Home is Where You Will Always Belong

Chapter 25

Two and a Half Months Later

Life for Peyton and Juice and their little family had gone on pretty much the way it had been since they moved into their new home a few months ago, except for a few minor things. Peyton's nightmares had continued and they kept getting worse and more vivid and more real. It was to the point where she was afraid to close her eyes at night for fear of what might be revealed to her in her sleep. Peyton had been hoping that the nightmares or flashbacks would go away on their own, but a month ago her and Juice decided that it was time for her to go back to her Psychiatrist and talk through it.

Juice had gone with her to a couple sessions, but today Peyton sat on the couch across from her doctor, alone, with her legs crossed underneath her. Juice had offered to come along, but she knew that he had a lot of club business to take care of so she told him that she would be ok.

"So, is there anything new today Peyton?" the doctor asked her. Peyton looked up at her doctor and bit her lip and shook her head, "Nothing new really," Peyton replied quietly, "It's pretty much the same thing every night now since I saw you last Friday." "Can you go through it with me again?" the doctor asked, looking down at her notes, "I know it's tough, but I just need you to clarify it for me again." "I was on a lot of pain medication. It was supposed to just take the pain in my leg away and keep the pain in my head at bay," Peyton replied, looking down at her hands, "After about four days I started taking it to numb everything and help me to forget that he was even there with me. But there was that one night about two days before I packed up and left, that he raped me. He took advantage of me because he knew I wouldn't remember it. But like I told you last time, the last thing that appeared in my dream or flash back was him saying that the only thing that I would remember from that night was him getting me pregnant."

Peyton looked down at her little protruding belly and so did the doctor. "Do you think he was successful Peyton?" she asked, "Do you think those precious little babies are Justin's or Juice's?" "I don't know what I think anymore," Peyton mumbled, "At first I was 100% certain that these babies were Juice's, but now... The son of a bitch is dead and he is still managing to ruin my life."

Peyton put her head in her hands and let the hot tears flow through her fingers. The doctor got up and sat down beside Peyton and rubbed her back gently. "I want you to try and do something for me," she said quietly, "And I know that it will be a lot easier said than done." "What's that?" Peyton asked, sounding frustrated. "I want you to remember exactly what you just said," she replied, "Remember that Justin is dead. He can no longer hurt you. You can choose to let him hurt you or you can choose to free yourself from his ghost. Also, remember that you and Juice talked and that no matter what, those babies will only know Juice as a father and not Justin. Juice is going to love those babies as if they were his." "I understand what you're saying," Peyton replied, lifting her head up to look at the doctor, "But how do I keep myself from having these dreams or flashbacks or whatever they are? How do I stop them?"

Her doctor got up grabbed her prescription pad and wrote something down on it. "First, I want you to take one of these before bed every night for the next two weeks," she said handing her the prescription, "After that, try a night without it and if the nightmares come back try another couple nights and go from there. They are just a heavy duty sleeping pill that should help you sleep through the night without disruption. Next, I want you to try really hard to not give Justin another thought. If thoughts come up, just keep telling yourself that he is dead and he can't hurt you anymore." "Ok, I'll give it a shot," Peyton replied smiling up at her doctor, "Thank you for all your help." "You're welcome Peyton," the doctor replied smiling back, "Let's make another appointment for three weeks from now. You can update me on how the pills are working. I want you to try and wean yourself off of them after three weeks." "Sounds good," Peyton said as she stood up, "I'll see you in three weeks." The doctor nodded. "Take care of yourself and those babies," she stated as Peyton opened the door, "Oh, and just to let you know, the pills I have given you are harmless to the babies so you don't have to worry about that."


As Peyton walked to her car after her appointment she could hear her phone buzz in her purse. She pulled her phone out and looked down at her call display. It was Tara. Her heart began to pound in her chest.

FLASHBACK

Peyton let herself into Tara's office and sat down and waited for her friend to get there. She pulled a bag out of her purse and put it on the desk in front of her. It contained an old razor of Justin's, that she had stolen from his bag when she was in the hotel room with him. She had taken it to protect herself and then after everything had gone down she just never got rid of it. The bag also contained the razor blade that Juice had thrown out that morning after he cut himself shaving.

She had remembered a conversation that her and Tara had a few weeks back and Tara mentioned that she would need a used razor or hair from a hair brush, if she ever wanted to do a paternity test. Peyton didn't tell Juice that she was doing this. She was planning to tell him once she got the results back from Tara.

A couple minutes later Tara walked in and saw the bag on the desk. "So you have decided to go through with the test?" Tara asked her, sitting down in her chair across from Peyton. Peyton nodded her head. "Juice doesn't know I'm doing this," Peyton said quietly, "So please don't say anything to him. But it's killing me. I need to know." "I understand," Tara replied smiling at her best friend, "I would be the same way if I wasn't sure." "I wasn't sure what you would need," Peyton said, "But I managed to get skin or little hair remnants from each of their razors." Tara looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "You just happened to have a used razor of Justin's?" Tara questioned. "I took it from his bag when he kidnapped me," Peyton replied, "I know it sounds far fetched, but I needed something to defend myself with... although he knocked me out before I had a chance to use it." Things got silent and awkward after that and Peyton wasn't sure what to say.

