I can't feel you
Summary: Fareeha loses her arms and has trouble accepting her new reality. Angela doesn't know how to comfort her wife.
THIRD POV
Asleep covered by white blanket up to the waist and sleeping in an upright position. It had been a week since the accident but Angela suspects that it may be the shock and toll her body took. Needing the rest to restore the needed energy and lost sleep. Although she suspects it's shock or the need of rest, she still wanted more answers. Why didn't her Caduceus staff work? Why didn't the applied nanobioligy do the trick? Was Fareeha beyond saving? No she still had a steady heartbeat. She'll make it. She's strong. Fareeha had shown no signs of waking up but still Angela stayed by her side. Dr Ziegler running on nothing but coffee and energy bars for almost a week. And her rising stress levels didn't help much. She just wanted to see Fareeha's smile, no matter how big or small. Just a real smile from her.
"You need to get some sleep Angela." Jesse spoke from the door where he leaned his shoulder against the door frame. "I don't need sleep, I need answers." Jesse sighed. This has been the same answer for a week now. "Winning ?" Tracer asked zipping down the hall ending next to the outlaw. "No." Crossing his arms over his chest as he eyed the doctor then the patient. "Do it." Tracer encouraged him as he stayed silent with slight concern visible on his face she then took off again. "Listen doc. I know you're worried, we all are. But this isn't how she'd want you to spend your time. You have to get some sleep. " With a finality in his tone Tracer reappeared with a pillow under her left arm and a blanket in her left hand. "I even brought you a pillow and a blanket." Smiling as she held the pillow and blanket out to the doctor. "Thank you Lena, Jesse." Angela sighed knowing very well Fareeha would be upset about her staying awake and not getting sleep.
-next day-
Finally her mind seemed to be progressing. From stumbling around hazed and unclear thoughts to finally feeling herself get her footing and be able to get her thoughts straight. Her eyes stayed shut while she yawned. With a long inhale she opened her eyes seeing a dark room. Nothing but the twilight lighting the room. The sun not far away from showing it's face again. Looking over at the wall following the beeping sound. Beep... beep...beep. Her stomach felt queasy and an unsettling feeling set in her gut. Looking down unable to wiggle her fingers. Pulling her hands out from under the white sheet. Her heart stopped or maybe the exact opposite. "Wha- whe- who ?"
A sudden loud and faster beeping made her panic. The ringing of her ears and thumping of her head returned. Her breathing was uneven and rapid. An unforgettable scene flashing in her mind. Kids frightened beyond reason hidden in some kind of Overwatch suit... "Fereeha stay with me." Angela! What happened to her? Is she okay?
The loud and fast beeping woke the swiss doctor. Seeing Fareeha awake frozen staring at her hands her chest rising and falling faster than it should. Rushing over and softly placing her hands in Fareeha's cold prosthetic hands. "Fareeha. Mein liebling it's me." Leaning her hip against the bed as she neared the soldier. Seeing the pale hands on her new royal blue hands with yellow spots and stripes where her ligaments and knuckles once was. Slowly looking up Fareeha saw tired yet happy eyes. "Angela ?" Confusion warped her brain, she could remeber the ringing of her ears and scared children but other than that it was a blur. "What happened ?" Panic had filled her voice as dark brown eyes searched the room. "You... You don't remember ?" Her heart fell to her stomach, she didn't want to tell Fareeha while she was in a state of panic. "No. What happened ?" Repeating her question as she looked at her wife puzzled. "Wait where's my ring ?" Now searching her hand more specifically as she spoke. "Right here." Holding out the ring to show Fareeha who sighed relieved. But the scratches on the ring was new. Frowning as she stared at the ring trying to remember what happened. Reaching out for the glass of water she turned to Fareeha. "Here have some water." Holding out the cup to the soldier. Fareeha stared at the cup then her hands for a moment then reached out to take the glass. But as she took ahold of the glass her grip was too strong shattering it. Angela pulled back letting the water and glass fall on her boots and floor. "Angela ! I'm so sorry. I- I didn't know- my grip..." Fareeha looked down ashamed. "It's okay." With a reassuring smile she placed a slightly wet hand on a tan cheek. Fareeha leaned into the touch of her lovers pale hand. "I could've hurt you." Fareeha whispered but Angela didn't mind her. She knew there'd have to be some training done to control her prosthetics. "I... I should get some rest. Same for you." Fareeha said glancing down at her feet. "Yeah okay." Placing a kiss to her forehead then stepped back the sound of crushed glass caught her attention. After I clean this up.
