My Alien Girlfriend

Chapter 10

In the kitchen, Paula was busy cleaning when she heard Ashley walk into the room. Seeing Ashley’s distraught face, Pauala immediately walked over to her and wrapped her arms around the Alien.

“Ashley, what’s wrong?” Paula said rubbing Ashley’s back. “Did Spencer not like the gift?”

“No it is not that,” Ashley muttered, wiping her eyes. “It is something else. Spencer and I are no longer together.”

“What?” The older blonde gasped. “What happened?”

“It is a long story,” the Alien said. “I have never felt this way before Mrs. Carlin. It hurts really bad right here,” she informed pointing towards her two hearts.

Paula gave her a sympathetic look and cupped her cheek. “Ashley, honey, why don’t you go sit in the living room and I’ll bring you some tea? We’ll talk if you want to.”

Ashley nodded and did as she was told. Paula let out a sigh and shook her head.

“Nice going,” Madison growled, shoving Spencer. “Because of you, that poor little innocent creature has just had her…hearts broken!”

“I deserved that.” Spencer looked down forlornly.

“No,” Madison said, getting in Spencer’s face. “You deserve to have your ass kicked. I told you this was a stupid fucking idea from the beginning, but did you listen to me?”

Spencer winced. “No.”

“No! You didn’t!” Madison yelled. “You were too caught up with who you thought was the perfect girlfriend to realize you already had the perfect woman right in front of you!”

Spencer began to cry.

“Go ahead cry, I don’t give a fuck.” Madison shrugged. “You didn’t know this but everyday at school every fucking day Ashley would have heaps of women toss themselves at her but you know what she would say when they’d put the moves on her?”

“What?” Spencer sniffled.

Madison sighed. “She would say sorry but, I am in love with Spencer. Too bad she didn’t realize her precious Spencer was a lying whore who’d put anybody on the back burner as long as it meant getting closer to Carmen.”


“I don’t wanna hear it! You better go talk to that Martian.” Madison hissed walking out of the bedroom.

Spencer nodded and hurriedly rushed downstairs. She found the brunette clutching a pillow to her chest sitting on the couch.

Taking a deep breath she took a seat on the far end. The Alien glanced up at Spencer with saddened eyes and quickly looked back down.

“Ashley,” Spencer whispered hoarsely.

“Why?” Ashley suddenly blurted tearfully. “Why did you do this to me?”

“I never wanted thing to turn out this way.”

“I am. No, was in love with you Spencer,” the Alien hissed.

“Was?” Spencer repeated.

“I do not know how I feel about you now,” Ashley shook her head. “It feels like my hearts have been smashed into little pieces.”

“I’m so sorry,” Spencer said looking down.

“Has everything been a lie,” the Alien questioned through tears.

Spencer’s silence was a good enough answer for Ashley. Wiping angrily at her tears the Alien stood up and prepared to leave. Spencer quickly took hold of her hand.

“Not everything,” she said quietly. “I mean most of it … was but I began to have feelings for you though Ashley.”

“Why? Because you began to feel guilty and sorry for me,” the Alien growled snatching her hand from Spencer’s. “I am going for a walk and do not follow me,” she informed walking towards the front door.

Spencer quickly stood up and tried to grasp the brunette’s hand. “Ashley wait!”

Ashley whirled on Spencer, “Leave me alone!” She yelled as her honey brown eyes turned into a bright red color.

Spencer immediately backed down slightly frightened. She’d never seen the Alien this angry before. In fact, she’d never seen the Alien angry period.

The Alien turned back around and quickly headed out of the house. Spencer tried to catch sight of her through the window but Ashley was nowhere to be seen. She let out a sigh and leaned her forehead against the glass.

She jumped suddenly when she felt a hand grasp her shoulder. Spencer quickly turned and around and saw her mother looking at her with a blank expression.

“We need to talk,” Paula stated before moving into the kitchen.

Spencer frowned in confusion and followed her mother. She had a feeling something bad was about to happen.

“Mom what is it,” Spencer sighed as she walked into the kitchen.

“There is something that I have been hiding from you Spencer,” Paula said.

“Mom, what are you talking about,” the young blonde asked looking her mom over suspiciously. Something definitely was not right.

“That’s the thing,” Paula continued. “I’m not your mom.”

“What?” Spencer whispered starting to freak out.

The older blonde sighed and brought her hand up to her head. With a quick yank her hair came off the top of her head.

“Mom, when did you get a wig,” Spencer asked with wide eyes.

Paula took both of her hands, rested them on the back of her neck, and began to peel her skin off.

“Mom when did you get removable skin,” the young blonde gasped as she watched her mom shuck all of her skin off like a blanket.

Spencer’s breathe hitched. “Mom,” she yelled. “When did you become Raife, Ashley’s Alien father!”

“You can stop calling me mom now,” Raife supplied with a smirk.

“Oh my God,” Spencer screamed. “What have you done with my mother?”

The Alien chuckled. “She is fine, she is back in one of my vacation spaceships along with Clay on the planet Mars. They are practically on vacation.”

“Mars,” Spencer yelled. “There’s no life on Mars! They’re gonna die. Oh my God my brother and my mom are going to die! You killed them! You’re a murderer! You’re an Alien murderer here to kill me like you killed my mom and brother!”

“Hey,” Raife scoffed. “Will you calm down? Did you not just hear me? They are fine; they are vacationing on Mars. It is one of the safest planets in the Solar System.”

“But there is no life on Mars,” Spencer said.

