Post-Its

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart). I am never without it (anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear
no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart).

-E.E .Cummings-

It was a beautiful poem. She knew it off by heart.

She fingered the little blue slip of paper as she thought back to the first time after Jane's death she'd found a post-it. It had been a morning much like today's about a month and a half ago.

She'd woken up, gotten dressed and come into the kitchen intending to fix herself a quick breakfast as she had been running late for work before finally settling on Jane's favourite lucky charms and at that point in time, had felt the need to somehow 'connect' to the Detective when she'd reached up into the cupboard bringing said box down and almost dropped the thing. There on the front was a small post-it. It read: 'we've run out of lucky charms :( .' She'd shaken it off thinking it had been left there a few months ago by Jane given the fact she never touched the sweet sugary source of 'nutrition'.

But her small discoveries hadn't stopped there. Far from it.

Three weeks ago she'd received yet another post-it. This time she'd found a small locket on her coffee table with the words, 'something old' beside it but that had had a logical explanation behind it. Angela had called only minutes later to say that she'd left an old locket that used to belong to Jane's nonna. It had been left to Jane who'd received it when she'd turned 18 but she'd asked her mother to keep it and so, when Angela had been going through some stuff, she'd come across it and thought perhaps, Maura might like it.

"She'd want you to have it," she said. She had wanted to give it to Maura personally that morning but seeing as the ME hadn't been up and she figured she needed her rest given the late nights she'd been keeping over the past couple of days, she'd left it on the table.

Hanging up, she fingered the trinket reverently before opening it up to find a picture of her and Jane. Taking off the necklace which held the engagement ring she'd given Jane after she'd proposed, she slipped it alongside the locket, sliding the clasp in behind her neck.

The third hadn't exactly been a note per say but the words had been in keeping with the familiar customary rhyme one went through before marriage; something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. This time, the object had been in the form of a parcel, with the words 'something new' written on the top right hand corner in between the edge of the parcel paper and the stamps. In fact, she'd have missed it completely had she not been admiring the swirls of colour on the stamp paper. But that too, had had an explanation behind it, this time, it being a gift from her father who was somewhere halfway across the world on one of his archaeological digs. It had come with a letter attached.

Dear Maura,

I had intended to give this to you on your wedding day. It's not much but I saw them in Kenya a while ago and figured they'd be perfect for you. Of course, I myself have no use for them given that I do not wear earrings or jewelry in general and I hope my sending them doesn't bring back painful and wistful thoughts but you'd be far prettier in them than I ever would, and I know Jane would have thought so too.

You are always in my thoughts, dear girl.

With love,

Father.

She'd opened it to find a small pair of diamond earrings encased within the small box and it had brought tears to her eyes, both for the thoughtfulness of the gift and the sentiment behind it as well as for the lost chance she'd never had for letting her love see them as she walked down the aisle towards her wife. Not being able to bring herself to look at them, she placed them in her jewelry box where they had remained since.

The third and final one had been only last week. Constance had called from Switzerland saying that she believed she'd left the handkerchief Maura's grandmother had given her at her own wedding, at Maura's when she'd visited last month and would she please check the guest room to see if it was there. She'd found it eventually, underneath the dresser, right at the back. It had a rather flamboyant design, one that was much in line with the woman's character and artistic flair but what caught the ME's eye were the words 'something borrowed' embossed on the bottom. She'd thought nothing of it just as she hadn't given a second thought to the first three notes but with this fourth note and the flower, she couldn't help but feel shaken, goosebumps rising along her arms.

Only a select few knew about her love for the calla lily but only Jane and her mother knew about Maura's passion for poetry, it being the one thing she'd lost herself in during her college years. But with her mother currently out of the country and her fiance dead...the panic rose within as her vision swam. It took all of her control to get her breathing back to normal.

This. This was something else altogether. It wasn't in keeping with the rest of the notes she'd received.

This.

Was.

Personal.


Maura reached down underneath the foot of her bed clasping a medium sized box in her hands. Taking up residence on the floor, she opened it where she was met by various bits and pieces of her Jane's life together. Small things. All with a meaning behind. It contained memories of their time together. The beer coaster she had used when Jane had first persuaded her to try beer, the ticket stubs to various movies they'd gone out to watch, tickets to the opera, to the games at Fenway Park and right at the bottom, the little post-its Jane had left; she had saved every one of them. They took pride of place. She shuffled through them slowly, pausing at a small yellow one which the ME couldn't help but smile at.

