I love her a lot and I love you.
I love you.
I love ...
I copied the song and removed Rin's memory card and I went down stairs.
Miku's voice reiterates in my head as the words 'I love you,' kept on repeating in my neurons. That sweet voice, that sweet way of saying that three-words-magical-sentence rolled out of her tongue like it is mesmerism. She's not telling those words to me, she said it to my twin. I hoped she said it to me too. I felt something on my belly at the thought of it.
'Butterflies,' I mumbled as the feeling seemed to crawl up to my esophagus. Gosh, gosh. Girlish. Girlish. Girlish! Anyway, the effort she made for my twin was laudable. It is sweet, it is worthy of a genuine 'thank you and I love you too.' Not all best friends in the world can make an effort like that. Not all best friends can make something that will leave a mark in the history of one's life. Not everyone can make that effort; and not everyone is willing to make that kind of effort. If Rin had told her gratitude to Miku, I want to tell her that...
"I made a salad there, Lenny."
"I love you too. Thank you so much."
The words escaped my mouth, out of my control. I realized that I was already in the living room and Ma was standing in front of me, she's looking at me with eerie eyes. I felt my cheeks heat up in shame. I tried to look away and ignore Ma's scrutinizing look, but she kept on bugging me. She kept on poking my cheeks until I felt like my whole face was fried.
"I love you too, son? You are blushing, honey. Are you okay?" Mom asked and I just nodded and went straight to the kitchen. After I escaped Ma, I sighed in a depressed way. If only I was Miku's best friend too.
I found Rin seated along the dining the table, talking to someone on phone. She kept on twisting her spoon around the salad bowl. I went in front of her and gave her memory card. Without giving Rin an acknowledging look, I walked over the fridge to get my own salad because Rin won't share hers. But I just remembered the mystery of my aircon. Sounds funny? I know right. I sat in front her and watched her talk idly and lonely. I took a spoonful of the creamy and cold salad and merrily took another.
"Len, go away."
I ignored her by just shrugging and rolling my eyes as I munch over my food. Rin rolled her eyes, and told the other line, "Talk to you later, bye."
"Miku?" I asked as she put her memory card back in her phone.
"Yup." she said, emphasizing the p with her bottom lip. I really don't know what to say next so we can continue to talk...so I'll stick with unplanned plan B. Tease Rin.
"About Kaito?" I said, smirking at her. Rin quickly gave me a shock expression, gaping with what I've said. I felt like I want to cry due to laughter because her eyes are so wide, and cheeks in a crimson blush. She stood in her seat, her hands balled into fists.
"W-what are you s-saying?!" she stuttered a little but that encouraged to continue annoying my twin, to talk with her like the old times...even this was just a good time.
"Rin. When you have a crush, don't stutter. That's being obvious. It's okay to have that puppy love." I winked at her, shoving a spoonful of fruits in my mouth.
"Oh, s-shut up! You don't know the feeling, err." she said as she picked up her bowl and went over to the kitchen sink. The water from the faucet gushed down in a harsh manner, just as what Rin does as she scrubbed the bowl with the sponge. Her face is still red, her eye brows almost bumping.
I mentally smiled with what she said. I honestly don't know the feeling when you'll suddenly get attracted to someone. That feeling like, one day you'll wake up then you are in love. I think that is so odd. Well, friendship is much better than that. With friendship, you don't have to confess your liking. It is not necessary to broadcast your liking, right? That's why I'd rather have a friend than a girlfriend.
"So Rin, how does it feel to have a crush over the Engineering department's heart-throb? Huh?" I asked in mischief, displaying my elegant look, the best expression to annoy my sis. She shut the faucet and went back to sit in front of me.
"You wouldn't understand because you don't know!" she exclaimed, grabbing the nearest orange. She started to scratch the orange's skin madly.
"WAHAHAHA! That's what Kaito exactly said!" I laughed hysterically that I want to cry on the spot. Is it coincidence that they said both things?
"He did- I mean, SHUT UP, Len!" she screamed my name as she threw an orange to me.
"Len! Rin! What's on there?" Ma yelled from the living room. With Rin's loud and thin voice, it will be easy to read that she's annoyed. Wow, her golden fringe seemed to be stucked on her forehead. I ran to the sink and washed my bowl, as I say the words that will declare an all out war with Rin.
"MOM, RIN GOT A BOYFRIEND!"
"WHAAAT!-"Rin shrieked and startled. "Mom! Don't believe Len! He's a liar!" she continued, her high-pitched voice ringing in my ears. I doubt if I'll annoy her next time. Her voice was so...irritating when she's mad. She picked and threw an orange towards me but missed it.
"What boyfriend, Rin? Len? Am I missing something here?" Ma said, walking in the kitchen, her hands on her hips, giving Rin a suspicious look. Her golden hair was tucked behind her ears as she smiled sweetly at Rin. Maybe she feels happy that Rin got a boyfriend...but that's a lie. Haha!
"Mom! Don't believe him!"
"No, mom! She really got one! Remember my friend, Kaito!?"
"Shut up, Len! I'll kill you!" Rin yelled to me but that made me grin as wide as possible. She threw more oranges as if we have an unlimited supply of it, but she missed it now and then.
"LOOK, mom! She's being obvious!" I told mom. I know mom will believe me and Rin will be in a disadvantageous position.
"I'M NOT BEING OBVIOUS! Kaito's not my boyfriend! I barely talk to him, he barely talks to me, so that's not even possible!" Rin screamed, rising from her seat and throwing the fruit basket to me.