“Oh please,” the Alien continued. “You humans are just not looking hard enough. The Mars citizens do not like to be bothered as much. They are very private people. But, if you offer them some cheese they come right on out.”

Spencer gave him a disbelieving look. “Are you kidding me? Cheese?”

“Of course,” Raife nodded.

“Right,” Spencer stretched, crossing her arms. “Um, could we get back to why you’re here and why you were just in my mother’s…body, suit, skin, thing!”

“Yes about that,” he cleared his throat. “I want Ashley back home.”

“Excuse me,” Spencer asked with a frown.

“I want Ashley back home, where she belongs,” Raife repeated. “During Ashley’s reports back to me she would go on and on about love and you. It was endless. I did not expect her to find love here on Earth. So, I borrowed your mother’s form and set to sabotage your relationship with her.”

“No wonder things have been so weird,” Spencer muttered. “You wanted to split Ashley and me up? Why?”

“Earth is not a safe place for my little Martian,” Raife defended. “America alone is a dangerous enough place. You beings shoot at each other for Zypho sakes! Besides, you were out to break Ashley’s heart anyway. I knew you sounded too good to be true…. well, for a human. I knew she would get hurt.”

Spencer looked down guilty. “I know I hurt Ashley,” she whispered. “But, I know better now. I think … no, I know I’m in love with her.”

“You sure have a funny way of showing it,” Raife scoffed. “I did not even have to do much. You did all the work for me in splitting the two you up. Now, I know she will want to come home back to me, where it is safe.”

“Wait,” Spencer frowned. “You’re taking Ashley back home?”

“That is correct; as soon as I get the call from her I am taking her back that instant. She has been here long enough,” Raife said smugly.

“You can’t take her away from me,” Spencer said sternly.

“Watch me,” the Alien said in a deep voice. He gave her a quick wink and then suddenly disappeared from the room.

“Oh no,” Spencer whispered as she ran out of the house. Surprisingly enough Ashley hadn’t gone too far. She found the Alien mopping around the corner on a quiet street.

“What are you doing here?” Ashley growled glaring at Spencer. “Have you not done enough damage already?”

Spencer hunched over and took in some deep breaths. Yes, the Alien hadn’t wondered too far from the house but it was still a long run and Spencer was no athlete.

“Ashley … I … you … me,” she huffed.

“Yes I know, you and I are over Spencer,” Ashley hissed.

Spencer frowned but kept trying nonetheless. “No … I …want.”

“To be apart,” the Alien finished. “I get it Spencer you do not have to rub it in.” She whispered as she began to walk away.

Spencer grabbed hold of Ashley’s arm and spun her around. “No, listen to me Ashley,” she said loudly. “That is not what I was saying. What I was trying to say was,” suddenly a funny feeling came over Spencer.

“You were trying to say what?” the Alien asked impatiently.

“I hate your guts,” Spencer growled. “I wish you would just go home and stay the fuck away from me you freak!”

“Fine,” Ashley yelled in tears yanking her arm away. “I will be gone and away from you forever by Friday. You will never see me again Spencer Carlin,” she cried before jogging lightly away.

Spencer shook her head dazed. “Wait,” she yelled after the brunette. “Ashley I didn’t mean that!” Spencer looked around lost. “What the fuck just happened to me,” she gasped frightened.

“Ashley,” she called once again catching up with the Alien. “That wasn’t me that just said that Ashley you’ve got to believe me!”

“Sure Spencer, how dumb do you think I am,” Ashley whimpered.

“Well,” Spencer smirked. “I do think you’re pretty fucking dumb!”

“Just get away from me,” the Alien shouted taking off in her not-quite-so- humanly-possible fast run down the street.

“No, wait, Ashley,” Spencer yelled to no avail. She covered her face with her hands and let out a frustrated sigh. “What the fuck is going on,” she yelled.

Suddenly Spencer was clunked in the back of the head by an object. She turned around and was hit smack in the face by a … purse?

“What the hell,” she yelled covering her sore nose.

“Watch your language young lady,” an old lady chastised smacking Spencer once more on the arm with her purse. “You used to be such a pleasant child.”

“You didn’t have to hit me you … randomly written in old lady,” Spencer groaned with a frown.

“Well, you deserved it,” the elderly woman said with a satisfied smile as she shuffled back down the street and into her house.

“Is the whole world against me now,” Spencer growled.

BAM! Spencer hissed as she held the side of her head. “What the … heck was that?” She yelled looking down. “A newspaper!” She screamed.

“Sorry lady,” a little boy called over his shoulder as he took off on his bicycle. For a paperboy he had horrible aim.

“Looks like your day just got a little worse,” a deep voice said from behind her.

Spencer turned around. “What a surprise you’d turn up as all these random things happen to me Raife.” She deadpanned.

“Me,” he asked in surprise. “I had nothing to do with the old lady and the paper boy.”

“But you did have something to do with manipulating my words in front of Ashley,” Spencer accused.

“Yes,” Raife smiled. “That I had something to do with.”

“Don’t think this is going to stop from getting Ashley back,” Spencer warned in a daring tone.

“Oh, I am just getting started, my dear,” He ssaid before once again disappearing.

Spencer scoffed. “Does he always get to have the last word?”

“Alright,” Madison began. “Although I am still pissed at you… you are still technically my best friend so I will help you get your girl back.”

“Thanks Mads,” Spencer smiled gratefully, taking a seat on Madison’s bed.

