Words Never Spoken
Since that night Mikoto kissed me back I’ve always been curious…
When did Mikoto start to have feelings for me?
But then it hit me, when exactly did I begin to develop feelings for Mikoto?
I thought about this for a very long time and I finally came to the conclusion that it was when he first saved me from the streets after I got kicked out of my apartment. Never before have I experienced such kindness from someone.
But what had I done to earn Mikoto’s heart?
It was morning and I was with Mikoto, Anna, Dewa, Bando and Kusanagi inside one of the buildings in the school we had overrun and claimed to be our base. Kusanagi was on the phone with Yata getting an update.
“Okay got it.” Kusanagi said before hanging up. “You guys, go back up to Yata.” He ordered Dewa and Bando. They nodded their heads.
I stood next to Mikoto holding Anna’s hand; he seemed to be in daze. After a few moments he suddenly started to walk towards Kusanagi with a slight smile and he laid his hand on his old friend’s shoulder.
“Mikoto?” Kusanagi said in confusion.
The King walked past Anna and I without a glance. Anna held out her hand, reaching towards him, but she was unable to grab ahold of him in time. She watched after him with a sad expression on his face and it broke my heart.
‘Go… go after him.’ I thought as I stared down at that sad girl before me. I clenched my hands into fists at my side. ‘You can’t just let him walk away like that.’
That’s when I realized how stupid I was being. The entire time I have been in Homra I was trying to do what I was brought to this clan to do… save the King. From the very beginning everything I ever did was so that I could somehow make Mikoto happy, so that I could somehow make him fight whatever threat there was in the future, but maybe I lost sight of that when I kissed him that night. Maybe I was so caught up in my feelings that I forgot the most important thing, no matter what I have to save him. Others do not matter. My feelings don’t matter. My life does not matter.
I have to succeed at something for once and it has to be this.
I ran out into the hall and frantically looked around, hoping to catch him in time to see which way he had gone. I glanced out the window and there he was below, walking at his usual slow pace. I ran as fast as I could down the three flights of stairs and towards the way I saw him go. Eventually I lost his trail and I was in the middle of a battle between the blues and my fellow Homra members. I had a horrible feeling weighing down in my chest. I looked around anxiously, trying to find him before it was too late.
“Akane? You need to get back inside it’s too dangerous out here for you!” Kamamoto said.
“Have you seen Mikoto?” I exclaimed.
“Hmm? No. What’s the matter?”
“I need to find him!” I exclaimed, running past him and straight into the heart of the battle between the Blue Clansman and the Red.
“What is a civilian doing here?” The Blue woman asked me, standing in my way.
“Civilian? You know damn well I’m a Red Clansman!” I growled. “Now move!” I tried to push her aside, but she didn’t budge. I glared at her before running the other way, only for her to grab onto my arm and pull me back.
“Even so, you are not equipped to fight. I will escort you off of the island to safety.”
I was really beginning to get angry now. I ripped out of her grip and looked around for a nearby Red. I noticed Chitose and called out to him.
“Chitose! Give me your bat!” I exclaimed.
“Eh?!” He gave me a confused look and I stomped my foot.
“Chitose!” I growled.
He was taken aback by my demand, but quickly threw the bat at me, leaving him unarmed. I was unable to catch it and the Blue woman was now trying to drag me away. I elbowed her in the breast, causing her to let go of my arm once again. I ran over and grabbed the bat from the ground and I faced her with determination as I gripped onto the heavy piece of wood.
“Am I properly equipped now?” I hissed.
“Stop this nonsense.” She glared at me.
“Get out of my way!”
“If you won’t come quietly than I will have to use force.” She grabbed onto the end of her sword, tucked into its sheath attached to her belt.
“Just you try.”
