As Veronica stepped into the dimly lit hallway she noticed Logan leaning against the lockers like he always was. She felt like she was back in high school again with the nerves and the uncertainty of everything.
“If you’re waiting for some 18 year old girls to walk by there aren’t any here,” she said with a smirk.
“Nope, just waiting for you as usual,” he smiled.
That burned a bit, she knew she’d hurt him and that he’d waited for her a lot. She missed him so much but of course never let him know that.
“So how are things? You aren’t causing mayhem wherever you go still?” she said leaning against the wall beside him.
“Only the occasional geek and at my company,” he said glancing at her up and down.
“I heard your company has taken off, what do you do? Please tell me it’s not the Rate My Ass idea you had before.”
“No, I just do that for fun in my spare time. It’s a publishing company. You know, you look great,” he smirks raising his eyebrows.
“Thanks, traveling seems to agree with me.”
“Yeah, I can imagine,” he says looking away briefly and she can see a flicker of sadness in his eyes.
“Veronica!!” she heard from down the hall. She pulled herself away from Logan to see who it was and saw Mac coming towards her.
They hug tightly laughing and exchanging pleasantries. When Veronica steps back she notices that Logan is gone. She feels a sense of sadness and relief at the same time, which is often how she feels when Logan disappears.
Veronica and Mac step outside for some privacy to catch up. She already knew via email over the years that Mac had married Max and they have 2 little boys Cody and Dean. Max works for a big Internet company and Max does what she does best,.solving tech mysteries which Veronica still often contacts her for help with. Although now she’s on Veronica’s payroll. Still, they haven’t seen each other in years.
“It’s been too long you know? I mean, it’s great that we still keep in touch even though it’s usually work related but I haven’t seen you since Max and I got married,” she says giving Veronica that look she always gives her.
“I know, I suck, but the world needs me you know? Is Max here tonight?” Veronica asks.
“No, he had to take care of the boys but I really wanted to have a night to myself anyway. Being a mom can really make you strung out sometimes you know?” she says and Veronica can feel how exhausted her friend is and feels bad she’s been so absent.
“I’m sorry I’ve been MIA for so long, I don’t even realize how quickly time flies until years have gone by,” she says solemnly, “I love what I do but I miss the connections I used to have.”
“Logan too? I saw you talking to him,” she said curiously but tentatively.
“I do miss him but we don’t work, we drive each other crazy and there is so much broken with us.”
“We see him a lot, he’s been through so much in the last few years you know? He could really use a friend, I mean more than Max and myself.”
“I’m not sure I can be his friend, not anymore, that’s why I had to get away and stay away from him. I know that just reaching out to him I get pulled back in and so much pain always follows,” Veronica can feel herself getting emotional and pushes the feelings down again, as she always does.
“You and the wall you have built up. It must be lonely behind it,” Mac says sincerely.
Veronica sort of chokes a laugh “and how are you and Logan now best buddies?”
“I wouldn’t say best buddies but I was close with his wife,” she puts her arm around Veronica’s shoulder, “he’s grown up a lot Veronica.”
Mac went to go call her house to check in on Max and the kids so Veronica wandered back into the gymnasium. The song Run by Snow Patrol is playing and almost immediately she catches Logan looking at her from across the room. It’s like there is a magnet pulling them together sometimes. Without thinking about it she starts walking towards him and he does the same. She keeps looking away feeling uncomfortable but not quite able to look away.
They are standing near the dance floor and he takes her hand, without saying a word. He leads her onto the dance floor and then he brings her into his arms for a slow dance. They start swaying and she suddenly feels 18 again. She feels safe and terrified in his arms as she usually did.
As the music played she rested her head on his chest let herself sink into him for a moment. She knew this couldn’t last but she just wanted to feel this again, she’d been so lost for so long she’d gotten used to it. It felt so good she was on the verge of crying and right then she knew she was in trouble. She lifted her head to look at him.
“I heard you got married,” she asked softly, afraid to find out the details.
“Yeah,” she could feel the pain in his voice, “Lisa. I met her 5 years ago. She got pregnant and we got married. A year ago she left me and I filed for divorce. I don’t even know where she is anymore.”
“Why did she leave?” she asked partly because she cared about him and partly because missing people was her specialty.
“Don’t get all Mars P.I. on me here, Mac did a lot of research but she left me, that’s what matters. She ran off with an old love of her.”
“Logan, I’m so sorry,” she said, not knowing how to handle this.
“Apparently the women in my life can’t get away from me fast enough,” he said and Veronica felt all herself crumble inside because she knew she was one of those women.
“You knew I couldn’t give you what you wanted, what you needed,” she said as her heart pounded, “it wasn’t easy for me.”
There was silence between them after that and more emotions that could fit in this huge room. They had so much unsaid between them, much that may never be expressed. All she knew is she didn’t want to leave this moment. Being so far away from him helped her not need him so much, the distance was imperative. Now she didn’t know how to let him go.
