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Hush

By AmandaPanda White

Thriller / Mystery

Chapter 1

I

“Can I have everyone’s attention please” the Captain yelled over the commotion in the room. Captain Charles Clark was a short balding man with dark brown eyes he was wearing a tan corduroy suit. Everyone got quiet and looked over at him “I’d like you to meet the newest member of our team, her name is Amanda Shepard and she just got done with training”

  “Guess you have a new partner Elliot, but hey were is she at” said Finn Tutuola as he cracked a smile at Elliot which just rolled his eyes

  “Listen Captain I don’t need a partner, Liv will be back soon, and shell want her spot back” Elliot said crossing his arms across his chest, he seemed defensive. There was no expression was on his blank marble face, he had short brown hair and his pale blue eyes where a never ending tunnel into a deep anger.

  “Elliot I never said she was going to be your partner but I do need you to show her the ropes around here, and she’s right here behind me” he said as he stepped out from in front of me reveling me to the room all of their eyes got wide and I even saw Finns mouth drop.

  “This is your desk Amanda so you can start unpacking” the captain said as he showed me to my desk then headed off to his office. I sat down and began to unpack my things on to the desk a couple photos of my family and little trinkets. Their eyes kept watching me “do I not look like detective material?” I asked myself. Just then a tall slender detective came up to me he had gray hair, brown eyes and had glasses on

  “Hey my name is John Munch but you can just call me Munch because that is all everyone else does” he held his hand out to shake mine I smiled and took his hand “that one over there lazing in his chair doing nothing is Finn” Finn glared at him “and then the one standing by the coffee machine that doesn’t want a partner his name is Elliot Stabler”

  “Hello guys of course you know my name is Amanda, and I am kind of quiet and reserved unless you step on me” I replied

  “Why did something as small as you decide to be a detective?” Finn asked smirking. Finn had dark skin with brown eyes; his black hair was slicked back pulled into a pony tail

  “Well I’m not sure I was going to be a nurse but then I had a change of heart, just remember because I am small the bullets will hit you first” I replied to him, his mouth dropped and he was going to say something else but then we got an urgent call about a body that was called that may be a sex crime.

  “Come on Amanda lets go” Elliot said I was already up and ready before he even said anything. We walked down a corridor to a garage and got in this nice black Lincoln. As we were on our way there he began to talk to me

  “So do you want to tell me the real reason you want to be a detective of special victims unit or was it really a change of heart”

  “I had my reasons okay?” I said and turned to the window crossing my arms

  “A little sensitive about it? My last partner acted just like you, and she had a past” he continued

  “…I wish it was that simple” I whispered

  “What was that?” he asked more quietly his voice got sterner, then the car stopped “we are here” he said unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door. We were at a small house in the suburbs we both got out of the car and began walking to the house

  “Hey Stabler! Who’s the new partner? She is a cutie” said a young paramedic I blushed Elliot just ignored him and kept walking I looked back at the paramedic and said “I’m not his partner” Elliot glared at me I smirked right back at him. We entered the house it was a gruesome sight, blood was everywhere and the furniture was over turned and shredded like he was looking for something. We walked into the bedroom where the medical examiner was.

  “What do we have Tamara?” Stabler asked. The victim was lying on the bed poorly dressed, her pants were on half way and her shirt was backwards, she had rust colored hair and brown eyes, her body was mutilated and her neck looked as it was slashed

  “Exsanguination she bled out of her corroded artery and then it looks like he hacked her up. In my opinion it looks like whoever did this was an angry person or was angry at her” I said the medical examiner looked at me surprised and Elliot gave me a nasty glare. I put on a glove and picked up her wallet and opened it the driver’s license it said her name was Sara Fisher and she was just 21, a year younger than I was.

  “Well I’m shocked she’s right, but the reason why we called you was because she was raped we found fluid on her underwear that wasn’t put on after this poor dressing job but I have to get to the lab and run tests” she turned back to the body and continued “are you sure she isn’t my partner Elliot?”

  “I’m not his partner, I work alone” I said and walked out the living room to question who found her, he was a male about sixteen and he was terribly shaken up. He had sandy blonde hair and brown eyes

  “Hi I’m detective Shepard what’s your name?” I asked him showing him my badge

  “My name is Corey Mitchell” he stammered

  “What can you tell me about her?” I questioned

  “Nothing much, I didn’t even know her I was just came up cause her dog was barking at the door so i knocked on the door to see if she was home to let him in and it opened so I just let myself in and I saw all this blood and I followed it to the bedroom and then I saw her then I called you guys” he said to me as he started to cry

  “Hey its okay honey, now did you see anyone in the house when you knocked on the door to let her dog in?” I inquired he simply shook his head I patted him on the shoulder and left to the car were Elliot was waiting for me, he went to say something but I ignored him and out my hand up and walked by to get in the passenger side of the car and buckled up he also got in and stopped for a minute to turn to me and asked “Why do you keep saying you’re not my partner?”

  “I work alone.” I told him. He turned back to the wheel started the car then we drove off; he was silent for a while.

