"Are you sure about this?" Carl asks, above me.
What the fuck is he talking about? What is poking my thigh? I wiggle my hips and carl groans loudly. Oh, that's what it is. I look to the side and see something shinny in the dim light of the cell. We are back in my cell at the prison. A pair of black boxers are on the floor. His belt buckle attached to his jeans are on the floor, next to mine. I gulp and see a blue square wrapper on the floor as well. His boots and socks are lined up by the door right beside my socks and tennis shoes. I spot my navy underwear by my backpack. My shirt was bunched up around my waist and carl's was strewn on the chair in the corner. I feel my head resting on my soft pine smelling pillow. His lips were swollen, probably from kissing. His eyes held lust.
I guess I have no control of my mouth as I say, "Absolutly."
The rest are just sensory details and snap shots. My shirt and soft blue sports bra on the floor, his hairy leg brushing against mine, the way his hair feels between my fingers, my heart racing in my ears, his clamy hand on my left hip, his bottom lip captured by his teeth as he hisses, my nails raking down his back, the texture of the scar on his side, his pupils dilated, almost blocking out the blue that I have fallen for, our panting mixed together, a fire in the pit of my stomach, carl clutching me as he stills, the smell of sweat and something else I had never smelled before. Then it shows me looking in the mirror at the dark bruises, probably hickies, sprinkled around my neck and collar bone. My hair is an absolue mess.
I wake up on the couch sweating and my heart racing. I shudder shaky breaths as the dream sears into my memory. That was the most erotic dream I had ever dreamt in my entire life. I'm not even ready for sex, and I'm pretty sure Carl isn't either. I shiver, suddenly cold. I take a deep breath. I'm only in sweats and my soft blue sports bra. Hmm, weird, I think. I rub my hands up and down my arms as I walk to the bathroom.
"What are you doing up?" I hear Carl say.
He steps out of the shadows. I swallow as I take in his naked torso. He is only in boxers, black boxers. The scar, a pale pink which stands out against the tan shade of his skin, makes me remember the dream. Could the dream be a glimspe in the future, just a different place?
"Went to the bathroom." I say, jerking a thumb behind me to the dark room with the door cracked open.
He crosses his arms, "Can we talk?"
I shake my head no. He sighs and leaves. I check my watch, 2:30 in the morning. Perfect time to kill. I get my dagger and stuff it into the waistband of my sweatpants. I find Lizzie's room, it was easy. If you have a crush on someone, you want to be as close as possible, so the room right beside Carl's was the correct room. I open the door and find her looking right at me. She glares at me. I motion for her to follow me. I wait downstairs for her. She is in her clothes, her dagger visible. I scoff mentally at her petty threat. I go outside, careful to keep her in front at all time. We are around the corner where I slept at the night before in the blue bedroom.
"Why the hell did you take me out here for?" she hisses at me.
Our breath comes out in clouds. It's really cold and I can hear moans close by.
"You stab me, put me in a room with a walker, make me and carl break up, and try to kill Judith who has done nothing to you. There is this saying, 'Justice means minding one's own business and not meddling with other men's concerns.' When you first got here, I set out some rules and said that if you broke one you would regret it. Well, you broke the first one, so now you die." I say in a calm voice.
"Like hell!" she snarls and lunges at me.
I dodge and take out my dagger. She regains balance and charges at me. I swipe her arm and kick her hard in the stomach. She punches me in the lip, making my head snap back from impact. She is gripping my shirt. I drop my dagger and grip her arms and take her motion, swinging her into a group of walkers. I smile a sinister grin and check around me for any others. I pick up my dagger as I see one close and plunge my dagger through it's chin and into it's brain. The blood oozes down the hilt and covers my hand. Lizzie screams as chunks get ripped out and eaten.
"Are you naming them now?" I ask.
Her eyes plead for help. I turn away and walk back to base. I think of todd and feel tears roll down my cheeks. I go to Rick's room and poke his bare shoulder.
"What's wrong?" he asks once he sees my face.
"Lizzie is dead." I say to him.
He nods and sits up.
"Tell me what happened." he says, patting the edge of the bed.
"I went upstairs because I thought I heard Judith crying, and I see the door to Lizzie's room cracked. She comes out and asks if we can talk. We go outside and down the street. She said I stole Carl from her and the only way for them to be together is for me to go. I said I wouldn't leave and we fought. She had a grip on me and I used her energy to swing her backwards. I didn't know there was a group of walkers. I had dropped my dagger during the fight and didn't get to it in time. They were already ripping her apart. I came back here." I say.
At least I was truthful about how she died. I didn't tell him I talked to her, or how I didn't help. He nods.
"Um, Carl told me y'all broke up. Why?" he asks after a few seconds of silence.
"After he came back from where ever he went when arthur... So we were talking and he says, 'If only you would've known it wasn't me.' I slapped him and told him to never blame a victim for something like that. The next day when I came back, Lizzie told me that they made out. I went upstairs and asked him if it was true. He said yes and I cut him off with the words he said before. I told him it was over and left." I say.
"Wait, what did happen that morning? Unless you aren't ready to tell." Rick adds.
I shake my head, "I need to get it out of my system. I woke up that morning and felt arms around my waist. I thought it was carl. I asked if he was asleep and he kissed the back of my neck. I turn around and was about to scream, but he slapped me and put his hand over my mouth," I take a shaky breath and wrap my arms around myself, " he got on top of me and... and touched me. I tried to move away and he said that if I was quiet I could get something out of it. He took his hands off and started to take off his belt. I kneed him and ran over here. The rest is history."
I feel better.
"Wait, did he force himself on you earlier today? Carl?" he asks.
I nod, but add, "I kissed back, then pushed him off."
He clenches his jaw and nods, mumbling something about talking to Carl later today. I go back downstairs and see Carl on the couch awake. In his hands, glinting in the light, is Carol's dagger.