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Dinner for two...and a half...


Elladan is trying to create the perfect romantic atmosphere for a meeting with his lover but somebody has to interfere...

Romance / Humor
Age Rating:

Chapter 1

Elladan was stressed out, spinning around himself like a top and he was driving his brother up the wall. “Do you think he will like it?”

Elrohir did roll his eyes and sighed, he had gotten that question at least fifteen times now. “Yes, I am sure he will, damn it Dan, if he doesn’t then he doesn’t deserve you! Relax, you are acting like some madman!”

Elladan did pout. “I know, but I want it to be perfect! He deserves that, it has been some tough months and…”

Elrohir placed a hand across Elladan’s mouth with a smirk. “Shut up, you ought to sit down and just relax, please. You are acting silly”

Elladan did wrestle himself free from his twin and made a grimace. “Oh Ro, I just…I want to show him how much I appreciate him! Is that too much to ask for?”

Elrohir shook his head. “No, but you are exaggerating sweet brother, you have been working like crazy for hours. There is no point in doing this if you are so exhausted you fall asleep the moment he enters the door now is there? Fin would never fuck somebody who isn’t able to give their consent!”

Elladan sort of gulped. “It doesn’t mean that we are gonna…Ro, I just want to give him a nice quiet romantic evening with good food and massage and…”

Elrohir grinned from one ear to the other. “And fucking, lots of fucking, oh I do know you brother, you will not be happy with the evening unless you end up underneath our golden balrogslayer at least once”

Elladan rolled his eyes. “Alright, some intimacy would be alright, but…”

Elrohir took a deep breath. “Dan, listen to me, you have done all you can, now you sit down and wait and believe me, the evening will be perfect!”

Elladan nodded his head sheepishly. “Of course!”

Elrohir did hug him and left the rooms and Elladan did take a look around, the rooms were prepared. Lots of candles ready to be lit, delicious food ready to be served, some good massage oil, a silky pelt placed in front of the hearth and good wine too. It was going to be wonderful, just perfect! He would make sure that his lover was as pampered as never before when the night came. Glorfindel had been out there hunting orcs for months now and the recent rise in the number of orcs had been troublesome to say the least. But now the hordes had been heavily decimated and had retreated to the mountains and the number of patrols had been reduced due to this. Everybody had finally managed to get a few days off, and it had to be exploited.

Elladan missed Glorfindel, not that he hadn’t seen him lately for they did often ride out on patrol together but they did separate their private lives and the lives as warriors, it was needed for personal feelings could become dangerous in the heat of battle. But now Elladan would have his beloved there by his side and it would be great to just relax and allow the everyday stress to be forgotten. He did take one last look at the rooms, the bed was covered with soft pelts and rose petals, the hearth was lit and the rooms were warm, in fact a wee bit too warm so he did open the door a bit just to allow a bit of heat to leave. It was no good if the room was turned into a sauna, too early.

He sat down with a book, Glorfindel had returned from the day’s duty some hours ago but Elladan had arranged for him to come at sunset and he felt as if that goddamn sun was refusing to sink this day. He longed for the touch of his lover, and to create an evening worth remembering.

He jerked when there was a somewhat hesitant knock on the door, he got up and walked over. It wasn’t Fin, he would walk straight inn. It was Lindir, the minstrel did look a bit embarrassed and Elladan did frown. “What is it? You look as if you have sat down on a cactus?”

The uptight posture did indeed indicate problems and Lindir did cringe. “Uh, no, I just…Have you seen Erestor’s cat?”

Elladan did frown even deeper. “The black heap of fluff, what’s its name, Amluginnog?”

Lindir did nod. “Yes, small dragon. Actually, the cat ought to be named Ancalagon for small it is not, but it is a female so…”

Elladan did shake his head. “I haven’t seen it no, why?”

Lindir did wring his hands. “Ah, I was told to look after it, Erestor is visiting Lothlorien and I was told to keep her indoors for she is in heat and….she got out!”

Elladan had to grin. “So now you are chasing a cat? Good luck, I bet Erestor will become a proud grandfather of a litter of smaller dragons in a couple of months for there are plenty of toms here.”

Lindir sort of heaved for air, he looked as if he was about to pass out. “Oh Eru, he will blame me!”

Elladan snickered. “I hope not, that sort of thing would be unnatural!”

Lindir went beet red. “Dan!! You are…Oh I wish I could warm your behind, just…let me know if you see her!”