     “So are you a medical examiner and a psychiatrist too?” he requested an answer from me he didn’t look to happy

  “No I just know things, why are you peppering me with questions?” I questioned him

  “I don’t like not knowing people who I work with and you’re very hushed Amanda” he said sternly I simply told him to deal with it. We got back to the precinct and he stormed off into the office Finn stopped me in the hallway

  “Hey short stack what’d you get on the witness” he asked me

  “He wasn’t much of a help, he was just a by passer that stopped to let her dog in” I replied

  “So a simple good deed then” he said

  “I wouldn’t write him off as a good Samaritan just yet” I said and walked into our office and sat down at my desk and started to do paper work and make a statement on Corey Mitchell, it makes me sad that she had to get raped and die. No one deserves that fait at all. I pulled up a record on Sara Fisher all I found was her mom. I dreaded going to that address and giving her this much horrid news. My thoughts got interrupted by Elliot

  “Amanda do you got an address on any family we can tell?” he asked

  “Yea I got a mom, I don’t think there is anyone else” I told him sadly

  “Can I have the address then?” he asked impatiently  

  “…uh yea here” I said shaking my head and writing it on a sticky note and sticking it to his chest

  “Well let’s go then” he said patting my back and pulling it off then walking out I stood up and taking a deep breath I left with him

Fisher Residence

188 N East Street

Brooklyn, New York

September 24, 2017

I walked up to the door and knocked on it, an older woman answered it she had a head full of white hair and blue eyes she wasn’t that tall, she was shaky like maybe she had Parkinson’s Disease

“Can I help you?” she asked sweetly

“Yes I am Detective Amanda Shepard and this is detective Elliot Stabler may we come in?” I replied showing her my badge she nodded and let us in she had a small house. We walked into her living room and sat down on her loveseat. Her house smelled of roses and lavender

“What can I do for you folks today?” she questioned sitting in a recliner slowly

“Is your husband home by chance” Elliot asked her she shook her head and said

“He died 10 years ago from cancer” my heart fell, her daughter is probably the only one she had left and I am the one to break this news to her I adjusted in my seat

“Ma’am we are here about your daughter Sara” I explained fear has fallen over her face “we found her in her home deceased” she had burst into tears

“My baby girl!” she screamed

“Is there any one that you might know that had a problem with her or had it out for her?” Elliot asked her she shook her head no sobbing

“She was a good sweet girl” she said through sobs

“I’m sorry for your loss Mrs. Fisher” I stated

“You better catch that bastard who did this to my little girl she was the only one I had left! Now go and get him! Don’t just sit there go” she wailed pointing her bony finger at the door so we got up and left. We were walking out to the car and Elliot looked at me

“I know there is something different about you Amanda and I will get to it sooner or later” he snarled

“Or never Elliot I refuse to share my past with people, I will deal with it on my own” I retorted

“So you do have a past?” he quizzed me and I simply ignored him the rest of the way back to the precinct. I got out of the car and slammed the door and stormed off inside leaving him in there. It was getting dark out I didn’t realize how late it was until I got back to my desk I looked at my watch “Wow almost 8 at night” I said to myself

“Amanda it’s time to head off” captain said to me as he grabbed his coat off the coat rack

“Okay captain” I said packing up

  I just sat there for a minute before getting up and leaving to my car I was unlocking my car door. I heard a rustle and I stopped, I heard footsteps behind me so I grabbed my gun and whipped around pointing it at who was coming behind me, it was Finn

“Whoa short stack take it easy I just came to check up on ya Elliot said you had a rough time talking to the mom” he responded

“Yea I’m fine thanks don’t sneak up on me or you will get shot okay?” I growled

“Whatever you say” he scowled back and then smiled “did Elliot quiz you today?” he finished

“Yeah how’d you know?” I questioned

“He does to all of his new partners, especially the ones he likes” he winked at me I just shook my head

“He keeps peppering me about my past and I don’t want to talk about it” I said and got in my car “I’ll see you tomorrow Finn” I finished and shut my door before he could ask me about my past too and i drove off. I finally get to my apartment and walked in I was sitting on my couch thinking about the case then, I hear a loud knock at my door. I got up to go see who it was; there was no one but a little white unmarked envelope, I picked it up

I opened it up and there was a folded piece of note book paper and a picture of me when I was a little girl my heart sank it said

My dearest Amanda

I have searched far and wide for you and now, I have found you. You have grown into a much beautiful young woman, and now you have succeeded and became a cop? Good for you my dearest but your gun won’t protect you from the nightmares of me and the flash back you have of your past. I will get you soon my lady

Love you my dearest

Brian”

I covered my mouth and my eyes welled up with tears how did he find me... I thought. I dropped the letter and photo on the floor and ran to my bedroom. i locked my door. That was the only place I felt safe then I cried and ended up drifting off to sleep.

I woke up to my alarm at 6:30 am. I got up and got in the shower and got ready for the day, as I got my coffee I saw the note on my kitchen floor that I dropped last night I picked it up and shived it deep down it in my jacket pocket and left for work. As I got out of my car the not fell out of my pocket Elliot stepped on it and picked it up, I snatched it from him and put it in my pocket

“Don’t read that, that is my business stay out of it stabler I’m warning you” I growled at him and walked off. Later that day I got a call from the medical examiner that she had results on the tests that she ran so I went down there as soon as I could. Elliot was already talking to her when I walked in, I gave him a nasty glare and I heard Tamara ask if he’s made an enemy he just smiled and shook his head with a sly smirk on his face, I walked up to them

“What do we have?” I asked her

“Well we have more than one person” she answered

“More than one semen sample?” Elliot asked her  

“It appears so; you have more than one perp you are in luck though one of them was in the system. Under the name Michael Right” she replied as she handed us a file on him. I went back upstairs to the office fin and munch had already went to take the perp into custody.

I was at my desk reading the file on Michael; it seems to be he had a troubled childhood a lot m.i.ps and a sexual assault charge. “That poor girl she had so much to live for and now she is dead because of him” I thought

There was a loud ruckus and someone screaming “I DIDN’T KILL HER” looks like the perp is here and ready for questioning. I walked down to the interview room.

