29th of December
"Where is she?!"
I received a call from my twin, Rin. Her voice was marked with worry and rage. I was speechless...I don't know what to say.
That night of Christmas, I asked Miku to stay with Meiko in Rin's room. That's the proper way to do. After all, Miku was just forced to stay with me because Rin locked her room. I approached Meiko earlier, explaining how she should look over Miku because that girl, has tendencies of self-harming or suicide. Maybe I over did that warning, but Rin's over protectiveness towards Miku implies that Miku wanted to end her life...even she already had a threat due to this never mentioned illness.
Around seven in the morning, I was already up. Oliver has been staying in my room. He is a heavy sleeper if I may say, even slamming a cymbal against his face won't wake him up. Only one thing wakes Oliver, breakfast. We ran downstairs and saw Meiko making pancakes. The brunette was plainly sour today, tossing pancakes on the plate.
"Good morning, Meiko..." Oliver greeted but she just shrugged. When her hand grabbed the syrup, she tossed it to me.
"Hey! Don't make things fly when you're not in the mood, gee." I hissed and sat on the seat in front the kitchen counter. Oliver sat beside me, still the morning face was on.
"Well, you see. Miku has been crying and sobbing all night that her beautiful voice became hoarse and worn out. She cried and cried while mumbling things I never understand, while I was troubled how to calm her down! Hopefully, she just fell asleep. Like that. Then this morning, she's nowhere in the room. Is she there in yours?". Meiko asked.
"No. She's not there...right, Oliver?" I poured the syrup on my pancake.
"And where could she has gone?" Meiko made herself a seat.
"She looked for Len's tie and hanged herself," Oliver retorted, receiving a glare from me.
"Stupid. Shut up kiddo. Not a good joke!" Meiko scolded, pointing her fork to the younger blonde.
"Wait? You mean Miku is seriously gone—"
I received a message. Slowly smiling at Meiko for permission to read it, she nodded in defeat. Morning messages might be important so bother reading. Not all people are early birds to tell somethi— a message from Miku?
I'm born and I realize that in the end, I'm just an artificially constructed android.
Yet also, an eternal life that sings.
Even if I'm a toy that traces song, I resolve it's okay.
Eat negi, look up at the sky and cry.
After saying goodbye, the place I slept in the monitor must be in the recycle bin.
I can't believe that my memories will disappear too, but I won't forget you.
I hope I still remember the taste of negi that I snacked on during our fun times,
I sung my last song that I want you to hear, want you to hear more of it.
I wish, but it was a past wish.
This is where I leave.
My feelings vanish.
The story encrypted in 0s and 1s concluded here.
I might be regretting my not being to leave anything for you?
Everything besides the memories of my voice fades, and only the name remains.
Even if that is a wish, that can't be granted to humans.
I want to believe that my singing won't be in vain.
"Thank you...and goodbye."
A fatal error has occurred.
A fatal error has occurred.
"What the hell is this!?" I screamed and dialed her phone number while storming out of the house. It rang thrice before it was a picked up by hoarse voice of an...old man, I guess.
Hello? Said on the other line.
"Who is this!?"
Shan't I be the one asking that? I am Miku's guardian. Who are you?
"Where is Miku? I am her friend." I calmly said. Deep inside I'm churning up and down in fear not to hear her voice again. Hahaha, that's impossible right? This techy-like message doesn't mean a farewell. Never.
I'm sorry, came the response from the other line. Why is he saying...no.
"What do you mean you're sorry!? HEY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT!?" I heard the door opened as footsteps marched to where I am right now. Meiko and Oliver were calling out my name, maybe because I'm literally yelling right now.
She just..she...I know this will be hard for anyone close to her but... He paused. My tears started to fall. I can't. I shall not... I must not cry. This is impossible! Why is it too quick!? She died earlier. She went home earlier after staying in a friend's house regardless of her health. I tried to ask her who is it but she won't say a name. She doesn't blame anyone. It's her choice, she wanted to die happily.
"SHUT UP!? ARE YOU HEARTLESS? HOW CAN YOU STAND SAYING THAT!?" My tears fell like raindrops ceaselessly. It's not my eyes that is crying, it's my heart. My heart.
Why are you so mad? That is the truth. Anyway, who are you? The speaker asked. We know that she doesn't have a friend...a boy one.
