To Love And Be Loved Completely
As the TARDIS drifted through space on auto-pilot, the Doctor sat in a comfy loveseat, watching the reflection of the pool water hit the "J" section of the books. One hand rested on the arm of the chair, the other gently rubbing at his temple. He was being faced with two options. Either the Doctor could take Amy back to the past Rory and leave her to settle with him, not returning to her for a few years, and even then just for a brief visit, or he could let her stay. But letting Amy stay meant that she was in so much danger. The Silence would be after him, of course, and they'd used the woman as bait more than once. She's not exactly safe without me, though, the Doctor thought to himself, Every time I've left her, something bad has happened anyways. If she stays here, I can at least be a bit better at alien security. But am I just thinking selfishly? The decision was becoming hard, the Time Lord not being able to keep his feelings out of the way. He sighed, exasperated.
"What?" Amy asked from the doorway, making him jump. He turned to see her in her nightie, making her way towards the loveseat. She plopped down next to him, resting her knees up on her chin and turned to face the Doctor. "What's going on inside that massive head now?"
"Nothing," he lied, "I just- It's always a bit hard for me… When companions leave. And Rory, well, he was a good one." That wasn't a lie. The only false part was that that wasn't what was making him look so worried and wasn't what was mainly occupying his mind. At least not until now. "You'd think after 908 years of this, I'd be used to it. But it's different every time. The pain is new and fresh."
"It's not like we're not going to see each other again," she said, trying to console the Doctor, "I don't know why you and Rory are being so dramatic about it. We're in a time machine! We can see him whenever we want and it'll have only been 10 minutes for him."
"We can't always be sure of that, can we?" the Doctor asked, tone slightly angry. It wasn't that he was angry with Amy. He was angry with himself. He was angry for leaving her behind all those years ago, for leaving her once again when he went off to Lake Silencio, and maybe a little angry that he might have to leave her again. "You of all people should know that sometimes… Well, sometimes things happen! Sometimes, five minutes turn into twelve years."
"What's wrong, Doctor?" He was off on one of his rants, self-loathing dripping from every single word, "Are you okay?"
"You're lyin'," she interrupted, "I hate it when you lie to me, even if you think it's for my own good. I'm your best friend. So, tell me. What's wrong?" Amy wondered if it was the Dream Lord that was bothering him again. She knew he had never left the Doctor, but he never seemed to say anything about it. Sometimes, she could see it, though. She could see the hate for himself when a life was taken during one of their adventures, when he was forced to make a choice that resulted in unhappiness for others.
The Doctor turned to meet her brown eyes that were eagerly seeking his and he could feel her trying to channel in warmth and comfort. She had changed her position and was now sitting right next to him, one hand around his arm, the other holding his hand. "Amelia Pond," he began, taking a breath before he went on. He knew that this was decision he couldn't make. He had tried for the past hour since they left Rory back at his home in Upper Leadworth. It was a choice Amy was going to have to make. "Amelia Pond, I am giving you one last chance to leave here. I can have you back with the Rory from your time in a matter of minutes."
"Think seriously about this," he ordered, "You can't just let what we've been doing for the past few weeks interfere. You have to think about the life you're giving up and the possibility that you could possibly die tomorrow, or the day after that, or maybe in a few hours from now on another adventure. You have to remember that I might not be there every time."
"I thought we were past this," Amy replied with a little sigh, "Doctor, I'm here to stay. I don't care about any of that. I never have."
"I just don't know what I'll do if things end badly," the Time Lord murmured, knowing his eyes were starting to glisten.
"They're not," she assured him, planting a kiss on his cheek, then his other, then his nose, his chin, and finally, the Doctor's lips. He didn't resist, not at all, but pulled her in. He needed Amy, the warmth of her body around his, the feel of her fingers running through his hair and over his chest. He needed to feel her solitary heart beat next to both of his. He needed the feel of her red hair tickling his face, her soft lips moving with his. It was all such a comfort, more than anyone else could give the Doctor.
Amy noticed something was different about this kiss from the get go. The way he was kissing her, one moment practically eating her up, like he couldn't get enough, the next going agonizingly slow, like he was committing every piece of it to memory. The Doctor's hands were roaming far more than they usually did and he sure wasn't stopping hers from doing the same. Before long, she had shifted onto his lap, both hands clamped securely on his shoulders as she shoved the tweed jacket off of him.
"Doctor," she whispered, the only audible thing in the room being their heavy breathing, the rustling of their clothes, and the sound of the water, "Right about now is when you stop me and tell me I'm much too human for my own good."