“You turn Amanda ready to go?” Captain asked me

“Yep let me go in there” I said walking in there

“Hello Michael how is you today” I cooed

“It was pretty shitty but then this hot detective came into question me” he smiled and winked at me I rolled my eyes

“So how well do you know Sara?” I quizzed him

“She was a good fuck now and then” he replied I cringed at him saying that

“So she wasn’t giving you any” I asked him

“No not that day she didn’t she refused me, like what girl can refuse this” asked me running his hands down his body, I shook my head

“That must have made you angry, right? I requested

“Yea I was pretty upset” he said leaning back in the chair

“So let me get this straight she wouldn’t let you have sex with her so you killed her? Right? She wouldn’t let you get a good fuck from her so you slashed her neck wide open and watched her drown in her own blood?” I declared to him

“No I never killed the bitch I told you guys that already” he yelled at me

“Ok so you tore her house up and raped her and slashed her throat and left her for dead, she wasn’t dead when you left right? Because she hasn’t bled out yet? ” I argued I slammed her pictures on the table in front of him “This is what she looks like now, is this a good fuck to you. Would you fuck her now after what you did to her?” I yelled at him

“No but you look like you are” he murmured as he shot up and pinned me against the wall. I tried to fight but instead I had a flash back of what happened to me as a child and froze. The next thing I remember was on the ground and Elliot and Finn was pulling him off of me and my blouse was being ripped. I sat up my head was spinning Munch picked me up and walked me out of the room back to the office a little while later Captain called me to his office

“Amanda are you okay?” he asked closing his door

“Yea I don’t know what happened I guess I just blacked out I haven’t ate yet today” I replied shaking my head “I’m sorry cap I guess I failed”

“No you’re pretty good at what you do just make sure you eat before a roast next time okay?” he commanded I nodded and left I was closing the door when Elliot walked up to me he asked if I wanted a new shirt just then I realized that mine was still ripped revealing my bra and my tattoo of a purple heart on my chest

“Yes id like a new shirt and Elliot my eyes are up here” I scowled at him

“Sorry your tattoo caught my eye, were you in the service?” he asked me

“No my grandpa was and he got shot in Vietnam and got one, were you? He nodded “I was in the marines”

“Oh nice where can I get a shirt at” I asked

“This way Amanda” he said motioning his hand toward the locker-room. We walked down the hall I went in to the room and I started crying as he got me a shirt from his locker

“What is wrong?” he asked

“Nothing just stress” I whimpered looking at my feet he went to touch me I shoved him away his back hit the lockers

“You have a lot of rage inside you what has happened” he wondered looking through me with his crystal blue eyes

“What are you a psychiatrist?” I retorted turning away from him

“Why don’t you trust me dammit? I have done nothing to you Amanda”

“I have pistanthrophobia Elliot!” I yelled

“What the hell does that mean, why the hell do you say that shit to make me feel stupid?” he asked

“No I don’t mean to make you feel stupid; I just don’t want to be treated that way im not a victim. Because I have a phobia of trusting people and you can’t seem to some to come to terms with that. Well I have a wall built and you need to respect it. You have only known me what two days and you are already trying to get in my head? Leave me alone I am only here to work, go ahead dig in my past you won’t find shit.” I said getting in his face “because I don’t tell anyone anything” I shoved him out of my way I put on the shirt and stormed out the locker room and ran into Finn and ended up falling backwards

 “Oh I’m sorry Amanda where are you going in such a hurry” he apologized holding out his hand to help me up I hit it out of my way and got up and brushed myself off

“I have business to take attended to. Do me a favor and tell Elliot to leave me alone.” I snapped walking off. I saw through the corner of my eye that Elliot had come from the locker room after me and Finn had stopped him. I went outside and it was dark and storming I went to my car and got in, I tried to start it but it wouldn’t even turn over great I guess I’m walking home I thought so I got out, locked my door and kicked my car and began my long walk home through the darkness.

  I got home and saw another white unmarked envelope at my doorstep; I picked it up and opened it. It was another letter with a recent picture of me I looked around me, and hurried inside locking the door behind me. I sat down on the couch and read the note

Dearest Amanda

I have been watching you; you are quite the worker aren’t you? Showing that man that you were boss, that is until he stepped up on you and you froze because you saw me didn’t you? You can’t hide behind that badge forever, soon my dearest girl. I will have you to myself and no one can stop me. Keep a watchful eye

See you soon,

Brain

  I was in utter horror was he in my place of work? I can’t hide this forever soon someone will find out, and I don’t want anyone to know my past. I refuse to let that happen, I went to get my other note from my pocket and realized that it wasn’t there. I realized I might have left it in the locker room when I took my jacket off to change my shirt

  “Oh no... I hope he doesn’t find it. I have to get there before him tomorrow” I said to myself I sat up all night; it was around 5 am when I left for the precinct, it took me an hour to get there I saw my car with a piece of paper I began to shake No not here not where I work I thought to myself as I took it from underneath the window wiper and headed inside. Fin and Munch were already there they looked at me with such a confused face

  “Hey are you okay Amanda?” munch asked

  “Yeah why?” I stammered fumbling with the piece of paper

  “You just look a little shaken up” they came closer I stepped back

  “I just couldn’t get to sleep last night have you guys seen stabler yet?” I asked frantically

