Something had changed. I opened my eyes and sat up. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was different. I pulled on my jeans and reached for some scissors. I cut an old t-shirt's back, and took the ten minutes to wrestle all four appendages through the correct holes. At least I didn't have to maim or MacGyver one of my bras.
Lilith hummed in my head, making it ache. Coffee would sate her for a while.
I found only Cas in my kitchen. He was just staring at nothing, a frightened look on his face. I said his name, but he just kept staring. It was when I finally put my hand on his shoulder that he looked at me.
"Cas, what's wrong?"
Cas shook his head. "With all that has happened, I didn't notice." Despair filled the Angel's face. "I'm an abomination."
The stoic Angel crumpled to the ground. I didn't know what to do, so I sat down on the floor next to him. I tenderly touched his shoulder. "Is there anything I can do?"
Cas's muttered something under his breath. I don't think he meant for me to hear, but I did.
"Killing yourself isn't the answer."
"It is the only way to make this right."
"I'm sure Dean will disa-"
"Dean can't know. I know exactly what he would say and do. I would rather kill myself by cutting off my wings and jumping off a cliff than tell him."
I was speechless. This was much more serious than I thought. From what I had seen, there was absolute trust between the Hunter and the Angel.
"Is Dean part of the problem?"
"In a way, yes, but this shouldn't have happened, and it has because of me."
Not understanding what he was talking about, I took a good look at Cas. He was wrapped around himself. His hair was more ruffled than usual, but he looked normal.
"Cas, what had happened? I can't help if you don't tell me."
Cas curled into a tighter ball. He looked like a small child trying to hide from punishment.
"I'm having a . . . a child."
My jaw hit the ground. It wasn't possible! I probably looked like a gaping fish, my eyes wide and mouth open.
"But you're a guy!"
"Angels do not have gender, and I'm not carrying it like a human does exactly. When an Angel carries a fledgling, it is contained within its parent's Grace."
That made sense, but I was thoroughly confused on why Cas was so distressed. "What is wrong with becoming a parent? You should be happy."
Cas shook his head violently. "Not this... this child!" Cas spat out the word like it was poison. I was taken aback. Cas was disgusted with his condition.
"It is Nephilim."
A sense of dread and fear filled me. I knew Nephilim were supposed to be evil, but something told me otherwise.
"Aren't Nephilim half human?" Cas nodded. "Then does that mean... You and Dean... you know..." I knew they were close, but that wasn't the close I had in mind.
"Yes, frequently lately. Dean can be insatiable at times."
I tried really hard not to think about what these two do in bed, but I blame my addiction to yaoi for some of the images that came to mind.
"But," Cas continued, "this could only happen if my Grace were to touch his soul or the other way around, which I'm certain hasn't happened since I pulled him from Hell." Cas thought hard, then shook his head. "Regardless, it has happened and being Dean, he would accept it regardless of the evil and chaos it would create."
A sting of sadness and despair filled my chest. This felt wrong. Any parent should be ecstatic upon learning they are having a baby, but Cas is acting like he is carrying the next Hitler.
"You are wrong."
I looked at Cas with a hopeful gaze, while he looked at me with fear and confusion. I don't know how I knew that, but my gut told me that he was wrong. That this child was different.
"You're wrong, Castiel. This baby can't possibly be evil. You and Dean are wonderful, kind people. There is no way that your baby can be evil."
Cas dropped his head to his knees. "You weren't there when the original Nephilim were born. I had so many brothers and sisters believe what you just said, but each of their offspring sowed chaos and fear wherever they went. We couldn't kill them, Father wouldn't allow it. We were able to restrain their power to an extent, to keep them from destroying more than they already have, but they still cause as much trouble as any other monster."
I shook my head. "This one is different. I can feel it."
Just then, the front door opened. I saw that it was Sam and Dean with breakfast. I looked back to Cas, but he was gone.
"Think about what I said, Cas," I prayed.
