spreading to cover her face, and neck, and ears. “Oh, god. Oh,fuck.” Her head was buzzing, thoughts whipping through her mind too fast for her to catch a single one, the sound of it loud in her ears. She'd long gone past the point of denying that she wanted it, but she'd resigned herself to yearning without being able to have it, and hoping that it would fade or someone else would come along and fix it. Never had she expected that. She hadn't meant—they just needed to talk about had what happened. The almost kiss. It needed to be said, to be acknowledged, to be discussed so that they could move on from it and go back to how things had been before, when they could look each other in the eye again. She found her way back to her room and sat heavily on her bed. “Shit.”

When her parents got back, Cosima hadn't moved except to fall back on her bed with a heavy sigh and stare up at the ceiling, her brain replaying the feel of Delphine's lips on hers on repeat. She listened to the soft murmur of their voices drifting through her open door. Cosima pushed up on her elbows to stand and close it, but was frozen by the sound of Marie calling her daughter's name. Cosima didn't know where Delphine was. Out on her date with Mark, she presumed. The thought left a bad taste in her mouth. Marie repeated her name. When the absent Delphine didn't reply, she followed it with,

“Cosima?” Shit.

“Y-Yeah?” Cosima called. The stairs creaked under Marie's weight, and a moment later she was standing in the doorway, curious.

“Where is Delphine?” she asked.

“She's, uh, out again. With Mark.”

“Oh, good,” Marie replied, smiling. “It is so good to see her making friends.” Cosima hummed in response, looking away.

“Yeah,” she said. “Great.” Marie turned to leave, then stopped and looked back.

“Are you well, Cosima?” she asked. “You look very... flushed.” Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I didn't just violently make out with your daughter or anything.

“Yeah, I'm cool,” she said. “Just a bit warm in here.” Marie nodded slowly.

“Your father and I were speaking tonight about how you and I should spend some time together, and him with Delphine. I thought perhaps tomorrow I could take you out after school? To the mall, maybe?” Cosima resisted the urge to balk, fixing a smile on her face.

“Yeah,” she said. “Sounds great.” No, she thought, the smile dropping the second her door shut. No, because all I can think about is your daughter kissing me and these are not good thoughts to have on a mother-daughter bonding trip. Shit.

Cosima was still awake after the adults had retired for the night, distracting herself with the internet, when the front door shut. Her ears perked at the sound, drawing her attention to it. She pushed her laptop off her legs and swung them out of bed, opening her door in time to catch Delphine coming up the stairs. She froze when she spotted Cosima, her eyes going wide. Her face was pale, like she'd been sick, and her hand trembled slightly against the stair railing.

“Delphine,” Cosima started, but the blonde darted past her and into her room, locking the door behind her. Cosima sighed, frustrated. She couldn't risk waking up their parents by banging on the door in hopes that Delphine would open it, especially when she probably wouldn't. She lingered in her own doorway, digging her nails into the wood. She could hear Delphine moving, then the gentle knock of her bed against the wall they shared. Cosima returned to her own, slinking under the covers with her laptop forgotten by her side.


She got up early to try and catch Delphine, but she woke up to an empty house. The walk to school gave her plenty of time to think, the exact opposite of what she wanted. She needed to get Delphine alone. No, not alone. Alone would be bad, but she needed to have the blonde's attention. There wasn't any sign of her in the halls, or at lunch, and her desk in science was empty. There was no opportunity to wait after and see if she showed up either, after a text informed her that Marie was waiting for her outside. Cosima held in a sigh. It wasn't that spending time with Marie was a bad thing, it was that Cosima couldn't look her step-mother in the eye without remembering that she'd kissed Delphine, and that felt like a violation of absolutely everything.

“How are you, Cosima?” Marie asked when she got in the car.

“Fine,” Cosima replied. “Thanks.” She fidgeted nervously in her seat.

“Would you like to get food?”

“Yeah, totally. I'm starving.”