"Do you want me to stop you?" the Doctor asked in return, looking back up at her. There was a nagging voice in the back of his head that told him she was right. He was supposed to tell her to stop, but he didn't want to. He tried not to blame it on the fact that it was because Rory had told him how little of time he might possibly have with Amy. He also tried not to think this was somewhat related to a brief feeling of something along the lines of happiness when Rory had joked about them having a son. The Doctor had told Amy that kids weren't meant for the life they were living, and he truly believed that. Still, the idea was appealing, but it was impossible and totally illogical to dream about something like that.
Amy hesitated. She wasn't expecting that answer. Not at all. Was he seriously going to let her do this? Was he really going to let them take it this far? She kept expecting the Doctor to grab her hands and push her away, put as much distance between them before he thought about giving in. Like the night before her wedding with Rory. She had been dreaming about being with the Doctor like this since she was a teenager and read all those romantic stories about losing it to someone special. Of course, Amy's ship had already sailed since then, and in her imagination, it was always her Raggedy Man that had taken control of the situation. Little did she know how much of a child he was when it came to sex. "No," she finally said, looking at him with questioning eyes. He didn't respond, though, just gripped her hips harder and pulled her back into his lips.
She felt one of his hands move to her back to support her when suddenly, he was standing, lifting her off the love seat. Amy was about to ask what he was doing, but didn't really feel like breaking off the kiss, wrapping her legs around his waist. And once he started walking, she felt she was safe in assuming their next location. The redhead's world was spinning, maybe from lack of oxygen or maybe just from the fact that she was being carried to the Doctor's bedroom to be made passionate love to. She clung onto his neck and shoulders for dear life, afraid the dizziness would end up with her fainting or spilling from his arms and onto the TARDIS floor.
As for the Doctor, his whole body was practically on fire, every bit of him absolutely terrified and nervous. He felt like a teenage boy about to do it for the first time, though that was hardly the case. He was 908 years old, of course, and had had children and grandchildren. But it was a different body. The last time he had done something like this was during his tenth regeneration with Queen Elizabeth I. This body hadn't done anything of the sort, much having to do with his childish approach to it all in this one. Then, of course it was tall and lanky and incredibly clumsy. How could the Doctor not feel awkward?
Amy gasped as her head hit a door, a dark oak door, the Doctor pressing her against it as his large hand fumbled for the door knob. It was a bit hard seeing as he was also trying to keep the woman supported and the kiss continuing, but a few moments later, the door was open and the Time Lord continued their journey to the bed. Amy was laid gently on the soft, blue blankets, before the Doctor quickly sat up to take off his shoes. In the meantime, his companion decided to take a look around the room. The walls were the same shade of blue as hers, TARDIS blue. It was a little… Chaotic. There was a large desk in the corner of the room covered in mechanical parts and loose wires all tangled together. On his wall was a large window (disguised as a mirror) and a mirror on the wall adjacent to it (disguised as a window). The rug was a thick gray that matched the blue and gray bedding. There were bow ties and thermals littering the floor, a closet overfilled with clothes, though Amy guessed it was bigger on the inside. She noticed a pair of red sneakers peeking out at the bottom, a leather jacket, a scarf dangling from a hanger, a velvet smoking coat, and was that a Panama hat up on that shelf? Before Amy could make a smart comment about it, something else, something lying on the pillow next to her, caught her attention.
"Sorry," the Doctor apologized, returning to the bed, "The laces were a bit tricky. That's the trouble with double-knotting." He looked up to meet Amy's eyes, expecting to see her lips quirk up into a clever smile, but he instead saw her faced to the left, brow furrowing as she examined what was in her hands. "Oh."
"How long have you had this?" Amy asked, a deep blush creeping up to her cheeks.
"Not very long," he answered, a bit sheepishly. He watched her run a finger through the brown yarn of the Raggedy Doctor doll's hair. The Doctor may have taken it with him after that night he had spent in Amy's bed. He had poked fun at himself a little, seeing as he wasn't one for stuffed animals, but he just couldn't help but take it. He had meant to put it back before she noticed…
"I thought I hid it!"
"Yeah… And I found it."
"But it was in my room! On my bed! Underneath a massive mountain of others," the woman pointed out, turning to look at him with narrowed eyes, "What were you doing in my room?"
"Then why did your voice get so high?" she challenged, raising an eyebrow. The Doctor didn't respond, just shifting his sight to a nearby pillow to ignore her angry expression. Amy groaned, putting the doll back down and covering her eyes with her forearm, "This is so embarrassing!"
The Time Lord leaned on his hands, hovering over Amy's body. "Hey, Pond. I like the doll," he said with a soft smirk, "I think it might even look a bit better than the original." He hoped compliments would make her a little less upset that he had gone into her room and taken it.