“That’s right, I’m helping you,” Madison went on. “Although you’ve been a selfish, stupid, ungrateful, whorish, dumb-”

“Okay.” Spencer frowned. “I get it, Mads.”

“Self centered, conceited, bitchy-”

“Madison!” Spencer yelled. “I get it. I’ve been all those things and more. I’m sorry and thank you very much for helping me out.”

Madison shrugged and waved her off with a grin. “It’s like they say, you know, blood is thicker than water.”

Spencer frowned and pointed between them. “Um, we’re not related.”

“That still doesn’t change the fact that blood, in viscosity, is thicker than water.”


“Right, moving on,” Madison continued. “Now, let’s get down an important thing when it comes to winning someone back. Do you have strong knees?”

“Um … I guess so…”

“Good, cause you’re going to be on them a whole lot in front of Ashley.”

“Whoa, hold on Madison,” Spencer shook her head. “I don’t think me going down on Ashley would be the most appropriate thing to do right now.”

“Oh my God,” Madison groaned. “Get your mind out of the gutter chica. I’m talking about groveling! You don’t go down on her until after she’s forgiven you.”

“Right, I better write that down,” Spencer muttered taking out a pencil and paper.

“Begging for forgiveness is a big one,” Madison progressed. “Correction, it is the biggest one, why, because you’ve really fucked up.”

“I’ve tried begging.”

“You need to try harder chica. You have those irresistible pouty eyes and lips you better put them to work alright?”

Spencer set her pencil and paper aside. “All these tips are great and all, but we have one major problem.”

Madison crossed her arms. “What is it?”

“Raife Davies, Ashley’s dad is here.”

Madison’s eyes widened, “In my room?!”

“No not in your room,” Spencer quickly corrected. “Here, as in on this planet, as in California, as in Los Angeles as in-”

“I get what you’re saying Daddy Davies is here. Why?”

“Well this is going to sound weird but, it’s not like you haven’t heard anything strange since Ash has been here anyways. He’s been taking over my mom’s body.”

“No way,” Madison gasped adding more butter to her bowl of popcorn. “This is some freaky stuff girl. No wonder Paula has been weird.”

“Again,” Spencer sighed. “Where did that popcorn come from?”

“Under my bed.”

Spencer decided against questioning that any further. “Anyways, he’s down here trying to sabotage Ashley and mine’s relationship.”

“Or lack there of.”


“Well, it’s true; you screwed the whole relationship on your own. He didn’t even have to do much. Wasn’t he the one that approved that Ashley could come down here? Why would he want to sabotage her relationship?”

“He thinks Earth is a dangerous place. He doesn’t want his daughter to be hurt by a human.”

“Well he can check the latter off the list.”


“Right, continue on.”

“He does this weird thing where he takes over my … voice and he makes me say the complete opposite of what I really want to say.”

“So he’s like manipulating it,” Madison frowned.

“Exactly,” Spencer continued. “I don’t know what to do. I really want to talk to Ashley but she keeps ignoring me and … I just want to explain everything.”

“You’ll get your chance,” Madison assured placing her hand and her best friend’s shoulder. “I’m here to help you.”

“Thanks, Mads.” Spencer said with a grateful smile.

“You know!” Spencer panted as she ran to catch up with Ashley in the school courtyard. “You really didn’t need to run to school I could’ve given you a ride.”

“I would rather not be in such close proximity with you,” the Alien said with a bored expression as she turned to look at Spencer.

Blue eyes flashed with hurt. “So now you can’t stand to be near me at all?”

“That would be correct,” Ashley said before walking off.

Spencer bit her lip hard as she willed herself to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. Any confidence she had riled up earlier was completely shot to Hell.

“Ouch,” Madison said as she came to stand next to Spencer.

“Maybe I shouldn’t do this,” Spencer whispered, looking down.

“No, we’re not giving up,” Madison said, her eyes following the Alien. She frowned in confusion. “Hey, why is your girl walking into the deans’ office?”

“Who knows,” Spencer shrugged. “I’ve gotta go to my locker,” she muttered before mournfully walking off with her head down.

“I’ve gotta go do some investigating,” Madison smirked as she stealthily followed behind the Alien.

Once inside she spotted Ashley walking into Dean Howards’s office. “What the hell is going on?” she said, creeping towards the door.

“I said something mean to Spencer, Zy.” Ashley said, taking a seat in front of her friend’s desk.

Zy frowned. “What did you say?” the imposter dean questioned.

“I told her I can not stand to be near her.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I am hurt and I want her to hurt too,” the Alien shook her head. “I saw it on this human television show. I thought it would work but it does not. It just hurts even more.”

Zy sighed in disappointment. “Ashley how many times do I have to tell you, the Aliens from planet Jupiter made television for Earthlings only with the soul purpose to--”

“Slowly rot away human beings’ brains. I know.” Ashley said with a sigh.

Madison gasped quietly from the other side of the door. Dean Howards was a Martian? Jupiter held even more Martians? Television was made to—Madison shrugged. Okay, well, she kinda already knew that one.

Zy gave her friend a sympathetic look. “So, have you just been avoiding Spencer?” she asked.

“Pretty much,” the younger Alien whispered. “I do not want to but … it just hurts too much to be around her right now. Besides she said something really mean to me the other day.”

“Like what?”

“Well, she said she wanted to talk to me. I allowed her to. She called me dumb, told me she hated my guts, and said she never wanted to see me again.”

“Where the Zygot did that come from?” Zy gasped disgusted.

Ashley shrugged. “I do not know but if she does not want to see me anymore that is fine. I told her I would be leaving Friday and … if that is what she really wants then…I am leaving for good.”

