Another chapter. Here you go. Also I don't think I remembered to mention this before but all the Shattered Souls "sequels" won't have a bigger chapter count then Shattered Souls. So no more than five chapters on this and Put Me Back Together since Where We Left Off may have a bit more. Anyway I just wanted you to know that and now on with the chapter. Hope you like it.
Warning! This contains sex of the boyxboy kind.
"When did you get the tattoo done?" Magnus's voice reached my half asleep and hazy mind as he followed the lines that were inked onto my shoulder blade and down my back with a soft touch. The touch that made me so relaxed ever if the drugs weren't in my system yet. Somehow through the past month I found myself thinking that he is as good as a drug sometimes. Always managing to get me relaxed and at ease even by just talking. It was a nice feeling. But still I pushed the thoughts of I love you's down like I always do before I answered in a slightly sleepy voice. "At fifteen. I don't remember it though."
Magnus chuckled at hearing the answer, his breath hitting my bare skin and sending a shiver down my spine. "How high were you?"
"Pretty high." I answered with a smile of my own. I always love how he never judges me for how I am and what I do. He just accepts me fully and that's something not even my siblings can do.
A finger that was trailing over my tattoo moved lower as his other hand moved to my chest, making the relaxed atmosphere change just like that as I was turned around and he was on top of me again, lips already on mine in a kiss that I returned eagerly.
As we pulled apart and his lips moved lower to my neck to make yet another hickey in a row of many I couldn't help but laugh. "Round two?"
"What do you think?" He asked, breathing against my neck as he trailed kisses down to my collar bone and I couldn't already feel his growing erection against my thigh. That was an answer enough.
Everything was hazy as I opened my eyes and the room felt hotter than it did when I closed them. It couldn't have only been my delirious mind though. I knew that I definitely had another flashback just now. They've been happening more and more lately as my mind turned to the worst. It was so much worse this time then the last because I have never gotten that high before as I did when I tried to kill myself. Plus I'm alone here so it's hard to even muster the will to do it because there is no point. Why would I stop something that makes the pain go away?
But I can't give up. And my mind no matter how delirious is somehow making sure of that. Making me have flashbacks and remember Magnus. Always Magnus. It has been only three weeks and I want to give up so bad but then there is Magnus and I can't because he wants me to get better. Because he cares. Because he loves me.
At least that's what he says. And I'm trying to believe him I really am but it's hard. It's hard because it's me and I'm a mess. I'm not worth him caring. And yet he comes to visit me every few days, every time bringing me something to make me feel that high that I need so much. The high that he needs too.
That one thought is what keeps me up most nights. The thought of what he's doing at night while I'm tossing and turning. Because I am not the only addict here, I am not the only one who needs his hit. And even though we are kind of in a relationship now I can't blame him if he goes in search of what he needs because I can't help him. Because I'm here and he's there. He said he hasn't been with anyone since we started sleeping together and I could see the honesty in his eyes as he said it. But now…I doubt that's true anymore. I have been in here for too long for him to not call up someone else. To get his own hit that he needs.
And I know I shouldn't blame him. It's my own fault I'm here and he can't help it. It's his own addiction and I would be a hypocrite if I told him he can't, if I got mad because I know how it is to need it. Need the hit so bad it physically hurts. So I'm trying to make myself accept it. But still I know it will hurt like hell when he comes in here and says he slept with someone else. Because I know he will. And I know he'll tell me, he wouldn't find something like that from me.
He should be here already though. He usually is. By now he is already trying to feed me until one of us finally gives in and it's either me eating on my own or him feeding me like he intended to. That's usually. But he's not here yet. And all I could feel was fear because don't want to lose him. He is the first person that I am not related to that actually cares. I don't want to lose him.
I was just about to will myself back to sleep to stop my rapid thought when the door opened and I couldn't finally see the person I have been waiting for. But what I saw didn't put my mind at ease at all.
Magnus was a mess. Something I have never seen him look before. But it was true. His hair was rustled and sticking in every direction, with clothes crinkled and eyes slightly wild as they fell on mine. He slightly reminded me on me at that moment. On me when I'm having withdrawal… My mind sparked with a tiny bit of hope but I didn't even get a time to open my mouth to speak before a sound of the lock on the door clicked and he was by me almost immediately. Lips claiming mine in desperation so hard it drew blood and arms moving around me to hold me closer. One arm moving to my ass and making me moan, what just riled him up more.