Marie bought her a flurry from McDonald's without making her eat a regular meal first, and in doing so immediately endeared herself to Cosima. She happily licked at her spoon, listening to Marie talk about living in France. When the conversation turned to her ex-husband, she put down her dessert to focus her full attention.

“He was not ready to be a father,” Marie said, and smiled sadly. “Delphine hardly knows him. If you showed her a photograph, she would know his face, but she has not see him since she was a small girl.” She waved her hand dismissively. “But enough sad talk. Are you and Delphine getting along well?” Cosima bit down on her spoon.

“Yeah, totally.” I kissed your daughter.

“And she is settling in okay at school, yes? She must be, if she is going on dates.” Cosima bristled. I'm a better kisser than Mark.

“Yeah, she's cool. Gorgeous, French, you know how it is. She's not having any trouble making friends.” I did not just call your daughter gorgeous. Shit. Marie chuckled.

“She was very popular back home, as well,” she said.

“I don't doubt it,” Cosima replied, and picked up her ice cream again. Maybe she could freeze her thoughts if she ate it fast enough. Marie was silent for a few moments, until Cosima finished her treat and licked a melted drop off the edge of her lip.

“Cosima, I know I am not a replacement for your mother, and I am not trying to be, but thank you for giving me this chance.” Cosima's chest clenched hard.

“As long as Dad is happy,” she said, and plastered a smile on. “And he's happier than I've ever seen him, so...” Marie smiled, and squeezed her hand.

“Would you like to go shopping?” Cosima nodded, stuffing her trash into the empty flurry cup. I kissed your daughter.

We need to talk, she texted Delphine in the car on the way to the mall. The messaged registered as read, but no reply came. Delphine.

We need to talk.

Answer me.

Delphine seriously.

Will you just say something please? It was a productive shopping trip, at least, Delphine's silence and her own racing mind aside. Both her and Marie left with a bag, Marie's full of chocolate for Delphine and for herself, and Cosima's of new clothes. I kissed your daughter, she thought again, holding in a sigh. I kissed your daughter, and I liked it. How's that for family bonding, huh? Shit.


“You just missed Delphine,” John said when the two of them walked in the front door. “She went upstairs.”

“Cosima,” Marie said, handing her a box of chocolate. “Are you going up? Would you take this to her?” Cosima wordlessly accepted the box, carrying it and her clothes upstairs. She tossed her bag into her room, and took a deep breath before knocking on Delphine's door.

“Delphine.” No answer. “Delphine, I have candy from Marie for you.” There was shifting behind the door, then it cracked open. “Delphine, we need to ta-” But Delphine snatched the chocolate from her, and shut the door again before she could finish her sentence. “Delphine!” she repeated, annoyed when Delphine didn't reply again. Cosima huffed and retreated to her own room, only just managing to not slam the door.

Delphine was gone again the next morning, but there was no distraction to save her from Cosima when they were both at home at the end of the day. Cosima waited, ambushing Delphine before she could hide in her room. Her fingers wrapped tightly around the blonde's elbow, keeping her from walking past.

“Delphine,” she said sharply, drowning out Delphine's shout of protest. “We need to talk about what happened.” A panicked expression crossed Delphine's face. “We need to talk!”

“Nothing, Cosima!” Delphine yelled, and wrenched her arm free. “Nothing happened!” She slammed her door shut. Cosima pounded on it, calling Delphine's name, but she was ignored again.

Delphine cited a headache when dinner was called, staying locked up in her room while Cosima sulked through the meal, much to her father's concern.

“I'm just tired,” she finally said. It was only half a lie. She washed the dishes by hand, using the heat of the water and the pounding of it bouncing off the wink to distract herself. Part of her wanted to linger downstairs and read until she fell asleep on the sofa, but it meant socializing, so instead, Cosima took herself up to her room and plugged her headphones into her computer.

