The Girl Who Didn't Make Sense

Oh, If Only

This takes place during "The God Complex." Enjoy! :)

Of course, Amy's mind whispered, Not the Weeping Angels. It had to be her. It had to be her. Across the hotel room from the Doctor, Amy, Rory, and Gibbis was little Amelia Pond, the girl who waited all night in her garden for her Raggedy Man to whisk her away and take her to all the stars she could see in the sky. Amy fell to her knees. She couldn't handle this. If only the minotaur would come and sav- No. "Doctor," she whispered, frantically, "It's happening. It's changing me. It's changing my thoughts."

"Amy," the Doctor said, trying to calm her down. He knew what he had to do, and was dreading every second of it. But he had to stop the minotaur or it would kill Amy just like it killed Howie and Joe and Rita. Sacrificing Amy's life was much worse than sacrificing her trust, her faith in him. But he couldn't watch her die, not again.

Instantly, the scene from the Doctor's hotel room flashed in his eyes. "Of course," he had whispered, "It's you." He had shut the door so quickly behind him, putting a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob. Nobody should see that. What did the Doctor see in his room? Amy Pond's dead, broken body in his arms. He saw his own face filled with guilt and pain and sadness, covered in the blood of the woman he loved. Something told him it was his fault. Then again, how could it not be? She would be safe at home in Leadworth with Rory if it weren't for the Doctor, never having known what the universe held, but also never having to live a life of risk and possible death on a daily basis. The Doctor's greatest fear was to have the death of his magnificent Amelia Pond on his hands, to hold her in his arms, drenched in her blood and know that it was him who caused the spilling of every drop of it.

"It's changing my thoughts." Amy's voice brought the Doctor back to the current time.

"I can't you save from this." He watched as the disbelief and confusion sprang up in her face, her whole body freezing.

"What?" she asked confused. If her Raggedy Doctor couldn't save her then who would? He always found a way to save her. He found a way to save everyone. Always.

"I stole your childhood and now I've led you by the hand to your death," the Doctor sighed. Why did he always have to get so attached? Why did he always lose those closest to him? Couldn't he have just one person in the whole universe to call his own? Just one? "But the worst thing is... I knew. I knew this would happen. This is what always happens."

They always trusted him whole-heartedly because he asked them to. They always believed that he'd never let them down, that he'd always save the day because he, himself, had that almighty view of himself. And he let them believe it too. He always got too close, one way or another to his companions. There were always feelings that complicated things. They always ended up leaving him.

The minotaur burst through the door but the two never took their eyes off the other. The Doctor hated the hopelessness, the sadness, the confusion that filled her brown eyes as all her beliefs from the last 15 years shattered. "I took you with me because I was vain," the Doctor lied, knowing he had to finish the job. He had to break her. "Because I wanted to be adored. Look at you... Glorious Pond." Rory's lucky to have you. Oh, if only... If only you could be mine. "The girl who waited for me. I'm not a hero. I really am just a madman in a box. And it's time we see each other as we really are."

This was it. He could sense the minotaur dying, starving. Amy's faith in the Doctor was fading, while the Doctor tried not to take it all back. He leaned forward and kissed the woman on her forehead. No longer a girl. She's a woman. A married woman. He wished he could tell her that they'd be alright, that they'd make it out okay, that he loved her and didn't mean a single thing his mouth had just uttered. But he couldn't. Amy would never truly be alright and maybe one day they wouldn't make it out okay. Life with him was a constant danger. So, instead, he spoke the words he never wanted to say, the name he never wanted to call her. Because they meant that she wasn't his. She was never yours. She never will be.

"Amy Williams... It's time to stop waiting."

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