My lungs were screaming for air until I had to literally push him off of me so he finally breaks the kiss and let's go, leaving us both panting and just staring at each other for a second before he broke the silence, shifting so his body isn't on top of mine anymore.
"I'm sorry, I just…I know you're not the best right now but fuck I almost cheated on you yesterday and I can't do that. I refuse to do that. But I just…God I feel like I'm losing my mind." He was staring at the floor rather than me as he talked, desperation but somehow also shame evident in his voice. That along with his words took me by surprise. He hasn't slept with anyone? Three weeks and he didn't get his hit. I wouldn't have believed it if I couldn't see it for myself. Because I could see the desperation and hear the honesty. And it didn't take much more for me to finally fully believe that he cares. Because if anything this definitely proves that he does. He really cares.
"I'm not going to break you know." The words left my lips without me even meaning to but they were true. I don't mind us having sex here. It wouldn't actually be good for me too because I need to get my mind off of the pain and desperation I was feeling myself. As he heard the words Magnus looked up at me again in surprise but with hope in his eyes. Hope that was surely mirroring the one I had just a few moments before. He didn't move though so it was me who grabbed his shirt and pulled him close for another kiss that was a little slower this time. A little sweeter.
But he got to his senses soon enough, deepening the kiss by passing a tongue over my lips, asking for entrance that I granted without a thought. It was a routine that I knew all too well. And one that I was more than willing to let into. To let into Magnus.
After that it all moved pretty fast, wondering hands passed down my back, to my thigh and finally knee. Clothes weren't a problem soon enough as he got rid of mine quickly and I in turn did the same. I could see how impatient he was getting, how desperate as his kisses tuned bruising again. But I didn't mind. If anything it actually felt nice. But then again this was Magnus. It always felt nice. His hands kept wondering and making me moan as he passed over all the right places. I could feel him smile against my neck as it was covered by more than just a few marks that will stay there for a while.
Eventually we had to break apart though as he quickly scrambled back for his pants to grab lube and a condom that he always caries around. But as he got back to me I could see that it wasn't the only thing he got. Because as he kissed me I could feel him passing something with his tongue past my lips and I couldn't have been happier as I noticed that it was a pill. Such a sweet little thing.
I showed my thanks by wrapping my hand over his erection and making him moan and gasp against my lips in return, all the while bucking down his hips to get more friction. I couldn't keep it up for long though because I barely had time to swallow my pill before he was already pushing one lubed finger in, making me the one moaning this time.
And just like that soon I was a moaning mess as one finger turned into two and he found that bundle of nerves that made me feel stars. Lips never moving from mine all the while. It was like he was trying to get as much of me as he could. He probably was. It has been three weeks after all.
We didn't manage to get to three fingers though, he was getting to impationate and I could see that so I made him stop by grabbing onto his hand and he understood without a word because only a few seconds later something far bigger than two fingers was pushed inside of me by one clean thrust. I could feel the pain cursing through my body as it did because the prep was far from enough and tears appeared at the corners of my eyes but Magnus was there to kiss them away as he waited, ignoring how desperate he was so he doesn't hurt me.
It was that thought and the love I could see through the dark lust of his gold and green eyes that made me take a deep breath and whisper 'go'. And he did. Staring off slow until neither of us could take it anymore and his thrusts became deep and hard, finding that right spot and making us both lose our minds from the pleasure. We didn't last long through as I knew we wouldn't and both came only a few seconds apart. But the next round was longer. And the one after that.
"You really didn't sleep with anyone else even though I'm here?" I couldn't help but ask as the two of us lied on the too small bed with my head on his chest and mind already half asleep.
"No I didn't." Magnus answered, combing his fingers through my hair as his other hand moved soothingly up and down my back. We were both too relaxed to move. "I told you I love you Alexander. I would never do that to you. I could never."
"I love you too." I answered before yawning, the mix of the past few hours and the high that was still building up so perfect I never wanted it to end because I was just so relaxed.
"I know you do. Now sleep Alexander. Sweet dreams." I could hear him going to dreamland too as he spoke and it made me smile. It was nice to fall asleep like this. I could get used to it.
"Sweet dreams." And they were. For the first time in a long time.
Did you like it? Tell me what you think.
Sorry for the wait again but look smut. Only two more chapters here right? I'm sorry if you wanted more than that but I never really saw it having more chapters.