I had never fought anyone before in my life, but I didn’t care. I needed to find Mikoto and if she was going to stand in my way then so be it. I charged at her with the bat and she unsheathed her sword exclaiming,
She then went on to block my attack. I almost lost my balance from the force of the blow, but I held my ground as I took another swing. She blocked it again and I gritted my teeth. I jumped out of the way as she swung at me and landed on my knees, causing them to scrape against the ground. I pushed back the pain and forced myself up as I turned back towards her and took another swing, only to fail once again. Her sword glowed a Blue color and I smirked as I remembered that I had an advantage over her. I charged at her again and our weapons clashed against each other. I pushed harder against her sword. I let go with one hand and grabbed onto her arm. A wave of energy ran through me and she was thrown back by my power. Her sword slashed into my cheek and I brought my hand up to my face, realizing I was now bleeding from the swift swipe of the blade.
I leaned my hands against my swollen knees and caught my breath as I tried to ignore the stinging from the cut. She pushed herself up, grabbed onto her sword and charged towards me. My eyes widened as I froze up, my weapon now reduced to pieces, afraid the remainder wouldn’t be able to hold up. And the next thing I knew the Blue King’s hand was bleeding as he held the Blue woman’s sword away from me.
“Don’t let your emotions get the best of you, Awashima.” He told the woman.
“Captain!” She stared at him in awe.
“She is not our responsibility.”
She gritted her teeth, pulled her sword away, and put it back in its harness. She then bowed to me and said,
“My deepest apologies.”
I was dumbfounded by both of their actions. They were so contradicting from my point of view, but honestly I didn’t have time to think any further into it, so I simply ran off without another word. I didn’t know where I was running, I had lost Mikoto’s trail, but something in me told me that he was the way I was going.
After a few minutes of running I found myself in front of this large building and through the windows I could see Mikoto slowly starting up the stairs. I ran in with haste and cried out to him.
“Mikoto!” I exclaimed. He stopped and looked back at me with a bored expression.
“Go back to Kusanagi.” He ordered me.
“No! What are you not telling me? Why… Why is it this feels like the last time I'll see you? I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen, so please leave the Blue King to take care of this...”
He started down the stairs as I tried to hold back my overflowing emotions. He made his way over to me, stopping only a few inches away.
“Is something going to happen?” My voice cracked as I started to tear up, it only getting worse with every booming sound from the fighting just outside, echoing throughout the area. “You'll get out if this okay... won't you?"
He kept silent and slowly raised his hand to the wound across my cheek. His jaw tightened and he clenched his other hand into a fist at his side. For a moment by the expression he held, I thought he might burst into flames.
I grabbed onto his hand and he met my gaze as his warmth radiated around me. He looked a little calmer as I entangled my fingers with his. I took a deep breath, the faint scent of cigarettes and hair gel invading my lungs; the fear of it being the last time I'd smell the wonderful combination overwhelming me.
“Don’t leave me.” It was beginning to get harder and harder for me to talk with the lump now set in my throat. “If you leave me… I’m afraid that...”
He suddenly grabbed onto the back of my head and crashed his lips against mine, the taste of my tears were overpowering. We had many passionate moments in those 12 days together, but this kiss was, by far, the most extravagant. I could feel my heart drop as he pulled back and I slammed my fist against his chest, holding my head down. The hit didn’t seem to affect him at all as he stared down at me.
"Promise me...” I looked up to meet his eyes. “Swear to me that you'll be alright. That you will come out of this alive." He said nothing, holding that blank expression of his. "You will come back to me and we will go back to Homra together… right?"
He kissed the top of my head, brushed his fingers through the ends of my hair, and started to pull out of my grip. I watched after him with wide eyes as he began to walk off.
"I love you Mikoto Suoh!" I screamed as the top of my lungs despite the pain of my dry throat.
He stopped for a moment in his tracks, glanced back, and gave me a small smirk before turning around and walking towards his fate. I fell to my knees as I felt the grief hold me down like a heavy weight.
'He didn't say it back...'
There’s something you should know about Mikoto, something that stuck with me for a very long time: He never, not once, said it back...
