Convergent (Part One)

Her: Chapter 36

I must be dying.

That's how it feels, as I relive each memory; each broken fragment of my life that breathes new understanding into where I've been, where I am, where I should have gone.

And I should have died.

"Tell Tobias I didn't want to leave him."

I'm reliving that day. Stepping into the vestibule. Speaking to David. Watching numbly as he fires his weapon. Staring down as my life bleeds through my fingers and on the grotesquely white floor.

It's all happening again.

I'm going to die. I am dying. And then I see her; mom. She holds out her hand to me, but I don't want to take it. Maybe everything that happened wasn't real. Maybe I've always been here, trapped in this moment, hung between the decision to go or to stay.

But apparently it's not my choice, because I watch mutely as my hand raises to hers without my consent. I feel her fingers wrap around mine and it is very real.

There's this blinding light.

And then there's nothing at all.

I lurch upright, a horrible noise breaking me from wherever I was. It's everywhere; echoing around the room and reverberating into my skull.

Oh.

It's me.

My screams bounce around the room and pummel my head and I try to silence them but it seems to take physical restraint. Wait, no- I'm actually being restrained.

My vision is blurred and I see two faces next to me, one on either side and on opposite ends of the cot. One person holds my feet and the other maintains a firm grip on my arms.

The distraction offers some small reprieve from the screaming and then I'm just choking, on tears and sobs that rack my body. If I didn't die in that world, I'm sure I'll die in this one.

"Tris?" A voice yells, full of concern. The voice.

The voice.

I know it.

I blink furiously, desperate for my vision to clear. I have to see his face. I have to.

I have to I have to I have to.

"Tris, talk me, please," his words break together and I blink one last time.

It clears.

And I finally see him.

His eyes. They bore into mine, bloodshot and worried but I'm staring past that, mesmerized by the color and everything they hold in them. How many times have I stared into these eyes?

And then I'm sobbing in horror, because I forgot them.

I forgot his eyes.

His face screws up and I'm suddenly in his arms, crushing myself to him until there was nothing between us. No air. No space. It still isn't close enough. It will never be close enough.

"Tris, talk to me, please!" He begs again, but I can't talk. The sobs are making it impossible and the one thought on loop inside me is how could I leave him?

"You're okay," he says, cupping my face in his hands and swiping at the tears. I see his fingers shake and we sink to the floor. He holds me against his chest as he pointlessly wipes my cheeks."You're fine. I will not let anyone ever hurt you again."

I pull him back to me, wanting to bury my face in his shoulders like I've done before, but not wanting to look away from him in fear that this fantasy will shatter. How did I forget him?

How?

I don't bother with words. Instead, I lift my face and crush my lips to his.

He freezes. Only for one moment. And then he returns it, molding against me. His fingers weave through my hair and I'm still choking on tears, but I don't care. He's here and I am too and that's all that matters.

Our kiss deepens and I take a shuttering breath. Then he's pulling back and I want to object but I'm dizzy from lack of air and take in gulps. I stare into his eyes again, and I see tears collect there. He hesitates for a moment.

"You remember me," he breathes. I can't tell if it's a question or a statement but I answer it anyway, in a voice that threatens to break all over again.

"I know you," I say, my hand exploring the angles of his face. His cheeks. His jaw. His lips. Everything.

"Say my name," he suddenly whispers against my fingertips.

I smile. "Tobias."

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