-week later-
A week had past and Angela could sense something was wrong. Fareeha was distant and clossed off. Where she'd usually be insisting on cuddles and hugs she was rejecting and avoiding them. She wanted so badly to help her wife but knew better than shoving help down someone's throat. Once again she was standing at the door watching as Fareeha stared at her hands forgetting about the world around her. "She'll come around." Jesse spoke softly behind the doctor. "I hope so." It pained her that she couldn't help her wife, she couldn't hold her and she couldn't talk to her. The doctor herself felt sad and hopeless. She wanted Fareeha to hold her close and tell her that she'd get through this, that she'd find that hope again. She felt selfish wanting comfort from someone who just lost their arms. So she had decided to keep to herself and be strong for Fareeha. If their relationship made it through the fall of overwatch it could make it through this for sure. "Why don't you go freshen up. I'll keep her company." The cowboy offered with a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I won't be long." Angela assured. "Take your time." He didn't ask her and she knew it.
Slowly approaching the soldier the only noise was the rowels at the bottom of his boot. "Hey there kid." Jesse sat on the visitors chair lighting a cigar. "Oh, hey Jesse." Lowering her hands into her lap as she looked over at the man who had been like family ever since she could remember. "How ya feeling ?" He exhaled a puff of smoke while his cigar hung from his lips. Looking back at her hands then up at him. "I don't know." With an exhale she leaned back into her pillows. "Wanna talk 'bout it ?" His eyes watched her every move, looking for a sign of improvement on accepting her new form but it didn't seem to be much of a difference since last week. She was hesitant and almost afraid of her new arms. "What's there to talk about ?" He could hear the sadness in her voice and see it in her eyes. "It will get better. I promise you that kid." He gave her a soft smile, reassuring her. "I don't know about this one." Her voice was just below a whisper.
"Want me to go ?" Jesse asked looking at the girl- woman he had grown to love and respect. Not just because she's an Amari but because she'd always worked hard to achieve her goal and reach it. Never unnecessarily arrogant about it but as humble as she could be. Even after her mom passed she kept fighting. "No." Fareeha didn't want to sound needy but she was tired of being alone. For some reason she didn't want Angela to see her like this, she knew Angela was struggling but she couldn't bring herself to hug and comfort her. Mccree sat back in his chair crossing his arms over his chest. "Got some music with you ?" Fareeha asked to which Jesse chuckled. "Always prepared when you're around." He gave her a playful smirk but she didn't respond as usual, she just hummed grateful.
Angela stood underneath the water spraying from the shower head. She couldn't wait to take a shower at home again. This abandoned offsite Overwatch base was making her nostalgic but not the good kind. Apparently Winston kept the place in check while living here. Placing her hands over each other on the wall leaning her head against the back of her hand for cushioning. The water flowed down her back with silent tears falling from her eyes. I need to stay strong. I have to be strong for Fareeha. With an exhale she stood stood up and splashed her face then closed the taps stopping the water from flowing. Let's do this. I can do this. Pulling the towel from the hanger then drying herself she got lost her thoughts more than twice. Finishing up taking her time and when she was finally done she thought for a moment. Maybe if I take Fareeha home she'll be more comfortable. Maybe she'll progress better in the comfort of home. Maybe she'll even feel better just being home. I'll just have to check her vitals and everything then we can head home.
Approaching the med bay Angela stopped at the sound of music. And soft singing, that's Fareeha singing. A deep western voice overpowered her lovers voice. And of course Mccree. A smile made it's way to her face as she continued down the hall. Stopping at the door when she saw Jesse laid back into his seat with his hands behind his head with his hat next to him and Fareeha sitting on the bed cross legged with closed eyes now humming the tune. She didn't move waiting until one of them spotted her. Mccree was the first to spot her, he motioned her inside pointing at Fareeha who seemed to have calmed a bit. "This has been her favorite ever since she heard it." He whispered to the doctor. Angela recognized the humming from her lover. She would often hum it at home when reading or doing chores and sometimes in the shower after a long day. Fareeha opened her eyes when the song ended spotting her wife looking at her with eyes filled with love and adoration. "Glad I could finally hear the song." Angela smiled softly at her wife. "It's beautiful." Her comment surprised Fareeha, Angela wasn't a big fan of country music. She nodded even though Angela had her back turned to Fareeha as she searched for the necessary equipment to take her vitals. When Angela approached Fareeha she sat still. So still that if her chest wasn't moving Angela would think she was dead.