"But you wished him to be your boyfriend!" I said.
Mom slammed the table and that silence Rin and I. We both looked at mom. Ma is rubbing her fingers against her temples and gave us a confused look.
"You, Rin, Len. Please, shut up. It's not funny. Your voices are roaring like beasts in the jungle. Why is it like when you grew up, you started to tease each other? I expected that you'll do that when you're younger...oh my, my," mom turned back and walked away. Rin and I was left in silence. Our neurons are digesting what mom said. Rin looked at me, and I looked back to her. As if I'm looking at a mirror, we both shrieked laughter, holding our stomach.
Ma is correct. When Rin and I were younger, we never quarreled unlike the other children. I can still remember how sweet we are. That's what I'm trying to get back right now. You'll never know what you lost until you realized it late.
Rin started to pick up the scattered oranges, as I dry my hands with a towel. Once done, we went back to the dining table. We sat in silence for a moment. She's scanning something in her phone, smiling for some reason then begin typing. I just sighed and closed my eyes, enjoying the silence. My fingers ran over the smooth table cloth. I can't stop random thoughts to enter my head.
My eyes flew open with THAT thing in my head. I felt my cheeks heat up. Why do I have to think of it? A picture of Miku and me...perhaps an impossible reverie. I looked back to Rin as she brought down her phone on the table. She looked at me; traces of boredom are evident in her eyes as her smile faded.
"Ah, Rin. I want to ask something, regarding Miku," I paused, waiting for her signal so I can proceed with my question. She nodded and smiled a little.
"Why is Miku suddenly cold to you?" I asked, tearing the small smile on my twin's face. Her smile was instantly replaced with a worried look and she sighed.
"That started when she heard the things she should have not heard at all,
"She should have not listened but that's impossible. She should have not heard the truth, if then, everything must be fine," Rin added as a matter of fact. With Rin's words, I came to a sudden realization. There are points in our lives that the words said basically changes everything. That's what I call influence. Words are powerful; It can break you, it can build you. In Miku's case, she broke down.
I suddenly feel bad for Rin, regretting the shame I caused her. I feel lonely for Rin's best friend- who changed from a summer-warm person to a winter-cold doll. Maybe, Rin had seen my worried face so she continued.
"After hearing the truth that prevailed, Miku changed. She kept on saying that she isn't real, that she is just an idea. She said that she is just a... living memory. I know everything else, but it's hard to explain and I will not tell you. I will not tell you because you will not understand it. Not now that you are... who you are." she left me hanging from her words. Why? Am I not trustworthy? We used to be so close to each other; we used to tell each other's secrets, so isn't that a reason to tell me? Maybe I'm prying too much... But I can't understand why this people kept on saying that I won't understand? First, Kaito told me that I will not understand because I don't know a thing. Next, my twin, Rin, said that I can't understand because I am who I am. I think, I should look for a professor named "Experience" and attend his lectures so people can tell me those things.
As if I was dumb-struck, I stormed out of the kitchen and locked myself in my room. I felt like...my understanding about the world was unseen. Can't people see that I can learn, I can understand whatever circumstances they are going thru?
Holding the grief beneath my chest, I sat before the piano. My cold fingers rested over the black and white keys and eventually began to play a melody. With the downpour of the heaven as my metronome, I felt relieved as the piano cried the music made by Yiruma, "Kiss the rain." It literally tore my heart into pieces; I can barely feel it crashing in my chest. I strongly believe that it is the saddest song ever.
My fingers kept on dancing over the piano keys as my eyes shed the warm tears against my cold skin. All of my regret, all of my grievance, instantly came out while playing the piano piece. Break my heart more. Remind me all the pain. Do break my heart by reminding. You, music piece, break my heart because it reminds me that I am alive. Break my heart and remind me that I still have a heart. A heart that breaks. A fragile, distorted heart. A heart that breaks because of the things that I regretted that I've done and haven't done. I feel worse not to understand people's feeling. Since I can't, I'll just continue to play with this song. I can no longer understand the art of life, so with this melody I am playing, I'll make this art of mine so life will understand.
The tyranny of the rainfall seemed to doze off my consciousness. My tears dried and left traces down my face. I felt like there's one last tear about to fall so I wipe it away before it may fall. No one deserves to feel worst as I do. Fighting not the stupor in me, I jumped over my warm bed after the last notes have given off. I hid my face under a soft pillow, afraid for the ceiling to see how fragile I am. At least, this room knows how I feel when I can't tell anyone.
"Len! Move here, quickly!" Rin called as she dashed away from me, going under the shade of a large tree. It was a sunny afternoon and we went out to play. This is a quiet part of the playground and very few children go here because there's nothing to do with a tree and a swing. Rin's hair was waving as she ran away. My hair was trimmed short so Ma can find the difference between us, when we are wearing our pajamas.
My feet struggled to run over the soft and lively grasses as I tried not to hurt the grasses. They are living things, aren't they? Our teacher in kindergarten told me. So if they are living things, they get hurt too, don't they?
"COMING!" I yelled as I set forth my fastest speed, avoiding to step on grasses for too long. As I reached her place, Rin was already seated over the wooden swing, her hands are gripping on the rope that connects the swing to the tree's strong branch. My twin sister looked up to me, a gaze casted to me beneath her long lashes. She displayed a glistening and begging bright cerulean eyes. I instantly learnt what she wants. I sighed in defeat and pushed her. As the swing move forward, she screamed in joy and when she comes back, I'll push her again. There's nothing I wouldn't do to make my twin happy. As long as I can hear her laughter, I can see her smile, I'm happy. We are like mirror images because we are closely and really identical. Our golden hair flickered with the several sun rays escaping the small gaps between the tree's leaves.
