Tobias: Chapter 21
I can't sleep. I can barely manage to close my eyes, I'm so wired. Everything in me is tight, like the smallest bit of tension will cause me to snap. It's as if all the emotions there are have decided to come and pummel me from the inside out.
The brightest ones, though, the ones that drive me, are anger, directed at those who took Tris, who kept her away from me, who did things to her that I can't even guess the result of. And then there's fear. I'm afraid at who I'll see when I find her. I'm terrified that they've already drowned the memory of the girl who saved Factions. Who saved lives.
But I can't really afford to let that thought manifest. This is Tris I'm talking about. It doesn't matter how far she'll be when I make it to her, because she will find a way back. And if not, then I'll show her the person she was. I'll help her find the way back to herself again.
At least, that's what I tell myself at 4:45 in the morning, staring up at the ceiling as if can give me some great epiphany I feel like I'm missing.
But the walls stay silent. The only noises that fill the air is the distant sound of a train and my own echoing heartbeat. I sigh inwardly, trying to calm it.
This will be the last time I'm in this room. Which is no big deal since it was kind of lonely anyway. And if I do come back, I'll have someone else with me. If I don't, it means I died trying.
Because today is the third day. I gave Caleb three to come up with some kind of plan to save his sister, which apparently he hasn't gotten around to do yet. I think I've called him nine times in the span of two and a half days, but I'm in far too much of a hurry to be concerned about my pride.
He, of course, said little, trying to find a way to infiltrate the system again, have Matthew hack into the mainframe, try to find some sign of what they'll be doing with Tris to determine an ideal ambushing spot. Nothing came back, though. But I don't need detailed blueprints on a computer to tell me where to find Tris. They'll probably be taking her farther into the city at one point. And if she'll be there, I'll be there, donned up in Faction clothing, posing as nobody with a face that's probably tacked up all over in the Erudite headquarters.
And if I'm spotted and shot at, at least I know I'm on the right track.
I haven't really given any detailed accounts regarding my "plan" to Caleb yet, mostly because he'd blab it to Christina and she's already voiced her fair share of ideas for getting her best friend back. But I don't want to tell her, mostly, because she'd want to help me and I don't want to implicate her in my underdeveloped and deeply flawed plan. I don't have time to work out the details. I just know that when I see Tris, I'll find a way to reach her and I need to do that without worrying about anyone else.
It all sounds too juvenile. Rash. But if a girl who everyone believed to be dead can somehow be alive, stuck in a place that keeps her from remembering what she's done and who she is, I think I can manage to get close enough in the hopes of finding her alone.
Wishful thinking, perhaps, but finding out that you have another chance to be with a person you've been grieving the death of for months can put you in that kind of mood.
I shove up from the bed and swing my legs over the side. I snatch up a bag stashed beneath it and grab my gun from the nightstand. I check the barrel and put it in halter I attach to my waist. I grab a second one and do the same thing, hiding it behind me, under my shirt. I bring a few knives, pull on a lightweight jacket and roll up a pair of grey clothes I bought for this.
Yesterday, I was no one. Today, I will be Abnegation again.
I zip up the bag and sling it over my shoulder. On my way out, I grab the phone and dial one number.
He answers on the fifth ring.
"It's been three days," I say. "Time's up."