This is fucking ridiculous.
What can I do to make her see how much I regret it with Spence and I really like her?
"I won't stop fighting for you!"
I wanted to make her see how much I wanted her.
All she did was carry on walking, how could she be so heartless? After that kiss? Had she found somebody new? Or was she with Ashley now?
This is fucking ridiculous...
In that moment I decided to do exactly what I thought I should do...she was just about to get to the door, I ran. I bolted across the courtyard to get to her, I needed to show her, as I was approaching, she must've heard my feet because she started walking quicker, so I ran even faster.
She stopped and I stopped to, bent over, panting with my hand on her back, stopping her from leaving.
"What do you want Emily?" She sounded so tired, and sick of all this shit.
"You, I want you" I didn't even give her chance to reply, I just smashed my lips against hers, and it was the most emotional kiss, I showed her how sorry and stupid I was, how much I loved her, because I'd come to the realisation that I did love her, and I was so scared, but I wasn't going to give up without a fight as I promised her earlier.
She was kissing me back, she wasn't pushing me away...
"Just fucking-just stop!" Okay. She wasn't pushing me away...She now had tears rolling down her cheeks and she looked broken.
"Why are you being like this?" She really fucking baffled me and I wanted to know where I stood...things had happened quickly. I get that, but she's like a faulty tap, hot and cold.
"Being like what?" Was she playing dumb, or trying to get a rise out of me?
"Hot and cold, I need to know where I stand, what you want, or want from me? Please can we just talk?" I was really hoping she would, just to sort things out, but the way she tensed up suggested that this wasn't going to happen.
She looked like she was considering it for a moment...but then whatever she was thinking, was quickly wiped away.
She shook her head in a regretful way, as if what she said wasn't what she wanted "I'm sorry Emily, but I can't do this now, I have to go" She made no attempt to leave, before she actually left, she sighed, and looked remorseful "Goodbye Emily." And with that, she left.
I didn't know what to do. She had just left, without a look back, she just walked away making it look so easy. All I could think about was that pain in my stomach and the questions floating around in my head, Had she met somebody else? Why has she changed so quickly? Did I do something wrong? She was just as bad as me, I fucked Spencer to make Naomi jealous, which resulted in her fucking Ashley. It was a big mess, but she was just as bad as me.
Right now, I needed to get royally fucked – alcohol and literally, fucked. It makes me sound like a bit of a slag, but after everything, I already felt as shit as I could, so what harm would it do? I didn't do it often, so fuck it.
I knew who I would go to, she was always up for it, and she would get me pissed to, not in the dodgy way, where she'd get me fucked up on booze and drugs and then screw me; we'd been in a relationship, other than me hating her, she was easy.
I made my way out of the gates, I knew she wouldn't be finished for another hour, but if It meant fucking me and getting pissed up, she'd bunk. She was trying to get us back together anyway so she would most likely do anything I asked of her.
'Spencer, it's Em, fancy meeting me for a drink?' I asked, the phone picked up as soon as I pressed the call button. Weird. But not I was waiting for her reply...
'Hey baby, yeah, hold on...' I heard some hushed voices and some weird sound, and then she was breathing down the phone again.
'Sorry, had to be excused, I can come now, usual place?' and all of a sudden, it seemed like a great idea, I knew Naomi was going for a drink, and they lived quite close together so maybe there was a chance of us bumping into one another, the only down side to this plan, was that I was with the girl who had ruined whatever we had, I should have been furious with the way she acts around and treats Naomi, but I was using her, and that made me feel like shit. I didn't do it often, other than the time I fucked her, this would be the first time, and I already hated it. I was getting her hopes up, but then, I remember she ruined it, she cheated on me.
'Usual place sounds great, I'll leave now, see you soon.'
I ended the call before she could reply.
Around half an hour later, I got to the pub, and Spencer was waiting outside for me.
"Hey babe, you ready to go in?" She said whilst walking over to me, and giving me a hug, and it was then it had hit me. She'd changed. She was more soft and warm and careful, normally she would have already been in there, flirting or pissed up, or just snog my face off, but now she cared. Maybe she was truly sorry?
Maybe I should give her another chance? Maybe if I gave it some more time, I'd fall in love with her and this thing with Naomi, would just go away?