"Len! Are you excited for tomorrow? We'll be eight!" she said, joy traced on her voice as she flew away and came back again. Tomorrow will be our birthday. Mom and Dad will bring us to an amusement park we always see on the T.V commercials. Of course, I am excited! I haven't been in a carnival or an amusement park!
"Yes, I am! I hope there's no clown around so you can enjoy!" I told my twin, knowing that she hates clowns. She's afraid of them. She always complains how horrible they look and they aren't funny at all. As she fears clowns, I fear horror houses. I hated it when they startle people and scare them until they pee on their pants.
"There will be no clowns there! Ma and dad will not bring us there if there are!" she said annoyed. I pushed her with all of my wit and she flew higher, screaming in both excitement and fear. I screamed that there is a clown behind her and dashed away leaving her there. I glanced back to her as I moved away. She jumped out of the swing and ran after me. Seeing no clown around, she chased me until we reached home.
Our birthday has finally come. Our family went to an amusement park we always see on the T.V. It is more lively than how it looks in the TV screen. People everywhere are smiling, laughing and running form corner to corner. The lights are wonderful as they blink in my sight. The cobbled stone lying under my shoes was traced with glitters and popcorn. We went over some ride, a teacup and dad spin it as I yell to stop. It feels like, anytime I can reach Pluto if I loosen my grip on Dad's sleeve. They bought us cotton candies, and Rin was so happy seeing the Princesses roaming around the park, waving a hand to little girls. It is going late and we decided to go to the parking lot and go home. We passed by a flash mob of ballerinas. I was staring in awe as I stood there, people started to assemble around the ballet performance. They are skinny but so graceful. I wondered how they can do such tip-toe. She gracefully spun like a top, and jumped to a corner. It's very pretty! I can't imagine how this lady to keep their body straight and flexible.
A girl about my age, stood beside me. I glanced at her. All I noticed was that she got a teal-hair caught in twin braid, as she licks her ice cream. She's quiet as silence itself as her eyes were fixed on the ballerina before us. I looked behind me to complain Ma and dad about how I felt hungry seeing the child's ice cream, but strangers are standing behind me. I shoved the people away, and tried to look for Ma, dad and Rin, but they are nowhere to be found. My sight got blurred, I know that I'll cry soon but I held back my tears. I'm lost. I remembered what my parents told us before we enter the park. If we are lost, just look for the carousel and stay there. But finding the way to the carousel is a hard time as well. I went circular over the same place, before I found a new ride. I follow people and I saw the carousel. I moved around and see my family there, standing and worrying.
Rin was crying there, holding two balloons on her hands.
"Ma! Dad! Rin!" I called and ran towards them. My parents' face glisten in joy. Hugging Dad's waist, I cried like a baby. Rin gave me a hug as Ma patted my back.
"Where have you been, Len!?" Ma shrieked, afraid to lose me, of course.
"I'm watching the ballerina then you are gone." I briefly answered. I wiped my tears away.
"Len! Don't leave again! I thought you'll not come back!" said my twin and I hugged her back. I don't want to lose them either. I don't want to lose anyone important in my life. This day gave me a jolt of fear, and as well, a reason why I shan't avert my eyes over the important people in my life.
"Len, Len sweetie, wake up."
I opened my eyes as I was welcomed by the usual darkness of my room. A dim light was peeping from the window. The marching rain drops has come back in my senses again.
"Rain, rain... go ahead. Be my lullaby again," I mumbled as I sat over my bed. Someone woke me so I have to get up. Mom was seated on a chair beside my bedside table. I looked towards her but turned away when she pulled the switch down. The sudden appearance of bright light hurt my eyes.
"Is it still night time?" I asked, unsure if it is night, midnight or early morning. Mom was dressed as if she will go somewhere, or maybe she will.
"Len, it is already four in the morning. Get up." she said in a quiet voice, loud enough for me to hear and soft enough to ring my consciousness. What's wrong with this people to sweetly disturb my sleep?
"Mom, you hadn't waken me up for dinner so you're waking me now for early breakfast?" I asked as I sound stupid than forever.
"Len? We are leaving. Today is 23rd, we have to go. Rush down and bid your dad and twin a good-bye,"
With Ma's statement, I suddenly felt so awake. What? Again? Today is 23rd? That quick? I stood and walked downstairs with Ma. Asking her why not take me with them too, I received a common lame answer-'Money is tight nowadays, hun. I hope you understand.'
Currently, I am standing before the front door; giving Ma and dad a big hug. I gave them a take-care-smile. I look over Rin, standing at the patio. Her eyes are red. She must have had cried all night, again. I come over her place and give her a gentle hug, with words wishing her safety and enjoyment along the trip.
"I honestly don't worry about the trip, even the weather seems to be stormy." she said and turned her back. They quickly rode in the car since the rain poured harder. As the car's engine started, I waved them a hand. I watched them vanish from my vicinity, disappearing from the end of the street. I swiftly entered the house and locked the door. Since laziness struck me again, I lied down on the couch in the living room. Resuming my time with my love- slumber, I drifted back to sleep easily.
Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong...