The drive home was quiet the only thing heard was the noises outside the car mostly Jesse on his hover bike. Fareeha walked to the back to open the back door but her grip was too strong breaking the handle. Cursing in her native tongue as she stared at the crushed handle in her hand. "No worries, I got it." Jesse assured getting off his bike and opening the door from the other side. Once again frozen in her spot she could hear her thoughts loud and clear. I'm a monster. I break everything I touch. Oh no... What if Angela stops loving me? What if I hurt her? What if-- "Let's get you inside." Soft hands on her shoulders pulled her out of her rampaging thoughts. "Yeah." Letting herself be guided by her wife all the way to the living room. "I'll be back in two weeks. I've got some business to take care of." Jesse said placing a hand in each ones shoulders. He gave Fareeha a soft smile and Angela a reassuring smile. "Thank you Jesse." Both women spoke in unison. Chuckling he closed the door behind him.
-week later-
"I can't wait to see this museum." Fareeha said excited as she hugged Angela from behind holding her around the waist their fingers interwined. "You've been to multiple Overwatch museums how is this one different ?" The swiss doctor giggeld at the childish excitement her wife had. "Because now I get to brag about how much I know, with you." A playful smirk covered her face as she placed a kiss on Angela's neck. "Mom look it's Mercy." A kid behind them caught their attention. Although he was pointing into the exhibit it was only second nature to answer to the name. The girl turned clearly searching for something of her own when her eyes landed on the women in front of her it looked like her eyes would pop out of her skull. "It's Pharah and Mercy." She whisper yelled jumping up and down tugging at her brother's shirt. "Where ?" When he turned and saw where she was pointing he had the same expression. "Kids don't stare." The mom said a faint blush visible. "It's okay ma'am." Fareeha turned and kneeled down to their height while Angela kept a hand on her shoulder. "Hi there, my name is Fareeha Amari and this is the world renowned Doctor Angela Amari Ziegler. What's your names ?" A small smile formed on her face as the young siblings stared in awe. "Basil." He stood up straight saluting her. "Laila." Laila copied the action Basil did. Fareeha stood up now towering tall over the small family. "It's an honor." Fareeha said saluting the kids. "Nice to meet you dr Ziegler." Laila held her hand out to the doctor. "It's a pleasure." She gently shook the girls small hand. "I'm Basil." He held his hand up with a small blush. "Nice to meet you Basil, I'm Angela." The mother smiled at her kids they finally got to meet their favorite heroes. A dream come true. Fareeha looked at the mother and held her hand out. "I don't know much about parenting but I'm sure you're a great mother." Fareeha said to which Angela nodded. "Zara, and thank you so much." Her smile was small yet bright in her eyes. "Anytime." It was clear to the mother that the doctor was more comfortable in this situation and the soldier was a little out of her element but appreciated the effort nonetheless. "Next !" Walking hand in hand with her wife to get searched then head inside. Both turned around waving at the kids who was squealing.