"We just need a blood test from you now," Tara said after a couple minutes, "And then we should have the results in about a week or week and a half. Are you going to tell Juice once you find out?" "I do plan on telling him," Peyton replied, "I just needed to do this on my own."

Peyton was brought back to the present as her phone continued to buzz in her hand. She pushed the button to answer it. "Hi Tara," Peyton said quietly, "What's up?" "Do you have time to come to the hospital?" Tara asked, "I got your paternity test results and I don't want to read them over the phone." "Sure, I can be there in ten minutes," Peyton replied feeling like she could puke up everything she had eaten that morning, which wasn't very much. "Good," Tara replied, "See you soon."

Peyton threw her purse in the passenger seat and then got into her truck and turned it on. She pulled out of the doctors office parking lot and made her way to the hospital. Both possible scenarios played in her head and she had prayed everyday that the news was what she had hoped for, but at that particular moment she didn't feel very confident. She was actually terrified to find out what the results were, but she had come this far and wasn't about to turn back now.

Ten minutes later Peyton was walking through St. Thomas and let herself into Tara's office. She sat down in the chair and looked up at her friend without saying a word. Tara placed a piece of paper on her desk and slid it towards Peyton. "It's pretty self explanatory," Tara said. Peyton was amazed at how good Tara's poker face was. Just by looking at her Peyton had no idea, not even a hint of what the results were. Peyton picked up the results and read through the entire thing. She put the piece of paper down after a couple minutes of processing the information and looked at Tara.

"Thanks for doing this for me Tara," Peyton said, "It really means a lot to me. But I have to get going for now. Can I take this?" "No problem," Tara replied, "I already made a copy for the file so you can take that one." Peyton smiled at her and then silently left Tara's office.


A few hours later after Peyton had dropped the kids off at Gemma's place for the evening, she pulled into TM and made her way into the clubhouse. She had spent some time at home by herself trying to process the information that she had been given earlier that afternoon. All she knew was that she needed to see Juice. She knew that he would be there for her.

She smiled as Happy greeted her in the main room. "Hey sweetheart," he said quietly as he pulled her in for a hug, "How are you feeling?" She looked up at him and noticed a deep gash under his right eye. "I'm doing ok Hap," she replied as she reached up and ran her hand gently over his cheek, "Question is, are you doing ok? Do you want me to clean that up?" Peyton knew that Happy would say no, but she thought she would ask anyways. She had lost count with how many times she had to clean up the guys over the years. "I'm fine sweetheart," he replied, "Just an altercation with the Chinese. Nothing I couldn't handle." Peyton shook her head and smiled up at him. "I meant how are you doing with the nightmares Peyton," Happy clarified, "Juice mentioned that you were still having them." "Yeah, I'm still having them," Peyton replied, "But the doctor has given me something to try and control them, so we will see if that helps." He gave her a quick smile and kissed her on the cheek.

Peyton watched as Happy left the clubhouse and then she sat in the quiet clubhouse and twisted her hands in her lap. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there before Juice, Chibs and Jax walked in.

Chibs and Jax both smiled at her and gave her quick kisses on the cheek before disappearing into the chapel. Juice walked up to her with a small smile on his face. "What's going on?" he asked her quietly, "You seem off." "I was just wondering if I could steal you for the rest of the evening," Peyton replied, "I have something I want to talk to you about." "I just have a quick meeting," Juice replied, looking concerned, "Shouldn't take too long. Is everything ok?" She smiled at him and pulled him down to her and kissed him softly. "Of course everything is ok," Peyton whispered, "It's just something that I want to talk to you about. Do you want me to wait here for you or should I meet you at home?" "I'll be like 10 minutes," Juice stated, kissing her quickly again, "Wait for me." Peyton smiled and nodded her head.

A little while later Peyton was sitting on a swing on the jungle gym that the guys had put up for Abel and Thomas. She was looking up at the stars thanking God for the life that she had now, no matter what happened next. She was healthy, she had a happy family and the best part, she was alive. She couldn't really ask for more than that.

"Sorry that took a little longer than I had hoped," Juice said, walking up to her and sitting on the swing beside her. "No worries," Peyton replied smiling over at him, "I don't want you to be upset with me." "What do you mean?" Juice asked, looking over at her, "What did you do?" Peyton got off the swing, walked over to her purse and pulled out a piece of paper. She walked back over to him and handed him the paper. "I had to find out," she whispered. Juice looked up at Peyton and then back down at the paper in his hands. He unfolded it and he took his time reading it.

Peyton was losing her mind as he painfully continued to analyze every word. After about five minutes of silence Juice finally looked up at her. "This is real?" he asked her quietly. Peyton nodded her head slowly. "How can you keep such a straight face? he asked her, "You give me this news and you can't even smile?" "I thought you might be upset that I even got the test done," Peyton replied. "With news like this I could never be upset with you!" Juice exclaimed, jumping off the swing, "We made those babies growing inside you baby girl. We did that! Not you and Justin, but you and me! This is the best news you could ever give me!" He wrapped his arms around her waist and twirled her around. Peyton giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck as the tears slowly made their way down her cheeks.

She really couldn't ask for anything more.


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