Elladan did still snicker, it was so easy to make Lindir upset to the point of blushing, and it was great fun too. “Alright, I promise I will warn you if I could catch a glimpse of the critter”

Lindir did just mumble and ran off and Elladan did close the door, taking a deep breath of relief. He was alone, now he could prepare for the evening. He did put on a nice pair of pants and a loose tunic and a pretty robe on top of it and then he sat down again to wait. He didn’t have to wait for too long though, there was a sound of very familiar footsteps coming along the porch and he took a deep breath.

Glorfindel did enter the room and stopped, wide eyed. Elladan did purr. “Welcome to my humble abode!”

He did saunter over and placed a glass of good wine in Glorfindel’s hand. The tall blonde had been in the baths, his hair was still damp and his skin flushed. Elladan had barely seen anything that wonderful, ever. He was almost drooling, he wanted to lick all the way down that strong neck and down towards way more enticing areas but that would have to wait, at least for a while. He wanted this to be a journey, not a head on race. “My goodness Dan, you have…all this for me?!”

Dan did nod and his eyes did shine with admiration and love, he did reach up to kiss Fin who did answer with zeal. Dan did moan into the kiss, how he had longed for this, a whole night, just the two of them, uninterrupted and free. He could taste the wine on Fin’s lips and gave them a tentative lick which made Fin gasp and close his eyes for a second. “Dan, you really have planned for a marvellous evening”

Elladan grinned. “All for you my love, all for you!”

Fin embraced him, putting down the wine glass. “Oh Dan!”

The kissing became more eager and deeper and Dan felt light headed, he was wondering if this would be a case of the evening progressing in reverse, the happy ending first and the rest afterwards. Fin did let go of him, eyes dark with desire. “I want to ravish you, taste you and feel you and bury myself within you until there is no knowing where you end and I start. But I smell food, and I am hungry!”

Dan did grin and caressed Fin’s firm rear with one hand. “Of course, I have prepared a meal”

He did hope that Fin would appreciate the amount of work he had put into it, he had gotten a nice leg of deer from the cook and he had prepared the meat himself, with some nice seasoning and also a lot of fried vegetables. Just the way Fin liked it. The kitchen was behind the livingroom and Elladan had placed the pot on top of a ceramic holder which would hold the food warm since there was small candles burning underneath it. The smell was truly wonderful and Fin did sniff with anticipation. “Oh vegetable stew, how wonderful!”

Dan frowned. Vegetable stew? There ought to be pieces of meat in there too? He did take a swift look at the pot, what the heck? There were just a couple of tiny pieces of meat left, had he forgotten to add the meat? He felt confused and tried to smile, had he truly been that stressed out? “Yes, ah, seasoned just the way you like it”

Fin did rub his hands together in anticipation and Dan found some plates and filled them, the vegetables were of course enough on their own but it had been such a tender and lovely leg and the meat had been prepared so well. What had happened?

They sat down and Dan did find some more wine, a very rich and heady vintage he had managed to lure out of his father’s wine cellar. Fin did attack the food with the hunger of somebody who had been bereaved of good food for many days and Dan did enjoy the stew too, until he suddenly felt a hair on his tongue. He did spit it out, discretely. It was black and he cringed, had he been shedding into the food? Oh my, it was horrible! But the hair wasn’t that long? Oh, it had probably burned off, he just hoped that the rest hadn’t ended on Fin’s plate.

They sat there, enjoying the food and relaxing, the wine made Dan feeling slightly tipsy and he did giggle when Fin did reach out and caressed his hand gently. When they were done eating they did return to the living room and Fin grinned. “What about some romantic starlight before we continue? I feel the need for some fresh air”

Dan nodded, his head was filled with love and admiration and also a healthy dose of lust, he did follow his lover outside and they sat down on the hammock. Fin was humming some sweet tune, then he leaned over and started to kiss Dan’s cheek and slowly he did move towards the sensitive ear, ending with sucking on the tip. Dan was trembling, it was a warm evening and the stars were bright and it was so very romantic and he was completely happy. Fin did nip gently at the ear and his hand had descended inside of Dan’s pants and now they were caressing his manhood very gently. Dan was panting. “F…Fin…I…if you continue much longer I will cream my pants here and now!!”

Fin looked up, a devil dancing within his eyes. “Oh? Too bad, we don’t want that now do we, how about my mouth instead?”