"Oh, oh, oh remeber this one ?" If Angela didn't know Fareeha she could've easily mistaken her for another child from a far. "Mein liebling, these are easy." They made a little game out of their visit. Every time the soldier got the details correct the doctor promised any reward she wanted, ice cream, a marathon of movies Fareeha liked but Angela didn't necessary enjoy that much. So Fareeha being the soldier she is didn't back down from this challenge. Standing behind her wife with arms over her shoulder Angela held a light yet firm grip on the tan biceps. They didn't move they stood in a way they could see everything so they could stand still in each others arms. After finishing one side of the museum they went and sat down. Fareeha had her arms around her lovers waist with their fingers intertwined once again. "Alright before we continue, I'm thirsty. Do you want anything ?" Fareeha asked standing up from her seat where Angela smiled shaking her head. "I'll get you something anyway." Fareeha said cupping pale cheeks and placing a chaste kiss on her lips and although it was short the passion was undoubtedly there. Angela giggled standing up following her wife. Walking to the little shop Fareeha had her arm around the doctors shoulder with their fingers loosely interwined. Stopping in the line seeing a group of kids. "Fareeha ! Angela !" Basil called excitedly. "My friends don't believe me they say you don't know me." Basil said with a pout making the woman smile and kneel to his height. Laila next to him with the same pout. "Always remember, it doesn't matter what other people say or think. As long as you tell the truth you don't have to worry about whether it's true or not." Angela gave them a smile. Fareeha leaned a little closer. "I could carry you over to your mother so everyone sees I know you." She winked at the two kids who had smiles so bright it could split their faces in half. Basil jumped on her back and Laila into her arms. Chuckling amused at the two she stood up with ease then started to walk to Zara. The kids all gasped, shared oohs and aahs and loud whispering between each other. She could see the smirk on Laila's face making her smile too. The mother's face was red with embarrassment her face screaming 'kids what are you doing'. "Mom now everyone saw we know Fareeha and Angela Amari." Basil called excitedly as the soldier passed the kids. Fareeha was about to say something when a loud whistling caught her attention. As a soldier she knew that whistling all too well. "Oh no." Fareeha felt her heart drop. Rushing back to the group of six kids. "Everyone take cover !" Fareeha yelled along with Angela. Bending down and wrapping her arms around the kids trying to shield them seconds later Fareeha stood over everyone her arms around the kids in a tight group hug with her shielding them all she could. A loud ear piercing bang rang through the museum. Kids and parents alike yelling. Fareeha could feel the glass falling some scratching her skin and others just falling over her. Making her pull Angela tighter. When it was quiet she lifted her head looking at the kids. The seemed fine just startled. Fareeha dusted the bits of glass off Angela. "Fareeha !" Basil and Laila looking up at her. "Where's your mom ?" Fareeha asked searching for somewhere the kids could hide safely. "I don't know." Basil said his voice shaky. Reinhardt's suit! Standing up pushing the siblings in with the rest of the group. "You kids follow Mercy, okay. She's taking you to cover. Reinhardts suit of armor." The soldier pointed out to the doctor where to head. "Hold hands everyone and follow Mercy don't stop unless she tells you to." She ordered watching them walk over the rubble and shattered glass. Talon men approached from in front. "Kids keep going." She ordered as she launched herself at the men hitting one unconscious grabbing his gun and shooting the other down. Aiming a head and throwing the gun at the glass around his suit to free the suit. Fareeha faught of more approaching agents. Angela was trying with everything she could to pull the heavy metal off it's place then let all the kids huddle up. Finally it fell to the ground with loud clattering. "Stay in here no matter what you hear or think." She placed the armor over them letting them hide behind the wall furthest from the commotion.
Getting lost with the agents she didn't know which way to head. "Angela !" Calling her wife as she ran into dust and rubble. An overwhelming amout of red lasers headed towards the blonde. "Fareeha !" Her lover's voice rang panicked right before gun shots. "I'm coming." Rushing blindly through the rubble bumping into a Talon agent bumping him to the ground. Grabbing his gun and hitting him unconscious spotting lazers through the dust then following it. After tirelessly fighting off agents trying to not shoot and avoid shooting afraid of hurting civilians. Punching a guy to the ground kicking him through the face knocking him out about to turn around when she bumped into someone else. "Fareeha." Her racing heart slowed for a moment. Both their faces were covered in dust. Fareeha had sweat running down her face cleaning some of the dust causing clean stains. "Habibti. You're okay." Wrapping her in a bear hug with a kiss to dusty lips then pulled away. "This is the best I could get." Angela held up a medic kit. "Where are the kids ?" Fareeha asked looking at her urgently. "I put them in Rainhardts suit." If the situation wasn't this serious Angela would've laughed at the thought but was interrupted by gun shots flying past them. "Idiots." Fareeha growled as she covered Angela much to the doctors disagreement. "Stay behind me. We need the medic alive." Fareeha said taking the doctors free hand running towards the bullets direction. Once she spotted red visors. "There." Fareeha pointed at the two to the far right. Running to the one of the far left tackling him to the ground making everyone turn to them. Holding the unconscious agent up as a shield from bullets while walking to the rest throwing him onto the closest agent then taking the rest down. When she was done she could see the dust settling a bit. Angela standing in all her glory with three unconscious agents at her feet. Fareeha smiled proud of her wife. "Somebody help please !" Both whipped their heads in the direction of the man. Taking her wifes hand the soldier ran to the source.
