The Father of my Children
Elliot guided Olivia onto her left side while tracing kisses along her neck and cupping her full, tender breasts. She moaned and put her arm behind his head pulling him closer to her reveling in his soft scent of after-shave and soap. She could feel his erection against her lower back and he positioned his left leg in between both of hers opening her up to him. The sound of their moans and heavy breathing filled the room and her heart was racing bracing for the moment he would enter her.
He rolled and flicked the peaks of her nipple between his thumb and forefinger earning a louder moan from her and the sensation hit right to her core.
"Please," she whispered reaching behind her to cup his ass and close the last few millimeters between them. "Need you."
He groaned in response and slipped a finger in between her folds. He sucked in a breath of air marveling at how slick she was for him.
He lifted his knee to bring her leg a little higher allowing him more access to slide into her. He felt her jolt as he positioned himself at her entrance and slowly, excruciatingly let her feel every inch of him as he pushed inside of her.
She dug her nails into his upper thigh and bit down on her lower lip to stop herself from screaming out in pleasure.
They had made love so many times over the last year but they never got used to the feeling that would ignite in them whenever he would first penetrate her. Her skin was on fire and the angle caused him to be deeper inside of her.
"Shit Liv, so good," he managed to say struggling to not come from her wet heat that was already clenching around him. He wanted to be wild and reckless and fuck into her with the wild passion that he felt. Instead all he could do was slide inside and out of her in a slow, languid pace, each time he moved eliciting another moan from deep in the back of her throat.
He was trying hard to hold himself back. He wanted this to last, to keep feeling every space inside of her that was perfectly molded to him. But he knew this wouldn't last long.
He tucked his head under her arm, leaning over her and took her nipple into his mouth. She leaned back into him, allowing him a better angle to continue to suck one nipple while his hand worked the other and continued to thrust slowly inside of her.
"Unnnnnh," she cried out and he knew she was close. He began to move faster and the feelings of him sucking, touching and fucking her was too much all at once. She began to shake and her orgasm shot through her immediately triggering his. He kissed her effectively muffling her scream, his tongue dancing with hers making love to her mouth the way he had just made love to her body.
He stayed buried inside of her, waiting for their breathing to return to normal and his forehead pressed to her. She stroked the side of his cheek while he rubbed her belly chuckling at the feeling of his daughter kicking against his hand.
"She's moving around a lot these days. More so than usual," he said lighting up.
Olivia chuckled tiredly and put her hand on top of his. "Yes she is. I think she's ready to come out."
Elliot emphatically shakes his head and talks to her belly. "Oh no, little miss. You have another month to cook in there. No early arrivals," he playfully scolds and Olivia smiles at him.
They lay together a little longer in silence and he gets ready to pull out of her.
"No. Just..let's just lay here like this," she says stilling him.
He smiles and lays back down balancing his head on his forearm. "Ok."
"I think we've had sex in every room of the house so far. Consider it officially christened," she says yawning.
"Oh no, we still have the guest room but don't worry," he reminds her kissing the corner of her mouth, "the night is still young."
"El it's 8:30pm, you've worn me out and I'm hungry. I doubt you are getting a second round tonight."
He pulls back a few strands of her and put them behind her ear. "You ok? I mean…I tried to be gentle. I know we have to get creative with positions now…"
"Shhh," she tells him putting two fingers to his lips and then kissing them. "I'm fine. She's fine. Just teasing you."
He accepted her answer and laid back down softening inside of her.
"What do you want me to fix you to eat? Whatever you want."
"Hmmm…pizza!" she says excited and he can't help but laugh at how childlike and carefree she looks.
Things have been easier since they finally had the conversation. They've been in the new house for almost a week and he's noticed how much freer she seems. He can tell carrying the secret around of what really happened with Lewis was a weight on her shoulder that no longer exists.
Elliot has tried to move past what she told him that night. He feels relieved to know but finds himself every now and then thinking about just how close she came to being one of the rape victims that she tries to save everyday….or like her mom.
"El, get up and make my pizza," she says shaking him from his thoughts.
"Homemade pizza? That may take me a little while." He pulls out of her and slowly maneuvers out of the bed.