  “I’m right behind you” he whispered in my ear I jumped, I turned around

  “Meet me in the locker room in about five minutes I have to go..” I paused “I need to go find my other shirt” and then I walked off to the locker room, as I was walking I thought I saw brain so I picked up my pace almost to a run. I ran through the locker room door and sank to the floor with my hands covering my face I realized that I hadn’t opened the piece of paper that I had in my hand. My heart beating so fast, I opened the folded piece of paper. It was just an advertisement for a Chinese restaurant; I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I remembered what I was here for, I shot up and looked around the room it wasn’t there. He must have it I left him there here after I changed my shirt I thought. Then the door opened

  “I have something you want and you have something I want” Elliot protested I whipped around; there it was he was holding it in his hand. I stepped up to him

  “Didn’t I tell you to leave me be?” I growled at him

  “If you don’t tell me I’ll give this to the captain and he’ll want to know, me on the other hand I won’t tell anyone” he smiled thinking he caught me

  “And If you don’t give me that letter Stabler I’ll tell the captain that you are harassing me” I snatched it from him “So it’s either my past of your job choose” his mouth dropped

“That is what I thought” I said and started out the door

  “I read it.” He called out to me I just kept walking I was on my way back to my desk, just then someone came running into the room

  “Can someone help me please I have been raped he tried to slit my throat” she was screaming hysterically she was covered in blood, it was matted in her hair and dripping all over the floor

  “Here come here let me get you a towel I ran to the locker room and grabbed one and ran back wrapping her in it, in a sense she looked just like me a short girl with red hair, and brown eyes. I felt like I was standing in a mirror. A burning sensation was in my gut but I ignored it and went on taking her statement

  “Tell me what happened young lady” I said. She started explaining how she was in her home cooking dinner; someone had broken in and grabbed her from behind dragging her in to her bedroom, threw her on the bed, raped her and left

“Can you describe him to me?” I asked her

“He had brown hair and blue eyes he was about six foot tall and had a hoodie and a baseball cap on with a netted back kind of like a trucker hat” she whispered I finished taking her statement. I called her an ambulance and sent her to the hospital for a rape kit and to fix her lacerations and any other medical issues she had. I walked up to munch and showed him the file I had just got

   “Another attack has happened we have to release the other perp because it ain’t him” I said he looked at me weird and said

“Have you been having an issue with Elliot Amanda? You have avoided him since you came out of the locker room with him this morning and yesterday you told Fin to tell him to leave you alone. Is there something going on?” I went to say something and then he walked up behind me

“She won’t tell me her past maybe you can get it out of her” my face turned red

“Stabler I have had about enough of you prodding in my past you won’t find anything I already said that” I said shaking in anger

“I found your letter though isn’t that enough for a suspicion? I think so” he said

“A letter?” Munch asked

“I swear to god I will end you stabler” I snapped

“Go ahead make your empty threats Amanda you are too short to scare me” he snarled

“Yes and you are taller than me so there is more of you to dislike so there prick.” I snorted I flipped my hair at him and left

“Hey Amanda I want to ask you a question” Finn called out I turned around

“Yes Finn” I replied

“Would you like to go out after work to dinner?” he asked Munch and Stabler came out of the office. Stabler looked upset which made me say yes

“Get it Finn!” Munch Yelled down the hall, then the captain came up

“Are you taking me out to dinner Finn?” he teased

“No, Amanda” Finn laughed

“Oh yea that reminds me Amanda my office now” he said plainly my face went pale

“Yes Sir” I replied following him with my eye down to the floor, I went into his office he closed the door

“I want to say good job on taking your first report” he smiled putting his hands in his pockets

“I thought I was in trouble or you wanted to talk to me about something maybe Elliot had told you? But I guess not and thank you not a lot of people are pleased with my work”

“What would have Elliot told me?” he asked

“I am not sure to but to be honest we aren’t really getting along” I said

“Why is that?” He quizzed

“He wants my past but I refuse to give it to him that is my deal not his he needs to stay out of it and he hasn’t exactly left me alone”

I said

“What do you have to hide?” he questioned

“Nothing that is just the point!” I replied

“Okay alright I’ll talk to him” he allowed I nodded

“Well excuse me I have a date with Finn” I grinned

“I’m going to warn you of this, if Elliot really likes you he will pry and pry and pry” he chattered

“I’ve noticed cap, if he could just leave me alone that would be nice” I acknowledged

“Okay, Have fun with Finn tell the other guys to head out too besides Elliot tell him I want to see him” I nodded and told him good night and left to go get Finn and tell the others to leave

“Guys cap said you can leave, but Elliot he wants to talk to you before you go” I smirked at him

“You ready to go?” Finn asked holding his arm out. I took and turned my head to Elliot

“Have fun marine” I saluted him and winked while walking off with Finn

“Were we going to dinner Finn? We will have to take your car mines shot? I asked smiling

“I was thinking Chinese you down?” he simply said I nodded. We got in his car and took off to the closest Chinese joint there was, which was conveniently located near my apartment because I was going to walk home. We walked in and a waitress seated us, we ordered our food and sat in silence for a while as we waited for our food to arrive

“This isn’t exactly a date Amanda” he said when the food came

“Figured what do you want to know” I replied putting a napkin in my lap and unraveling my chopsticks

“The note Stabler had I found and gave it to him to give to you” he said with his mouthful. I dropped my chopsticks

“…No...” I whispered

“Do you want to tell me what is going on? I like you, Munch likes you even the captain likes you. You are fun and sassy but we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what is going on” he said, I just shook my head

“Finn it is a simple explanation okay? I appreciate you asking but I’m okay it’s a simple prank this guy is just messing with my head” I said

“Is that the only one he has left you” he asked

“Yes” I lied through my teeth he looked at me like he knew I was lying but dropped it. Maybe stabler will now that the captain has talked to him. We finished our meal and said our goodbyes and I headed home on foot. My mind kept racing on if Elliot had told the captain about my note, and then Finn is the one that found it. I had finally got home without even noticing.

