Chapter 5

Disclaimer. No! NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo NoNoNo! No means No means No! (To S-NFB: If you don't get the joke, I'm going to smack you when I see you next lol)


It was three weeks after the wonderful meeting with Fabulous Leader, and somehow I was still alive; mostly because either the blue haired woman (I learned her name was Konan) or Angel, Itachi's girlfriend who I finally met, were always bailing me out of sticky situations. I pulled out my prank to do list.

Destroy Deidara's Clay. Check!

Steal Kazuku's Money. Check!

Annoy the Leader. Check!

Buy Kisame a fish and claim it's his second cousin. Check!

Set fire to Sasori's puppets. *in the future, make sure the fire protection seal is gone!* Check!

Tease Tobi. Double Check!

Read Hidan's "Diary".

I smiled evilly at my next project. This was going to be fun! I reached under the desk that the Akatsuki forced me to work at during the day, and pulled out a pink cloth covered princessy diary. Inside were entries in Hidan's hand writing. I stood and left the room, having to pick the locks just to get out. I walked down the halls to the main room, where I was sure most of the Akatsuki, at least the ones who had facial expressions, would be. I peeked inside, and I was right, Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, Angel and Hidan all relaxed around the room as if nothing was going to happen. I opened the diary to the entry I really wanted and walked in the main room like I belonged, my head down as if I was reading.

There was a moment of silence before Deidara growled, "Jissai... what are you doing out here, un?" I looked up, my expression one of startlement as if I didn't know they were there. "It's stuffy in that room." Sasori grumbled under his breath, "Exactly." I spared him a brief look of irritation, he had been acting sulky ever since I succeeded in burning all his puppets. Kisame, one of the only members who was amused by my antics (when they weren't focused on him, that is) grinned in a shark-like manner, "Writing in your diary?"

I acted nonchalant as I said, "Nope, I'm reading Hidan's, I found it in the hall." All eyes turned to the surprised and confused Jashinist, "What the f***?" I gave him a grin that told him I was up to no good. Looking down at the book I read loud enough that everyone could hear me, "Dear Diary, All I ever wanted was a cute wittle bunny wunny and to skip through a field of beautiful flowers. Love, Princess Hidan."

Complete silence.

Surprisingly Deidara was the first to react. He twitched, trying to hold back laughter, and bit his bottom lip to keep from smiling. Kisame let out a strangled snort, his face turning a tinge of purple. Even Sasori's expressionless face quirked before settling back down. Angel, who had yet to say anything, slapped a hand over her mouth as she gave me a wide eyed 'I-can't-believe-you-just-did-that' look; she didn't even bother trying to smother her giggle. Hidan's face turned a unhealthy shade of red, I swear even his white hair turned pinkish, before he lept up and pointed an accusing finger at me, "THAT'S NOT F***ING TRUE, YOU BITCH!"

I smiled sweetly, not fazed at all that I was about to become his next sacrifice, "You haven't denied the fact that the diary isn't even yours, so it must be true." Deidara and Kisame gave up trying not to laugh, joining Angel in her mirth. I had thought it was impossible for Hidan to turn even redder, but he did. I vaguely wondered if all his blood had gone to his head, "That's it, bitch. You're f***ing dead!" He reached behind him for his scythe and I threw the book in his face before running down the hall screaming at the top of my lungs, "RAPE!"


After Hidan had taken off after Jissai, Sasori picked up the abandoned book. Thumbing through the pages, he commented, "These are all in Hidan's hand writing. Could she have been right?" Deidara sighed, his sides hurting from laughing, "No. Jissai is a master forger, the best in Iwagakure." He couldn't help but feel an ounce of pride for his former teammate. She had guts, he'd give her that. Angel commented, "Why do I have a feeling that things are going to be interesting around here?"


I do believe this one is my favorite chapter so far. I have no love for Hidan at all, so I had to make his torture EXTRA special.

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