“Holy shit,” Madison muttered, stepping away from the door. She heard Ashley bidding a goodbye and quickly took off towards Spencer’s locker.

“Oh wait, Ashley!” Zy said, reaching into her desk. “I have something for you. Some strange man dropped this off for you.” She said, handing the younger Alien a DVD.

Ashley frowned at the disk. “I wonder if this is the DVD that Paula said I was supposed to receive…” she said, slipping the item into her backpack.

“I have a player.” Zy said, motioning to the TV in the corner of the office with a shrug. “We can watch it now if you would like.”

“Okay.” Ashley said with a nod.

Madison came running up to her best friend. “Spencer you will not believe what I just heard!”

“What is it Madison?” Spencer said with a sigh, closing her locker.

“Dean Howards is a Martian,” Madison whispered. “Her real name is Zy. I overheard, well, I was eavesdropping on Ashley and Zy having a conversation about you.”

Spencer frowned, “What?”

“Yeah, I know. Anyways, Ashley was saying she wants to talk to you but she doesn’t want to be near you at the same time. She thinks you never want to see her anymore because of what you had said when Daddy Davies took over your voice.”

“I know, she told me she’s leaving Friday,” Spencer whispered.

“Oh no, she will not be leaving,” Madison corrected. “Not if you can help it. You’re the one for her Spencer and, despite how long it took you to figure it out; she’s the one for you. You just have to tell her this.”

Madison spotted Ashley walking out of the Dean’s office. “And now might be one of those chances.”

Spencer nodded, took a deep breath, and walked over to Ashley. The Alien looked pale and distraught. Spencer immediately became concerned.

“Ashley, are you okay?” Spencer asked quietly.

“Here.” the Alien growled shoving a DVD hard into Spencer’s chest. “You and Carmen can keep it as a visual love diary.” She muttered before sprinting away.

“Ashley!” Spencer yelled after her in question. She looked down at the unmarked DVD. “What the hell is this?”

“What the hell was that?” Madison said with a scowl, walking up to her best friend. “I didn’t see any groveling.”

“I didn’t have a chance to get any words in,” Spencer said, holding up the DVD. “She gave me this and then took off.”

“Well, what is it?” Madison asked.

“I don’t know,” Spencer shrugged, looking at the blank disc.

“Well, whatever it is will have to wait.” Madison said, flashing Spencer an apologetic smile. “You have class to get to.”

“Yeah,” Spencer nodded, placing the DVD into her backpack.

“Hey, don’t worry.” Madison nudged her best friend. “We’re gonna figure this out. I’ll come up with a plan to get your girl back, I promise.”

Spencer smiled weakly. “Thanks, Mads.”

“No problem. Now get to class, chica.”

When Spencer spotted Ashley sitting in the corner of the drama classroom, she immediately walked over to her. “Ashley?”

“Do not talk to me,” the Alien whispered, looking down.

“So now you can’t even look at me?” Spencer’s eyes filled with hurt.

“No, I cannot because it hurts too much.” Ashley said, keeping her gaze down on her crossed arms.

“Ashley, just listen to me.” Spencer placed her hand on the Alien’s shoulder.

Ashley immediately pulled away with a growl. “Ashley--”

“I saw the DVD, Spencer. I am not stupid.” Ashley said with a glare.

“Okay, what is on that DVD?” Spencer questioned, becoming a bit frustrated.

“Do not pretend that you do not know.” Ashley scoffed. “I cannot believe you thought so lowly of me, Spencer!”

“Ashley look,” Spencer suddenly paused. She felt that weird feeling come over her body again. Spencer brought her hand up to her head as she felt a wave of dizziness. “I-I…” she stuttered out.

Ashley gave her a worried look. “Are you okay?” she couldn’t help but feel a little concerned for Spencer despite how angry she was.

“Oh no, it’s nothing.” Spencer said with a light wave. “It’s just your ugly face is making me a little sick.”

The Alien narrowed her eyes.

“It’s quite repulsive to look at,” Spencer said with frown as her mouth seemed to move on its own accord.

Ashley’s bottom lip quivered. “How could you say that?”

Spencer’s jaw dropped. “No, Ashley! I didn’t mean to say that!” she said, waving her hands out frantically. “It’s not me saying this to you.”

“Yeah, sure it is not.” the Alien said, shaking her head.

“Who is ready to act?” Ms. Caldwell sang out to the class.

Ashley raised her hand.

“Yes, Ashley?” The teacher smiled. “Have I ever told you that you’re my favorite student?”


“No.” Ms. Caldwell deadpanned. “What is it that you want Ashley?”

“I would like to switch acting partners please.” Ashley said confidently ignoring the hurt look that Spencer shot her.

“What is wrong with the person you have now?”

“I do not want to work with her,” the Alien informed sternly.

“Well, I’m sorry dear,” Ms. Caldwell said. “There is no switching of the partners. I’ve been over this already.”

Ashley winced. “Can we bend the rules maybe?”

“No we cannot bend the rules. My rules are not ones for bending, flipping, changing and re-arranging, are we clear?”

“Yes ma’am,” the Alien whispered.

“Good,” the drama teacher clapped. “Now let’s get started with our exercises,” she yelled spreading her arms out with glee.

The class groaned in response.

“Oh stop your groaning,” Ms. Caldwell scolded. “You all sound like my ex husband when I would ask him for sex. Except he would groan, roll onto his back, and say ‘just get it over with’.”