Walking up the stairway to my apartment I felt so drowsy and sluggish so as soon as I hit my door I kicked my shoes off and went straight to bed.

I woke up in a dim lit bedroom, I sat straight up I know this room I looked at my clothing it was a light pink dress with elephants around the bottom of it I know this dress. I began to panic; I got off the bed and ran for the door which had then stretched all the way down the end of the hallway. The closer I got to the door the further it got away from me. Then I heard his voice

“It’s okay Amanda come here this will be our little secret” he beckoned me to him with one finger and lead me back to the room. All of a sudden my point of view changed I saw him pull my dress over my head and me shaking in fear, he took my panties off and laid me down on the bed. I tried to close my eyes but I couldn’t, he got on top of me I screamed and shot up in bed. I covered my face with my hands I felt tear tacks down my face I had been crying in my sleep again, I looked at the clock it said “6:30 am” so I got out of bed and got ready.

I was brushing my teeth when something hit me

“If I am nice to Elliot he will leave me alone” I said with my mouthful off tooth paste then I spit it out, I smiled and finished getting ready with a feeling I forgot something and I went on my way to work I picked him up a coffee. I walked in to the office he was sitting at his desk I walked up behind him

“Elliot?” I said sweetly

“What?” he asked turning around in his office chair with his arms crossed

“Listen I know that I haven’t been the best of I don’t know what to call myself to you, so your partner, and I wanted to tell you why, that letter you read was just a bunch of kids being jack asses.” I said handing him the coffee “and it was just yesterday and all that stress that made me bitchy and I’m sorry” I finished. He looked at me for a minute

“Okay I believe that only because your past is clean” he said taking the coffee “what is it?”

“I put cream in it the way my grandpa liked it” I said setting down at my desk, there was a manila envelope on it. I looked at it strangely

“Good guess shorty” he laughed taking the lid off of it

“Yeah I guess... What is this?” I asked him picking up the envelope he looked over

“I don’t know it was there when I got here this morning” he said blowing on his coffee. I bit my lip

“I’m going to go to the bathroom okay I’ll be right back” I told him getting up grabbing the envelope

“Okay do you really have to take that with you?” he demanded I nodded “Weirdo” he said going back to the files on his desk and I got up and went to the ladies room and locked it.

“This better not be from him then I know that he is in the building” I whispered, my heart started to beat faster as I opened the envelope and it was more pictures but of me and Finn from last night, I covered my mouth dropping, I dropped everything I had in my hands and fall backwards crashing into the toilet. Someone knocked on the door

“I know you are in there Amanda” a low deep voice said and I heard them walk away. I covered my mouth I felt tears running down my face, my hands where trembling. Just then a piece of note book paper caught my eye I crawled over to it and grabbed it

Amanda

I saw you last night with your male detective colleague; don’t get to close to any of them I warn you or I will hurt them, this I promise. You are mine forever

Forever and always

Brian

Just then there was another knock at the door

“Amanda we got another body come on” Elliot called through the door I wiped my tears and collected the things

“Okay Elliot I’ll be out soon” I chirped trying to sound okay I stood up and rinsed off my face and stood over the sink for a minute then I opened the door to him standing right there

“Are your arms always crossed?” I questioned him hiding the things behind my back. He tried to see “Hey not your my business it was from my mom”

“Okay go get your coat and meet me in the car” he said walking away I went to my desk and stuffed the things in a drawer hiding them and running out of the room as fast as I could grabbing my coat and met Elliot at the car

“Where was the body found Elliot?” I asked him getting in the car

“In Central Park” he stated coldly starting the car

Central Park

October 1st

We walked up and we saw a red headed girl she had a short stature, she looked like me I began to sweat because this was the second girl the resembled me. that was the second one that was dead and the third that was raped. I wasn’t sure if it was my past or if it was him and he attacked someone that looked like me. Her name was Cassandra Wiles and she was found in the bushes by a jogger that passed by.

“Is it just me or does she look like you” he asked quietly, he looked over slightly worried look came over his face.

“You are so funny Elliot” I laughed sarcastically looking around the area “Hey I got something” I called out. It was a glove, a leather glove. It was taken by forensics to the lab. I was walking to the car and got in it Elliot had got us hotdogs for lunch

“Thanks” I said talking one

“You know what I said about her looking a lot like you” he said I nodded with a mouthful of hotdog “I mean it; I fear for your safety watch your back please” he said biting a chunk off his hotdog. Fear came over my face but then I dropped it and ignored it. We went back to the precinct captain walked up to us

“Elliot your daughter is here” he said to him he shook his head

“Come on you can meet my daughter” he said grabbing my arm sleeve and dragging me

“Elliot I am super shy why are you making me meet your daughter” I asked trying to pull away

“Cause you are my new partner she has to meet you” he said pulling me more until we walked up to his daughter

“Dad what is with all the rapes and murders should I be worried?” just then she looked at me and glared at me “Who is that?” she questioned him crossing her arms

“Kathleen this is Amanda my new partner” he said introducing us I waved at her my face was burning up

“She is a shy detective? What kind of detective is that? Where is Olivia?” she asked 

“Kathleen that isn’t fair give her a chance and yes she is shy but you should she her interrogate people” he said

