Afraid to Lose Control
Prologue: The Wolf Only Grows.
It's that time again...
Every month without fail, locked in an empty white bare room. With no knowing what I could do; or what I am capable of. The monster just seems to take control and makes me forget everything, apart for the pain. Well people with hearts would say it was pain. To me, and every other member, it is just an empty feeling. A memory of what it used to feel like. Nothing more than an illusion; pure fantasy. But why does it feel so real...
NO! Don't let Axel's childish fantasy get stuck in your head, we don't have hearts.
The monster takes me from the inside out, until the last thing I hear is Lea... NO... Axel screaming 'Saix' or 'Isa'. It is usually Isa, but I can't do anything but listen in that state. Then nothing but pure darkness over throws me. I have had these black out's since I was a young boy living in Radiant Garden. The first one was the worst as I was on my own. Waking up freezing and alone. In a wood, just out of the centre of Radiant Garden. That was the first time I had ever felt true fear. But luckily ever since then Axe... Lea was there to help me. I don't understand why he hasn't given up on me. I did a long time ago. Yet he still helps, even though he knows how horrible I am to the Puppet and Roxas.
But still waking up is the hardest part...
Wondering what I have done. What I could have done. It got better when I became a Nobody though; as I didn't really care about who I hurt, as I had no heart to show any guilt or compassion. Compassion. Such a dry word. It has no meaning to me, well not anymore at least. But it's the 'fear' that the other members will find out, not so much of who I have hurt. I don't want any of those fools knowing. They already call me 'wolf man' and 'wereax'. I don't need more grief from them. Only Axel knows, and only he can.
It sounds like I care, but do I have a heart to care? No.