The fear that was holding me back from telling him how I really felt had manifested into reality.
I gripped onto the necklace he gave me, while I drowned in my own tears. I thought about going after him, forcefully holding him back from whatever fate was waiting for him, but I knew that I didn’t have that power. He was hell bent on revenge and there was nothing I could do to change that, because I craved it as well.
“Are you alright?” A smooth voice asked me. I looked up and my eyes widened with terror as I was faced with the infamous killer himself, the man who shot Tatara. He stared down at me with a curious smile; an odd-looking girl, the well-known Black Dog, and a girl wearing the school’s uniform at his side. I fell back onto my palms from surprise and slid myself away from him as he watched me with a confused expression. After a moment it turned into a face of sadness as he realized why I was so frightened. “Oh I see, so you saw that video. I know how it looked, but I assure you that was not me.”
“What?” I said in disgust that he would deny such a thing.
“I understand it doesn't sound very believable, but even I don’t understand it myself. You see, I have no recollection of killing that man--”
“Tatara.” I interrupted him.
“His name was Tatara Totsuka.” I clenched my jaw as more tears streamed down my face, causing my wound to sting.
“Was he a friend of yours?” The Black Dog asked. I nodded my head as I clenched my hand into a fist at my side, the image of his cold, dead expression flashing before my eyes.
“I am so sorry.” The killer said, a look of authentic sadness spread across his face.
“Stop it.” I growled. He cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Stop acting as though you cared about him. If you knew him at all you wouldn’t have shot him dead!”
“My Shiro would never hurt anyone!” The girl beside him exclaimed, grabbing onto his arm and making a hissing noise at me. I clenched my hand into fists as I felt my anger emit throughout my body.
“All of this… it’s all your fault!” I screamed as I pushed myself up and punched him square in the face.
“Shiro!” The girl exclaimed as he fell to the ground. She looked back over at me and made the hissing noise again, ready to pounce at me. She was about to attack when the Black Dog stopped her. Meanwhile, the plain looking girl wearing the uniform ran over to Shiro’s side.
“Are you alright?” She crouched over him.
“Yes, I’m alright.” He was about to sit up when suddenly she pulled out a shard of glass, moving to stab him in the chest; holding a menacing smile across her face. His eyes widened with surprise as the shard pierced his skin. The Black Dog quickly grabbed onto her, pinning her to the ground a few feet away.
“Kukuri, what are you doing?” He exclaimed.
“I have to hand it to you, I didn’t think you would survive! But, I won’t let you get away this time!” Her eyes glowed and everyone around me froze as they were taken over by some kind of force. I felt a sense of immense fear overwhelm me as I watched a small white creature fly out of the girl’s eye and into the boy. A few moments passed and the force ceased. The odd looking girl screamed out Shiro’s name over and over as he laid still on the ground, staring up at the ceiling. The Black Dog ran over to his side and the white haired boy suddenly came to his senses.
“Are you alright?” The Black Dog asked. He tried to sit up, but he was too weak. The plain girl suddenly sat up and ran off, laughing. “Kukuri!”
“No matter. I’ll just have to deal with you later.” She said.
The Black Dog tried to attack her. She stopped and cracked a smile as the small creature started to come out again. We all averted our eyes, but when we looked back she was gone.
“Shiro! Shiro! Shiro, say something!” The other girl said as she stood over him, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes.
“I’ll apply first aid.” The Black Dog said.
I wanted to leave… I really did. I wanted to go find Mikoto and tell him I found the horrible boy, but I was so overcome with shock my mind was clouded. I stood there, staring down at the boy who destroyed my life and I started to doubt everything I believed in. I started to think, “Was he telling the truth?”
I know it was horrible of me. I realize I was, in that moment, betraying Mikoto and everyone within Homra; but I’m glad I did.
“Hey! Get ahold of yourself!” The Black Dog said. Suddenly, holding his head down, Shiro began to stand up and a bright silver light emitted from him, shooting up through the roof. It shined for a moment, but quickly ceased. “What just happened? It doesn’t matter… What about your wound?”
