Power Lunch: Take Two
A little over a week after the infamous incident at the park went by and much to the delight of every crook, criminal, and bad guy in Townsville, the Powerpuff Girls were out of the state for the weekend because Professor Utonium was visiting his parents and decided to bring the girls with him. Everyone knew that whenever the Powerpuff Girls were out of town, crime rates went through the roof. The Gangrene Gang and Angela walked the streets of Townsville that day wondering what mayhem and chaos they could cause. After all, while the cats were away, the mice would play.
Of course, Ace knew that nothing was going to get done if Angie, Big Billy, Lil Arturo, Snake, and Grubber wouldn’t quit skipping and singing up and down the sidewalks, leaving big gaping holes in their wake thanks to Big Billy’s size.
“Weee’re off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz! He kindly is a wiz of a wiz there ever oh is there was. If ever oh ever a wiz there was…” they sang before Big Billy cut them off interrupting loudly, “I gotta wiz!”
They stopped skipping and Angela groaned, “Can’t you hold it in?”
There was silence for a moment before Billy said, “Never mind. I don’t gotta wiz no more.”
“Ew,” Angela said quickly before changing the subject. “Okay, so what should we do?”
“Wessss could go around giving people wedgiessss,” Snake suggested.
“Nah, we did that yesterday,” Ace reminded him.
“Oooh! The circus is in town!” Arturo cried excitedly. “We could sneak in and make fun of the albino knife thrower and the bearded lady!”
“No thankssss,” Snake said uneasily. “The ssssircussss makessss me nervoussss.” Snake hissed a lot more when he was feeling anxious, and any mention of the circus did just that. “We could paint ourssselvesss with tiger stripessss and free the animalssss at the zoo!”
“That’s the lamest idea I’d ever heard,” Ace said flatly, clocking Snake in the jaw.
“We could go to the park and play four-square using Lil Arturo as the ball,” Angela proposed.
“Why do you always gotta pick on me, Angie?” Arturo asked.
“I only pick on my favorites,” Angela said sardonically.
“You never pick on Big Billy,” Billy reminded her. “Is Big Billy not your favorite?”
“Of course Big Billy’s my favorite,” Angela said in an effort to appease the giant.
“Shut up!” Ace interrupted. “Let’s think of somethin’ to do instead of wasting time!”
Grubber blew a raspberry as though throwing in a suggestion. Angela still couldn’t understand Grubber, but Ace merely waved off Grubber’s idea.
“Nah, we don’t have the car anymore, so that would never work,” Ace said. Angela would never know what Grubber was suggesting, but it was probably a great idea.
“We could rob the convenience store like we did that one time and get superpowers!” Arturo eagerly suggested.
“Yeah, but we need the Powerpuff Girls to hit us with the lasers,” Ace reminded him. “Besides, it only lasts until we hafta take a dump.”
Angela was intrigued.
“Superpowers?” Angela inquired.
Ace told her the story of when they tied up the convenience store clerk at the Circle J and began devouring everything in the store. When the Powerpuff Girls chased them down, they shot the Gangrene Gang with their laser vision causing something very weird to happen.
Of course, Angela was only half paying attention while Ace was talking to her. Instead, she was smiling and nodding as she lost herself in wondering what his eyes were like.
“Well,” Angela said slyly, “if you really need a laser, I think I have something that might work just as well.”
Angela reached down her tube top and pulled out a laser gun. Ace wasn’t sure which was more impressive: how she was able to get something like that in the first place, or how she was able to store so much down there when she wasn’t very well-endowed above the waist.
“Whoa!” Snake gasped. “Where’d youssss find that?”
“Let’s just say that I was able to steal from a certain evil monkey,” Angela told them discreetly.
Of course, that was only half true. Angela didn’t steal from Mojo Jojo. A cutaway shows Angela knocking on Mojo Jojo’s door and asking him if he had any weapons he didn’t want anymore.
