The Tears That Never Fell
"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart."
Jose N. Harris
Tonight was the night that I was going to die. I didn't know how or from whom yet the impending knowledge of my death didn't frighten me. My sorrow to my other siblings weighs heavily on me more than anything. The death of our father still hangs over our heads even though it was such a long time ago. A peaceful death but death did come. My brothers weep for days either finding comfort by my side or hiding their tears in the shadows. Seeking those hidden tears would only make it worse so I sit and wait for them to come find me.
I dreamed of a place covered by snow with nothing but dead trees for miles and miles. I walked through the snow never leaving a foot step in my way. I looked up and watched the snow fall from the cloudless night sky. I wondered to myself why a clear night sky as beautiful as this frighten me.
My vision was blurred by a fast moving creature flying passing my eyes. I watched the mysterious creature travel from branch to branch. It compelled me follow it as if it wanted to be seen. I ran as fast as my legs cared me but still whatever it was moved faster and farer away. I tried to cry out by my voice didn't work. Clutching my throat the moment I tried to speak a burning sensation rose. I fell to the ground trying to stop the pain, the snow around my body melted and reveled the dirt ground below me.
Why was this happening to me?
The throat burned and my legs refused to carry my weight anymore yet I was still trying to drag myself to my feet and follow the creature. My eyes followed the creature as it jumped all around the tree tops near me.
Why did it come to me now?
Avoiding me until the end I could tell that I was dying. I closed my eyes and tried to let darkness take over but the creature had other plans in stored for me.
The creature jumped down and walked over to me.
It was leaving footsteps in the in the snow. Why could it do things I couldn't do?
The blurry creature knocked his head against mine. I cracked my eyes a bit and stared into its piercing red eyes.
A crow? No a raven
The raven cocked its head to the side, standing in my line of sight just staring at me.
Could the raven be a messenger?
I reached out to touch the raven but as soon as I did everything was gone and the dream ended.
I woke up abruptly from my sleep sweating profusely from my forehead. I wiped the sweat away from my brow and looked around the room. My room was just as it was when I fell asleep yet it left different.
I threw my covers off and walked around the room to see if anything had changed.
Could I be just losing it? No something was wrong. I passed my calendar and stared at the date. My birthday was tomorrow but I knew that I was never going to leave to see it. Walking out of my room I went about my routine until my other brothers woke up from their slumbers and joined me for training.
Ever since our father passed away I took responsibility and to become the next head of my clan. Now I worked today to get them ready for another to take the responsibility. Our human friends came to visit and check up on us. Ever since our father passed away they have come more frequently to make sure we were still okay. But I worried about one of them, her belly was swollen and getting bigger with each passing day.
Today we were going to the farm where we buried our father. It was the anniversary of his death so we wanted to go and pay our respects. My brothers and friends traveled by car to the farm. When the garage opened and showed us the city I gasped a bit but quickly hid it. Everything was covered by snow and nothing else, the snow was falling but there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
Was it a dream or a vision of the future?
I sat in silence as we made it to the farm. My brothers and friends talked nonstop the entire way. I tried to enjoy their company as time rolled on and my time on this earth slowly ended.
We arrived at the farm a few hours later. My brothers and I were the first to pay respects and clean the grave. Our friends were next, my brothers and friends shed tears of sorrow but nothing fell from me.
Why couldn't I cry or feel anything towards the one that raised and loved me even through his dying breath?
I wanted to be alone so I excused myself. I walked lost in my thoughts trying to unravel the mystery of last night. I looked up to the sky to see nothing but bare dead tree tops and a cloudless sky. My dream or vision of the future was coming true but why did I have that burning sensation in my throat.
I snapping noise broke my concentration and I knew it had to be my killer.
Turning around slowly I looked around only to see nothing in the snow. Even my footsteps weren't there. It must be coming true.
I continued to walk and stare at the sky. The beautiful night sky scared me yet my heart did not increase in beats nor was it stuck in my throat. I was calm because I knew the end was near.
I froze in place because the voice I heard was familiar. Why was it him though?
I didn't want to see his face, I didn't want to remember him like this. I couldn't.
I closed my eyes and let him have me.
A cold sensation of metal touched my throat. I swallowed hard. The sword that I stared at as a child that hung proudly in our father's room was now pressed against my throat ready to take my life.
For all the tears I didn't shed and for those I couldn't find, I'm sorry. For the lives I took and for the ones I saved or didn't, I'm sorry.
The cold sensation I felt against my skin now burned. I clutched my throat with my hands and fell to the ground. The pure white skin now stained with my blood. I coughed and spit out blood. The beautiful white snow now completely red, everything under and around me stained red.
My killer walked away carrying the sword with him but stopped. Turning around and started walking back to me. He bent down so he could watch me lose the battle between living and dying. All I could see was his feet. I closed my eyes so my last memory of him wasn't of my killer but of my brother whom I still love and cherish even though he killed me.
"You cry now but never once for father or anyone else"
It was true tears rolled out of my eyes and down the side of my face.
My brother took the handle of the sword and pressed it into my hand. Closing my fingers around it he wanted to make it look like I took my own life. But that was fine because as long as the others didn't know then they would still continue to live on and love him just as they always did.
"Why are you so weak?"
My body was numb and my brother left me long ago to travel with news of my death. The tears I shed that day weren't for me but for him. My sorrow was his alone because I didn't feel anything for myself. I died long ago even before our father's death.
Tears can't fall from a dead man nor should they.