Everyone went silent. A few students were trying their hardest not to vomit, the rest just gave her a disgusted stare.

“Right,” the teacher continued with a smile. “Let’s get on with our exercises shall we? Everybody partner up … c’mon everybody partner up. I said partner up! Stop looking at me like that!”

With those words, everyone quickly scurried to get to their partners. Ashley reluctantly trotted over to Spencer.

“Okay, now partner A,” the teacher continued. “I want you to take your right hand and hold partner B’s left hand.”

Spencer bit her lip and looked anxiously at Ashley. Spencer was partner A, and judging by the look on the Alien’s face, she didn’t think that holding hands was the most appropriate thing to do right now.

“Spencer, I said hold hands,” Ms. Caldwell said with a strained smile.

Ashley shook her head. “Ms. Caldwell, I do not think--”

“I said hold hands!” The teacher’s eyes flashed darkly.

Spencer immediately took hold of the Alien’s hand. Ashley gasped and looked up at Spencer. No matter what the situation that spark that happens whenever they touched is always there.

Maintaining contact with the Alien, Spencer smiled. Ashley, despite herself, blushed and quickly diverted her eyes.

“What do we do now?” Billy asked bored already with this exercise.

“Well Billy--”

The red head smiled. “Hey, you finally got my name right.”

“Of course I did,” Ms. Caldwell shrugged. “Now, as I was saying, George, you and your partner are to remain like this through the whole class as you go over your script.”

“That is just great,” Ashley grumbled sarcastically.

“Ashley, listen to me,” Spencer sighed. “When I say those mean things to you…you have to believe me when I say that was not me.”

“Then who else would it be Spencer?” Ashley hissed.

“This is going to sound bad but,” Spencer took a deep breath. “It’s your father. He’s been manipulating my voice. He’s even gone as far as disguising himself as my mother to separate us.”

“What?” The Alien frowned. “That is disgusting.”

“I know.” Spencer nodded.

“It is disgusting that you would go as far as to bringing my father into all of this,” Ashley continued with a glare. “I did not think you could stoop so low.”

“No.” Spencer’s jaw dropped. “Ashley, I’m telling you the truth!”

“I do not want to hear it, Spencer.” the Alien let loose a growl. “We are just going to go over our lines and forget you ever brought up those stupid notions.” She muttered shoving the script into Spencer’s hand.

Spencer scanned over the paper. “These aren’t the lines we’ve been rehearsing, Ashley…” Spencer looked up confused.

Ashley nodded. “I know. I made some changes.”

“Okay…” Spencer cleared her throat and read. “Oh, Romana, I want to break up with you.”

“But why? We love each other so much Julie.”

“I just don’t love you anymore.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I want to shatter you heart to pieces,” Spencer set the script down. “Ashley, what is this? What are you trying to say?”

“It is called acting, Spencer.” Ashley rebutted. “You know, acting? As in pretend? You are pretty good at it, seeing as how you were acting through our whole relationship.”


“Do not try to deny it, Spencer!” Ashley said, gaining the attention of a handful of students including the teacher. “It is on the DVD!” She huffed, ripping her hand away.

“Okay, damn it,” Spencer muttered reaching into her backpack. “What the hell is on this fucking DVD that has got you so pissed at me?” She hissed waving the DVD in the Alien’s face.

“Oh, a DVD,” Ms. Caldwell said snatching the disk from Spencer’s hand. “I see Ms. Davies and Ms. Carlin have taken it upon themselves to earn extra credit by putting their performance on DVD. Class let’s watch.”

“No, Ms. Caldwell,” Ashley and Spencer yelled shaking their heads.

“Don’t be modest my dears, only the class will see this,” Ms. Caldwell said as she placed the disk into the player. “Can somebody hit the lights,” she asked hitting the play button.

As soon as the light were out Ashley made a run for it out of the room. Spencer watched her go confused. When she heard her voice on the television, she turned her attention to it.

“Look I want to be with Carmen,” Spencer said. “I’ve just gotta make her notice me. You know put myself out there.”

“You mean slut yourself up?”

“No,” Spencer shook her head. “I’ve gotta make her want me. Like … so bad that she’d want to claim me as her own.”

“You mean like make her jealous?”

“Yes! That’s perfect!” Spencer cheered. “I can pretend I have a girlfriend or something and make her jealous!”


“Don’t play stupid girl. How could you listen to her say all those sweet things and not feel the least bit guilty?”

“Easily,” Spencer shrugged. “Because I love Carmen and whatever Ashley says or does doesn’t affect me, none of it, not the flowers, not the loving words, not even the sex dream I had.”


“You need to end this,” Madison yelled.

“I can’t,” Spence hissed. “I’ve got Carmen within my hands grasp. She’s about to crack any minute now. I can feel it!”


“Um,” Spencer stuttered. “Aren’t you going out with Heather Gold?”

The short brunette laughed and shook her head. “Oh no, she’s old news. You’re who I have my sights set on now babe.”

“Well then I guess I’ll think about it.”

Carmen’s smug smile faltered a bit. “You’ll think about it?” She asked confused.

Spencer nodded. “Yes, I will think about it.”

“Alright fine, but while you think about that, think about this too,” the short brunette brought her lips down on to Spencer’s surprised ones.

Carmen pulled away quickly gave Spencer a wink and walked away. Spencer stood shocked completely still. “Oh my God,” she muttered to no one in particular.


As the screen went blank, everyone looked at Spencer shell shocked. Spencer had no words for what she’d just seen. She too was taken aback.