A teenager trapped under rubble gasping for air. There weren't many to help. "What's your name ?" Angela asked jumping into action. "Leon, I'm Mat." The father answered with clear worry and panic. "Hello Leon I'm Ang- Mercy." She didn't wear the name as proud as she always did but it did distract most people from their panicked thoughts. "Pharah see if you can see where his body is most." Nodding she kneeled down trying to figure out where the safer side is to lift the rubble. "Alright everyone this side." She didn't even bother to sound polite, her soldier mindset had taken over. "On three we all lift." Fareeha said as the four people got their grips. "One... Two... Three." Everyone groaned their muscles straining under the weight but pushed through letting the rubble fall next to Leon. "Mat hold here." Almost falling to his knees to support the doctor. "I'm going to check for more survivors." Fareeha said placing a kiss to her wife's cheek and squeeze her shoulder gently then rushed off into the settling dust. As she went deeper into the dust groans of pain become more clear. Finally arriving at a couple. The man had glass in his side. "One three I'll pull." The woman said taking a hold of the glass. "No stop !" Fareeha yelled to which both froze. "Whatever you do don't take it out." She said going over to his side. "Ma'am can you walk ?" The soldier asked scanning the woman for injuries. "Yes." She nodded. "Good let's get him outside so the medics can help." Fareeha went to his side and helped him up gently lifting him to stand. Letting most of his weight on her they headed to the neon sign flashing 'exit'. On the way they got a few more people some in shape to walk others not. Letting the people help each other she ran back into the rubble searching for the kids. She wasn't sure the exit would be open but now that she knew she could get the kids out. "Basil !" Cupping her mouth creating a micro phone to yell louder. "Laila !" Her voice sounded like an empty echo. "Zara !" A faint 'here' sounded through the almost clear room. Following the sound she saw a pole through her lungs just below her heart. "Zara." Kneeling to her side to inspect and see if she could do something. "Tell my babies I love them." Her voice was shaky and weak. "No you're going to tell them yourself." Ripping a piece of her shirt and placing it around the pole trying to stop the bleeding. "Please they need their mother." It was unlike the soldier to get emotional, but she herself had lost her mother and she knew the pain and sorrow. "Zara stay with me." Fareeha almost yelled at her. "Fareeha !" Angela's voice rang through the room. Angela found her wife kneeled next to Zara with tears falling from her face. "Fareeha I'm sorry she's gone. There's nothing we can do. There are other people that might be alive." Angela said kneeling next to her. "But they need their mother." Fareeha said with desperation in her eyes. "I know. But we might lose more parents if we stay focused on those we can't help." Angela wanted to cry too but she was too focused on finding people. Fareeha nodded standing up trying to get herself together. "The gaurd says everyone is outside. All that's missing is the kids." Angela said as they rushed to the kids. "There it is !" A man's voice rang through the museum. "Grab it." Fareeha looked at Angela then pointed to where the kids are taking off into the direction of the men. Seeing them stealing something. Rushing out of her spot running at the red. "You killed innocent people !" She yelled punching the mans mask so hard her flesh split at her knuckles but the adrenaline pumping kept her from feeling the pain. "You're monsters." She flipped the man on her back over then picked him up flinging him into his fellow agent. She was hit in the head from the side causing her vision to blur but she didn't let that stop her. Jumping at the red line on his face she tackled him to the ground and hit him with his gun. Another man approached her but the sound of crushing glass alerted her. Lunging up at the man hitting him through the face splitting the flesh around her other knuckles. When it was clear of agents she rushed back to Angela who was rushing in to get the injured kids. "Come on kids." A field medic guided them outside as Angela searched for more victoms. But she couldn't find any. Reaching her wife then held her hand out for her to take. "Your hands." Angela gasped lifting them to inspect. "We can check outside." Rushing outside just in time as more foundation gave in.