“It’s probably not the same kind of laser, but I think it should work,” Angela said. “And if it does, it’ll be awesome sauce.”
“Mmmmmm, Big Billy likes sauce!” Big Billy said as he smacked his lips loudly.
“So what are we’s waitin’ for?” Ace asked getting excited. “Let’s go!”
Luckily, at the Circle J, the clerk wasn’t the same guy that the Gangrene Gang beat up and tied up before the first time they tried this. It was a newer, younger worker that probably hadn’t been working at Circle J for very long, so it was very easy to beat him up and duct tape him to the wall. Angela stuffed a donut in the clerk’s mouth as a makeshift gag.
“What’d you do that for?” Ace asked. “We coulda just used the duct tape!”
“I thought, you know, maybe he’d get hungry watching us empty the contents of this store,” Angela said as she shrugged her shoulders. Ace smacked his forehead before making a beeline for the slushy machine. Angela cracked open a box of Red Hots. Two seconds later, she could hear Ace yelling in pain over at the slushy machine. She looked over at him and tried to stop herself from laughing.
“Psh, I never get brain freeze,” Angela scoffed as she polished off the rest of the box. She loved Red Hots and went back for a second helping before scarfing down some chips with a bottle of the hottest salsa she could get her hands on.
“Guysss, I'm getting full,” Snake announced ten minutes later after stuffing himself with as much taffy as he could eat.
“Me too,” Arturo agreed.
“Arturo, you just stuffed yourself with coffee!” Angela protested. “You know, that stuff stunts your growth, but I see you don’t have to worry about that very much, now do you?”
“I hate you, Angie,” Arturo pouted.
They walked out of the convenience store without bothering to release the poor guy that they duct taped to the wall. They laughed hysterically as the clerk tried to free himself from the wall without any luck.
“Okay, so whose gonna get hit with the gun first?” Angela asked as she pulled the laser gun out from her tube top.
“Oh, oh, do me!” Ace volunteered.
“Um, eww,” Angela said quickly. “Not here in broad daylight.” Ace, who was normally very one-track minded, couldn’t understand why she was disgusted. “Why don’t we all just stand together and I’ll point that laser at all of us?” She suggested.
They agreed as they gathered around Angela, who held the laser in her hand and aimed it straight on at herself and her friends who surrounded her. She pulled the trigger and a red, hot beam of light shot out, engulfing them all.
“Are youssss sure thissss is gonna worksss?” Snake asked nervously.
Angela didn’t answer. It was too late to back out now, but she had a very bad feeling that with this venture, she had ordered more than she could eat. She couldn’t ever recall a time in which she was in so much pain as a searing, burning sensation radiating from her core dominated every fiber of her being. She wondered if she and the other members of the gang would burst like rotten fruits right here and right now. In Hell, the six of them would be sitting around a fiery inferno asking each other where they went wrong.
“MAKE IT STOP!” Big Billy wailed. Angela released the trigger as the six of them collapsed on the ground, writhing in pain.
Angela didn’t feel any different. That is, until a split second later when she felt unusually warm. She slowly rose to her feet.
The warmth became uncomfortable, almost unbearable. The last time she remembered being this warm was when she was Princess’s age and she developed a fever that landed her in the hospital. Pity. It was probably one of the few times in her life in which her parents paid attention to her.
The warmth became more comfortable. In fact, Angela was embracing it. Her soul was on fire and she liked it. She watched as her pale flesh turned bright red. She was so fascinated with the change that she didn’t notice Ace had just sneezed and froze a nearby garbage can. She also didn’t notice Snake craning his neck in a disturbing way around her.
“Hey Angie!” Snake said, trying to get Angela’s attention. Angela nearly jumped back when she noticed Snake had managed to stretch his neck away from the rest of his body. “We all gotsssss the same powersss we did last timessss! Watch!” Snake stretched around a telephone pole as a means of showing off.