“Okay, um,” Ms. Caldwell said breaking the silence. “I’m pretty sure that wasn’t your performance.”

“No it wasn’t,” Spencer stuttered with wide eyes.

“Right,” the teacher nodded. “Would you like to take a breather outside Ms. Carlin?”

“Yes please,” Spencer muttered before quickly leaving the room. As soon as she stepped out of the class her knees buckled and she fell onto the floor landing roughly on her hands. She took a few deep breaths and sat herself up against the wall of lockers. “Oh my God,” she whispered setting her hands on her head.

“Spencer,” Madison whispered walking over to Spencer. Madison was on her way to the bathroom when she had spotted her best friend. “What’s going on, what just happened?”

“I, and the whole class, just saw what was on that DVD,” Spencer cried out looking up at Madison. “There is no way Ashley will ever forgive me.”

“What was on the DVD,” Madison asked quietly.

“Almost every conversation I had about Carmen with you,” Spencer continued wiping at her eyes. “The kiss I shared with Carmen… everything bad I ever said behind Ashley’s back was there. It was all there!”

“You mean somebody has been video taping us, like a stalker or something?” Madison questioned.

“It was Raife, when he was disguised as my mom,” Spencer whispered.

“All of that weirdness makes sense now,” Madison said. “That’s why your mom or Raife was in those army fatigues and she was at the school in the tree. With the back flips and all. He was spying on you.”

“I know, there’s nothing I can do,” Spencer muttered miserably.

“No we can do something,” Madison said confidently. “It’s obvious that as humans we don’t stand a chance against a Martian, but, what if put a Martian against another Martian?”

“Excuse me?” Spencer asked.

“I think I’ve got a plan.” Madison smirked.

"So let me get this straight," Zyphorian began. "My best friend in the whole wide solar system, Raife, is doing everything in his power to make sure Spencer and Ashley never get back together?"

"That's right," Madison said with a nod.

The Alien continued. "And you want me to help stop him so that Spencer and Ashley could be together and live happily ever after?"

"You go it," Madison smiled.

Zy shook her head. "I do not know if I can do that."

"You're the only one that can help me," Spencer said desperately.

"Well," the Alien crossed her arms. "On that DVD when you said all of those hurtful things about Ashley, was your voice being manipulated then?"

Spencer looked down ashamed, "No," she whispered. "That unfortunately, was all me. None of that was Raife."

"How do I know you are really in love with Ashley then," Zyphorian questioned leaning forward in her seat. "Do you think about her all the time?"

Spencer nodded. "Every minute of the day."

"Does your heart speed up when-"

"I hear her voice, when her hand brushes against mine, when she enters the room, when she smiles, when she says my name, when our eyes meet?" Spencer finished with a wistful smile. "Yes."

"Wow," the Alien and Latina gasped.

"I know," Spencer said with a nod. "I've fallen that hard and I need to be able to tell Ashley all of this but Raife is preventing me from doing so."

"Is there anything you can do to stop him," Madison inquired.

"Actually no there is not," Zyphorian informed with a shake of her head.

"Great," Spencer sighed sinking back into her seat. "Now what am I going to do? If I can't tell Ashley how I really feel about her she's gonna be going home for sure."

"You did not let me finish," Zy continued. "There is nothing that I can do as far as using my powers go because Raife is far too powerful. However, there is something that I can tell you to do."

"What is it? I'll do anything," Spencer asked desperately.

"When you try to tell Ashley how you feel does a strange feeling come over your body?" the Alien asked.

"Yeah, it's like an electric sensation."

"Okay, whenever you get that feeling," Zyphorian explained. "What you need to do is say the opposite of what you really want to say."

"So she'd be reversing his power that way," Madison asked slightly confused.

"Precisely," the Alien nodded. "It's like what you humans call a loophole. It works every time. You would be reversing the reversed words that were originally not meant to be reversed in the first place."

"You just lost me," Madison dead panned.

"I get what she's saying," Spencer said. "So, instead of saying I love you I would say I hate you?"

"That is correct," Zyphorian smiled.

"Alright, this sounds great and everything but how am I gonna get Ashley's attention," Spencer asked. "She won't even look at me! She can't stand to be near me period!"

The Alien leaned in close to the girls. "That is easy, a potato chip."

"What?" Spencer and Madison said slack jawed.

"A potato chip," Zy repeated in a hush tone. "A potato chip is one of the most feared things on our planet. You wave one of those vile things in her face and she will stay in place. Believe me."

"Seriously," Madison chuckled. "A potato chip?"

"A potato chip," Zy said with a nod. "The shape of them, the texture of them, and the smell it is all… scary! We do not understand why your species love them so darn much!"

"This is a joke right?" Spencer asked frowning. "You're not seriously freaked out by little potato chips are you?"

"Let's see," Madison mumbled digging through her purse. "I think I have a Frito swimming around in her somewhere."

"Madison, don't," Spencer warned.

"What do you think you are doing," Zyphorian asked as she watched Madison with caution. "You are not going to-"

"Success," Madison yelled waving the chip in the air.

"AHHHHHH!' Zy screamed ducking under her desk. "Put that thing away!"

"Are you kidding me?" Madison laughed.

The door suddenly opened, "What's going on in here," the deans' secretary asked taking in the whole scene.

Madison stood frozen in place wielding a chip in her hand. Spencer, thoroughly embarrassed, covered her face with her hands and Zy remained under the desk in the fetal position.

"Dean Howards," the secretary questioned. "Are you alright?"