Maura had come home from a particularly gruelling day at work. They had closed a case today but because of a mix up in the labs, she'd had to stay behind to sort it out.

"Jane, sweetie, I'm home."

"Be right down. Take-out's on the counter."

Taking off her heels and placing them at the door, she made her way to the kitchen. Rifling through the food cartons, she got out some plates before going to the fridge to take out some strawberries for Bass. Hearing a bump from behind, she looked down to see said tortoise making his way slowly over to her with something yellow stuck on top of his shell. Frowning, she bent down to take it off, seeing Jane's scrawl. It read: Imma turtle. Deal with it. The blonde shook her head, a smile gracing her already beautiful features. She looked up to see Jane leaning in the doorway. She had a full blown smirk on her face.

"Jane."

"What?" the Detective innocently asked stalking towards her. She loved hearing her name on the blonde's lips. Coming to a stop in front of her, she leaned down slightly to greet the smaller woman. Maura took her face in her hands.

"You're incorrigible..."she whispered, letting Jane off this time as she pulled her into a passionate kiss.

She put the post-it alongside the others in the box as her gaze went to a small black box which she had collected posthumous on Jane's behalf. It was the purple heart, a rare and distinctive honor given to those who had displayed outstanding acts of heroism, service or achievement.

Usually, it was awarded to distinguished members of the military but given Jane's contribution to the Boston community over the years and the final nail on the head, Paddy Doyle, the service had decided that she was just as much in a position to receive the highly regarded award as all the rest.

As far as Maura and the rest of BPD were concerned, Jane fell into all of those categories but even alive, she knew that the brunette would not have accepted the medal, let alone any other, willingly. The ME chuckled to herself remembering the fight her love had put up following the shoot out at headquarters where a ceremony had been held in her and Corporal Abby Sherman's honor. She'd been given a choice that day; the easy way or the hard way. She had to of course choose the latter and Maura felt herself wondering if the brunette would have been twice as difficult if not more, given the higher rank the heart held.

Accepting it on Jane's behalf had been one of the proudest moments of her life as well as one of the most difficult. More than half the department had shown up that day, all brothers in blue, standing proud...

"And now, we would like to present the Purple Heart, an honor bestowed only upon the best, to none other than Boston Police Department's, Jane Rizzoli. Detective Rizzoli unfortunately never made it for her outstanding bravery and contribution that helped take down Boston's most notorious mob boss, but her act of heroism will not be forgotten either. We have however, in our midst, Doctor Maura Isles, who as Detective Rizzoli's fiance, has most graciously agreed to accept the award on her behalf. Doctor Isles, please."

Maura made her way through the sea of people, accepting the medal before stepping behind the podium.

"Thank you. Jane used to say how lucky she was to have met me, but it was I who was the lucky one. Jane was an amazing woman and an amazing Detective. She had a relentless energy and determination when it came to her job, pursuing those to be brought to justice, giving peace to those affected. It was what made her such a good detective. It was who she was. She, alongside her fellow brothers in blue have served the city of Boston so well and have sacrificed so much. I myself had the pleasure of meeting Jane almost five years ago to the date. She was loud, brash, Italian. Five years later, she was still loud, brash and Italian." That garnered a chuckle from everyone around. "What she didn't realised was the impact she had on everyone's lives. The victims, their families, the people she worked with, her family, myself." The blonde took a deep breath. "January 16th this year was a momentous day for all law enforcement. It was the day that ended the reign of one of Boston's most notorious mob bosses, Paddy Doyle. It was also the day that ended Jane Rizzoli. Now, Boston stands slightly safer than the one she left behind; people can walk the streets, families can shut their doors, children can play in the street safe in the knowledge that there are people keeping them safe, that there are guardian angels watching over them. Jane used to say how lucky she was to have met me. I...was the lucky one."

Her speech, once it had ended had received a standing ovation. She'd even seen Frost standing in the back pride shining in his eyes clapping along with the rest of them. Yes, it had been hard that day but she believed she'd done Jane justice and at the same time, been so proud of her Detective.

She brushed aside a tear that had unwittingly escaped. Taking the top most post-it from the stack, she placed the items back in the box, covering it gently and sliding it back in its rightful place under the bed. She glanced at her watch, running down the stairs quickly before grabbing her purse and slamming the door behind her.

Shit, she was late.


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