Semper Fi

Almost Fifty


"What?!" Olivia exclaimed. "What do you mean when you were pregnant?"

"Oh so you don't know..I had a feeling you didn't. I've been trying to get a read on you all night to see if you knew. It's evident that Elliot doesn't," Kathy said.

Olivia stared off in space not really taking in anything that she was saying. She felt like she was going to gag again.

"Wha—Hunh—there's no way. No. There's no way," Olivia said shaking her head back and forth.

"Olivia, if there's one thing I know is pregnancy. I've been through it four times. You're moody, on edge, you are struggling to get food down and the biggest give away was getting sick from the cupcake smell. You also have that glow. I can't describe it but it's just something that all pregnant women have", she explained to a dumbfounded Olivia.

"There's no way, I'm almost fifty," she said as if she was trying to convince herself. "I—there's no way."

"Yes there is. Have you hit menopause yet?"

Olivia scoffed at the question. It's one thing to be asked the question but by Elliot's ex-wife it was almost offensive. She couldn't believe she found herself having yet another personal conversation with her.

"No."

"Ok. Don't take my word for it. Go home and take a test. I'm sure it will be positive."

She turned to leave but stopped again looking at Olivia who was still in a daze and looking around the room like she was lost.

"Just so you know the reason I asked if you were going to be spending time at home was not me being pissy towards you. I could tell you were pregnant so I was hoping that you would say yes because with two little ones at home it's going to be hard on you with your work hours."

"Oh….thanks Kathy…for the cold towel and umm everything," she said trying to smile.

"You are welcome."

As soon as Kathy opened the door she ran right into a worried Elliot.

"Is everything ok?" he asked.

"Ask Olivia," she said and walked back to the kitchen.

Elliot stood cautiously at the bathroom door looking at Olivia who was sitting on the toilet lid holding the cold towel in her hand.

"I'm fine El. I just felt sick for a little bit but it's better now." She was trying to reassure him but he knew something was wrong.

"Let's go home," he said helping her off the toilet and holding her close. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't worry El. No matter what, everything will be fine."


The next morning Olivia was up early with Noah. She managed to avoid all of Elliot's questions the night before because she fell asleep within five minutes of being in the car. He kept passing her worried glances until she dozed off. He helped her up the stairs once they made it back to her apartment and tucked her in. He put Noah to bed for her and it was a few hours before she heard him slip in the bed later that night. She managed to wake up before he did and went to make a pot of coffee. She sighed when she realized she shouldn't be drinking it until she knew for sure.

She put Noah in the high chair with some of his dry cereal while she maneuvered aimlessly around the kitchen. She put the coffee on for Elliot and pulled some muffins from the pantry. She didn't think she was that hungry until she got a whiff of the blueberries when pulling out the package and began to ravage the muffins. She was on her third one when Elliot wrapped his hands around her waist startling her.

"I guess now we can add jumpy to the list," Elliot said stoically.

"What list?"

"The list of things wrong with you."

He moved past her and fixed himself a cup of coffee.

"We have exhaustion, irritability and now you are jumpy."

He was facing her now expecting her to say something but she kept looking down unable to look him in they eye. Elliot was a detective, she knew he knew something was off but she wasn't ready to tell him that she might be pregnant.

"Please tell me what's wrong Liv. I am going crazy with ideas here. Do you know what it is? Are you sick? Is it us? Is it work?" he pleaded.

"I don't know," she said timidly. He knew she wasn't telling the truth. "I'm going to go and see a doctor though. Today, I promise." This time she was actually telling the truth…well mostly.

"Ok. I'm going to go and get dressed." He tried to make it to the bedroom before she stopped him.

"El. Don't ever think it is us ok? Ever. I love you with all my heart. I'm not feeling myself but I'm going to go and get some answers. Don't worry about me. I'll call you later and let you know what I find out. Ok?"

He looked a little unsure still until she gave him a genuine smile and began to kiss him. It started off innocent but she deepened the kiss hoping to solidify how she felt about him. She could handle any other accusation he threw at her about what could be wrong but she couldn't fathom him thinking that she ever had any doubts about them. With the exception of adopting Noah, her relationship with Elliot was one of the few things in life she was absolutely certain about and she tried to pour all of that emotion into the kiss.

"I love you so much Liv," he said breathlessly as they broke away from the kiss. "I just want to know that you are ok."

"I know. I'll call you as soon as I know something."

When Elliot was showering Olivia put in a call to a friend.

"Hey. I'm sorry to bother you but can you meet me at my apartment in an about an hour? Ok thanks I'll see you soon."


An hour and a half later, Olivia was pacing around her apartment. She called in a favor to Lucy and had her take Noah for a few hours.

Olivia couldn't stop thinking about all of the possibilities. Could she really be pregnant? She was almost fifty years old and to say this was unplanned was an understatement. She worried about her job and about Noah. She had to struggle to make time for him now, how would she do it with another baby? Then another thought crossed her mind. What if she wasn't pregnant at all and something else wrong with her? As soon as she was about to make herself crazy, her doorbell rang.