"No problem. I'll just snack on some fruit or something while I wait," she counters and watches his naked form while he stretches and puts his clothes back in.
She grins lazily and lays her head back on the pillow.
"Whatcha thinkin about Stabler?" he asks her while putting his shirt on.
"That you might get that second round after all."
The next morning they are rushing out of the house to get to Olivia's doctor appointment on time. She was feeling sick all morning and moving a little slower because her feet were swollen. She was moving things around in the boy's room the night before while he cooked, determined to get everything organized before Elliot had to come in and tell her to stop and rest.
"Are you feeling any better?" he asks noticing her head lying against the window.
"I'm just really tired and I feel a little out of sorts. I blame your pizza," she tries to joke.
Her phone started to ring interrupting them.
"Can we have no work phone calls until after the appointment?" he asked annoyed.
She noticed the Jersey area code and figured out who it probably was.
"Benson….oh wow...and they are both ok?...yes please I would love to see her…ok…well that's a big undertaking but you know if you both need anything….ok…thanks again for letting me know."
She hung up and took a deep breath still looking out the window watching the world go by. The city seems less chaotic than usual for a Tuesday morning and she quickly drowns out the car horns blowing and the other noises thinking about the phone call she just received.
"Who was that?" Elliot asked.
"That was Maya's aunt. She gave birth yesterday," she said continuing to look out the window.
"I know that's a little early, are her and the baby ok?"
"Yeah they are both fine. She uhh..she decided to keep her. Her aunt's going to help her raise her."
They ride in silence for a few minutes. Elliot doesn't want to push it but he knows she has feelings about what Maya is going through because of her own story.
"I couldn't imagine raising my rapist's baby at my age let alone hers. She has such a long road ahead. I just hope that…." She put her head down and starts fidgeting.
"I talked to Maya. Before she left the hospital when she was concerned about keeping her baby. I told her my story," she said laughing bitterly. "I just wanted her to know both sides that it's possible to be the child of a monster and not become one. I think that may be why she decided to keep her."
The truth is she felt guilty. She didn't know if she was an anomaly. That somehow she managed to turn her tragedy into somewhat of a triumph and not end up like her mother or father. She thought she was helping by telling Maya and her family her story but worries that it may have coerced them into making a decision they wouldn't have if she wouldn't have said anything.
"Would that be a bad thing if that's the reason?" he asks eyeing her cautiously.
She's fidgeting and really thinking over his question. "I just don't want her to hurt anymore than she already is. It's a reminder. I don't want her to end up like my mother because she can't deal with it. I don't want her child to be…"
"Like her father."
"But you aren't."
She rolled her eyes. "I know that but…"
"You are an amazing person Olivia. You have managed to rise above your circumstances and look at you now. Maybe just maybe..her child will be amazing too," he says passing her a sideways smile.
She can't help but smile back at him. "I think you're biased El but thanks."
"I may be a little biased because you're my wife but I'm serious. I've always thought you were amazing and now that I know everything that you…" he clears his throat to try and rid himself of the thought, "You've been through a lot and you are still as good if not better of a person as you ever were. You may not believe it but I do so I'll just keep praying that our daughter is just like you and Maya's too."
Dr. Wilder's office is as comfortable as it can possibly be under the circumstances. She's laying down in one of the paper gowns eyeing the stirrups that she hates to put her feet in. Even more so now because her feet look like sausages but she is happy to see her feet for what seems like the first time in weeks. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Elliot watching her and she thinks about his words in the car.
She knew that hearing the real story of what happened to her probably affected Elliot in ways that she will probably never know the full extent of. But she also knows that it has brought them closer together. He knows a secret about her that no one else in the world knows and despite the ring on her finger, his child growing inside of her and the things they've shared over the years, this trust she has in him is the biggest bond of all.
"Well hello Olivia. Looks like we will be seeing more of each other over the next four weeks," Dr. Wilder says cheerfully as she walks in the door. She greets Elliot and looks over Olivia's chart.
"How are you feeling?"
Before she can answer with her patented "Fine", Elliot interjects.
