All She Ever Wanted
The clock on Olivia's nightstand flashed 5:17am. In less than an hour her alarm would go off and she would have to get ready for work. She had been tossing and turning most of the night, unable to fully go back to sleep after getting up at 3am to feed Charlotte. Elliot offered but she insisted since she knew she would be going the whole day without seeing her baby girl. Elliot was still sound asleep next to her as her mind drifted over the past week. She's been trying to get in as much time with the kids as possible since she's convinced that once she steps one foot back into the madness of SVU, there's going to be no stopping it.
Nick had been sending her over the current case files by email so she's all caught up with where they are and should be able to hit the ground running. Declan has already gone back undercover as of two days ago and Sgt. Dodds will work with them a few more weeks before transferring to Homicide. Of course since he was the boss's son they were going to pull a few strings to have both him and Fin stay on as Sergeants in the Unit but Dodds decided that working in the unit wasn't exactly what he wanted. Although Olivia has never met him, she's pleased that he won't be there much longer. Having the boss's son that close was just too close for comfort and her and Chief Dodds already had a rocky relationship.
Yesterday all the kids came over for Sunday dinner, something that Elliot has now implemented to make sure they all stay in touch and the older kids don't get too busy with their lives to visit. As a show of solidarity, for the first dinner Kathy came over and brought her new boyfriend and Olivia was pleased to see that a lot of the awkwardness that existed between her and her husband's ex-wife had almost disappeared. Later in the evening, Dickie and Elliot went to run an "errand" when they were out of ice cream. After everyone left, Elliot let her in on the news that Dickie was ready to propose to Lucy and wanted to go shopping for rings soon. She smiled to herself thinking about how the young lady would now permanently be a part of her family and fate worked out just as well for Lucy as it did for her. The memories of last night calm some of her anxiety about returning to work.
She startles from her thoughts when she hears her phone alarm go off. "What?" She notices that the time is just 5:30am.
"Looks like my plan worked," Elliot says in a sleepy voice rolling over and holding her around her waist.
"What plan is that?"
"I set your alarm clock a little early so I could surprise you," he answers kissing the side of her face and her neck.
"Ok, what's the surprise?"
He nudges his erection against the curve of her ass and she starts to giggle. "That isn't a surprise at all. Seriously El you are such a horndog."
"If I were a sensitive man my feelings would be hurt."
She wiggled against his erection and heard him groan in her ear. "Good thing you aren't sensitive then."
She rolled over onto her back and captured his lips with hers. She felt his whole body come to attention and returned her kiss fervently rubbing his hand over her breasts. Her nipples immediately peaked and she moaned. "Shit El," she breathed and the sound of her desire spurred him on. Within a matter of moments he slid off her panties and nightgown, pulled down his boxers and sank into her.
"It feels so good," she moaned into his ear. They had begun to master the art of keeping their lovemaking quieter for the sake of the children but it was always a challenge. She bit into her lip when she started to feel him against her cervix, filling every inch of her.
Elliot groaned as he rolled his hips and gently took one of her nipples in mouth. Olivia started writhing beneath him and he could tell she was getting close. Just when he felt she was about to come apart she pushed his shoulders and reversed their positions. His face registered the surprise.
She started to roll her hips on top of him. "Today I'm back in Lieutenant Benson mode," she began with a mischievous grin on her face. "I'm going to be in charge," she whispered in his ear and before he could respond she sat up, placing his hands on her breasts as she started a feverish rhythm. He fondled her breasts and threw his head back while she continued to slide up and down his length.
"Shit Liv," he grunted. He was trying to hold on to let her orgasm first.
His reaction to her gave her an extra boost of confidence and she leaned over in his hear and whispered in a low, sexy voice. "Come."
The words had barely left her lips before he was coming apart and his wild thrusts triggered her orgasm. She covered her mouth with his, her deep kiss drowning out their collective moans. She peppered his face with small kisses while they both came down from their high. When he looked at her, it was like he was seeing her for the first time.
Olivia blushed. "What?"
"You know that was supposed to be my job. I was supposed to be seducing you," he declared kissing her again and rubbing his hands up and down her bare back as she continued to straddle him.
"Plans change. I told you I'm back in boss mode today," she teased and rolled off him. "Now it's almost time for me to get up and get ready."
Her demeanor began to change and he rolled over on his side to watch her. "You're going to do great today baby. You will pick up right where you left off. It's just like riding a bike," he assured her.
"I wish it was more like riding you," she tried her best to joke earning a genuine smile from him.