It was late before she put her book down to try to sleep. Her eyes were burning from reading too long, and her back was cramped from sitting in one spot for the past two hours, but she wasn't tired. It was only school the next day that drove her to seek solace beneath her blankets. In the dark, she stared at her clock, chewing absently on her lip. Finally, she sighed, and rolled into a more comfortable position, shutting her eyes. After a moment, she moved, then moved again, a spot that once felt nice swiftly turning the opposite.

She sighed again, frustrated, wound up, annoyed, and angry. Cosima was supposed to be the stubborn one, not Delphine. They needed to talk about what had happened. It wouldn't do either of them any good to just ignore it, especially when it was constantly on Cosima's mind, and she didn't doubt that it was on Delphine's, too. Cosima pulled her pillow of her head, muffling a groan. Through the fabric, she heard the creak of her door. She pushed her pillow harder against her face, body tensing.

“What do you want, Delphine?” she asked. “I'm trying to sleep.” Her bed dipped. She pulled her pillow away, turning her head to look over her shoulder, squinting in the dark. “What do you want?” she repeated. The mattress shifted again, her sheets rustling. Delphine's hand hit her shoulder, rolling her abruptly onto her back. Soft lips crushed against hers. Her body eagerly responded before her startled brain could catch up. Delphine's weight shifted, her leg swinging over Cosima's thigh and pressing against her. A moan caught in her throat, muffled by the pressure of Delphine's lips. Delphine's hands ghosted from her shoulders down her sides to her hips, pushing up under her shirt to dig into the warm skin beneath. Cosima gasped in breaths against her lips.

She could feel Delphine's warmth against her bare thigh. Her body was on fire, fuelled by how Delphine's fingers clutched at her, digging into her hips and her sides, pushing her shirt up to scrape against her ribs and the sides of her breasts. Cosima rocked up against her, clinging tightly to the blonde's hips. Her skin was hot to the touch. She tugged on Cosima's lip with her teeth, exhaling shakily against her jaw, her lips trailing down to Cosima's neck.

“On peut pas,” she hissed, nipping beneath Cosima's ear. “C'est pas correct.” God, I never want to hear English again, Cosima thought, turning her head to nip Delphine's ear in response. She pushed up to shift her weight, wanting to roll them over, wanting to push Delphine into her mattress, but the sudden gasp of air and short whine that followed stopped her. She tightened her hold on Delphine's hips and pushed down. Delphine rocked against her, hiding her face at the base of Cosima's neck. Her whimpers vibrated across Cosima's flesh. A sheen of sweat gathered on Cosima's forehead. Delphine's short exhales left a damp heat against her neck.

The smooth undulation of her hips morphed into frenzied, jerked thrusts. Cosima nudged at her head with her nose and lips until Delphine lifted hers enough for them to kiss again, the force of it pushing Cosima's head back into her pillows. Delphine's nails bit painfully into her ribs, her groans caught by Cosima's lips.

“On peu-” she started again, only to be cut off by her own sharp gasp, and a sharper moan she barely managed to bite down on in time to keep it from sounding too loudly. Cosima slipped her hands along her sides as she began to tremble, holding her still while she hid her face again and scraped her nails down Cosima's ribs. Delphine froze, her teeth sinking into Cosima's shoulder. Cosima winced at the pain, moving one hand from the blonde's waist to tangle it in her hair until her body slumped, shaking, on top of her own.

Pride unfurled in her chest, a grin forming, invisible in the darkness. She stroked her hand through Delphine's hair, rubbing the base of the other girl's skull with the side of her thumb, letting her leg fall. Delphine's body moved with her, her arms still caught beneath Cosima's shirt. Cosima greedily pulled air into her lungs. She hadn't even had to touch her, she thought, smile turning into a smirk. This gorgeous girl, and she hadn't even touched her. She was still shaking, too. It took a moment for Cosima to notice the wetness sinking into her skin.

“Fuck,” she whispered. “Fuck, Delphine. Delphine, it's okay.”

“Non, c’est pas okay, Cosima! Rien ne vas! ” Delphine cried into her shoulder. Cosima's brain whirred, trying to find the right thing to say. She pushed her fingers tighter into Delphine's hair and wrapped her other arm around the blonde's back.