My eyes opened as my body jolted up to stand. What's that? Where am I? After several seconds of processing where I am, I finally recognized my house. Alone and slack again, I sat here, my eyes half-open. I felt like I only slept for 30 minutes since my family left. The silent rain fall rang in my subconscious as the doorbell resumed to scream its ding dong. The doorbell is persistent in waking me up, huh?
"I'm coming! I'm coming!" I said a little furious. I twisted the knob and pulled the door. A bright yellow umbrella glistened at my sight. The person turned to face me and looked thru my eyes as if I'm an open book.
"Good morning. I thought you'll not open the door." Miku said, closing the umbrella and putting it on the rack. She stood in front of me, displaying her ever-so-called poker face.
"Can I come in?" she asked as I secretly watched those several rain water dropping from her fringe down to her long lashes. Her question shattered my musing as I startled and gave her way. She's holding a small bag, enough to contain enough clothes. She had a body bag that might contain a laptop. She gracefully entered and waited for me to close the door. As I did, I walked her over to the living room and watched her settled on the couch.
"Ms. Hoshine, may I have your bags?" I asked, trying to convince her and myself that I am polite and courteous. This is very un-me!
"Call me Miku. Where are you going to put it?" she coldly asked, pulling the laptop out of her body bag. I thought so!
"Oh!-" I was surprised how rude she can be, even if I'm trying to look kind. I'll act naturally instead of faking a gentle-Len. Shame to oxymoron.
"Going to put it in Rin's room?"
"It is closed," she replied as soon as I answered. What is closed? Rin's room? Impossible. I snapped a questioning eye at her. She looked at me in a split second and gave me a half second to see her sea-like eyes. I hope she looked to me a little longer.
"I wondered why you didn't know. Rin told me last night that she kept the keys with her because she doesn't want me to stay alone. Why not check it yourself? And,
"Close your mouth, please. Flies may thought your mouth is their natural habitat." she said in monotone and went back to operate her laptop. How dare she- why is she so rude! I didn't notice that I was gawking because I only intend to part a little and not to drop jaws. I turned to my back. Fuming, I walked upstairs. As soon as I got to Rin's room, I reached out to the knob. It is locked. I stormed to the Master's room and it is locked too. I ran to the guest room but a sign on the door displayed Meiko and Oliver's name. I mentally cursed my twin as I dialed her phone number. She quickly picked the call and her first words were, "Where is Miku?"
Me: Shut up! Why did you lock your room?! Where is she going to sleep?! Ahh- you're annoying me, Rin!
Rin: Shut up too! You wouldn't understand even if I tell you. Just give her a company. She has suicidal tendencies- that are the simplest way to explain it. And, never ever let her bath under the rain.
With that, the other line hung screaming its monotonous beep beep beep. I really want to throw my phone in annoyance but I run down instead. I run back to the living room to find her laptop on the coffee table and her bags on the floor. I stirred and my gaze landed on the front door, which is opened a little. Oh, crap. Don't tell me she went out. I quickly rushed out and found her standing at the patio. Staring at the rain fall as its rage is being poured down on the ground, that's what Miku does. The wind is blowing her hair a little, making it dance with the slightest movement.
"Please come in," I said with a hoarse voice, but I care less with how it sound. She really loves the rain, huh? I do too, so I'm jealous that the rain has many lovers. Miku doesn't listen; she moved downstairs. Bare footed, she stood under the rain as her feet seemed to be buried on the grasses.
"Hey, get in!" I yelled, standing on the bottom stair, not wanting to get cold with this hazardous rain. She turned to face me, as the crystal beads of rain ran gracefully down her satin cheeks. It's like she's crying but the tears aren't hers. She smiled heartily that it almost made my heart ran out of my chest. I was just staring in awe, for I can't do a thing to make her retreat. She started to turn around like a child, dancing with an imaginary prince. But at her second turn- yes, just the second one- without a blink of an eye, she fell on the ground. That fast! With no hesitation, I ran and carried her back in the house.
I ran to my room and hurled her down the couch. I stormed inside the bathroom and grasped for a clean towel. I sat on the floor and dried her face and hair but she eventually woke, blinking her eyes twice before sitting.
"I love the rain but the rain doesn't love me," she mumbled soft enough but I was able to hear it.
"Do you have a shower here?" she finally spoke to me as she stood as if nothing happened. Is she crazy or what? I hurled the towel to her face and pointed her the door at the corner of my room. She went inside and slammed the door. She's pretty more aggressive than the rain itself. She doesn't know how to say thank you: not that I'm expecting that. Girls will be girls. They are good at dumping.
I went downstairs to get her bags, knowing that this will be the endpoint of everything. I mean, at the end of the day, she'll stay in my room and I have no choice. She's not following instructions even she knows that it isn't healthy for her to go thru the rain. I dropped her bags and went back down again. I slowed down my pace because I don't want to pant like a dog later. I picked her laptop and carried it up to my room. Once I got in, her bags are gone over the couch. Is she a superhero? That's bloody fast! Or I'm just too slow? I know that there's built in closet inside so I sat over my bed and switched the TV on. Even the volume is loud enough, I can still hear that she had shut the shower. Not going further my imagination, I focused on the show instead. I said the TV show, don't I? But I end up staring at the window.
Pluviophile? I am pluviophile. It isn't obvious, I know I'm just in good hiding it- neglecting the fact that I'm using an umbrella; Mom insists that I should use that. But if anyone's here going to ask me what will I do now, I will bath under the rain. I really want to, no matter how it can freeze me. What if I go out there right now? Since I've been soaked with rainwater because of Mr. Hoshine's daughter, it should be a Yes? My right and left brain are engaged in a debate. Shall I or shan't I? Rain, stay. Please stay. I'll be there... I was about to run down but a cold voice froze my excitement.