“Dad she doesn’t even look like a detective what is she 19?” she pointed out just then I piped up

“Um excuse me I am 22 and I am standing right here, please be respectful I did not know I was going to replace anyone I am just here to do my job get over it.” I crossed my arms, they both looked at me in utter shock, I walked off to go talk to Tamara about the other samples or finger prints if she could find anything

“Could you find anything?” I asked walking in while she was looking in the microscope

“No not yet but I will let you know when I do” she said still glued to it I walked back to the office, Elliot’s daughter had left. Then he came up to me

“Hey what happened to you being quiet” he asked

“Well when you step on me Ima stomp you back simple as that” I said organizing files of the victims on my desk “Got a problem?” I asked crossing my arms at him

“No I am glad you are not a shy little girl because you can’t be in this profession” he smiled

“I figured” I replied then I glared at him cause he called me little, he was smiling

“But I’m sorry for that, we both are a little skeptical about new partners, and I’m sorry for interrogating you about your past” he apologized to me

“Yea that is something that bugs me about people they think they know me and can read me, but no one can I am a tough case to crack” I smiled at him

“What do we got on this guy” some lady called out walking in the room and not paying attention I said

“The perp seems to like short red headed women and his M.O is slashing their throats after raping them and watching them bleed out”

“Oh and who’s this fireball, I never got told we got a new detective?” the woman asked walking up to me with an intriguing look on her face

“Casey this is Amanda Shepard, Amanda this is Casey Novak the special victims D.A” Elliot told me

“Good afternoon Casey” I said shaking her hand, she smiled

“It looks like we have found a good replacement for Olivia this time, she is nothing like beck, and Olivia would like her” Casey said looking at Elliot

“Yeah she isn’t an in your face type of person like Beck was. That is until you step on her, my daughter made that mistake earlier, and I have been making that mistake this whole week” he said to her

“Enough about me you two look at this, okay I think he has an anger to red headed woman. Possibly trying to get revenge from someone who has either hurt him in the past or betrayed him in some way this guy is serious and the problem is he is careful but he will slip up somehow, I know he will” I said just then Tamara came in

“I got a print this glove believe it or not but it was a partial” it’ll take a while for it to get through the system” she said

“Is that all you came in there for?” Casey asked

“No there were strange contents in all of the victim’s stomachs, cake and ice cream, this perp you are chasing is chasing someone from his past” she answered, just then my world went black. I heard everyone yelling my name in slow motion. My vision slowly faded from the black and I came to, Elliot was over me

“Are you okay Amanda?” he questioned

“Oh god what happened… There is blood on your hand Elliot” I said shaking my head

“You fainted and hit your head on the corner of the desk, your head is bleeding” he explained to me

“Oh shit I forgot to take my medicine this morning... it is for my arrhythmia I knew I forgot something when I walked out” I stated “My heart must have acted up” then munch came up to me with ice I took it and put it on the back of my head “I am so embarrassed” I said trying to get up and couldn’t because I got dizzy again and fell down

“Don’t move” Tamara said and came over and felt my pulse

“You aren’t going anywhere but the hospital, someone call a bus.” She called out “Amanda what is your medicine” she asked

“I don’t remember” I replied

“Elliot you’re going to have to go and get her medicine” just then a the paramedics came in and started putting me on a gurney

“No ill be okay don’t go to my house” I said  

“They need to know what you are on because of what you are having right now” she demanded

“What’s going on” captain asked coming back from lunch she walked up to him

“Amanda is in atrial fibrillation and she won’t let Elliot go get her medicine and take it to the hospital for the doctors” she told him

“Elliot go and get the medication and Amanda you’re going to the hospital” he said just then my vision started fading when they started putting oxygen on me

“She’s going into abnormal sinus rhythm we have to go, detective stabler meet us at the hospital with the medicine” last thing I saw was him scribbling my address down on a piece of paper and ran out the door then everything went black

The next thing I knew was waking up and I heard beeping and an occasional release of air from the oxygen tanks, I saw Elliot through blurred vision talking to the doctor

“Will she be okay?” he asked

“She has a pretty nasty arrhythmia and her not taking her pills and a high stress job doesn’t help it, but yes she is fine we will discharge her tomorrow. Look she is waking up” the doctor said “I’ll leave you two alone to talk” he finished and walked out

“Elliot what time is it” I stretched and sitting up slowly not to pull on my IV

“Almost 1 in the morning” he said coming over to my bedside pulling up a chair

“Don’t you have a family?” I asked him

“That’s my business” he said lowering my head

“Okay so when can I go back to work” I asked him

“The doctor said tomorrow, why you aren’t taking your medicine?” he asked me

“I am I told you it was just yesterday” I squeaked

“I found this” He said pulling out an unmarked envelope. My heart rate skyrocketed “Why are you scared of this letter” he asked

“I’m excited it’s from my mom” I said

“That’s why you’re pale?” he questioned

“Elliot I’m in the hospital for a heart issue I’m going to be pale” I sneered at him

“So you don’t mind if I read it?” he asked

“You want me to ask about your marital problems? I don’t just interrogate at work you know” I said he lowered his head and handed me the envelope  

“How’d you know I was having marital problems” he asked me rubbing his eyes

“Oh Elliot I can read people like a book that’s one of the reasons I became a detective I have a certain way with the people” I said

“Oh do you? Read me then” he said sitting up

“You don’t want me to do that I already know too much” I said shaking my head

“Prove it” he glared

“Fine you asked give me your hand” he looked at me funny “I have to touch you to know you that is why I don’t touch people” I said, he looked skeptical and finally forked over his hand to me I placed mine on his