"Well if it was Lieutenant we may have a bit of a problem," he replied. He kissed her again and put his arm around her so she was resting against his chest.
"I'm just going to miss them. I don't remember it being this hard when I returned from maternity leave with Noah."
"How long did you take off?"
"A couple of weeks."
He snickered underneath her. "Of course you did. You've been away from work for four months. That's a lot different than a couple of weeks. What you are feeling is completely normal. I promise."
She laid in his arms a few more moments before hearing the blaring of her real alarm on her phone. "Perfect timing." She reached over to cut it off and he placed another kiss on her forehead.
"Come on. I'll make you breakfast and you go grab a shower and get ready. Unless….." he began raising one of his eyebrows.
"Absolutely not," she laughed and threw his sweatpants at him. "I need to get myself together and you will do nothing but distract me. Don't bother promising me any different because I know better."
"Fine," he said holding his hands up in surrender.
Forty-five minutes later she was showered, changed and eating the breakfast he cooked for her. Noah was in her lap and Elliot was giving Charlotte her bottle. She had already begun to get emails since the word was out that she was returning today. Every time she heard her phone vibrate she rolled her eyes.
"Ok let me hold her for a bit before I go," she insisted reaching for the baby. She finished giving her the rest of her bottle and rocked her on her shoulder gently. "Mommy is going to be home later ok. I promise I'll be here in time to put you to bed ok?"
She placed Charlotte in her bassinet and turned her attention to Noah picking him up and placing him on her hip. "Ok mommy's about to go. Are you going to be good for daddy?"
He shook his head yes. "Go bye bye?" he asked.
"Yeah honey I have to go to work but I will home later ok?" she assured him and kissed the crown of his head.
"Ok," he said softly and she handed him to Elliot and began to gather her jacket and belongings.
"Ill call you in a little bit and check in," Elliot said giving her a kiss. "Kiss ass today baby."
"Ooooh," Noah chided him and put his hands over his ears. "Bad word."
The gesture almost made Olivia tear up. When she first went on leave Noah was saying a word here and there and now he was talking more and more and his little personality was shining through.
"Shame on daddy," she added to Noah's delight. She kissed them both and gave Charlotte a quick kiss before heading out the door and back to the place that had been her whole life for as long as she can remember.
Olivia walked into the precinct and was surprised to find that her office was just as she left it. Declan was never really high maintenance and always boots to the ground so he probably didn't spend much time in there. No one was there when she arrived since she managed to get in about ten minutes early so she took off her jacket, fired up her laptop and began to go through her emails.
"Good Morning L-T," a smiling Carisi greeted her with a stack of mail in his hand. "Here is some mail that came in for you while you were out."
"Oh thanks. So how does it feel to be ba—"
"Hey Liv, glad to have you back," Fin interrupted with Amanda in tow.
"Place wasn't the same without you," Amanda added handing her a few case files that she put on her desk.
"Thanks guys. Just getting settled in with…everything," she said motioning towards her desk that was now a lot more cluttered than it was five minutes before.
"Liv, you're back!" Nick exclaimed pulling her into a hug. "This is Sgt. Mike Dodds," he pointed to Mike who was standing awkwardly at the door.
She shook his hand and they all made small talk for a few minutes. She showed them pictures of the kids and then they got down to business. There were two active investigations and she was going to sit in on an interrogation with Amanda that morning. She barely even noticed it was time for lunch because everything was back in full swing.
"Good job Amanda. I think he's really close to caving," she guaranteed the young detective on her way back to her office. "Escort him to holding and let me know when his lawyer arrives."
"You got it," she obliged heading for the door. "Oh and Liv?"
"It really is good to have you back."
"It's good to be back."
And it was.
By early afternoon, she decided to grab a sandwich from downstairs while everyone was out in the field and it was a little quiet. She closed the door and before she could pick up the phone to call Elliot she saw the text message come through. It was a picture of Elliot with both kids in his lap asleep. He called a few minutes later.
"How is your day so far?" he whispered into the phone and she could hear a door shutting behind him.
"Pretty good actually. I can't deny I'm jealous that you are getting to spend the day with them and I'm not but it's good to be back," she replied reaching for some of the mail on her desk and opening it while they talked.
"See I told you it would all be ok," he reassured her.
"You were right for once."
"Ok maybe twice," she teased. "What have you all been up to today?"
"We watched Inside Out again," he chuckled. "We took a little walk to get some fresh air and I'm pretty sure Noah built you a little castle with his legos that he's going to want to show you when you get home."