He did glide down very slowly and ended up kneeling in front of the hammock, slowly moving Dan’s clothes out of the way. Dan could barely think. “Yes, oh yes, please!”

Fin had gotten him out of the pants and started licking slowly, very gently, without much pressure and the dark haired elf was throwing his head back, dizzy with pleasure. Fin knew exactly how to give head, to make the pleasure last until Dan was shaking all over, and this time he did outdo himself. Dan was keening, struggling to breathe as waves of intense pleasure did drift through him. He was close, oh so close and Fin was placing his hands on Dan’s hips to prevent him from bucking. That was when the most godawful sound any of them had heard did break the silence, a howl and shriek worthy of a dying Oliphant. Fin raised his head and Dan yelped and couldn’t help it, the shock made him spill, painting Fin’s chin and neck with thick ropes of come.

“What in the name of Eru?!”

Fin’s voice did reveal his shock and the sound was heard again, now there was two critters howling instead of just one. Dan was panting, so ashamed and so confused, what was going on`? Fin got up and suddenly there was a veritable concert of shrieks hisses and yowls, and Dan realized what it was, cats! It was a whole horde of cats gathering in front of the house, screeching and fighting and Dan moaned. “Oh shit, it is the goddamn dragon”

Fin frowned. “Dragon?!!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Erestor’s goddamn cat, it is called little dragon, it is in heat, these has to be her suitors”

Fin snickered. “Oh, so there aren’t only us who are pursuing the pleasures of the flesh tonight? Let us go back inside, let us forget about these love sick felines. I am much more interested in you”

Fin did dry off the come from his skin with Dan’s tunic and they did retreat back to the living room. Dan was a bit nervous now, the meat had disappeared, the cats had interrupted them, but now they were alone right? He did stare at the huge pelt in front of the hearth. “How about some massage?”

His voice had grown husky yet again and Fin nodded, licking his lips. “Yes, after you repay me for that blow job, deal?”

Dan nodded. “Yes, deal. Off with them rags”

Fin did grin and started to dance around the room, removing his clothes slowly and with expert technique, meant to tease and entice. Dan was having a hard time breathing, Fin was glorious, the physique magnificent and so beautiful and the golden haired ellon did stop in front of the hearth, leaning one elbow onto the mantelpiece, grinning with a clear challenge. “So, on your knees my gorgeous one”

Dan did obey, he was naked too now and sank down with a graceful movement, feeling privileged to be able to worship this amazing body. He knew exactly what Fin liked and did take his time, this ought to be a night just for them, they had many hours, no point in rushing it. He did use one hand to tease Fin’s sac and butt as he did slide his lips slowly up and down the shaft and Fin was making mewling sounds, shaking all over. “Oh yes, Dan my dear, so good, oh Eru so good”

Dan did grin to himself, he would make sure that Fin stayed on the very edge for a while, he would beg Dan for permission to come soon. But Fin did suddenly tense up, way too early and gasped and the gasp wasn’t one of pleasure. “What…what is that?!”

Dan had to let go of Fin’s cock, he looked up and let out a shriek. There were a row of bookshelves running along one side of the room and on top of them…It could have been a long haired black cat, and it could have been some horribly mutated beast from the depths of Utumno…”Oh fuck, fuck fuck fuck!”

The cat did look horrible, the coat smeared with what could only be cooking oil and it had obviously been in the hearth of the kitchens for it was more light grey than black, the coat stiff with ash. Fin was making huge eyes. “Is that Erestor’s cat?”

Dan was panting. “Yes, it must have entered when the door was open before you came, oh Eru!”

Dan did realize why there hadn’t been any meat in the stew, the goddamn cat had eaten it all! By Morgoths hairy balls! The cat did stare at them, golden eyes filled with cold disgust and Dan was sure she did smile as one paw was extended towards a crystal vase Dan’s mom had given him. “OH don’t you dare, don’t you…”

The cat did smile, it was no way in hell that wasn’t a smile, a vicious smile which would have made Sauron chuckle with glee. The vase did fall and Dan ran towards it to rescue it, too late. As he crash landed on the floor with an “oomph” the vase hit the same hard wood floor, shattering in a thousand pieces and the cat did yowl and shook herself. A cloud of ash was released, it had to look like that when Orodruin was erupting, there was suddenly ash all over the room. Fin was coughing and Dan screamed. “Catch her!”