Amy moved her arm, opening her eyes. "Oh, shut up," she said, but she was smiling, "If you ever mention this to anyone-"
She wasn't able to finish her threat, the Doctor cutting her off early and the pair smiled against each other's lips. Amy could feel his suspenders dangling off the side, tickling her bare thighs as the hem of her nightie was raised higher and higher. Higher until it was completely over her head. She heard the Doctor's quick intake of breath at the sight of her milky skin as she unbuttoned his shirt with a simple glide of the fingers. When Amy realized she had to take the bow tie off, her hands came to a halt. The Doctor noticed, looking down with amusement. "You're finally getting what you wanted," he chuckled, "To rip my bow tie off of me."
Amy laughed, carefully taking it off and throwing it to the side before he shrugged his shirt off onto the floor. The way her hands gingerly took care of the sacred neck wear was more of a turn on than the Doctor wanted to let on, though Amy knew from the second she got to the removal of his trousers. Within a few seconds, they were both completely free of their clothes, the Doctor gently pressed against Amy, putting most of his weight on his left hand that lay next to her fiery locks. His heart rate was tripling, completely nervous, just as much as Amy. She felt completely exposed, watching his reaction carefully. He ran his right hand over her body, not touching, but just barely above her skin, a trail of goose bumps following the trail of skin his palm hovered over. "Look at you, you beautiful thing," the Doctor whispered, drinking her all in. The Time Lord could feel the last of his defenses completely crumble, fully giving into the feelings he'd had for Amy since she kissed him in her bedroom. Had she never done that, the Doctor was sure he would have stayed oblivious not only to her feelings, but also to his. "You really are glorious, Pond."
She inhaled sharply, immediately feeling her nerves wash away. This was the Doctor. This was her best friend. And he made her feel like no one else, no offense to Rory. The way he was looking at her... Old eyes that had seen the entire universe were looking at her like she was something of a miracle, a rare phenomenon. Amy couldn't think of anything to say, not as romantic and sweet as his. No, Amy was never good at that stuff, and she sure wasn't going to top that. Still, she managed to spit out, "You're not so bad yourself, Mister. Now that we finally got rid of that bow tie."
Despite how stupid Amy thought she sounded, the Doctor thought it was perfect, so "Amy." He smiled and chuckled, before meeting her lips one last time, the last time before they crossed the point of no return. "Bow ties are cool and you know it, Amelia Pond," he quickly replied. The woman beneath him didn't answer and they both just sat in silence, feeling the warmth of the other's skin against them, eyes totally engrossed with the pair staring back at them like the lovesick idiots they had become. The Doctor gave her an expectant look a minute later, filled with worry and fear and happiness all at the same time before asking hesitantly, "Ready?"
He knew she would get his implications. This was her last chance to stop it all. After tonight, things will have gone too far to take anything back. But the woman just gave him a simple smile, trying to stay quiet before she opened her mouth and said something stupid again. She didn't want any clever, sarcastic remarks to ruin the rest of this moment and that was all she had in her arsenal. Amy nodded, kissing her Doctor on the nose. "Always."
He smiled back. "And that's reason number one..."
The Doctor didn't answer immediately, getting too distracted as his green eyes gazed softly into her brown irises. A question he had always pondered towards the beginning of his realizations for his feelings for Amy was if she was different. Sometimes, the Doctor would say no. He had screwed her up, just like the others, came in and threw her life a curve ball, just like he did with the others. He had left her waiting, had broken her heart, and gave her a near-death experience on a bi-weekly basis. But then, the Doctor would notice something was quite different about his Amelia Pond. She was still there. Even Rose Tyler, who said she was going stay with the Doctor forever ended up leaving. But Amy never left him. She was always there, always waiting for her Raggedy Doctor to come and take her on the next adventure. No matter how mean he had been, no matter how long he'd gone... Amy Pond was different. If she wasn't, would she be there on the TARDIS with him? Would he really be having her in his bed, watching the light from the fake windows (or… Mirrors?) project their light onto her bare flesh? There was a reason why he had never done this. It wasn't like the Doctor was romantically interested in every single woman that boarded his time machine, and the few he did have feelings for... Well, they weren't there to stay. He could always tell what would make his companions leave, even if they promised forever. He hadn't ever wanted to get this close to someone again, just to lose them. But looking down at Amy, confidence and love showing in her own eyes, the Time Lord knew she was there to stay, and he was going to stop whatever threat came their way. Before he finally let himself love and be loved completely by Amy Pond, the Doctor leaned his forehead to hers, kissing her lips softly and whispered, "You are mad enough to actually mean that."