She closed her eyes and laid her head back into her chair listening to him talk about their day. "Is it crazy that I miss you and it's only been a few hours?"
"Well you have gone soft Stabler," he joked and she started to laugh. "I'm just joking. If you're crazy then so am I because I miss you too. So you're in good company."
"What do you have planned for the rest of the day?" she asked and a little pang of sadness hit her in the gut.
"When they wake up we are going to go with Dickie to go look for Lucy's ring."
"I thought she was coming there this afternoon to help you with the kids."
"No, she had graduation stuff to take care of plus we are doing just fine," he affirmed. "But ask me again after I drag two small kids in a jewelry store."
There were two small knocks on the door and then Nick peeked his head in. "Sorry to bother you Liv but we have a teenage rape victim at Mercy. Amanda is gone with the other case and the parents are requesting a female officer."
She put her hand over the phone shielding Elliot from the sound. "I'll be right there. El—"
"I know. Duty calls. I love you."
"I love you too."
She gathered her belongings to get ready to leave when she saw he sent another text message. She read it in the elevator and the tension she felt immediately from the case started to disappear.
Don't worry Lieutenant. I look forward to you making it up to me later and hopefully you are still in boss mode.
She smiled at the text and quickly responded.
Count on it.
As she put her phone back in her pocket she heard Nick chuckling to himself and shaking his head.
"What?" she asked failing to sound annoyed and hide her smile.
"Most people with a toddler and newborn at home are normally sleep deprived and cranky but the two of you are texting each other sweet nothings."
The elevator dinged and they headed to the parking garage. "Well in case you haven't noticed Elliot and I have never been most people."
Olivia arrived back to the precinct later in the afternoon after interviewing 16 year old Alexandra Reyes who was gang raped at a fraternity party. It was the same old situation of slut shaming and victim blaming. Alexandra thought she deserved it because she was dressed provocatively and was reluctant to press charges. Ultimately she agreed after Olivia convinced her that it didn't matter how she was dressed. No means no. After she was examined and her statement was taken, Olivia went with her to meet with a rape counselor at the hospital while the rest of the team worked to bring in the suspects for questioning.
It was already a little after 5pm and because the suspects weren't in yet she knew she wouldn't be getting home at a decent hour and she was a little frustrated. She called Elliot again to check on the kids and let him know she would be in late. He tried to hide his disappointment but she could tell it bothered him. She really wanted to at least make it home by 8pm to put the kids to bed but it was looking like she wouldn't make it. While she waited on Nick and Fin to return with the suspects, she shuffled through the rest of the unopened mail on her desk. She checked the return addresses and saw a lot of it was junk mail, outdated or invitations to police events. One of the letters caught her attention because it was handwritten and she noticed the return address.
It was from Maya.
Olivia opened the envelope and the first thing that fell out of the envelope was a picture. She held it up to see it was a picture of Maya holding her baby girl. She studied the photo and was delighted to see that Maya looked so happy with her daughter in her arms. It was the first time that she saw any light in the young girl's eyes. She turned the photo over and on the back was written 'Maya and Grace 5 months old'. Olivia smiled at the baby girl's name. There was also a note attached.
Dear Lieutenant Benson,
My aunt told me that you had your baby. Congratulations on your little girl. I'm sure she is pretty.
I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did for me and Gracie. I was going through a hard time and my talks with you really helped. Keeping my daughter was the right thing to do and I am happy to have her. I know she is here because of something bad that happened to me but she is nothing but good. I hope that I can be as strong as your mom was when she decided to keep you and I hope my little girl turns out to be just like you.
Thank you for showing me that good can come from evil.
Olivia didn't realize that she was crying until she saw the tear hit the photo that she held firmly between her fingers and couldn't take her eyes off of.
This was why she did this job.
This was the biggest reason she became a cop.
She started out wanting to avenge her mother's rape and then her purpose quickly turned to helping victims find their voice and making a difference. In the midst of trying to empower and teach victims she saw they taught her something as well.
"Hey Liv, the suspects are here," Fin said interrupting her and quickly noticed the tears in her eyes. "You ok?"
"Yep I'm fine. Haul them into interrogation. I'll be in there shortly."
She wiped her tears, composed herself and did one of the things she did best.
Olivia pulled into her driveway at 7:50pm. The questioning of the suspects was still going on but once they all started lawyering up she knew they wouldn't get too far with them anyway. Dodds and Fin took over and she quickly excused herself home and told them to call her with updates. She was tired but the second she opened the door she felt a new wave of adrenaline surge through her.
