I'm awesome, aren't I? Look at what I've done. Of course it's the addicted lifetime. So here you go. Magnus's POV. Hope you'll like it.
Everyone has something they are addicted to.
Some have something small, like a TV show. Other's are addicted to drugs or an adrenaline rush, but both are in the end found dead all the same.
I always thought that it's how it should be. After all if you're addicted to something that can and will kill you, chances are you accepted that fact already. So what is the point to dwell on it really? There is no point to getting upset because someone got what they wanted.
That's what I used to think. But things always change. And somehow I changed. And the one who changed me surely doesn't deserve to die. He shouldn't want to. And yet he does.
He told me so a few times.
When you're addicted you need to get your hit. You need to do whatever to make yourself feel that rush that you need. That high.
My high is sex. It always was. I accepted it. I have no problems with it. Nothing is wrong with getting someone to your bed every few days. At least it wasn't. Until I met him. Until I met Alec.
He caught my eye right away. Blue eyes and black hair were always my favorite after all. I saw him and I used him. Like I always do. I used him to get my high but I gave him his in return too. Drug addicts were always the easiest to draw it. Just give them what they want and they'll do anything.
I used him that time but, unlike others, couldn't get him out of my head in the days that followed. So when he called a week later it wasn't about using him anymore. It was about him. And that scared me.
Every time he called afterwards the high of sex wasn't as important anymore. Not as important as the high of him. I said nothing though. I said nothing and kept giving him the drugs every time he came over. Because he needed them, and I understood that. The fact that I understood, however, didn't mean that I kept giving him the same dosage. No. I found myself giving him smaller and smaller doses with every meeting. And he didn't seem to notice so it was okay.
Drug addicts die. I knew that. But this one…I didn't want this one to. I didn't want to lose Alec and I knew that I'll never want to either.
For someone who was never depended on people, who only ever used people, it was a shock to fall in love with him. But also, I found myself thinking that it was also inevitable. Because it was Alec. It was the boy who didn't always go right after. It was the boy who stayed just a little bit longer. And unlike the others, it was the boy who talked. He talked to me and it was a first but it felt nice. It felt nice to get to know him more. To let him get to know me. Because he listened. And no one did that for me before. I was always on my own. Always alone with no one who cared but Alec seemed to. For some reason he seemed to care. So that was why I found myself asking him to stay even just a few minutes longer. And he did. He always did.
Everyone is addicted to something. I'm addicted to sex. But I'm also, I found myself thinking sometimes, I'm addicted to Alec. I'm addicted to his blue eyes and soft lips. I'm addicted to his voice and how it carries when he laughs. I'm addicted to how he thinks, and talks and listens. I'm just addicted to him because he cares. Because he's Alec.
And Alec…Alec is addicted to drugs.
He told me about his family on the nights he stayed. He told me about how all he wants to do is die most of the time. He told me that if he ever got a chance he was scared that he will. And that he will leave his siblings behind. He didn't want to at that moment; he said. But he was scared he will one day. That his parents will push him too far one day.
So when I got a call from Alec's phone but with a completely other voice on the other side telling me that Alec is in the hospital, it scared me to death. Because he isn't allowed to do that. He isn't allowed to die. To leave me. He can't.
Drug addicts die and they may be okay with that, but I'm not. I'm not okay with him dying. I will never be.
That was yesterday.
I rushed to the hospital then and when I saw him barely alive but luckily still breathing, all caution was thrown into the wind. There is no point in pretending I'm just using him. Not anymore. There never really was in the first place but it's easier like that. It's easier to pretend then to face the truth.
So when I walked into the hospital room and heard his parents kicked him out I told him to come live with me without hesitation. I said that I love him because I do. He made me fall in love with him in just a few days and I haven't stopped falling since.
He said nothing then and I found myself getting scared. Scared that maybe he doesn't feel the same. That maybe he doesn't want to try whatever messed up thing that is between us. But then we were alone. And he said the words I was too scared to for so long.
As he said 'I love you too' right before falling asleep, hand still in mine, I smiled.
Because we may both be messed up and addicted to things we shouldn't. But we have each other. And maybe we'll make it. Maybe we will get our love story after all.
Broken and messed up but ours.
He's a drug addict and I'm a sex addict. But that's okay. We have each other to get us through. So it's okay. It will be okay.
Did you like it? Tell me what you think.
Hope this wasn't as bad as I think it is. But anyway, here is the beginning of their own chaptered fanfic. It will be Alec's POV mostly and it won't be that long but I'll try to make it good, I promise. So I hope you liked this.
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