Dan tried to get up, filled with despair and shame, the cat was ruining their evening, completely. He had never been so disappointed and ashamed before. Fin did try to run around the couch to corner the cat and the animal did hiss and they both heard a very tell tale sound of somebody releasing gas, loud and clear. Dan was in tears, a horrible smell did spread with the ashes and Fin doubled over, coughing even more. “She is farting, oh Eru what has that beast been eating?”

Dan tried to get up, forgot about the shattered vase and shrieked when intense pain did shoot through his left foot, he had stepped on a shard. Fin saw his expression of pain and did panic. “Dan, don’t move, there are shards of crystal everywhere. Stay there, I will rescue you!”

That was when the cat did start to spring along the shelves yet again, jumped over to the mantelpiece and then set a course for the couch. And there it did stop, stared at them with a clear challenge in her golden eyes and crouched over, tail raised. Dan shrieked. “Stop her, she is…”

The smell was suddenly becoming so strong it would have made a cave troll gag, even a dragon would have passed out from this. The cat did evacuate her entire system under high pressure, spreading shit all over the couch the way a farmer spreads manure over his fields in spring. She was doing it on purpose, Elladan was dead sure. Fin did ignore the shitting cat, he found a pair of boots by the door and just threw them on, running across the room leaving big piles of mud since Dan had been using those boots helping his father in the herbal garden earlier that day.

Fin did grasp Elladan and lifted him, there was blood pouring from his foot and Elladan felt like crying. “I am so sorry Fin, oh please just kill me. It was going to be a perfect evening and now it is ruined and…”

Fin did kiss his forehead. “Easy, relax. You are not to blame for that infernal creature.”

Fin did kick the door open. “See, I will let her out, do you have bandages?”

Elladan did just nod and Fin did carry him into the bedroom. The bed was a sight to behold, so lovely and now it was gonna be spoiled. Fin did let Dan down onto the soft covers and found a bowl of water and some bandages. “Oh damn, there are shards embedded deep into the sole, this will hurt okay?”

Dan did just nod and sobbed as Fin did pluck the shards out of his foot, it hurt but not as bad as the disappointment in his heart. Fin did kiss his other foot gently. “Do not blame yourself my love, these things do happen”

Dan sniffed. “Not like this, no, never like this!”

Fin did wash the foot gently and put some bandages on it and he smiled. “We will clean the living room tomorrow, don’t worry. Now, scoop yourself up a bit, I want to lie next to you”

Dan obeyed, heavy hearted and sighing and Fin did lay down next to him. “Now, where were we? I promise, I will make it better, where is your massage oil?”

Dan pointed at the nearest drawer and Fin smiled and pulled out a vial of oil. “On your belly, relax”

Dan obeyed, sighing. “Great, just…”

Fin did bend down and kissed Dan on top of his ass. “Don’t blame yourself my love, you tried! I love you!”

Fin got up and lit all the candles and now the room was filled with the sweet scent of lavender and the warm light of the candles. It was lovely and Dan started to relax again, Fin started to massage him and it was wonderful. Fin did start at his neck and worked his way down very slowly and when he did reach Dan’s ass he was already aroused again, panting and whimpering. Fin did grin, the eyes sparkling with mirth. “So needy my love, I love to see you thus”

He did bite Dan on the ass and the black haired elf did yip, arching up. A finger was teasing his opening, slicked with oil and Dan moaned. “Oh yes Fin, I want you, I need you!”

Fin was breathing hard, licking soft skin covering hard muscle and Dan mewled. “I need you too love, are you ready?”

Dan could only nod, his body shivering and his skin slick with sweat, he wanted to be one with his lover, more than ever before, screw the wounded foot.

Dan arched himself and Fin did push a pillow inn under his hips, then he did slick himself up thoroughly and Dan did hold his breath. The first feeling was a slight pain, a sort of sting but then he did relax again and Fin did push deeper, he was rather large and knew that he had to be careful not to hurt his partner. Dan let out a long groan of fulfilment and joy and Fin gasped and started to move. “Oh yes Dan, you are so tight and hnnng, good!”

Elladan whimpered, the rhythmical pushes against his sweet spot sent sparks through his body and he closed his eyes and focused on the intense pleasure and joy of being as one. Glorfindel did speed up, skin was slapping against skin and Dan was gasping for air, already close. Fin bent over, biting his neck. “Come for me my love!”

