Rules

Summary

Things not to say to Natalia Romanova/Natasha Romanov/Natalie Rushman/Black Widow/Natashalie/Agent Romanov, as decreed by the Avengers and various Stark Industries Personal

Genre:
Humor / Action
Author:
Nox
Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
13+

Rules

Things not to say or do to Natasha Romanoff/ Natalie Rushman/ Natashalie/ Black Widow.

Collaboration between the Avengers, and various personal of Stark Industries.

1) Ask her what happened at Budapest-

"How do you remember Budapest? Oh, come on Tash, it was a perfectly innocent question! You don't have to glare at me."

- Clint

.

.

2) Sing 'Itsy-bitsy-spider' over and over again in her room-

"Tony was working on a mind serum so that Bucky could get his memories back. He slipped it into my drink, I'm sorry."

Bruce

.

.

3) Dye her uniform pink or any other colours-

"I didn't know that those chemicals would have that reaction with your uniform! I was only trying to make it flame-proof!"

-Bruce.

.

.

4) Paint rainbows, flowers and unicorns in her room-

"I am sorry shield-sister, but the Man of Iron told me that this was to be the Lady Darcy's room."

-Thor

.

.

5) Trade her guns for Nerf Rebelle guns-

"But Tashaaaa. The whole idea of a Nerf war is to use Nerf guns, not real ones!"

- Clint

.

.

6) Ask her "If Clint is Legolas, does that make you Tauriel?"

"You even have red hair like her! See, you two are so elves! You have the ninja skills as well!"

- Tony

.

.

7) Drink her favourite vodka without offering her some-

"Sorry Natasha. Bucky and I wanted to see if we could get drunk on the really good stuff that has a stronger alcohol percentage. Maybe next time?"

- Steve

.

.

8) Replace her knives with plastic ones-

"I'm not gonna wake you up when Clint's not here if you're gonna try to gut me every time I wake you."

- Bucky

.

.

9) Make her watch the interrogation with Loki, several times-

"Agent Romanoff, it is against SHIELD regulations to interrogate a prisoner for personal gain."

- Fury

.

.

10) Ask her is love exists, numerous times –

"Are you sure that it doesn't exist? Why is it only for children? What is it between you and Barton, if it isn't love? What proof do you have that it doesn't exist?"

- Loki

.

.

11) Give her a spider plushy toy with a tag that says "I found ur sister!"-

"Come on Tasha, it was a joke. Really Tasha. Tasha? No, please don't hit me?!"

- Clint

.

.

12) Give her a real spider and ask if they're related-

"Are you sure you two aren't related? Look, you're both giving me the same evil glare, and you're both about to attack me."

Tony

.

.

13) Play 'Black Widow' by Iggy Azalea every time she walks into the room-

"This is totally your theme song; it's even about killing men!"

- Darcy

.

.

14) Ask her if "Because you're the Black Widow, does that make Spiderman your dad?"-

"Sorry if I'm a bit confused about your family. Hey, if he is, then he can totally kick Clint's butt when you take him to meet your parents."

- Tony

.

.

15) Tell her Barton's been compromised on April Fools-

"April Fools Day is about telling jokes, Natasha. He's really not compromised, so snap out of it, okay? Natasha, you're starting to freak me out here; say something!"

- Jane

.

.

16) Crawl through the air vents above her room-

"Holy crap! Tasha, it's just me! Why are you trying to kill me?! I thought we'd gotten past that stage!?"

- Clint

.

.

17) Split her up from Clint and give them solo missions-

"Natasha, it was a three day mission, and you took less than three hours to make the assassination. Then, you jump ship and avoid your extraction team, and join Clint in Dubai, help him kill his target, before coming home with him. What part of 'solo mission' do you not understand?"

- Maria

.

.

18) Lie to her about deaths-

"I understand that you were upset over my death and later Fury's, but can you please not try your hardest to send us back to the afterlife after we woke up, and after everything else was dealt with?"

- Coulson

.

.

Thank you for reading, now please review!


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