"Um, yes I'm fine," Zy said standing up and dusting off her clothes. "I was just showing these two young ladies what to do … if an earthquake were to hit."

The secretary nodded hesitantly and pointed towards the chip that Madison was still holding up in the air. "What's the Frito for?"

"I um," Madison stuttered.

"She thought she saw a bug," Spencer lied nervously. "So … she ah, was going to smash it with a Frito," she finished in a whisper.

Madison shot Spencer a glare. Spencer gave her an apologetic shrug. Spencer was never good with lying under pressure. "Yes, what Spencer said, I was going to smash it with a Frito."

"Why don't you use a fly swatter?" The secretary questioned.

"There wasn't one around," Madison rebutted.

"There's one right there," Spencer supplied pointing to the fly swatter lying right next to Madison on a filing cabinet.

"Wow, you suck at this Spencer," Madison sighed.

"Anyways," the secretary continued awkwardly. "I came in here to remind you Ms. Howards that you have a meeting in the conference room in five minutes."

"Right," the Alien nodded. "I better get going. Girls, that concludes our lesson for today. Remember safety first and … always eat your um, candy."

"Vegetables?" the secretary corrected.

"No, thank you, I've already eaten," Zy said with a polite smile.

"Okay," Madison mouthed pulling Spencer toward the door. "Thanks for the lesson on what to do if a hurricane were to hit Ms. Howards."

The girls left. The secretary frowned. "I thought you were showing them what to do if an earthquake were to hit, not a hurricane."

"Oh," Zy waved off. "It goes both ways."

"But if-"

"Let's get to that meeting shall we?"

"Okay so the plan is fairly simple," Madison began as she and Spencer walked towards the parking lot. "When you see Ashley and you feel that strange feeling you feel when you feel it-"

"Could we not say the word feel anymore," Spencer questioned unlocking her car door with a tight smile.

"When you see Ashley and that thing happens," Madison continued. "You have to say the opposite of what you really want to say to her."

"Right," Spencer nodded. "But, how am I going to get Ashley to listen to me. Like I said, right now she wants nothing to do with me."

"Duh, we use the potato chip."

"Mads, I doubt a potato chip is going to frighten Ashley," Spencer brushed off.

"It scared Zy."

"Ashley's different though."

Madison rubbed her chin thoughtfully, "Oh," she yelled making her friend jump in surprise. "How about we tie her up?"

"We do what?" Spencer asked.

"We'll tie her up," Madison repeated. Then with glazed over eyes she continued in a sultry voice. "Yeah, we'll tie her up … naked."

Spencer frowned. "Madison?"

"We'll tie her up naked and make her our own personal slave."


"I'll get the hot caramel out and-"

"Madison," Spencer screamed shaking her friend. "Come back to me Madison!"

"What?" Madison stared at her friend confused. "Spencer? Hey, hi. Um, what were we talking about?"

Spencer rolled her eyes. "We we're trying to come up with a way to get Ashley to talk to me. You suggested tying her up."

"Yeah, we'll tie her up naked and I'll get the-"

"No," Spencer yelled. "No tying up and no nakedness."

"Fine," Madison sighed. "But when you guys do finally do the dirty deed, you better freaking invite me for a threesome."

"Madison," Spencer chastised with a blush.

Madison shrugged. "What?"

Ashley sat on the living room couch waiting for Spencer to return home from school. Yes, the Martin was mad at Spencer but she still sat and waited for her to walk through the front door unharmed, ensuring that she got home safely. It was a ritual the brunette found she couldn't break.

Spencer entered the house and smiled lightly when she saw the brunette on the couch waiting for her arrival.

When Ashley noted Spencer was fine and now staring at her, she got up to go upstairs. A gentle grasp on her arm stopped her.

She shot Spencer a venomous look. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you Ashley," Spencer whispered somewhat timidly.

"I think you have done enough of that," the Alien scowled. "I know how you feel about me Spencer. In fact, the whole school probably knows by now."

"Ashley," Spencer paused. That familiar wave of dizziness passed through her

body. "Ashley, um…" She trailed off placing her hand on her forehead.

A look of concern came across the brunette's face. "Spencer, are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Spencer whispered.

"Do you need a doctor or something," Ashley asked placing her hand on Spencer's shoulder.

"No, I said I was fine," Spencer said shaking her head.

"I know that's why you might need to see a doctor."

Spencer was about to retort but then it dawned on her. Everything coming out of her mouth was the opposite of what she really wanted to say. It was time.

"I feel horrible," Spencer said with scrunched up eyebrows.

Ashley sighed in relief. "Good," then her face went angry again. "Do not play around with your health Spencer. That is not funny." She turned to leave.

Spencer tried to grab her. "Um, Ashley, go away."

"I am not speaking to you Spencer," Ashley sighed turning back toward the stairs.

Spencer quickly rummaged through her backpack. She let out a mental whoop of joy when she found a lone chip at the bottom. She grabbed it and ran to stand in front of the Alien.

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Spencer, move."

"Yes," Spencer shook her head.

"Spencer, move!"

"Yes," Spencer said firmly.

Ashley placed her hands on Spencer prepared to mover her. "Move Sp-" A chip was placed in front of her. "Holy Zygony!" She yelled backing away.

"Now, you don't have to listen to me," Spencer said waving the chip.

"Okay," the Alien relented holding her hands up. "What is it that you want to say to me?"

Spencer let out a nervous sigh and began. "Ashley, what you saw on that DVD was. I mean, it was untrue at one point and time but then, I started to not have feelings for you."