Dan didn’t even try to hold back, he just let go and came screaming Fin’s name, spilling over the sheets. Rose petals were sticking to his skin and he did smell of sweat and sex but he was happy. Fin did roar and came too, hard and long and he collapsed on top of Dan, kissing his ear lovingly. “That wasn’t so bad now was it?”

Elladan did giggle, exhausted and happy and he did squirm, pulling Glorfindel closer. He did grasp a pillow with one hand, trying to pull it closer in order to give his lover something to rest his head on. He pulled his hand back, there had been something under it? Something with fur? Wet? He gasped and raised his head, lifted the pillow completely. “Morgoth devour that cat!”

It was a mouse, elegantly placed underneath the pillow as a sort of offering, half eaten and bloody and Elladan did almost retch. “The accursed beast is a servant of Sauron! I swear it is!!”

Fin chuckled. “Oh Dan, it is just a mouse, nothing to worry about. I will throw it out right now!”

He did grasp the dead animal and got up, walked over to the door and opened it, Elladan was raised up on his elbow and saw it all. The cat hadn’t left the scene as they had hoped that it would, instead its suitors had decided to invade Elladan’s home. There were toms everywhere, on the furniture, on the shelves, on the mantelpiece. In the middle of the room, on the pelt in front of the hearth the main culprit was being thoroughly mounted by the blacksmith’s scarred old tom while a dozen others were awaiting their turn. Fin threw the mouse out the entrance and stood there gaping, the room did reek of cat shit and piss since many of the toms did use the opportunity to mark their territory. Glorfindel did turn on his heel, eyes wide. “I agree, cats are creatures worthy of Sauron”

Elladan swallowed. “I am so sorry, I have ruined our lovely evening”

Glorfindel shook his head. “No, you haven’t. The night is still young and my apartment is hopefully cat free”

Elladan whimpered. “But…”

Glorfindel went over to Elladan’s wardrobe and found some robes. “Let me carry you, it will not be long before we are in a warm bed yet again”

Elladan did just sigh and allowed Fin to wrap him in a robe and a blanket. They left the apartment and closed the door behind them. Glorfindel did grin. “I have an idea”

He did walk along the path and stopped by the small building Lindir did live in, he did knock on the door and the minstrel did open, rather dishevelled looking. “I get it that you are looking for Erestor’s cat? It is trapped in Elladan’s apartment”

Lindir did smile, a wide grateful smile. “She is? Oh wonderful, thank you so much. She hasn’t caused any problems I hope?”

Glorfindel did put up his most innocent grin. “No, not at all, just to and get her”

Lindir was smiling from one ear to the other. “What has happened to your leg Dan?”

Elladan just shrugged. “Ah a small mishap, nothing to worry about, good night”

They walked off and Glorfindel did snicker. “He has no idea of what is coming now does he?”

Elladan did giggle back “No, poor Lindir”

Glorfindel did kick open the door to his own apartment, it was rather Spartan with just a bed and some chairs and a small table but it was free from cats. Elladan was delivered onto the bed and before long they were as tangled as ever. He loved it when Glorfindel really unleashed all of his passion and now he really did. It was raw and primeval and just wonderful and Elladan was clawing at Glorfindel’s shoulders as the golden haired ellon did fuck him hard, the bed was creaking and the matrass was probably going to have to be burned after this, it did reek. But in the end they ended up half asleep, cuddled up next to each other, nuzzling and happy. Glorfindel did play with Elladan’s long dark locks. “Thank you for a wonderful evening my light”

Elladan sighed. “I am glad you have enjoyed yourself”

Glorfindel nodded. “I have, it has been interesting. Nothing is worth having if it isn’t worth fighting for right?”

Elladan did lean over and kissed his lover gently. “Yes, you are right. Even when one has to fight a horde of horny cats”

The next day they learned that Lindir innocently had opened the door to the apartment unleashing the trapped cats and also Erestor’s female. He had spent the entire night trying to get the animal back and he offered to clean the apartment. Elladan did accept and Lindir did spend two days washing the rooms, the couch had to be burned and Elladan did never tell Lindir about the evening.

Erestor did return home two months later, just in time to become the “grandfather” to a whole litter of large black kittens and when Elladan did tell the counsellor of the evening he had spent with the mother the kittens were promptly named Tevildo one, two three four five and six. Elladan and Glorfindel did have more romantic dinners, but from now on Elladan would check each and every crevice and crack of his apartment first, just to make sure that there would be no more cat-astrophes.

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