"She's had a headache all morning and not feeling quite herself. Her feet are also very swollen but it could be because she insisted on moving some light boxes around yesterday and organizing our son's room."
She shoots him a glare of disapproval that he completely ignores.
Dr. Wilder smiles at him and then at her. "Anything you want to add Olivia?"
"No, I guess he's got it covered."
The doctor takes her blood pressure, looks at her feet, does a vaginal exam and reviews her charts.
"Well Olivia do you want the good news, the not so good news or the bad news first?" the doctor asks.
Their faces fall completely and they immediately begin to worry.
"I guess the good news first," she answers.
"Your placenta is perfect so you will be able to have this little girl vaginally. The not so good news is that you are starting to thin out a little bit and it's a bit early for that. Not terribly early but it makes me think you won't make it to your due date," she explains matter of factly.
Olivia swallows hard and Elliot squeezes her hand. "The bad news?"
"Congratulations Olivia. Starting today you are officially on bedrest until you deliver."
Elliot begins to smile but quickly fixes his face when Olivia looks up at him visibly disappointed. He's happy because he knows coming from the doctor that she will actually listen and take care of herself and he won't have to worry as much anymore about her overexerting herself.
"I can't believe this," she says defeated.
"I'm sorry. I know it's not what you wanted to hear but it's for the best. We don't want to take any chances. It will just be for a couple of weeks until you deliver. Like I said I think she will be here in probably about two to three weeks anyway. Three at the most. You won't make it to Valentine's Day," the doctor says and Elliot begins to tense up.
"So bedrest. That means…"
"We've been here before Olivia. When you had your concussion. Same thing. Only difference is you have to keep your feet up."
"Wait so that means no.." Elliot chimes in.
"That's right. No sex from now until six weeks after the baby is born. Sorry Elliot," she says genuinely before closing her clipboard. "Any other questions?"
Olivia shakes her head no.
"Nope, I think you've pretty much rained on both of our parades enough today," Elliot adds.
"Ok. Well Olivia I will see you in a week. Look at the bright side. You two just moved in a new house right? Well now you will get to spend a lot of time there," she winks at her before walking out.
Elliot is quiet on the ride home and Olivia was so lost in thought and already thinking about what she will do now that she has to start her maternity leave early that it took her awhile to notice.
"Elliot? Elliot?" she calls to get his attention.
"What's going on? Why are you so quiet?"
He keeps his eye on the road tensely gripping the steering wheel. "It's nothing."
"Are you really that upset that we can't have sex for awhile?" she tries to lighten the mood.
He scoffs and laughs. "No. It's not that."
"Then what is it?"
He wanted to lie to her and tell her nothing because he planned on fixing it as soon as he got back to the house and could make a phone call but she has told him so much truth lately that he knows she doesn't deserve a lie.
"I was going to go back undercover for a couple of weeks. Two at the most."
She's disappointed. He can tell. Her face drops and she looks back out the window.
"I thought you didn't have to go back for anything longer than a weekend for awhile."
He takes a deep steadying breath. "I wasn't. I asked for the assignment."
Her eyes widened in disbelief.
"You what?" she asked shocked.
"Let me explain."
Her mind is going a mile a minute and her disappointment turns to anger. She's eight months pregnant, they are in a new home and he decides to go undercover.
He pulled the car over to the first parking spot he saw.
"Liv, look at me please," he begged.
She turned around to mirror his posture and her hard stare immediately softens when she seems how sincere his eyes are.
"I took the assignment because I thought I had a little more time and because I needed the money."
She opened her mouth to protest and he stopped her.
"I need the money for Maureen. She's been very stressed out about money because she had to quit her job and she has two babies on the way. Jason is still a resident so he's not making a lot. She didn't ask me to do this. As a matter of fact she's probably going to be mad if she ever figures out why I'm doing this because she's proud and stubborn. Not sure where she gets that from," he says sarcastically and she finds herself smiling back at him. "But it doesn't matter. Now that I know how close you are to delivering I'm not going to chance missing the birth of our daughter. I'll call them and tell them I can't go."
