Black: Too Easy
Canterlot Castle, still under minor repairs from damage caused by king Sombra from the mirror world, hosts the most dangerous prisoners of Equestria. Contrary to popular belief, dangerous does not mean brutal or senseless killing machines who usually aren't smart enough to plan an escape or any sensible future. Truly dangerous are those who even after their sentence is over will still have connections, power, influence, and, most importantly, knowledge.
One such prisoner is currently sitting in a fairly comfortable cell on the lowest levels of the castle. He's a handsome, white, tall pegasus with eyes blue as the sky on a summer day and a flowing, golden mane envied by many. That comment was very important because it's freaking middle of winter so just saying my eyes are as blue as the sky would be nonsense... well, I'm rambling. I haven't talked to anypony else in almost a month aside from a little adventure the crown offered me to shorten my sentence.
Why am I here?
I used to be a mercenary, nopony special, and I've spent almost fifteen years travelling the world. A young colt starting as a caravan guard working for food changed into a mercenary escorting clients and cracking heads when necessary. The life of drinking, paying whorses, telling stories to mares willing to trade a bit of affection for a catching tale of exploits in the Griffon Empire, and of course impaling a threatening bandit here and there ended with an excellent offer made by a stranger in this very city. The first order was to find and gather six very important figures for their own protection, some fillies called the Elements of Harmony. I succeeded because I'm good at what I do, no real reason to lie, but then the second half of the reward came up and I was supposed to kill them. I'm not a murderer so I declined and got ready to leave Equestria because as it turned out my employer was somepony very important and powerful.
The lunar princess herself which is the main reason I'm sitting here right now. Officially I'm serving my sentence for a foalnapping but the real reason is so I don't go spreading the word anywhere, not that I really care. The real killer about this entire thing is that Luna had the audacity to personally ask me to help some of her subordinates, one of them responsible for me getting caught in the first place, by guiding them around the Griffon Empire. We succeeded in getting our target back from the Empire to Equestria which means I now have only half a year left in this hole. Not that I'm too keen to wait it out but no real opportunity to get out has presented itself yet.
Now I'm almost thirty and I'm pretty sure I don't have much time left. It's not a big deal, lances for hire rarely live over forty if they continue their path and I'm not a stallion who can sit in one place and farm turnips all day. That's exactly why even though the cell that's my current home is much better than some taverns I've seen I would rather like to get out.
What to do after that though?
Return home to the little settlement near Stalliongrad, one I left when I wasn't even of age? Yeah, right. I should at least visit there and give my folks a biiig hug and reminisce about the days I used to chop wood in the morning frost. My mother would bake a huge rhubarb cake, sprinkle it with vodka because I'm a real stallion now, and we'd just happily sit there, staring at the fireplace. What could be better than that?
Selling my hooves to a glue manufacturer for one.
However, when one has to sit in one place for a long time, silence interrupted only by doing wingups until bones creak, one has to cling to any semi-entertaining thought that passes through these stone walls. The think keeping me sane is that when I get out there's a large part of my payment still hidden and waiting for me, that and one very interesting thing.
I grin to myself. Selling the second thing to somepony with power and resources, possibly the griffon Emperor himself, should give me enough bits to roll in for the rest of my life. That, of course, is still half a year away unless something interesting happens.
And it does. Much like all things that change the status quo it begins with a knock on the door.
"Just a moment, I'm in the shower!" I yell, lying on the wooden bench serving as a bed.
Who could be stupid enough to knock at a prisoner's door?
The door clicks and a brown earthpony mare in ill-fitting golden armor comes in, carrying a mop. She seems too young to be a guard though.
Still more interesting than the moss growing on the walls.
"Let me guess, a recruit who got caught by her commanding officer and has to scrub the prisoner cells."
"B-be quiet, prisoner!" she stutters out.
"Fine with me. I'll just keep lying here and watching your plot."
"W-what? You can't do that!"
I can, I will, and in the future I will have done.
"Lady, I haven't seen a mare who didn't want to kill me for a month. I will look wherever I damn well please in this cell. Besides, earthpony rumps are always a delight."
"Nope, I just have a realistic approach. I've seen Saddle Arabian concubines, griffon exotic dancers, and even the odd minotaur barbarian... amazons I think they call them and nothing beats earthpony plot. So get on with the mopping and make my day!"
As I said - a pony sitting here has to stick to any amusement he can find and the young mare trying to clean the floor while pointing her butt away from me at all times so hard she almost scrapes the walls counts as fun around these parts.
"How does an earthpony get into the Royal Guard anyway? Must be tough not having horn or wings," I ask, honestly wondering about it, "With all the unicorns and pegasi around what role does an earthpony play? Aside from the current one of course."