“Ça va, Delphine,” she whispered, hoping it would help. “Ça va. T-Tout va bien.” Delphine burrowed tighter against her, her soft sobs blocked from the air by the fabric of Cosima's shirt.


She couldn't bring herself to meet Delphine's eyes. All of the satisfaction she had felt the night before faded the minute she realized she wasn't alone in her bed. Delphine's face was still splotchy, her eyes red and tired when she blinked them open. Cosima watched as she orientated herself, and lifted her arm from where it was draped over Cosima's waist.

“Delphine,” Cosima whispered. Delphine's eyes darted to hers quickly, then she pulled away, untangling herself from Cosima's bedsheets, and leaving without a word. The door shut softly behind her. Cosima threw her arm over her eyes and sighed heavily. She tried not to be obvious, but her father knew her too well, and Delphine was just as bad as she was. Whatever her step-sister's desire had been, she'd had it sated, but Cosima could have been standing on the sun for all she knew. It was a one-off, she thought. Some sudden burst of want or lust or something.

Cosima had almost managed to convince herself that it wouldn't happen again, but the next night she found Delphine in her room when she returned from brushing her teeth, and before she could ask what the blonde wanted, she was pressed up against the door with a greedy mouth devouring hers.

“Delphine,” Cosima gasped between kisses.

“Don't talk,” Delphine whispered back, pulling Cosima to the bed, her hands lifting Cosima's shirt. “Please, don't talk.” She wouldn't have been able to if she wanted. Delphine tugged her shirt off, and pushed her down onto the bed, holding her jaw and neck while they kissed. Delphine undulated into her lap, panting out soft moans against her lips. Cosima flipped them over, pinning Delphine down with her weight and pulling at the blonde's clothes. As soon as Delphine kicked her pants off, she guided Cosima's hand between her legs.

“Delphine,” Cosima husked again.

“It wasn't enough,” Delphine replied. “Please.”

“Have you-” Cosima started, arching when Delphine's nails dug into her shoulders. Delphine shook her head, teeth finding Cosima's ear.

“Sil te plaît,” she whispered. Liquid heat rushed from Cosima's ear down to her core.

“Shit, okay,” she rushed out, and lightly pushed her fingers down. Delphine's answering moan vibrated against her neck.

“On peut pas,” she whispered. Her hips rocked against Cosima's fingers. “On peut pas, on peut pas.” A moan. A gasp. Her nails bit into Cosima's arm. We are, though, Cosima thought. We are, and I can't stop. Delphine rolled her hips. Cosima pressed down against her thigh in response, needing friction before she exploded. Delphine's hands tangled in her hair, clenching tighter and tighter with each stroke of Cosima's fingers. The blonde shuddered beneath her, whimpering into her neck. She'd hardly settled before Cosima was lifting her hips to make room for her own hand. Delphine kissed her jaw, and her ear, and slowly nudged her hand out of the way. Cosima's breath stuck in her throat. Delphine's was hot on her neck.

“You dont-” she said.

“How-?” Delphine interrupted, fingers twitching experimentally. Cosima's hips jerked at the light touch.

“Anything,” she whispered. “Anything, just touch me. Please.” Delphine's lips found hers again, hard and demanding, her fingers fumbling around Cosima's clit. She rocked against them, her hands balling the pillows beneath Delphine's head into knots. Her heart was ready to burst out of her chest. Screwing her eyes shut, she hid her face against Delphine's neck. She had to be quiet. Quiet, quiet, quiet. “Fuck,” she groaned into Delphine's ear.

“Yes?” Delphine asked, her voice low and rough. All Cosima could manage was a jerky nod. Delphine kept her close until her body stopped trembling, then began to wiggle her way out from under Cosima's weight.

“Delphine,” Cosima said, weakly, but the door shut on her voice. With a heavy sigh, Cosima rolled her shaking limbs under the blankets and pushed her face into a pillow that smelled like Delphine's shampoo.


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