"I'm done. Are you going to use the shower?"
I turned around to see Miku wearing a grey sweater and black jeans. Her hair was grouped because it is soaked with water; Her fringe seemed to get tucked on her forehead. Her cold sea eyes seemed to be in winter; it is so dull and lifeless but wonderful. She threw the towel to me as if it is a ball of paper hurled in a trash bin.
"No. Not yet. Are you okay?"
"Yes. But I won't thank you with what you've done. I'm not really happy with it." she replied rapidly as she gracefully sat on the couch- not surprised to see her laptop there. She put it over her lap and began typing. I sighed heavily and looked at the window instead. The rain drops pretty harder. It is like a drumstick striking our roof-which will be the snare drum. I hesitated if I'll inform her that I badly want to bath under the rain...
The jury has made a decision.
"Ah, Ms. Hoshi- Miku, oh. I...I know it sounds insulting for you and childish for my part, but would you mind if I leave you here? I badly want to bath under the rain and sit there on the grasses and-"
"Of course, I mind." she answered, interrupting all words my mind was processing. I'm doing my best to sound pathetic but it doesn't work. I can't think of a word to say because of her answer has stopped my synapses.
"WHY!" that's the first word my brain told me to say, with an unusual high tone. I seemed to scream it towards my twin's best friend (but a stranger to me.)
"Don't curse me with your frontal lobe. I'm pretty sure yours don't function. Of course, I mind. I was doing the same thing a while ago but you stopped me and ordered me to get in," she paused, and this time she looked at me, finding her laptop's screen boring. She just cared to look at me.
"I didn't stop you! You fainted! Plus, Rin told me not to let you go. You're sick!" I protested right after her gaze landed on me. A cold, emotionless stare stabbed my chest as she kept on eyeing me. It's like she doesn't have a soul. Don't get me wrong, her eyes are void, unlike in the pictures and videos.
"That's what Rin says, but that's not what I want." she said and looked back on her laptop again. Finally, those frightening looks she gave me get off me.
"You're dying but why are you acting that way!" I hissed. I said it? I did? My bad. It was me and my insensitive mouth again. Crap. Crap. Crap. I pray that she'll not roar and devour and digest me with her gastric juices. I hope my cousins are already here. I can't take it anymore. She's a stranger to me, so was I to her. I shouldn't have said that. And I shouldn't have talked that way! I should have not told her a FACT. I closed my eyes and slowly turned away from her. I bit my lip and looked at the TV.
"Fine. Go away if you want. You don't have to put your all-heaven-defense against me." she said while quoting the word all-heaven-defense with her fingers. She rolled her eyes and went back to typing. For the first five second, I was in the seventh heaven. The rest of the minute, I felt guilty. She meant what she said, similarly when my subconscious blabbed my words earlier. I glimpsed over my shoulder to see her wearing the same serious expression, with a twist. She's biting her lower lip. That's what I do when I regret a thing I've done. But maybe she does it when she's hurting? Don't know.
"You can go with me," I managed to say calmly, using the same soft voice I use when comforting Rin when we're younger. Although my voice has grown a little deeper, I'm still the same Len that will cheer up my twin sister. However, this time, it's not my twin I'm trying to lighten- it is my twin's beloved best friend: to whom Rin shed tears, to whom she tried to be deviant, to whom she worried and cried for. My twin's valued best friend.
"Are you kidding me?" she asked in monotone. It depends upon you if her tone indicates either she is irritated or she doesn't care at all.
"Just come," I cheerfully said, jumping out of my bed. Neglecting to turn off the tv, I pulled her up from the couch. Her laptop bounced on the couch as she grabbed to prevent it from falling. She glared at me but I just winked on her. Oh, please, magical wink! (As what Kaito calls my wink,) Work your charms with this tigress! We ran downstairs, but I practically dragged her, as I never let her wrist go. I pulled out a rain coat and pair of rain boots. I know this idea sucks but this will be in favor for both of us. I forced her to wear it or else I'll choke her to death. Just kidding, I did something weird to force her wear those rain gears, Ah... using manly threats? Not so bad though. I pulled her out of the living room and gave her my banini umbrella.
Insanity curled in my head. We are seriously standing under the gloomy sky as we feel the stormy wind and rain. The wind is strong enough to blow the umbrella away from her grip. She is hardly fighting the wind but I don't care none the less.
As the cold rain drops on my skin, I felt rejuvenated. I felt the peace of mind to subside in my nervous system. The rain kissed my clear skin and gold hair marvelously. I'm complimenting myself, haha! I know, I know. I sat down on the cold grasses; my legs crossed each other on a crossed-leg sit. I stared at the figure in front me- Miku, almost in full yellow (from the rain coat, and boots to umbrella), standing before me with a different expression. Surprised. She's looking down at me and I'm looking up to her. Our eyes finally met. A long stare, a beautiful view. Her eyes is like a maze wishing me to be lost in those azure circles. I can see how shocked she is as she stared at my cerulean orbs. I smiled at her- no, I grinned at her. At the moment I did, I felt the rain again. I was lost in my thoughts as I stare at her eyes, that power. Currently, I'm too blissful with the feeling of the rain against my skin, so I closed my eyes and listened to the suspense-themed musical of the nature. The harsh wind and the mad rain, the hissing trees and everything are all perfect.