Angela tried to wipe the dry blood with the little bit of supplies left. "Habibti, I'm fine." Fareeha said pulling out of her grip and cupped her cheeks stroking her dirty face. Leaning down placing a passionate kiss as arms wrapped around her neck. Slowly pulling out of the kiss for air leaning their heads against each other. "You'd think we're used to this." Fareeha said with a smile on her face still holding her wife close. "I love you so much, mein liebling." Angela said kissing her again. "I love you so much more, habibti." A playful smile spread on her face but both woman were blown away by the love and honesty eaches eyes held. "Mercy where is my mom ?" Basil asked looking up at Angela. The look the lovers shared made the boy stand back. "No." He shook his head in disbelief. "What ?" Laila asked concerned and scared. "Mom !" Basil ran into the building crying. Laila took off after her brother.
"No wait !" Trying to grab them but Fareeha failed. "I'm going after them." She placed a quick kiss on her lips and ran back. As her bloody beaten hands left her wifes her body felt cold. Shaking it off as she ran following the sound of crying and screaming. "Mom !" Laila cried. "Please wake up." Basil begged holding her hand. "Fareeha help her please." Laila begged causing her to sigh and kneel next to them. "I tried. I really did." Fareeha said trying to stop the tears but failed. "Why are you crying ? You have to help her." Basil almost yelled at her. Basil saw the bloody shirt around the pole realising it's the soldiers. "You left her here !" He yelled angrily at her. Fareeha couldn't speak she remembered her own rage and sorrow after losing her mom. "This is your fault !" He yelled pointing at Fareeha his finger in her face. "Please I didn't -" An menacing chuckle caught their attention. "Boohoo the soldier failed." Widowmaker appeared making Fareeha grit her teeth. "You ! You killed my mother and now these innocent childrens mother !" Red covered her vision as she lunged hitting her to the ground. Kicking her wind out and jumped up Widow aimed at Fareeha but missed when she jumped up shooting the soldier in the side. Falling to the ground groaning. "Blow them up." Widowmaker said as she shot a grapple up lifting the herself out of the building. Getting up pushing through the pain lifting a table to use as cover while the kids ran but he shot at her hitting her in the shoulder and arm. "Agh ! Damn ! Oof." Falling back but again getting up as fast as she could. She'd already lost feeling in her left arm from all the bullets. Trying her best to keep the table up but when a ticking noise caught her attention she grabbed the table to cover the kids from the blast. Running as fast as she could a loud ear piercing ringing filled her ears and her head thumping obnoxiously loud. Falling unconscious on the floor with wood pieces stuck through her arm or what's left of it.
"Fareeha please stay with me." Angela's voice was distant but her face was near and blurry. "Angela." Her voice was scratchy and below a whisper. "Love yo..." She didn't even have the strength to say those three words. Her eyelids grew heavier unable to keep them open. "Fareeha stay with me." Angela cried as she begged her wife to stay with her.
Sitting up on the couch in a cold sweat and tears streaming down her face. Looking down at her hands she felt her heart breaking once more. I couldn't save her…
-week later-
Another week had passed. Fareeha had been drinking with straws and only drinking protein shakes. She was restless and had little sleep. She didn't touch the plates, cutlery, cups and she even avoided doorknobs anything that she could break. And it worried the doctor, when was she going to try and go to therapy or ask some advice or help? Fareeha was sat outside on the porch staring at the night skies. Angela stood in the doorway admiring her wife's physique. It was strange seeing her wife with robotic prosthetics but she still loved her endlessly becuase of who she is not what she is. Fareeha could feel the pair of eyes on her but didn't say or do anything.
A few hours had passed and neither had moved. The soldier could feel herself growing tired trying to suppress her emotions so she stood up and turned to her wife. "I... Um I want to take a bath. But I'm afraid of breaking the taps... again." Angela nodded with a soft smile. "I'll hande that." Fareeha could see her wife was tired and worried. But she didn't know how to be there for her. Afraid she'll hurt her more. Walking to their bedroom to try and get comfortable wear but the photos next to her bed caught her attention.