 “Oh honey why did you have to make me read you, this is horrible now I know why you are so angry” I apologized letting his hand go

“Let me have it” he commanded

“Well your dad was a drunken Irish man that sometimes got abusive and your family never showed you any kind of affection, because of that you are now an angry person and you have had problems with your job and family because of it” I said he just looked at me stunned

“Happy now?” I asked him. He looked at his hand then back at me

“How do you do that?” he asked I simply shrugged

“I’ve been able to do it since I was a kid, no I am not a psychic I don’t believe in that jive” I said

“But you touched Munch and Casey why not them?” he asked me

“Oh I read them but there was nothing that they don’t define themselves as a human being” I said all of a sudden my chest tightened up and I grabbed it

“Are you okay?” he has shooting up out of his chair

“Yes, yes I’m fine just it’s just my arrhythmia acting up again it’ll fix itself in a minute hey look at the monitor” I pointed at it, it was just all over the place “That’s why Tamara wanted me to come here and you go get my medicine” I said breathlessly “It’s gone now” I said releasing my chest and laying back

“That is some scary stuff how long can you go without your medicine before dire side effects” he asked

“Elliot go home, I’ll see you tomorrow” I said closing my eyes

“No this is something I need to know, you need to tell me this” he demanded

“Elliot I don’t know I’ve never went but a day without it, and this is rare for me to end up in the hospital like this” I said to him “Now go I need to sleep because I’ll be right back there tomorrow morning” I told him

“I’m staying right here and I don’t know how the captain will feel about you coming back so early” I said

“But your family?” I asked

“This is the captain’s orders” he shrugged

“Okay if you stay I have really bad night terrors, and to the captain ill have a doctor’s note so he can’t send me home” I pointed out he just shook his head

“You don’t know the captain Amanda, okay I’m going to go ask a nurse for more blankets” he told me.

He headed out the door and I faded to sleep before he had even got back. I had the same night terror I had had the other night, I just watched myself get raped and molested in horror i couldn’t do anything about it I was stuck, it was like it was on replay because it happened over and over again.

I got woken up by a nurse rubbing her knuckled on my chest  

“Shepard wake up, Miss Shepard” she said in a loud stern voice. My eyes fluttered open

“Yes?” I asked sitting up half way

“It’s time to take your medicine” she said handing me a cup, I took it

“Do you have the time by chance?” I asked her

“It is about 6 o clock in the morning” she said staring at her wristwatch

“Were did Elliot go” I questioned her setting up all the way and rubbing my eyes

“That man you were with he went to the cafeteria to get some coffee for both of you, is he your husband” she questioned me, I busted out laughing just then Elliot walked in with two cups of coffee and looked at me like I was crazy 

“Listen honey that man right there, which is my partner, not my husband I don’t even have a significant other” I laughed

“Oh I’m so sorry I thought because he stayed with you he was…” she was saying but I cut her off

“It’s no big deal, our captain told him to stay with me” I pointed out, she looked at him embarrassed and just left

“No lover huh?” Elliot asked walking up and handing me the coffee

“Nope, no one” I said smugly

“Well you were right about your night terrors, what are they about?” he asked

“Nothing I always have had them since I was a little girl” I said taking a drink of coffee

“I swear there is something you’re not telling me about yourself” he said glaring at me, just then the doctor came in

“Miss Shepard how are you feeling this morning?” he asked me

“Normal I assume” I said

“That is good well I came to discharge you” he said getting gauze and Band-Aids for my hand. He pulled out the IV; he finished talking to me about how I need to be careful about my arrhythmia and to take my medicine. I nodded

“Why was I even in this place” I asked him while he was wrapping my hand up

“Just a precaution for anyone that has an arrhythmia as nasty as yours” he said looking up from my hand “You need to take your medicine young lady that could have killed you” he finished

“I only forgot it once, only because I was under a lot of stress yesterday” I said

“Okay well I believe you, I’ll be back with your papers you can get dressed now” he said walking out

“I brought you some clothes from home cause the were going to cut your clothes off because you were responsive” he said throwing me a sweat shirt and a pair of sweats

“Get out.” I said he looked at me appalled “uhm well I need to change and you aren’t going to watch, shoo” I said kicking him out of the room and closing the door. I took off my hospital gown and changed into the clothes he had brought me and let the sad dog back in.

“You could have howled” I smiled

“I don’t get it” he said coming back in the room

“I’m kidding never mind” I shook my head 

“Good the doctor gave me these” he handed me papers “Ready to go?” he asked I nodded my head

“Yes please like now let’s go” I said headed to the elevator, he shook his head following me

“Are you sure you’re ready to go back to work” he asked me pushing the one button on the control panel for the elevator

“Yes I love my job and I have to crack this case so no one will get hurt anymore” I told him more determined than ever. The elevator went down to the main floor and he went to get the car. He drove up and I got in

“So I just got a call from Munch, they said that they got a hit from that partial print and they have the perp in custody” he said

“Yes we got the bastard!” I called out and we drove off, we went back to the precinct. The captain walked up to us

“You ready to interrogate Amanda?” he asked I paused

“Are you sure?” I asked

“If you’re ready then go ahead” he told me I went to the interrogation room with Elliot and looked through the glass. I saw who was sitting in there with a smirk on his face, tears began to fall and then I began to feel rage in my stomach I charged in there

“You fucking bastard” I screamed at him banging my fist on the metal table

“Oh Amanda there you are I wondered when you were going to come in here, I requested you” he said smiling his blue eyes looked like a mirror to me, all I saw was me as a little girl

