Here is an update! I'm sorry it's short but I hope you'll like it.
The day was warm and grass green, birds sang while a light breeze blew over the park and the people walking about. Some enjoying a day with a walk or a picnic, a day out. And some hurrying to get somewhere, work or home.
For a blue eyed boy currently lying down on the grass and enjoying the breeze making his hot skin a little bit cooler under long sleeves it was a lazy day. A lazy day to spend with his boyfriend of two weeks.
Yes, boyfriend. He is still surprised too. The mere chance that someone will be willing to care about him something new and strange, but nice all in all. So nice.
At least until he finds out about the black haired boys little secret, then he will surely leave. But for now, Alec is just happy to have Magnus for even a little bit.
He was getting too attached though, and he knew it. The soft kisses and touches, loving glances… It all made him happy but also sad, because it won't last that long. Not with Magnus getting curious to why Alec keeps wearing long sleeved shirts with summer just around the corner.
So yea he will find out soon. And then he will be disgusted and leave.
Leaving Alec alone once again.
The mere thought of it hurt though, it hurt so much as he pulled the shirt sleeves as low as possible so that it was now covering his palms too. Not liking what is hiding underneath all the clothes, not liking what he's done to himself. But also knowing that he can't stop. Not any time soon and not ever.
Magnus makes it better though, he makes him forget about the pain and how much of a failure he really is. He makes him forget for even just a little bit. And some days just a little bit is what is needed for the white sheets to stay white. But the others, it hurts too bad and his mind just won't stop…Those days nothing can stop the red.
"What are you thinking about?" The voice was deep as the one next to him stared, stared at Alec with that fond look on his face and soft eyes that were showing so much love.
He doesn't deserve any of it though. He doesn't deserve Magnus.
The thought made his chest hurt and a lump form in the boy's throat but he pushed it all down, answering the question with 'Nothing' because Magnus doesn't need to know.
"If you say so darling." Magnus moved closer and pressed his lips to the others cheek softly. The small kiss making Alec's cheeks turn red for a second there because the lips stayed on his skin longer then necessary. He didn't mind though. He never does. "You'll tell me where your mind always wonders off to one day."
The whisper was supposed to be soft and comforting but all it did is make Alec's blood turn cold. No, no he will not. Magnus doesn't have to know. He will not know.
"Yea" He whispered anyway, eyes cast down and avoiding the others eyes in guilt at what he did yesterday. He's sure he will need stitches again for this one because the blood still hasn't stopped and it still hurts so much when he moves. It hurts so wonderfully.
But Magnus wouldn't think that. All he would feel if he ever saw is disgust. Just like his parents did. Like everyone always does. There is nothing else he can feel really. Nothing else for Baekyhun then being that disgusting boy who only feels like he can breathe when there is a blade in his hand and sliding over his skin.
His memories from yesterday were cut short with a hand tilting up his head and lips descending softly onto his own. Making Alec's mind go blank like always as he kisses back. Loving the feeling of the others lips on his own and the taste of chocolate on his tongue. Because as he found out after being with Magnus he loves chocolate.
And with that, Alec loves it now too.
He just wishes he won't have to let go of it any time soon. Just a little bit more; he thought like he always does. Just a little bit more and I'll be ready to let him go.
But he never does. Because with every kiss there is a wish of just a little bit more as Magnus slowly but surely wiggles into his heart and makes himself at home.
Just a little bit more…
And I'll never be able to let you go.
"Will you stop?" A green eyed boy asked into the silence as him and his best friend lied together on his bed, just enjoying each other's company with no words needed to be said. At least on Alec's part that is.
"I don't know." The blue eyes boy answered truthfully, his eyes no longer having that spark like they always did. No, they were cold now. As dead as his heart because every day he has to come home to his parents fighting. Fighting about him and then blaming him for everything. Yelling how he's a disappointment and how not liking girls is just a phase.
There is nothing to be happy about really. Not when the only way for him to feel even a little bit better he has to reach for that one blade standing out on his bedside table, press it hard against the once flawless skin…and pull.
So no, he doesn't know f he will able to able to stop. Because that might as well mean for him to stop breathing.
"For me?" Magnus was desperate, not liking what he's best friend is turning into at all. Not wanting him to. Not now and not ever. He wants his happy go lucky best friend back.
He just wants Alexander to be better.
"I don't know." Alec answered again, turning his head a little now so he can see the worried gold and green eyes staring at him. Staring so lovingly it hurts because it's not the love he wants to see there. It's not the love like his own. But that's okay. It's fine. Just like everything else is too. Just fine. "I can try." The whisper was tentative and Alec didn't believe his own words for even a second.
But it made Magnus grin happily like he hasn't in a while now, so it made Alec smile too. Just for a second he smiled and everything was good.
Nothing is good though; he thought as his heart kept breaking with every glance towards his best friend.
Nothing is good but everything is fine.
Did you like it? Tell me what you think.
Sorry for the shortness of this but I hope you liked it and will leave a review with your thoughts.
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