Raife stood near the living room's window peering inside at his daughter and Spencer as he manipulated Spencer.

He frowned. "How is she not falling under my spell?" he questioned frustrated as he watched Spencer profess how she really felt.

"Well, she had a little help," a voice said from behind him.

He turned to see Madison standing with a bag of potato chips. He gasped frightened. "What do you think you are doing with those," he questioned.

"I know your weakness," she said with a smirk. "Don't even think about trying any funny business. My girl in there is doing her thing and this time buddy there's no way you can stop them."

"Who told you-"

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out," Madison said with a smile. She let out a short glee filled laugh. "I've always wanted to say that."

"Zy," Raife sighed shaking his head. "Zy told you right?'

"Did you not just hear what I said," Madison grumbled as she reached into her purse for something.

"What are you getting out now?" he asked cautiously.

"You can't watch a show without popcorn," she said taking out a bag and settling herself near Raife. She shoved the bag towards him. "You want some?"

"How do I know what you are saying is true?" Ashley crossed her arms.

"Because I hate you," Spencer said in all honesty.

"No you love Carmen, I was just a pawn in your stupid game to win her over," Ashley said with a sigh.

"No, I love Carmen," Spencer said shaking her head and taking a small step towards the brunette. "She's wonderful and I know why I hated her or why I thought I hated her. It's just, I'm never worried about what other people would say and I was not worried about my reputation. I mean, I wasn't thinking about what people wouldn't think if they saw me walking around holding hands with an Alien. I was smart. It took an unnecessary slap in the face for me not to realize I hate you with all my heart, Ashley."

"How do I know you are not lying to me now?" Ashley whispered beginning to tear up.

"I am lying. I don't mean it Ashley. I hate you." Spencer said grasping the Alien's hands.

The brunette gave Spencer a watery smile. "Really," she questioned in a small voice.

That feeling came over Spencer once more. Spencer sighed in relief as the spell had finally been broken.

It was getting hard remembering to say the opposite of what she really wanted to say. "Yes Ashley, I love you."

"I love you too," Ashley said wrapping her arms around Spencer tightly.

"I've had enough of this," Raife yelled as he appeared in the room suddenly before them. "Ashley I forbid you from being with this girl!"

"Dad, what are you doing here," the Alien asked turning towards her father.

Madison came running in. "He tricked me," she huffed bending over as she gasped for air. "He said … a giant frog was behind me and I looked and there was no giant frog. He's good."

"Wow," was all Spencer could say.

"Ashley this human will do nothing but hurt you," Raife said pointing towards Spencer. "She will cause you nothing but harm."

"Dad I love her," Ashley said definitely. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I was um," he fumbled for the right words.

"He's been manipulating my words and he dressed up as my mom," Spencer yelled accusingly. "He like wore her skin and everything. It was freaky."

"Is that true, dad?" Ashley asked demanding answers.

Raife looked down. "Ashley I could explain-"

"No dad," the Alien interrupted. "I can not believe you would do something so heartless and malicious. You know I am in love with Spencer, why would you try to split us up?"

"I was watching out for you," he said honestly. "I did not want you to get hurt. I knew something bad was going to happen when you came to earth. This planet is full of nothing but meaningless relationships and heartbreaks. I would know."

Spencer frowned. "What do you mean you would know?"

"I mean," Raife let out a sigh. "When I was a young Zygot, around your age, I too was fascinated with this idea of love. I used to watch the human's television programs and read human's magazines and idolize it. So, when I was around seventeen I decided I was going to travel to Earth and find this … love."

"I had no idea," Ashley whispered.

Raife continued. "I found it alright. Her name was Amy. I was completely head over Zygons for her. I would do absolutely anything for her. We dated for a short while and then on prom night. She told me she had been having an affair with her ex football player boyfriend. She dumped me right there on the dance floor in front of the whole senior class. All those times she told me she loved me and promised a future together were nothing but lies. When you told me Ashley that you wanted to venture to Earth for love all those memories came back. I didn't want you to get hurt."

"Mr. Raife, or um Ashley's Daddy Alien sir," Spencer said. "Yes this … planet has meaningless relationships and heartbreaks but … they only make up the minority. The majority of love on Earth is filled with happiness and meaning. Nobody is perfect. No relationship is perfect. What's a relationship if it doesn't have a few … um zygits on the road?"

Raife chuckled lightly at her Martian interpretation for bumps. Little did she know back on their planet they called “bumps”, simply “bumps.”

Spencer continued. "I know I hurt Ashley…. and believe me when I say I'm paying for it. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to Ashley if she'd let me.

"I can see that," he responded looking down. "I guess not only do I have my own past issues coming back to haunt me, I am also not prepared to watch my little girl become a full grown female. As you earthlings say."

"Oh daddy," Ashley sighed wrapping her arms around her father. "I am always going to be your little Martian."

"I know," he whispered giving her a good squeeze before stepping back. He looked at Spencer. "You take care of her Carlin. If you hurt her again I will zap your eye balls out."

"I believe you," Spencer squeaked out.

Raife smiled and pulled out his space transmitter. He gave everyone a wave and teleported himself out of the house.

"I could write a best seller on this," Madison said breaking the silence.

"Madison," Spencer sighed rolling her eyes.

"No, I'm serious, chica," Madison continued. "What would I call it though?"

"How about," Ashley started. "My Alien Girlfriend?"

The three looked at each other then simultaneously said. "Nah!"

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