"I AM THE ONE WHO CARED FOR HER WHEN SHE HAD FORGOTTEN TO CARE FOR HERSELF!" I ended the call the anxiety devoured me completely. "Miku!" Will you ever hear my voice? Will you hear me screaming your name? You can't be this unfair. You can't. My fist went straight against the tree before me. I kicked and tackled it but when I used all my strength in punching and crying, I fell down on the ground. Helpless. These bruises were nothing. The pain is shooting straight in my system. She is not dead. She is perfectly fine last night!? I cried. Despair. Broken. Breathe. Live. Die.
"Len!?" Meiko pulled my hand back before I may broke my hand. There were noises in the background but all I hear was my heart, my sobs, and the wind.
"She is gone...Meiko, she is gone..." I mumbled and pulled back my arm to punch the tree once more but Meiko pulled me in her arms, restraining me from hurting myself. Hurting my self. For all the time Miku was around, I am the one who has the tendencies to self harm. Meiko kept on shushing me but I never paused in crying. Oliver froze on a side after hearing the reason why I am crying, why I am throwing tantrums right now.
"You're a liar," Oliver chuckled nervously and paced back and forth. "That is a lie. She seemed to be as good as new these past days. You just can't tell me that she went home then dropped dead."
But when Oliver didn't receive a reply from me, his fake joking manner died. "You are lying, aren't you?" Tears fell from his golden eyes. Everyone misses you already, Miku. Idiot. You should have not left.
"Meiko, I want to go and see myself. I know that she's alive and breathing. Her guardian is only hiding her. Meiko please let me—" my ringing phone interrupted me so I hushed myself and answered the call.
My heart broke. My days shattered. My heart crushed when I heard her voice on the other line, crying. My twin is crying...too.
"Len! Where is she!?" Her voice was marked with worry and rage. I don't know what to say at all. It will kill Rin if she find out the truth. It will kill her as much as it kills me.
"Len!? We're heading home now!? Miku sent a message telling me to read an email from her and I should read it with you and our cousins!? What happened!? Len? Where is she!?"
No words escaped my lips. It was shut tightly in a straight line as I listened to her groggy voice. How will I tell her that her best friend died? I just ended the call and rushed inside the house. Miku is not dead. She is no dead. This is a fool prank by her guardian, isn't it? Think, Len. Think. I sent a message to Gakupo and Kaito, asking for a company later. I will go I to her house. The guys were back from vacation so it will not be a bother. I will see it to myself that she is still there. I got a strong feeling that she is alive, although these tears running down my face depicted that instinct.
I locked myself in my room. My eyes shed tears that I never imagined I can shed in a century. My phone rang again— it must be Rin, but I never answered the call. Slamming my fist against the wall made me scream, soundlessly. Loneliness scratched my heart and soul, the same how I scratch my wall.
"YOU CANT TELL ME THAT YOU'LL JUST BE GONE, MIKU!" I yelled, crashing the wooden floor beneath me. Why am I affected? Why am I crying? Why am I mourning? Why do I feel like dying too? My tears subsided on the floor, scattering like my future. A goodbye isn't supposes to be one sided, right? The rays of summer sun entered through the window, illuminating the bookshelf. The bookshelf. She used to scan the books there. Even sobbing, I made my way there but I found myself sitting on the ground, staring up to the books. Can a text tell me that she will never live again? This is where I leave, her words stung like bee.
Just remember: when I wipe my tears, the next words are for you. Her voice reiterated in my head. I never had the chance to ask what does that mean. How about weeping, Miku? My tears are for you, idiot! Why do you have to be insensitive? Leaving without an excuse? You don't know how forlorn is it to lose you...you never thought you're self as a significant being. You always see you're tears aren't real, you aren't real, your feelings aren't real. But I am...
My eyes were cleansed by my tears. As the wind blew, a folded paper placed at the topmost row of books dropoewd down on the floor. My heart skipped a beat. I unfold it. Is she a joker? Because the next words...? They are nemesis.
Len, I tried to make a poem. You see, this is for you. It's my first time not to write for Rin. As well, this is the last time I will write. I'm glad that I wrote a good one for you. I told, I never write after papa's ... I hope you'll see this soon.
-If it happened-
I'm looking for the traces
Of the friendship we used to have
But I admit that I miss them
'Though that's not enough
I'm going to forget
All the memories we shared...
If I happen to meet you again,
Please tell me that you are my friend.
If we happen to meet again,
Just remind me how close we have been
Because I'm tired of being ignored
And I'm falling back on the floor
I'm not being real,
I'm tired of being unreal.
Someday if you're going to meet me again,
Please remind me that you're my friend...
Because I'm forgetting all the memories
Just to ease the pain.