"Hey you made it! I'm so glad you are here," Olivia said anxiously. "I didn't know who else to call."

"I came as soon as I could. What's going on?" Melinda asked concerned.

"I…umm… I know this may sound crazy but I think I may be pregnant." She looked at Melinda expecting shock but instead Melinda gave her patented unphased stare.

"Ok…is that it?" she deadpanned.

"What do you mean is that it?" Olivia asked starting to pace.

"Olivia, I knew that was a strong possibility when you came to the lab earlier this week and gagged at the body I had on my table."

"Why didn't you say anything?" she exclaimed.

"I didn't know if you knew and were just keeping it to yourself. You and Elliot seem to be keeping things pretty close to the vest between you two so I didn't want to pry."

"So the gagging is what makes you think I am?"

"Honestly, I knew it when we went to lunch. That's why I took it easy on you with my Elliot jokes. You were eating like I've never seen you eat before and plus I'm a doctor. I can just tell. All the signs are there," she said nonchalantly.

"That was taking it on me?" she tried to joke.

"So you think you are or you know you are?"

"I haven't confirmed it yet. I have a test but I'm scared to take it," she admitted.

"Why are you scared?"

"Melinda I'm almost fifty years old. Fifty! This baby could have so many health problems, or I may not even carry to term! The chances of miscarriage are so high for someone my age. Odds are I wouldn't make it out of the first trimester anyway. Also, I have a toddler that I can barely spend time with, a job that consumes everything and a man who already has five children."

Melinda sighed and led Olivia to the couch so she could sit down with her.

"Olivia the last time I checked you were 47 years old, not 50. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you, yes because of your age it is a high risk pregnancy. You could have a baby with health problems, you could miscarry but you could also have a baby that is perfectly healthy. I will be there every step of the way as your friend who happens to be a doctor to walk you through all the testing you can have done and making sure you are taking care of yourself for this baby," she said holding her hand. Olivia was starting to cry and Melinda wiped the tear from her cheek. "I think there is another reason you don't want to take the test though. What else is it?"

Olivia breathed deeply to steady herself before baring her worries to her friend.

"Melinda when I thought I was pregnant for Cassidy early last year I allowed myself to get hopeful. I wanted to be pregnant so bad even though I would never admit it. We were careful though so it really was a small chance of it being true but I was late so I assumed it could be. When it was negative… I cried. I've always wanted to be pregnant, to feel what it was like to have a human I created with someone I love grow inside me. After that day I finally made peace with the fact that it would never happen for me and plus I have Noah now so that made it easier. I accepted it and allowed myself to move on," she sniffled. "I can't look at another negative pregnancy test. I don't know if I can take it."

"Then you don't have to. Go take the test. Ill go look at it for you," Melinda offered still holding her hand tight.

She stalled for a second before finally going to grab the test off the bar of the kitchen and heading to the bathroom.

When she emerged two minutes later she was shaking like a leaf.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah," Olivia said walking as if she was in a haze with the test in her hand.

"Ok so how long do we have to wait? Like three minutes?" she asked.

"We don't. By the time I finished washing my hands the test was already done….it's positive. I'm pregnant," she said touching her stomach. It still hadn't sunk in for her and Melinda could tell so she gave her a minute to go through the emotions.

Olivia sat in one of the barstools and Melinda stood by her with her hand on her shoulder while she processed the information.

After a few moments of silence she finally spoke up.

"Melinda?"

"Yeah."

"I'm pregnant," she said with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I know honey, I know," she said hugging her tight. "I'm so happy for you Olivia."

"How did this happen?"

"Umm do we need to have that talk?" Melinda asked arching an eyebrow at her.

"I mean because of my age. I mean I'm almost fifty!"

"You mentioned that. Several times," she pointed out. "Truth is until you go through menopause there is always a chance that you could get pregnant. Were you guys being careful?"

Olivia shot her a guilty look.

"Oh well there you go. I mean come on Liv. You weren't taking any precautions and with those super Stablers of Elliot's it was only a matter of time," she joked.

They moved over to the living room and opted to sit on the floor instead of the couch. Olivia looked around at her son's toys and was still taking everything in. Her life had changed so much in such a short time.

"I'm scared," she admitted.

"I know. But it's going to be ok. We are all going to be here for you. You have a lot of people that care about you and that man of yours. It's all going to work out."

"You promise?"

"I promise. Now we have to get you in to see your doctor on Monday so you can see how far along you are, get your prenatal vitamins and start talking about what tests you want to have done to see if this little one is going to be ok," Melinda said touching Olivia's stomach.

"Ok," she agreed shaking her head emphatically.

"But before Monday you have another big task ahead of you," she reminded her.

"What's that?"

"You have to tell Elliot he's going to be a father again."

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot," she laughed.

"How are you going to tell him?"

"I have no idea. How do you tell a man he knocked you up?" she said smiling.

"Well I don't know. In my case I took Larry out to dinner and just kind of blurted it out," Melinda recalled. "But whatever you decide it will be special all the same."

"Yeah it will be," she smiled. "Thank you for being here."