“Why are you following me? Why did you hurt those girls?” I growled at him

“I assume you’ve got my letters?” he laughed “you think I hurt those girls because of you no, I didn’t I have been looking for you, and I told you, you were mine and ill prove so soon enough” he yelled pounding his fist on the table he stood up, I cowered

“That’s right little girl cower to me” he smiled and came so close to me I could smell the last cigarette he smoked on his breath. He grabbed my face “you aren’t so scary you know that” he pushed me backwards into the wall. I couldn’t handle it I ran out of that room I heard Captain yell at Elliot to follow me, all I saw was the blur from my tears I just ran home. There was another envelope I snatched it up and went inside, I locked the door behind me I opened the letter. It was pictures of me in the hospital there was a message on the back of the photo it said

See you soon

I just screamed throwing the photo on the ground and grabbing my head all of a sudden someone was beating on the door

“Amanda let me in” Elliot yelled through the door

“Elliot go away this isn’t your business!” I screamed back crying 

“If you don’t open this door I will kick it open” he told me “I’m serious” he howled “One, two...” I cut him off

“Okay, okay ill unlock the damn thing” I cried standing up and unlocking it, I opened it I walked to my love seat. I wiped my eyes. “Okay Elliot you caught me I have a past and he was part of it you happy now?” I sniffed wiping my tears “Do you still want to know what happened in my past that bad?” I cried he nodded and sat me down and sat down with me on the love seat

“You said how your old partner had a past? well so do I, I was raped when I was younger, more than once and that is why I wanted to be a detective” I yelled at him “I feel so worthless I don’t want anyone else to feel that way, but that girl we found the other day? That just shot me back in time, and then you questioning me about my past didn’t make anything better” I got up “I don’t want to seem like a burden but I did to my family when I tried to tell but did they listen? No they didn’t! Stop making up stories Amanda stop lying. God dammit Elliot no one listened...” I trailed off

“You were raped?” he seemed puzzled

“It happened over, and over, and over again every time I went over there” 

  “That is terrible Amanda I’m so sorry that that happened to you did you make a report?” he asked me

“Now I am going to get that from a cop? I was seven Elliot it was my over reactive imagination... They didn’t want to believe me. And then after I told them it got worse because he was confronted about it... It just got so much worse and statute of limitations is up I can’t do anything about it” I stammered

“Walk me through it tell me what happened...” I broke him off

“Elliot I’m not one of your victims, I work with you” I shrieked

“Well you are now” he said

“No I’m not I can take care of myself” I growled at him

“You call that taking care of yourself? You are still scared of him” he declared

“I can’t get close to any of you I don’t want you hurt” I said just then Elliot’s phone rang

“Stabler, why? He put his hands on her; you have to find something to hold him. Nothing? Okay” he said into his phone and hung up

“Those girls Elliot, he killed because of me. I betrayed him when I was a little girl and told my parents” I told him “all those envelopes where letters and pictures to me he’s been watching me” I said quietly walking to my window and looking out it over new York it was getting dark, the city was lighting up

“And the cake and ice cream was to shut you up?” he asked. I nodded “I need to tell the captain, you need protection” he said getting ready to call the captain back

 “Elliot no he won’t hurt me I’ll be okay” I said putting my hand over his phone “Go home” I told him

“But you need me here” he argued with me

“No I don’t you need to go home” I demanded

 “Can you at least tell me where it happened?” he asked

“You know that big condemned house on 42nd avenue?” I asked

“Yea is that the place?” he replied

“Yea and sometimes I go back and sit in the place where it happened and I relive the nightmare, sometimes I think it helps when I have flash backs” I said sadly

“Does it?” he asked back I shook my head “You really need protection I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you after I am the one that saw you last, you need me” he told me  

“No I don’t your family needs you” I said “Go” he looked at me “I’ll be at work tomorrow” I promised him

“Can I come and pick you up then?” he asked me I told him sure and he hugged me “please be safe” he pleaded

“I will” I said hugging him back he left; I went to brush my teeth. I heard the door crack open

“Elliot I said I was going to be okay” I called out rinsing my tooth brush out, I walked out then something hit me over the back of the head and I fell to the ground I saw my attacker, it was him it was Brian, I got up dizzily

“Why are you in my house!” I yelled absently hitting the air at him I tried to stay conscious I grabbed my love seats back and it flipped on me, I watched him tear up my house looking for something then he moved the love seat, he picked me up and carried me to my room. I tried to scream but he slapped me

“They will get you for this” I blundered then my world went black.

I came too, my vision was blurred but I could figure out that I was chained up in a place that looked like a cellar. I sat up and looked around; I saw a crudely put together toilet, a food and water dish, and a bunch of toys from my childhood. I was sitting in a bed with a dress on shackled tightly at the ankle to a large pipe. He came into the room with a syringe

“Let me go!” I screamed throwing anything at him that was in my reach at him

“Now now Amanda you know you love me you did when you were younger” he said dodging everything

“I NEVER EVEN LIKED YOU” I screamed at him. He slapped me so hard it made my mouth bleed

“Tell me you love me” he growled grabbing my face, I spit the blood in my mouth at him “that’s it you little bitch” he tried to stick me with the syringe I fought back, just then the doorbell rang

“Help, help me please I am...” he stuck me in the side of the neck when I was screaming the cocktail of drugs went into my system. I was paralyzed he went upstairs. I heard the door open and I heard Munch’s voice. I tried to scream for help but nothing came out then I blacked out.



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