We didn't hear from Cas for a month. The brothers moved me to a safe house in the middle of South Dakota. It was their friend Bobby's house.
I liked Bobby. Under that gruff, surly mask, he was a big teddy bear with a soft spot for Sam, Dean and a whiskey bottle. I tried that "Hunter's juice" the guys were constantly drinking, and never again will I drink that gasoline. Dean laughed and said that it didn't taste right to me because I wasn't a Hunter.
In the month that Cas was gone, I practiced gliding off the piles of cars and junk, and I was getting pretty good at it.
It was a usual day. I got bored of research and my wings were itching to get some air, so I left the guys to their dusty books. I was practicing getting airborne when I heard a loud plop and saw a winged pig trying to do what I was doing. I fell back on my ass in surprise.
"The resemblance is striking, isn't it?" I turned to find a short blond man leaning on a car pile, sucking on a lollipop. "Yearning to soar but it can't seem to get its fat ass off the ground."
My face felt hot from embarrassment and anger. "Who asked for your opinion?" I stood up and brushed off my jeans.
"No one, but I always like to give my ten cents worth." The pig disappeared and the man walked up to me. "I'm looking for Castiel."
Sam stood not far from the newcomer with a look of shock on his face.
"Hey Samsquatch!" I never thought a grown man's voice could crack. "You haven't seen baby brother lately have you?"
The new guy, Gabriel, looked away shaking slightly. Sam said nothing. He just stared, and I swear I saw tears of joy well up in his eyes. Gabriel looked back to Sam with a look I have only seen on a puppy that was begging. Sam took a few steps towards the newcomer before the blond guy was hanging off his neck, crushing his lips to Sam's. I slowly backed off towards the house to give the two some space.
Sam's arms might as well as been iron shackles around Gabe waist. Deep down he knew the Gabriel had been alive the entire time, but actually seeing the Archangel, feeling the smaller body against his, tasting his sugar coated lips had taken Sam's head for a spin.
God, how he had missed Gabe.
It was a few minutes before both of them came up for air, panting. Gabe nestled his head into Sam's shoulder.
"I missed you so much."
"I missed you too. I prayed it more than a few times."
"Two million, five hundred eighty-five thousand, eight hundred and forty-two times, but who's counting?"
Sam pulled away slightly so they were eye to eye.
"Why didn't you come back?"
Gabriel said nothing. He slid down to the ground and walked a short distance away.
"I wanted you to live your life. To find some hot girl, get hitched, have a couple brats, grow old and fat, and die."
"Why?" Sam crossed his arms seeing where this was going, but Gabriel didn't say anything else. The Winchester walked to the Angel and reached for his hand.
"Is it because I'm human? Because I will die?"
Gabriel turned away, crossing his arms, giving Sam his answer. Anger welled up into Sam's chest.
"What if I didn't want that anymore? What if I wanted to spend my time loving you? I gave up any chance of having a normal life years ago. Why gives you the right to say that you aren't enough for me? For all of my life, I have had to live to save others, living for my family and friends who had died, but screw that! I, for this one part of my life I want to be selfish. I choose to be with you, Gabriel. I love you and nothing is going to change that."
Gabriel wanted to cover his ears and drown out the confession. He didn't want to ruin the special thing that had come to grow between him and the Winchester, like he did with everything else, but the words just made him so happy, soothing his fears and doubts while creating new ones. After everything he had done, torturing or tricking this human, Sam still loved him and would still choose him over a normal life.
Sam wrapped his hand around the back of the Angel's neck and pressed their lips together. Gabe pushed his tongue into Sam's mouth, licking the top of the Winchester's mouth. The kiss grew instantly heated. Sam's hand played with the hem of Gabe's shirt, touching the soft, firm skin beneath, but Gabe stopped him and broke the kiss.
Seeing the hurt look on Sammy's face, Gabe pecked the end of Sam's nose.
"Rain check, Samsquatch. Now where is Castiel and who was the wannabe bird?"