“When are you leaving again?” he asked.
“I’m not sure, I guess whenever I get my next case. It could be tonight or it could be a month from now...” she trailed off.
“Would you come over for dinner tomorrow night?” he asked as he stopped dancing and let her out of his arms.
“Are you cooking?” she asked making a horrified face.
“Hey, I make a hamburger that would make Woolfgang Punk weap,” he says with a grin.
“No need for making Wolfgang cry, I’ll be there for dinner,” she said with a smile.
“I have to head home, it’s way past my curfew,” he said about to walk away.
“I think this is the first curfew you’ve ever had,” she yells across the dance floor laughing.
“Turns out I work well with limits,” he said and then disappeared into the crowd. Veronica stands there alone on the dance floor as the Black Eyed Peas blares through the speakers.
Her mind wanders back to so many years ago after she and Logan got an apartment together after college. She was still doing work for her father and Logan was figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to use some of his money to start a business but he was trying to find the right direction to go.
Everything was so great between them, they were living in a town not too far away from Neptune and spent so much of their time watching movies and naked in each other’s arms. If there was one thing that never faded for them and that was the passion.
She’d been so busy for a couple weeks on a big case and one night she came home exhausted after tying up the loose ends with a lot of paper work she found her apartment full of candles and dim lighting. She walked through the apartment with her favorite music playing, the song at the moment was Sade’s By Your Side.
Logan walked into the room in an untucked dress shirt and jeans. The expression on his face was both joy and total fear. Veronica walked toward him slowly taking in everything around her. On the table she saw takeout from their favorite Thai restaurant and her favorite beer.
“Dinner my love?” he said presenting the dinner before her.
“What is this all about? Did you get arrested again?” she asked coyly.
“Oh dear, you know I haven’t been arrested in years, I think the cops are afraid now that I have you in my back pocket.”
“How little do you think I am that I fit in your back pocket?” she mused.
“You’re teeny tiny,” he said making a face and then pulled her into his arms.
“But I carry a big punch,” she says holding up her fist making a tough face.
“Don’t I know it,” he said pulling her into a kiss and before they knew it they were still kissing and she started to unbutton his shirt.
“Sorry, no lovin until after dinner,” he said bringing her to the table.
“You know momma needs to some,” she whines as she sits down at the small table.
After they finish dinner she leans back in her chair rubbing her belly admitting that she may have eaten too much pad Thai. He laughs and leans across the table touching the side of her face with his hand “I can’t believe how much I love you Ronnie.”
“Even with this extended food belly?” she asks making her stomach look bigger than it really is.
“Always. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You’re my family and my best friend. Going to bed with you every night and waking up with you in my arms in the morning is all I’ve ever really wanted,” he said looking slightly pale and shaken.
“What’s going on?” she asks a little freaked out.
“Will you marry me?” he asks looking her straight in the eyes. That was one of the things she loved about him most, he always looked her in the eyes, no matter how difficult it was.
“W-What??” she asked in shock, not knowing what to think or what to do.
Logan pulls a ring box out of his pocket, opens it and puts it on the table in front of her. It’s a sterling silver ring with a princess cut diamond. With all the candles the ring was sparkling and it mesmerized her.
“I know you aren’t really the type who settles down but since living together has been so great I figured why not? I want to officially make you my family. I don’t want to lose you again, I’ve lost you too many times,” he said with his eyes tearing up a little.
She didn’t know what to do, she was so moved by the gesture but the idea of locking herself down made her feel suffocated. Seeing the look on Logan’s face she knew there was no going back from this, she had to make a decision and couldn’t just take it off the table. The question was so big and she just couldn’t get herself around it.
“I-I just...” she said as she kept losing her breath and her voice.
“Why Veronica Mars, are you actually...without words?” he smirked.
She got up off of her chair feeling a bit dizzy from the beer and the moment surrounding her. She walked up to him sitting in his chair and straddled him face to face. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him with everything she was feeling. She started unbuttoning his shirt and then pulled it off over his head. She then pulled her shirt off and kissed his face, neck and chest.
Soon there was no clothing between them in the chair and they were enveloped in each other. Tears started to fill up her eyes as the passion took over her emotions and she couldn’t think of anything else but how much she simply adored this guy. This beautiful man who loved her so deeply and made her so happy and she was sleeping with him to avoid the future that was now laid out before her.
In the morning, long before Logan would wake up she packed a bag and left. She wrote him a note saying she was sorry, that she loved him but that she wasn’t ready to take such a big step with him. As she walked out the door she stopped for a moment and contemplated what she was walking away from but the panic was too strong to stay. He deserved better than what she could offer.
“Hey, you ok?” Mac was standing in front of her getting her attention.
“Sorry, I drifted off a bit I think,” she said trying to smile.
“You should stay at our house tonight,” Mac suggested and led her off the dance floor.
“Ok, I’ll let Wallace know.”