A scream distracted my musing as I saw Miku seated in front of me. Her umbrella was gone. I looked around but I hadn't seen any traces of it. I looked back on her to ask where the umbrella drifted to, but my gaze just locked with her- again. She's gaping in front me, her eyes are wide in awe as she stared strongly with my face. I suddenly realized that she shouldn't stay long here. No matter how much I dislike pulling out my eyes from her, I have to. I stood and pulled her up by her shoulders and dragged her towards the main door. I'm soaked with rain water and the coldness was doing no good. I instantly shivered when I stood under the shade. I quickly pulled her hood down and mouthed, "Move in."
I'm shaking in cold now. It's just about 10 minutes that we've been out. I turned again to her as she put the coat on the rack. Phew, good. She's still dry. She entered and opened the door, waiting for me to enter. I nodded and ran upstairs, straight to my room's bathroom. I drifted into a warm shower... but I lingered on the warm bath longer than expected. I went out of the shower and head to the built in closet.
I opened the wardrobe and saw Miku's bags were over a chair on a corner. She's quick in getting her things huh? It might be a matter of seconds when I left to get her laptop earlier...hmm. Well, the couch was just a near from the bathroom, anyway. I gathered all the things I have to wear and to keep myself warm. Once done, I went out and saw Miku seated over my bed, head fixed on the TV as she watch a weather news. My phone was on her lap-how the hell she got it? It is blinking with its lights. Surely, someone's calling. Inhaling all courage to speak politely, I called:
"Miku? Can I have my phone? Someone is calling."
Without turning to me, she stretched her hand out and gave me my phone. It's a call from Oliver. I slide it to unlock as the same pretty-cool voice from my cousin tickled my left ear.
Oliver: Couz, what's on! I got both good news and bad news to you. What do you want to hear first?
Me: I'm good. Well, ah... bad?
Oliver: Bad news, no one will cook for you this Christmas eve!
Me: Stop yelling, Oliver! My eardrums, please! Why, don't you know how to? Nor Meiko? What's the good news anyway? And as well, where are you? I'm waiting for ya' to arrive. What takes you so long?
Oliver: The good news answers all your inquiries, poor man. Brevity is the key. WE CAN'T GO THERE. A hurricane currently surpasses the country.
Me: What! Wh- how- no, can't be- I ... HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE NOW!?
Meiko: Don't be so exaggerated, Len. I think you'll be throwing a party now. I know that you loved to be alone with your headphones on.
Me: B-but, Meiko!? It's not like that you, woman! I can't do it alo-
Meiko: Sorry hun, we really can't go over there. Good thing, your parents and sissy made it here. They rode a train and left the car on the station safely. At least they arrived earlier, or else they'll be spending Christmas on road. Lol! Merry Christmas!
Me: Huuh! What!? Aren't you going here after the hurricane? AT LEAST? I'm hoping here...
Oliver: A week after. Is everything clear now? Bye bro!
Before I could protest, the line was dead. A week of no safe food, no delicious meal? Oh my faggot. How am I going to live now? And how on Earth a hurricane will surpass now? I sat behind Miku, feeling sick as I watch the weather report on how worst it will be- on how unfortunate I am right now.
"Bad news?" Miku asked with the same cold voice. I felt like I am a masochist as I dug my nails deep into my skin. I'm a loser. I'm a loser. I hope Miku knows how to cook because if she doesn't, how are we going to survive for the next days? Ah, Len, ask her. Ask her.
"Super baddest," I said, my body finally collapsing horizontally on my bed. My eyes are fixed on the ceiling. The glow in the dark-celestial stuffs are still stuck on my ceiling. I had never seen them to glow since the beginning of classes in University. I always sleep early. I didn't realize that I keep on forgetting thing that makes me happy.
"That's not a word. Say 'worst' instead." she said, cutting my musing. I tilted my head to gaze at her back. Her head is still fixed on the TV. What must be that show that made her seemingly drawn to it?
"Because it is more-worse than worst. Why not worstest?" I said, giggling with such stupidity.
"What is that? It sucks, you know. Don't invent words. Invention is a process of a human brain that is either for betterment, or for destruction. In your case, destruction." she said seriously, as always. I rolled and put my chin down on my palm. I stared on her long teal hair that seemed to sit over the bed. I wondered at what rate her hair will be as long as Rapunzel's.
"Is that from you?" I asked, referring to her 'invention-point-view'. Her statement doesn't surprise me. Again, she's the daughter of Mr. Hoshine. I can tell that he raised her well. Wait, what about her mom? I know that Mr. Hoshine had not married.
"More like. Probably." she said, turning to meet my eyes. Her cold gaze landed on me and I was lost again. She's not blinking at all, so do I. I'm gawking with that look of her sea-like eyes. It was as if her eyes are telling me a three letter word- DIE.
"A- aren't you hungry?" I stuttered while I trembled to sit properly. I sat in front her, her gaze was never leaving my eyes.
"N...ooo..." she said but I heard a growl. That's not my stomach so I looked back on her. She's no longer looking at me. Instead, she's staring on her knees, her cheeks are in some shade of red. She's so pretty even blushing loses all her grace.
"But that's a yes?" I whispered teasingly as I stood. I pulled her and dragged her down to the kitchen. You see, dragging interrupts any possible words of rudeness from her. I do the same with Rin. After reaching the kitchen counter, I put on Ma's ruffled apron. I really hate to put it on but I have no choice. As I tie it on my back, I saw Miku pulled out a white handkerchief from the pocket of her jeans.