Deep down she wanted him to make the call and to stay with her while she spends the next weeks locked in the house with nothing to do but wait for time to pass by but at the same time she knows he has to do this. Being a parent is about sacrifices. She's learned that lesson in the short time that she has been a mother.
"El, don't. You said two weeks at the most right?"
"Yeah," he rasps.
"Ok. Worst case scenario two weeks will be right around the time she comes and that was the minimum amount of time the doctor gave us. You won't miss it. I promise you that. I'll do whatever I can to make sure she stays in there until her daddy gets back," she assured him.
"Liv I—I just feel like I'm letting you down. Who is going to take care of you while I'm gone? You're on bedrest."
"Do you realize how many friends we have? They are just dying to chip in. If anything I will probably get annoyed by so many people being at the house," she said still trying to comfort him. She leaned over as best she could under the circumstances and put his face in her hands. It was a move she did whenever she wanted him to calm down and concentrate only on her and nothing else.
"How about this? You call them and tell them you will be there as soon as possible. Tomorrow because you are on a strict timetable and I will go ahead and call the troops and see who can babysit me while you are gone. Deal?"
A few hours and several phone calls later, Elliot had finished packing and was set to leave first thing in the morning. His case agent promised him that they would pull him if Olivia went into labor and he would be gone no longer than two weeks. Olivia called and informed Chief Dodds that she had to start her maternity leave early leaving Fin temporarily in charge until the temporary lieutenant could take over.
She was pleased to find out that Lt. Declan Murphy was no longer undercover and was going to fill in for her in a few weeks while she was out. She was less pleased to find out that Dodds managed to squeeze in his son Mike who was a Sargeant to work in the Unit as well although he claimed it was temporary. She made it clear that Fin would be number two no matter who was in charge and that Mike needed to respect that but there was only so much she could do from her couch. Fin assured her he would be fine either way and told her to focus on her health. Melinda, Casey and Alex had already signed up to be there to check on her and Lucy offered to stay with her while Elliot was gone.
"What time is your flight?" she asked him trying her best not to sound unhappy.
"5 in the morning. I'm going to leave here about 3:30 to get to the airport," he replied stoically.
"Make sure you wake me up before you leave."
"Liv you need your rest."
"What I need is to say goodbye to my husband. Promise me El."
He kissed her forehead and pulled her in his arms to lay down with him on the sofa. "I promise."
They laid for a few minutes before Noah began to cry.
"Let me go get him. He's probably hungry," Elliot said getting off the couch. "Ill fix us all some lunch."
Later when they were at the table eating she watched him feed Noah and play with him and struggled to hold back her tears. It was only two weeks but she was going to miss him. She promised that he wouldn't miss Charlotte's birth and she really hoped that he wouldn't but there were no guarantees. There was a chance that he wouldn't get back in time and that made her sad. He caught her staring at him a few times but each time he winked at her or flashed her a small smile. He was bothered too but this was for Maureen. She was proud of him for doing whatever he could to help his child.
After lunch, he called each of the children to tell him about being out of town and that they would need to be around for Olivia. She overheard him talking to them on the phone. Of course Maureen was the most upset, fussing at him for leaving his pregnant wife to go and work but he took the reprimand in stride. Dickie was less than thrilled that Lucy would be spending her time at their house instead of his for the next couple of weeks and Eli made him promise that they were going to go to the zoo when he got back. His conversation with Lizzie was relatively short and she couldn't get a read on what happened when they talked.
They spent the rest of the afternoon and evening playing with Noah and just hanging around the house. Since she was on bedrest she watched in amusement as Elliot took on doing every little menial task she wanted to do in Charlotte's nursery. She couldn't help but break out in a fit of giggles watching him hang up her little dresses on the baby hangers and put them in the closet and arrange her shoes. He seemed a little annoyed at first but she caught him a few times touching the clothes and looking around the nursery in awe.
"Can't believe that by the time I get back she will be almost here. Seems like just yesterday.."
"That you took advantage of me and knocked me up," she said her eyes dancing with humor.