She growls to herself and scrubs the floor harder.
"Why bother with becoming a guard anyway? I can honestly say you're too good-looking for that, no perversion intended for once."
Average at most but the way she blushes at any compliment does add few points.
"I, ehm, want to help ponies, that's all," she finally reacts.
"You can get me out of here, that would help," I chuckle to myself and she joins in.
"You don't seem so bad. Why are you here anyway?" she stops mopping and looks at me with her large, brown eyes.
Brown coat, brown mane, brown eyes, all different shades of brown but still fitting together. She looks like a walking chocolate fountain.
"Meh. Did a dirty job for the crown, got sent here so I didn't blab about it."
"That's awful!" she gasps.
My snorting at her wide look turns into a short, cynical laugh.
"Ponies in power always need ones who will do the necessary things and let them keep their clean image."
"You- you killed somepony?"
"Nah, just protected a group of citizens and dealt with the danger threatening them."
See? I'm not a liar... as such. Some details are better left out for the fillies.
"That doesn't sound right. Why would they send you here for that?"
"I didn't tell you who I was protecting them from and I won't. I have only a short time left here and then the princesses won't ever hear from me again. You could let me wander around the castle and I would just stretch my legs and return here by myself."
"He he. I'm going to be cleaning the cells for next two weeks. What would you say if I took you outside for a bit? You'd still have to be shackled and on a leash but it would be something, right?"
"Really? You DO realize that just by sitting here I'm supposed to be the scum of Equestria, right?" I try to sound as innocent as possible. I definitely wasn't expecting it to be that easy. She must be really young and inexperienced.
Stupid. Also, that giggle is infectious.
"Hah! I'm a Royal Guard, the elite of Equestria," she twirls the mop in her hooves as a spear and salutes, "What could a shackled prisoner do?"
"Compliment you on how good your rump looks in contrast with the golden armor."
She drops the mop and blushes while hiding her face.
One guard knocked out without moving a hoof.
"You-you really think I'm pretty?"
"Do I look like a liar?" I run a hoof through my golden mane and smile in so overly seductive fashion even she must realize I'm kidding, "You don't have to answer that. Yeah, you do look good if you're not dropping things all over the place or standing with one leg in a bucket."
"AAH!" she waves her leg and spills the dirty water everywhere, mostly on herself.
Miss wet coat, just for me.
"Oh dear, let me help," I grab the mop under my wing and push her away with the other. I was lucky to be born with large wings and my life of flying around in heavy armor gave me strength a normal-living pegasus can't hope for.
"Wow, you're good!" she sits there, wringing water out of her coat.
It would be so easy to knock her out with the long piece of wood, make use of her oversized armor, and get out of the cell. No real point though.
"My weapon is a lance so a long stick isn't too far off. I'm also not too concerned about you staring at my behind," I turn around and grin.
She looks as if she's having a heart attack at me catching her.
"So shiny," she mumbles.
She's dumb as a brick. Heh, horny teenagers... too easy.
"I take care of my coat, little lady," I give her the mop and bucket, "Next time I can give you a lesson on how to take care of a long stick."
Her eyes bulge and she shoots out of the cell, stumbling and mumbling.
Must be pretty hard being an earthpony in Canterlot, With snobby nobles everywhere, laughing at her, the only position for her in the castle would be under one. Equality in Equestria my ass.
Scowling to myself at the knowledge of how most unicorns treat other races, I walk to the still open door to my cell and close it. A short knock comes soon after.
"You again? Don't you have other outcasts of society to take care of?" I snicker.
"Erm," she peeks through the door, "I'll try to persuade somepony to allow you to go out from time to time with an escort."
"That... that would be really nice," I spread my wings, bones cracking. Now there's something to be proud of. Well, if I could be proud of something I was born with instead of achieving it, "Miss?"
"Dawn!" she sqeuaks.
I walk over to her, push the door open, and raise my hoof.
"Icy Gaze," I bow a little.
"Eeeeeh," she looks at my face while pumping my hoof with both her front legs.
"Yeah, it's the eyes."
"So blue..." she drifts off to her little dream world again.
I slam the door shut to look like a model prisoner and lie back down on the 'bed'.
Now go and amuse me, little filly. Perhaps both of us might get what we want out of this.
Who said escapes had to be messy or bloody? In due time the filly will do whatever I want her to with just a word here or a brush there. Thank Celestia, heh, no real guard was on duty today.
Humming, I get to wringing the dirty water out of my now stained coat. Thankfully, shower day is tomorrow. One has to be grateful for what one gets and for me it's a chance to get out or at least amuse myself for a while.