“Are you alright?” The girl asked. “Shiro? Hey, Shiro?”
He looked up at us with an endearing smile and began to speak in German. He lifted up his jacket to show that there was no wound and our jaws dropped.
“Then… you are really the Colorless King?” The Black Dog asked.
The boy shook his head and brought his hand up to his heart.
“My name is Adolph K. Weismann. The First, as well as… The Silver King.”
Kusanagi told me about all the Kings, but he only spoke about a very few in detail. One of the few was, in fact, the Silver King. He told me of how he hid away in the skies and how he was the most powerful King of all, so you can imagine my shock when he revealed his true identity.
“You’re the Silver…” The Black Dog started.
“King?” The girl said.
“Yes, but … now I can also say this with confidence, I am still Yashiro Isana.” He smiled and looked over at me. “I promise you I did not kill your beloved friend.” I was taken aback but his sincerity. He went on to explain how the true killer, the Colorless King, stole his body and threw him off of his zeppelin in the sky.
“And… that’s when you swapped bodies?” The Black Dog said.
“Yes, though it was more like him snatching my body than swapping. But he wasn’t able to take over my heart and soul. Because I am the Silver King.”
“It’s said that the Silver King is eternal. That he possess an absolute inviolable power, making him immune to an external influence.” The Black Dog said. “I get it now! The Colorless King’s special ability is a power to affect other Kings!”
Shiro nodded his head, “When my power of inviolability and his power to affect other Kings clashed, the result was him snatching my body, but failing to take my power. With nowhere to go, my soul escaped into the body he discarded. My amnesia might have been the result of that shock.”
“I get it! That’s why you didn’t get hurt when falling from the sky!” The girl exclaimed, grabbing onto him.
“So… it was that white thing in your body that killed Tatara…?” I said.
“No mistake about it. It was his doing. He jumped from body to body many times before. He’s already discarded my original body and moved onto another…”
“Then Kukuri is...” The Black Dog said.
“I’m going to save her. Will you help me?” The girl and the Black Dog nodded their heads. “And you?” He asked me.
“Me?” I said, taken aback.
“It seems you don’t know…” He let out a sigh.
“What do you…?” I started.
“You aren’t just any strain, Akane.” My eyes widened and I took a step back. I never once told him my name. “You are very special. You are the only person, other than another King, that can kill a King.”
“What… what are you saying…?”
“I am not asking you to commit murder. I would never subject anyone to such a horrible task, but if anyone is to give judgment to a King, it is you.”
“I don’t understand!” I exclaimed. “Are you saying I was born to kill the Kings?”
“I’m saying you were bestowed this power of yours with an expectation to make sure no King gets out of line. It was a failsafe I added many years ago after I realized the mistake I made.”
“So this girl is… a Queen?” The Black Dog said.
“You could say that.” Shiro smiled.
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Me… a Queen?
“But… I’ve never heard of such a thing.” The Black Dog said.
“I’m afraid it’s almost impossible for a Queen to know of her own power until pointed out. A flaw I didn’t foresee at the time.”
“This is a rare occasion. Will you join me, Akane, in cleaning up this mess?”
I thought about it for a while, standing there with conflicted emotions. Everything he was saying was so far-fetched, but what else was I supposed to believe at this point?
“I… have a bad feeling. The man I love… I’m scared something is going to happen and I will never be able to see him again. Can you prevent this from happening?”
He gave me a sad smile.
“I’m afraid I cannot make any promises… but I will try my best.”
He held out his hand and I stared down at it for a moment as I racked my mind for another solution. For something better than just “I’ll try my best”, but there was absolutely nothing.
I was desperate.
I grabbed onto his hand and he smiled at me. I felt like my heart just split into two as it brought back memories of my beloved friend. I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and put on a brave front.
From now on I have to be strong.
“What can I do, my King?”