"What do you want to eat?" I asked, walking over the fridge. I opened to see a lot of supplies we can use- including those we need to cook for Christmas eve. I felt so sick. There's a bunch of raw food here but I don't know how to cook them. I pulled out a pack of hot dog but as I turn to face where I left her, my ponytail was pulled. As I finally stood straight, facing her. My hair of gold fell an inch above my shoulder. I was staring down at her and she's staring up to me. If only staring means "will you marry me?" she might be my wife already.
She swiftly tied the handkerchief on my head as if it is a hair band. In a matter of seconds, she refrained from her tip toe and a genuine sweet smile spread across her soft-pink lips. Her eyes glisten a little. She smiled heartily and it is so captivating.
"Rin," she mumbled. My eyes widen in horror. Did she say 'Rin'? It finally has sunken in my understanding that I am completely looking like my twin sister... long story short, I looked like a girl. I'm not a girl. My hair was just long compared to a regular short haired guy. I put the pack of hot dog near the stove and snatched my ponytail from her long, slender fingers so I can tie my hair back. But as I pull my hair to tie it back, her arms surprisingly wrapped around my waist and her head leaned on my shoulders. I felt her arms tighten its lock around my waist. Son of Aphrodite, pull back your bow and arrow or I'll kill you, Cupid. WHAT ON OLYMPUS IS THIS!? I dare you, Cupid. I need not to be love struck!
"Rin. Rin. I'm sorry." I heard her murmurs like a soft nursery rhyme. The tension inside my chest calmed down as I hear those words. I brought my arms down and patted her back. Then, I pushed her away lightly. She looked up to me with teary eyes that it almost crushes my heart in pity. Please don't cry like Rin. I don't know how I can stop if you will. You're not Rin. Unlike you, I memorize every single piece of my twin's DNA. So, please, don't throw a tantrum, Miku.
I smiled not a playful or jerk-like. A smile of assurance.
"It's okay," I softly said. I felt her hand clasped on my sweater but eventually surrendered by putting it down, back to her sides.
"Gauche," she said and looked down on her toes. She's not fond of wearing any slippers or socks even it is extremely cold. My face lit up with a smile hearing her say that word, seeing her blush again, witnessing her soft and adorable personality.
"Gaucherie is not to blame. I can see that you already miss Rin, so it's fine. Don't worry, at least...I've done a favor for you- unwillingly?" I chuckled and let my hair just that way. She can see Rin on me that's why she keeps on staring on me huh? She nodded and went over to sit.
"Are you sure you know how to fry?" she asked, upon settling on a seat. I looked at her and smiled and looked back on the pan.
"Dear polytetrafluoroethyne blah blah, teflon pan for short, be kind. I want a normal food, okay?" I said and poured a little amount of cooking oil.
"Of course, Miku. I'm like a chef in a five star restaurant!" I chuckled nervously and winked at her but she just shrugged it and glanced away. She's back being a stubborn again. How quick! Alright then, let the hunger games...begin.
"Are you telling me that I'm going to eat this burning piece of... uh, well, charcoal?" Miku asked while staring on the hot dogs on plate. I crossed my arms over my chest and lightly nodded.
"Is this man in front of me the person to whom people from my department swoon over? You can't even fry!
My gracious earth! Your face hasn't a thing to do with cooking, so why are they screaming like choking chicken when you cock a visit to wait for Rin?! You're churlish!" she ranted as she drastically drag a hot dog down to her plate.
"That is...so much for a compliment. Thank you!- I don't want to hear more of it." I said in sarcasm. For the second time around, she stated all the points of pentagon. I mean, that's enough said. She stood and glared at me for half a minute, then spoke to me this words; "Don't. Cook. Anymore." and left. I looked down on the remaining hot dogs on plate. It isn't that bad, is it? Why is the skill in cooking like a super power meant only for specific people? Or I'm just a poor learner in its terms? In either way, I can't resolve it.
I sighed and removed the apron. This time, I tied my hair up. Rin-play not role-play was over. I picked my plate and went upstairs. As I enter the room, I saw Miku seated on the chair in front of the piano. Feeling the coldness wrap around me, I get in swiftly.
I plopped down on my bed, munching the bitter food with no choice. The sound of the rain is the only thing you'll hear in the entire house. The murky skies made my room dimmer. Well, it is our choice not to switch on the lights. Maybe I'm just too lazy to switch it on, but otherwise, if Miku wants the room lit up, she should have opened it. I fixed my eyes on her long turquoise hair that's perfectly cascading down her back. It seems to be more beautiful and lonelier as the dim light engulfs her hair. I suddenly felt the same drive swarming from my stomach. I want to talk with her. Why is it like her silence tells me that she's lonely, that she's missing Rin, that she's needing someone to talk to?
"So... you're a pluviophile too?" I said softly, enough for her to hear it. I don't want the rain to hear it. It's a compliment to know someone likes you. She stooped and began to speak in a soft yet cold voice.
"Yes. However, no matter how much I love the rain; no matter how much of a pleasure and peace of mind it gives me, it also gives me uncertainty of my existence." she put the plate on her lap and sighed heavily. The way she clasped her fingers proved that something is bothering her; the way she says everything shows she's not going to open it. Not all.
"Uncertainty? Of your existence?" I repeated and gently got the plate out of her lap. I turned away to bring the plates down to the kitchen sink, but her cold voice stopped me.