"I'm home," she announced when she walked through the front door.
She heard little footsteps and then one of her favorite sounds. "Mommy," Noah squealed running up to her with his arms open.
"Hi my love," she cooed picking him up in her arms and burying her face in his hair. "I missed you." Noah held on to her tight while she hugged him rocking side to side. "Oh that's a great hug."
Elliot came around the corner with Charlotte in one hand and her onesie in the other. He was in the process of getting her dressed for bed. "Hey I thought you were getting home later."
She placed a lingering kiss on his lips and he moaned in appreciation. When she pulled back, she saw the light in his eyes. "I was supposed to but I wanted to put them in bed. I don't want to miss that."
Elliot smiled at her and he was proud that she was finding her way and the balance she so desperately craved. "Well you made it just in time. I was just about to change the princess here after her bath so do you want to divide and conquer?"
She shook her head. "No. I want us to put them both to bed together," she said giving Charlotte a kiss on the forehead.
"Ok. You're the boss," he teased winking at her.
"And don't you forget it," she countered. "Let's go."
They all walked up the stairs and went to Charlotte's nursery. Noah picked out one of his favorite books "Close your Eyes" for them to read and she asked him questions about his day while Elliot finished changing Charlotte. Once he was done they read the book alternating pages while the kids listened intently.
Elliot read, "The little tiger rolled onto his belly and listened to the leaves quiver overhead. "If I close my eyes, I can't see the tree," he said.
"But you can," said his mother. "You can see many trees where you can play hide-and-seek until the night finds you and brings you home," Olivia finished.
Within ten minutes Noah and Charlotte were both sound asleep. Olivia laid Charlotte in her crib, kissing two of her fingers and placing on her daughter's chubby cheek. "Good night sweetheart."
She followed Elliot into Noah's room and tucked him in to the bed. She kissed him on his forehead when he began to stir. "Good night buddy. I'll see you in the morning."
Once she made it to the bedroom the exhaustion started to hit her and she fell back on the bed without getting undressed.
Elliot laughed when he saw her laid across the bed. "Rough day dear?"
She sighed and kicked off her shoes. "No not really just tired."
"A 12 hour shift the day you return to work after a few months will do that to you." He stood over her and began to help her discard her clothes.
"El what are you up to?"
"Just helping you get undressed," he answered with a mischievous grin that she was becoming quite accustomed to.
"I'm exhausted. If you want some tonight I may just have to stay on my back," she mumbled.
"Well as appealing and romantic as that sounds, it is possible for me to undress you and it not be for the purposes of sex," he replied sarcastically.
She sat up on her elbows and raised her eyebrow at him and he confessed. "Ok ok I know it doesn't happen often but it is possible."
Once she was down to her bra and underwear he grabbed her by the arm to help her sit up. "Come on I will help you to the shower."
"You're so good to me," she quipped as he walked her into the bathroom and turned on the shower, the steam immediately filling the room and causing the mirrors to fog.
"You think you got it from here?" He stepped back and opened the shower door for her to climb in.
He turned around to walk out and she called out to him.
"El aren't you going to join me?"
The last thing he saw before she closed the shower door was her bare ass and those chocolate brown eyes sparkling at him. He stripped out of his clothes and opened the door.
"That's an invitation I can't refuse."
Later in bed, Elliot was already sleep and she was awake thinking. Her mind was always hard to turn off. She checked her phone and saw she had texts from Nick saying they got one of the boys that raped Alexandra to come clean and he would agree to testify against the others. Casey was the prosecutor on the case so she texted her that they would meet first thing in the morning to see if they could work out a plea deal for him in exchange for his testimony.
She scrolled to the alarm setting on her phone and changed the time to thirty minutes earlier than the normal time. It didn't have to be for them to have sex every morning but she wanted that time even if it was just for half an hour before the world got grimy, busy and dark to just lay in bed with her husband and talk and enjoy his company.
She watched him sleep next to her and thought about how tomorrow she would do it all over again and that was just fine with her. "I love you," she said softly caressing the side of his face as he slept.
And then her thoughts fleetingly turned to Maya's letter.
Thank you for showing me that good can come from evil.
She replayed the line in her head over and over again. She had always felt like she needed to work hard to prove her purpose after her mother told her the truth about her conception. What she learned was that her purpose was already predetermined. In searching for what she thought she needed by working in Special Victims she ended up finding all she ever wanted.
And her family.