"Oh no way Mrs. Stabler. The night of Noah's adoption party I was just minding my own business trying to unwind after a long day and you are the one that took advantage of me." He leaned over and kissed her running his fingers through her hair trying to memorize her taste and smell. He's going to miss her. He knows this and it makes his chest tighten at the thought of having to leave right now.
"I did take advantage of you. It's that ass of your I'm telling you. A girl can't help herself," she jokes slapping him on the butt.
"Noah do you see what your daddy has to put up with," he grins and Noah giggles reaching up for Elliot to pick him up. "Let's get you in the tub while mommy goes and lays down for a bit," he tells him.
The doorbell rings and Elliot looks at his watch seeing that it's a little after 7pm. "Oh I didn't realize it was so late. Honey I have to tell you something."
"Well let me go get the door first and before you say anything, it is ok for me to walk the short distance to my door," she admonishes him.
He is trying to interject. "Yeah but-." The doorbell rings again.
Olivia doesn't let him finish before she walks to the door and opens it. "Lizzie?"
"Hey Liv. I guess since I'm going to be here for the next couple of weeks I probably need to get a key," she says in a chipper tone pulling in two suitcases.
"What's with all the luggage Elizabeth you're only going to be here for a week, two weeks max," Elliot yells from the hall.
Olivia is stuck in place watching Lizzie bring in her belongings and heading upstairs. She then turns her gaze towards Elliot who has a guilty smirk on his face.
"I believe you had something to tell me."
"Funny story," he says sarcastically. "Dickie and Lucy are practically shacking and I guess the thought of being without his lady for two whole weeks was just too much for him to bear," he adds with dramatic flair. "Anyway, she offered to stay for a week and then Lizzie could take a week since school hasn't started yet."
"But she has two suitcases like she's going to stay here a lot longer," Olivia interjects.
"Yeah well you know Lizzie," he says full on smiling at this point. "She just kind of took over and told Lucy don't worry about it and she would just stay here with you the whole time and take care of you. She told Lucy to drop in when she could but she had it handled. You two are going to have a great time."
He's laughing at her expression and she knows he knows exactly what he is doing. She wanted to retort something funny back at him but she's just happy to see him smiling considering the unfortunate situation they find themselves in.
Instead she takes the high road. "Yes. We will have a great time."
She's dead asleep when his alarm goes off at 2:45am and he begins to quietly move about the house and get ready for his flight. He goes into their rooms and kisses both Noah and Lizzie goodbye. Lizzie stirs long enough to say, "Be careful dad. Don't worry we will be fine," before she is back to sleep.
With a few minutes to spare, he cuddles face to face with Olivia watching her sleep. She's sleeping harder these days, the baby taking almost every bit of energy out of her. He sends the audio text message to her phone that he managed to record earlier that evening while she was in the tub.
He has to be at the airport shortly so he gently shakes her to wake her up.
"Hey baby, I have to get going soon."
She's awake instantly and wraps her hands around his neck. He places a kiss on her arm, her neck and then her cheek before settling his face back between her neck and shoulder. She breathes him in and holds on tight before finally pulling back and looking into his eyes. She's proud of herself that she managed to not cry.
"I'm going to miss you," she whispers.
"I'm going to miss you too. Please follow the doctor's orders and stay off your feet. Please," he whispers back at her.
"Good I'll make sure Lizzie sees to that," he says winking at her and she pinches him in response.
"And you. I meant what I said Little Miss Stabler," he says talking to her belly. "Don't you dare come out before daddy gets back. I love you." He places a kiss on her stomach and reaches back up to hug her again.
She whispers in his ear as he's holding on to her. "I've made some bad decisions in my life but choosing you as the father of my children was the best decision I ever made. You are a good father Elliot. You aren't disappointing me by leaving, you are making me proud. I love you."
He doesn't respond right away because he doesn't want to start crying but when he squeezes her tighter and leans into her just a little more she knows he absorbed what she said. He finally lets her go and heads for the bedroom door. She watches him in silence when he stops at the threshold of their bedroom. "I love you too. See you soon."
And with that he's gone. She listens for a few more minutes when she hears the front door close and lock. Her tears are flowing and she just hopes and prays that she can keep her promise.