"Anytime." They sat quiet for a few more moments until Melinda started laughing.

"What?" Olivia asked confused.

"That damn Stabler and his super sperm. If we sent his soldiers off to Middle East we could end the war on terrorism."

They both burst into a fit of laughter and it was just what Olivia needed.


Olivia decided to make a dinner date with Elliot later that night and tell him about the baby. He asked the occasion and she hid it under the guise that she wanted to make up for being cranky with him the past few weeks. He still sounded a little guarded and concerned but agreed nonetheless.

She was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when she heard Elliot knock at the door. Lucy was in the front with Noah so she answered the door while Olivia finished up. When she emerged from the bedroom, she heard Elliot whistle.

"Baby you look amazing," he said pulling her in for a kiss.

"Thank you. You look nice yourself," she responded.

"I had to look good for this fancy restaurant you are treating me to. You seem like you are in better spirits."

"I am. So should we get going?"

"I'm right behind you."

They said their goodbyes to Noah and Lucy and headed for the elevator. As soon as they got in the car Olivia's cell phone rang.

"No no no," she said frustrated. "Benson," she snapped. "Fin, you can't be serious. Right now?...ok ok I'll be there."

"Wow," Elliot said turning off the car disappointed.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized. She was so frustrated that she was almost in tears. She had planned the dinner and also made plans with Lucy for her to keep Noah overnight while her and Elliot went to a hotel room after dinner to celebrate her pregnancy.

"Can you drop me at the station?" she asked.

"Of course."

When they pulled up to the precinct Olivia hesitated before opening the door.

"I'm going to make this up to you," she said sadly.

"It's ok."

"No it's not, but it will be worth the wait. I promise," she said leaning over to kiss him. "I love you."

As she watched him drive away, she couldn't help but feel torn that once again her job was getting in the way of something. Now that she was pregnant, things were definitely going to have to change for the sake of her and her family.


Two days later and Olivia still hadn't been home. Her back was killing her because she was sneaking naps in the cribs when she could. The Reed case had broken and they were on the verge of getting a confession out of their main suspect. Everyone had taken their crack at interrogating Michael Cole and he was cracking little by little but not soon enough for Olivia. The case was high profile because the victim was the daughter of a judge so once again Dodds was breathing down her neck. Growing frustrated with how long the whole process was taking, Olivia decided to take matters into her own hands.

"Liv you look exhausted. Are you sure you want to do this?" Amanda asked concerned after seeing the bags under her eyes.

"Yes. I can't take much more of this and I have to get home. I know we can break him. Do you mind coming in with me? I think Fin is in the cribs sleeping."

"Of course."

"Carisi you can watch from here and call Barba."

An hour into the interrogation he still hadn't lawyered up. Olivia was getting more and more agitated and so was Cole.

"I'm telling you it wasn't me," Cole said nonchalantly.

"Yes it was. We have two people that ID'd you at her apartment around the time of the murder. We've got her DNA inside your car," Amanda yelled.

"That just proves we saw each other and went to the movies in my car just like I said," he replied.

"Why did you kill her hunh? Why did you rape her? What happened? She turned you down?" Olivia said getting his face.

"Get away from me bitch," he said clenching his teeth.

"Or what? You going to kill me like you did her?" she proceeded. "Just tell us why Michael. Just tell us why you bound and strangled a 17-year-old girl. Why did you do it?" she pressed.

"See these pictures," Amanda put out in front of him. "This is what you did to her. Do you see the bite marks, the wounds?"

Michael looked away and refused to look at the pictures.

"You don't want to look at your own handy work?" Olivia asked pushing the pictures closer to him.

He still refused to look at them and began shaking his leg nervously. She got ready to walk away from him and put some distance between the two of them but as she turned her back he jumped up suddenly and turned the table over. The edge of the table hit Olivia in the back and sent her flying into the wall of the interrogation room before she eventually landed on the floor.

Within seconds, Carisi was barreling into the room and both he and Amanda managed to subdue Cole while he continued to yell profanities at all of them.

"We need help in here! Call a bus!," Amanda yelled.

Nick came running in with Fin close behind. Carisi cuffed Cole and took him out of the room.

Olivia was on the floor trying to stand up but the room was spinning and she felt anchored down.

"Are you ok?" Nick asked her trying to help her up.

"What the hell happened in here?" Fin yelled to Amanda.

As she tried to explain Olivia managed to get to her feet while holding on to Nick and the back of her neck.

"I'm ok Nick I promise," she said.

"Umm Liv," Amanda said looking a little uncomfortable. "You're bleeding," she said looking at her pants that were becoming more and more stained by her blood.

The paramedics came rushing in at that moment and began to tend to Olivia. Amanda and Nick stood by while Fin left the room on his phone.

"Where are you going?" Nick asked.

"I have to call Elliot," he said seriously. "Stay with Liv, I'll be right back."

The paramedics were throwing questions at her a mile a minute as they loaded her onto the stretcher.

She finally grabbed of the female paramedics hands and whispered in her ear careful that no one else heard.

"I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how far along and I think I'm having a miscarriage."


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