This is the day. Today. I sip my coffee. Grams and Trish are somewhere upstairs, trying to wake Noa and Reen I guess. Told me that I had to relax. Right, as if I'm able to do that.
I've been up since 0500. I've seen the sun come up this morning. My nerves are wrecked. Sleeping in a bed without Harm… well, sleeping without Harm close is something I knew wasn't gonna work. No matter how hard I tried. Not that I'm tired. I'm way to excited to be tired. Strangely, I'm feeling very calm now. As if everything in my life has fallen into place. I'm going to marry the love of my life today, and we have three beautiful children. Not officially yet, but that will come. And I hope that we'll add one or two of our own in the future.
Harm is so much more than I could have wished for. He is so different from Chris. Harm's a gentleman; he's nice, patient, pig-headed and strong. He's thoughtful, considerate, a wonderful father to the kids… Handsome too, of course. That was the first thing I noticed. Hard to miss. But after that first case, I knew that there was more behind those amazing eyes. He's zealous; passionate. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself that this is really happening. That Harm and I confessed that we were in love with each other, that Harm proposed and that we're getting married. Today. So now I've been sitting here, in the rocking chair on the front porch, with enough caffeine in my system to keep me going for a day or two, contemplating my life before and after Harm entered it, that memorable day in the Rose Garden. There's only one conclusion to draw: my life became a whole lot better after Harm entered. So much better.
"Are you nervous?"
Trish' voice breaks me out of my thoughts. I shake my head. "No."
She smiles. "Not even a little bit?"
I bite my lip. Honestly, no, not really. "A tiny, tiny, little bit." I start to laugh when register what I just said.
"That's an answer Gabe would give," Trish says.
"Yeah," I agree. "It is."
Trish shakes her head and sits next to me. She, too, has a cup of coffee in her hands. "Why are you a 'tiny, tiny, little bit' nervous?"
I shrug. "Don't know. I'm not really nervous, it's more that I'm so excited. It all happened pretty fast, and my brain knows that we probably should've waited a little longer, but my heart says that we've been married for the past… oh, I don't know, six months or something, so…"
Trish pats my hand. "Do you think that you're making the right choice?"
"Are you kidding me? This is the best decision I've made in my entire life." Well, pretty much. Next to drying out, that is.
Trish eyes me for a second, then leans back in her chair and doesn't say anything. She's smiling. For a few minutes we sip our coffee and stare of into the distance. Harm's mom is a doll. She's one of the most sophisticated, sweet people I've ever met. And if there is someone who knows how to handle Harm, well, next to Grams, that is, it's his mom.
"Did Harm tell you that he asked my Uncle Matt permission to marry me?"
Trish looks up. "He did?"
I nod. "He was so sweet. Harm is one of the few people who know everything about me, and he defended Uncle Matt… Anyway, Uncle Matt is locked away now and all, but Harm still called and asked him if it was okay to marry me. Then Uncle Matt called me a couple of days later and told me that Harm had called and asked him if it was okay that he wanted to marry me. And Uncle Matt gave us his blessing." It was so sweet of Harm to do that. Call Uncle Matt. Like I said, Harm is one of the handful of people who know everything about me, and because of that, Harm also knew that it matter to me that Uncle Matt would give us his blessing. But that Harm would actually call and ask him permission… I'd never guessed that.
"It sounds like something Harm would do, yeah." Trish softly starts to laugh. "Harmon did the exact same thing. I guess it's something Mom taught them."
Mom. Now there's a word without meaning for me. I haven't said that in what…? Fifteen years or something? Maybe even more. I can barely remember that it feels like to have a Mom. And still, whenever I'm around Trish, like now, it feels like I've known her all my life. As if she's always been there. Like she knows me through and through.
"What are you thinking about?" Trish wants to know.
I take another sip of my chilled coffee. "Just that it's been ages since I've called anyone Mom."
Trish takes my hand and gives it a soft squeeze. "Does it still hurt?"
"I guess it always will. I mean, she didn't care enough about me or whatever reason she had for leaving, and that will always hurt. That I wasn't important enough to her will always hurt. Because if I think about what Gabe, Noa and Shireen… I could never leave them. My head would break into a million pieces if something would happen to one of them." It's true. I could never voluntarily leave them. Not my family. Not my kids. Not in a million years.
Grams comes out on the porch too, now. "I think that Shireen is hungry. And I ain't gonna feed her."
I get up. "Nope, that's something that preserved. I'll go heat her bottle." When I open the door, Trish tells me to stop.
"Sarah, we'll always be your family. We're not gonna run away from you. You believe that?"
I swallow hard. Something in her voice tells me that I have to. That I really have to believe her. I nod. "I believe you…"
Grams looks back from Trish to me. "You two okay?" she asks.
I nod and hear Shireen crying. My little girl is hungry. I smile. My wedding day began. "Don't worry, Grams. We're fine." With that, I step into the house. Ready to face the rest of my life. With family.

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