Angela looked around at her friends. Ace’s normally green flesh was instead an icy shade of blue. He was asking Grubber if he’d gotten the same powers as last time, and in response, Grubber let out a nasty belch that was probably loud enough to be heard from fifty miles away. Angela looked at the mass of grey rock that was Big Billy and asked, “Why did Big Billy turn into a rock? What kinda lame power is that?”
“What power did youssss get?” Snake asked as his spindly body craned around.
Angela was growing irritated with Snake, so she backhanded him. She didn’t realize that by doing so, flames shot out of her wrists and into her hands. Snake jumped back and yelped from the pain of being burnt in the face.
“Angie’s got fire powers!” Arturo pointed out as he dashed about quickly.
Angela took her palm below her lips as though she were blowing a kiss and more flames shot out.
“Oh hell yeah!” Angela cried. “I could get used to this!”
“Don’t,” Ace told her. “You know it ain't gonna last.”
“Well let’s not just stand here!” Angela cried. “Let’s go do something fun while we still have superpowers!”
“I’ll race ya!” Arturo challenged as he sped down the sidewalk like a speed racer. Angela couldn’t run very fast, but everywhere she went, she left a trail of flaming cyclones in her wake.
She’s hot, Ace thought to himself as he watched Angie torch several buildings. She’s real hot.
Shooting a trail of ice out of his hands, Ace followed the others as he quickly slid by. “For the next few hours,” he announced, “this town is ours!”
He was about to go into the First Bank of Townsville and tell everyone to “freeze” before trapping them in a block of ice, just like he did the last time. But to his surprise, Angie had already beaten him there.
“Gimme the money,” Angela demanded, “or I'm burning this place to the ground.”
Ace watched as the teller nervously counted up the hundred dollar bills and put them in a burlap bag with a dollar sign on it before handing it off to Angela. He grinned approvingly as flames shot out of Angela’s small, square hands, allowing the building to slowly burn.
“Nice move, Angie,” Ace said favorably. If Angela wasn’t already flushed with fever before, she certainly was now. “Now let’s go!”
They took the money and ran as wailing sirens from fire trucks and squad cars blared down the street. Of course, they wouldn’t need to worry if Grubber was belching loud enough to send the vehicles spinning through the air before crashing to the ground.
Ace and Angela caught up with Snake, who was draped in thousands of dollars worth of bling. He must’ve just been to the jewelry store.
“Awesomeness!” Angela complimented, admiring the giant diamond dollar-sign that hung around Snake’s neck. “You finally got some bling to match your pimp-walk!”
“Thankssss!” Snake said as he was admiring his reflection in a puddle caused by a damaged fire hydrant, most likely one that Big Billy crushed. Snake stretched over and picked Big Billy off the sidewalk.
“Watch thissss!” Snake cried.
A block away at a pickle cart, the Mayor was ordering a large dill pickle to enjoy.
“Can I get anything else for you?” Asked the vender.
“Oh! Well, eh, sure!” The Mayor said. “Do you have any of those little sweet gherkins? I always loved those!”
The vender was about to hand the Mayor a small jar of sweet pickles. Of course, the Mayor would never get them. In that instant, Snake dropped Big Billy on top of the pickle cart, thus crushing the poor vender and all of his merchandise.
“Nooooo!” The Mayor cried out in fury.
A few more hours flew by faster than Arturo could run, and the super-Gangrene Gang managed to cover a lot of ground. They looted as many places as they could and caused massive collateral damage to almost every building in the city. The only buildings that, not surprisingly, still remained intact were the Circle J, the pizza shop, and the arcade. Anything else that was left was in the process of burning to the ground.
Angela couldn’t help but laugh at how messed up Townsville was. In Cityville, if she and the gang tried to pull a stunt like this, the military would probably get involved.
“Hehe,” Ace laughed as the other members of the Gangrene Gang looked pleased with their efforts. They stood amongst the rubble and admired the damage they left in their wake. “Not bad, boys!”