My eyes widen in surprise. My heart jumped out of my chest. What is this? She trusts me now? If not, she'll not say those words. I looked back to her. But what I saw was her back, she's staring at the rain again. I know that she won't see me, but still, I smiled. I can feel the girlish excitement on my nerves as I quickly washed the dishes. Then, with an attempt to contact Rin, I dialed her number. I'm hoping she'll answer. I'm hoping she'll answer.
Ring! Ring! Gotcha! Pick it up, Rin! Pick it up, I told myself. I know how much sensitive Miku can be. I want to know everything. I wanted to, but I know that's not what Rin wants.
"Len!" Rin's voice said in joy as I smiled, ear to ear.
"Rin, how are you? Where are Ma and Dad?"
"We are fine. We just got here earlier. I know Meiko had told you. How's Miku? It's been raining all the time. That's an attraction to her. Keep her indoors, kay?"
"Yeah, she dared to go out earlier. She fainted. But she's okay now."
"What!? No, why did you let her-"
"No, I didn't allow her! She escaped. You never mentioned that she could be hard headed sometimes. Why not gave her a call? She misses you already." I told my twin as I sat on the couch, my feet crossed over the coffee table.
"She doesn't want to talk. Not answering my calls. She told me before I left that she'll not give me reasons to miss her."
My eyes rolled in annoyance hearing those. They both miss each other but what are they trying to prove?
"She missed you already. She hugged me and pulled my pony down then said, 'Rin, I'm sorry.' Now, what was that?"
"Len, when she said that she'll be gone, she'll be. Just don't let her bath under the rain." Rin said then the line was dead. I don't understand what is with the rain; what's with their goodbye and silence treatment, but that's too girlish. When you miss someone badly, stop tempting fate. Talk with them.
I walked back to my room to see Miku examining my book shelf. Her fingers ran over the fiction section. Her fingers wandered over the books of literature. She noticed my presence by the the door that she quickly stood. She went over to sit on the couch, less awkward than earlier. Progress!
"You want to read?" I asked and sat over the bed. Her eyes are cloudy like the sky, threatening rain to fall. Her tears, in this case, were never seen by my eyes. But more or less, she won't show it to anybody other than Rin. I watched her slender fingers rub against her knees as if she's a child waiting for her turn to showcase her talent in a talent show.
"No. I don't want to. I'm just insecure on how you enjoy to read those literary works. I've read several things before and that encouraged me to make my own. However, I gave up without giving a try. I don't have the rights to write like that." she said.
A riddle was stated against my face. Say it without disguising your thoughts with your words, Miku. Even words are used to mask the thoughts, or the other way round, why don't you just say it simply and clearly? I can't read between the lines because you're not going to let me read you, just like Rin does.
"No! Everyone can write what they want." I said.
"I'm the exception of the rule." she muttered.
"Why? You're a language student so why stop yourself?" I asked, slowly digging around her walls.
"If you have read what literature means, you'll probably know what I mean despite of the fact that you'll never understand." she said, kindling hints that there is something that I won't understand. I gave her sharp looks that tried to uncover her secrets. Show off. Show it. Tell me. Please.
My room lit up with the lightning. A sudden burst of scream came from her as the thunder roared loud enough to scare the monster in me. Miku instantly curled on her seat, bringing her chin down to her knees and covering her ears with her hands. Her face frowned, scowled or what as if she can tear everything around her. She's scared, isn't she?
"Miku?" I called, sitting on the floor, putting my hand over her knee.
"No! No! Stay away!" she screamed.
"It's okay. It's over. That's just thunder." I said with a soothing voice. She slowly opened her eyes in response. I can see tears forming at the corner of her eyes; I can see another personality of her. Breakdown if you have to, I'm here to fix you. If I can only say those words. If I only have the courage to say...
She stiffened a little and brought her hands down to hold my hand. As she touched my hand, the orchestra of the sky somewhat faded away. Her tears are cascading down on her cheeks this time similar with the harsh rain fall. She sobbed like a baby, caring less how vulnerable she is right now. That is only lightning and thunder, right? What makes her cry like this?
I sat beside her and secured her in my arms. She cried more on my shoulders and I patted her back, hoping that a friendly touch can push her fears away.
"This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real..." she muttered repeatedly like a witch with her incantations. Minutes lasted and we remained like this. Her crying slowly hushed but my sweater was bloody soaked with her tears. I honestly don't mind if my sweater has bathed with her tears as long as she calm down, I'm fine. After a long wait for her to regain her stubborn self, she finally pulled awat from my arms. She wiped the remaining tears away with her sleeves and looked away from me. Her eyes that remind me of the sea, were no longer in winter. It isn't as dull and emotionless as it used to be. I suddenly wandered in sight of those shining eyes and glistening dried path of tears. I felt like I was sent down the depths of lost happiness and broken walls of affection. Why am I feeling like this?
BAM! A pillow was tossed to my face. I looked back to see Miku walking over to my bed and turning on the like nothing had happened.
"May I borrow your phone?" she asked, breaking the silence between us. I shrugged on how she acts as if NOTHING really happened. I brought my phone but pulled it back. What will she do anyway?
"Why?" I asked, this time she looked at me with her eyes, emotionless again. How saddening it was. Didn't I wish for her to be like that? Can I take it back? No? It's no fun to deal with this seemingly stone hearted woman!
"I'll call Rin." she bluntly said. I felt a smile crept on my lips as I tossed my phone to her. I thought she'll never talk with Rin... but that's just what I thought.