A picture of Overwatch before everything went south, a picture of her and Angela's first kiss thanks to Tracer being sneaky, another of her and Angela on their honeymoon and lastly one of their wedding with the Overwatch agents side by side. Angela finished filling the tub when she walked out she saw Fareeha staring at the photos next to her bed, their first kiss photo reflected the soldiers face. Angela could see the pain in her eyes. "I remember our fifth date. I was so nervous I remember accidentally breaking my chopsticks." Fareeha spoke softly. Angela smiled at her wife. "I remember that. I remember that kiss. You asked my permission although I told you to not ask if you could show affection. But I understood, you were never the touchy feely type." Angela smiled remembering how Fareeha had asked permission for any and everything, asked to hold her hand, asked to hug her, asked to kiss her and asked to cuddle her. But a year later it all had changed, Fareeha couldn't stop cuddling, never stopped with gentle kisses, never stopped the bear hugs and always tried to hold her close when and wherever. But only Angela had that privileges she stayed hesitant with other people. This Fareeha cold and distant the doctor didn't recognize her. "I'm going to go clean up." Fareeha walked to the bathroom and Angela nodded heading to the kitchen to make herself some coffee.
Fareeha took of her shirt accidentally ripping it. Great I'm gonna need a new wardrobe sooner or later. She had ripped every shirt she took off. When she was finally done undressing she stepped into the bathtub. And like every other night she was hesitant of putting her hands in the water. She sat staring at her royal blue and yellow arms and hands. Slowly lowering them into the water but she couldn't feel the water. Clenching her jaw biting back tears. Holding her other hand slowly running her right thumb over her left palm but she didn't feel it. Forgetting her book in the room Angela walked back to get it but stopped when she saw Fareeha slouched over holding her hand. Pressing harder into her palms hoping she'd feel it but she didn't. Angela felt her heart breaking once again. With slow and unsteady movements she placed her hands against each other closing, left hand now holding her right hand. When she didn't feel the touch she pulled away covering her mouth. I will never be able to feel again. Never be able to feel Angela again. Her touch when we hold hands. Never feel her body reacting to my touch when we make love, I won't be able to do any of- A muffled choked sob escaped her lips. Will she even look at me the same? Closing her eyes trying to stop the tears from falling but it was senseless. Angela felt her own tears welling up. When Fareeha let out another choked sob she walked over to her. Kneeling down next to the bathtub. "Mein liebling." Angela looked at her lover. Fareeha looked over with glossy heartbroken dark eyes meeting sad blue eyes. "Habibti." Fareeha let her tears fall but held her mouth closed afraid of what would come after that. Angela stood of her knees and wrapped her arms around Fareeha laying her cheek on her tan shoulder. Fareeha sat frozen then leaned her head to the side now resting it on Angela's shoulder. Fareeha could feel drops of water running down her back and she immediately knew it was Angela.
After staying like that for almost an hour, the water cold and no longer steaming. "What happens now ?" Fareeha asked her voice soft and raspy from crying. Angela lifted her head and looked at Fareeha confused. "What do you mean ?" Her eyebrow was slightly raised. "What happens when you stop loving me ?" Angela froze, she could hear the vulnerability in her voice. "I will never stop loving you Fareeha Amari. Why would you ever -" Realisation struck the doctor. "You think I mind this ?" Angela asked lacing her fingers with Fareeha's. "I'm a monster Angela. I break everything I touch." Fareeha said looking at her lover hoping to find nothing but love and honesty and as always it's all she could find. "You're not a monster Fareeha. All you need to do is learn to control your new limbs. No one ever said this would be easy." Angela said cupping her lovers cheek. "No one ever said it would be this hard." Her voice broke as she spoke looking into honest blue eyes. "That's why I'm here. Let me help you… please." Blue eyes begged dark brown eyes. "How could you help me without getting hurt ?" Fareeha asked to which Angela smiled. "Trust."
Angela took ahold of her lovers hand then looked into those brown eyes she had fell in love with so many years ago. Fareeha nodded to which Angela lifted her royal blue hand slowly guiding her hand to her cheek. When her hand was placed now cupping the pale cheek while Angela stroked her thumb over her yellow knuckles. Fareeha tried her best to feel the heat of her lover's face but she couldn't. Breaking down again not moving her eyes from her hand. "Fareeha ?" Angela looked at her concerned. "I can't... feel... you." Fareeha spoke through sobs. Angela sighed placing a hand on her cheek moving it to her neck. "We'll find other ways. I promise." Angela assured to which Fareeha just nodded focusing on nothing else. Not the cold water, not the tears falling from her eyes, just focused on the blue eyes in front of her with a soft hand placed in her neck.