“Ahem!” Angela coughed, reminding him that there was a female among them.
“Oh, and eh, you too, Angie!” Ace added quickly.
Suddenly, Angie felt a sickening feeling deep down in her core.
“I don’t feel so great,” Angie said uneasily. “It feels like my stomach is gonna fall out of my ass.”
“Oh God, me too!” Arturo moaned.
“Aww, you meansss it’ssss over?” Snake said in disappointment.
“Big Billy gotta take a dump,” Big Billy announced.
Luckily, there were six porta-potties nearby, and so each of them went into one. Meanwhile, the police surrounded the porta-potties while the police chief announced into a megaphone, “Townsville police! We have you surrounded! Come out of the porta-potties with your hands up!”
It was then that the door to the porta-potty on the end creaked open and Angela poked her head out slightly as she yelled, “Oh my God! Wait your turn!” She slammed the door and there was complete silence.
The next day, the Powerpuff Girls returned to Townsville, horrified at the damage they were being exposed to as the Professor attempted to drive up the cracked roads in his little white car.
“Whoa!” Buttercup cried. “Something crazy happened here!”
“Unfortunately, this is what happens when we leave for the weekend,” Blossom sighed.
“Hey look!” Bubbles pointed out. “It’s the Mayor! Aww, and he looks so sad!”
“Stop the car, Professor!” Blossom demanded. “Come on girls, we gotta find out from the Mayor what happened here!”
The Professor allowed the car to come to a screeching halt as the girls bolted out of the car and landed in front of the Mayor.
“Oh! Hello girls!” The Mayor greeted, oblivious that anything had happened. “Did you have a nice visit with the Professor’s mom and dad?”
“No time for that, Mayor!” Blossom said quickly. “Something happened while we were gone to cause all this damage and we wanna know what!”
“Damage?” The Mayor asked as though he had no clue what Blossom was talking about. “Oh!” His oblivion turned to rage as he raved, “The Gangrene Gang somehow got superpowers and they completely crushed my favorite pickle cart!”
“How’d they get superpowers again?” Buttercup asked irately.
“At least it was probably funny when they realized their powers didn’t last forever,” Bubbles giggled.
“But it wasn’t funny!” The Mayor protested. “They had superpowers and this time, there was a girl with them and she had powers too!”
“A girl?” The Powerpuff Girls asked in unison.
“Psh, what girl would wanna hang out with them?” Buttercup asked bitterly.
“You did!” Bubbles reminded her with a laugh that was bubblier than her namesake.
Suddenly, a monster came crashing through whatever was left of the downtown area. This monster had scaly pink skin, ten eyes, and a giant horn on top of its head.
“You can explain later!” Blossom cried. “Right now, we got work to do! Come on girls!”
A few hours later, the Gangrene Gang found themselves sitting in a jail cell, this time with Angela sitting with them. Ace couldn’t decide which was more irritating: the fact that Angie wouldn’t be able to bail them out this time, or the fact that they were able to repair the jail so fast.
They all sat there quietly moping, when Angela broke the silence with, “Oh boy, did we ever fuck up.” The guys didn’t say much. They just sort of nodded in agreement. “That was fun though! Let’s do that again!”
They all agreed that it was the best few hours of their lives. Finally, two huge guys in the cell next to them shouted, “Keep it down in there!”
“Sorry,” Angela quickly said. She looked at them. They looked like they could’ve been body builders.
“What’re you in for?” The guys asked her.
“Causing massive collateral damage,” Angela replied. “You?”
“We were framed for taking a car radio and beating up a girl,” one of them replied angrily. Angela then looked very, very nervous and the rest of the gang couldn’t figure out why.
“Keep it down in there!” Shouted the warden.
“How long do we have to stay in here for?” Angela asked.
“Until the next chapter,” the warden replied, shattering the fourth wall.
“Oh, in that case, we don’t have to wait very long, do we?” Angela said in relief.