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The Ninja All Stars Tournament

By hana01

Humor / Action

Message from Madara

Chapter One – Message from Madara

Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage of Konoha stared in astonishment at the message in her hand. "Let me see that!" said the short Tsuchikage, jumping up and down to try and see what was in the message.

"Don't hog the message, woman!" Raikage thundered, grabbing it from Tsunade, "What is this? Madara Uchiha wants to seek audience with the five kage's? Preposterous!"

At that moment, when his name was said, Madara appeared atop the kage's conference table – landing precisely on Gaara's cup of tea. "Ow! Hot! It burns!" Madara wailed, jumping around, making muddy footprints on the Mizukage's documents. Madara recovered from his episode as she glared at him. He cleared his throat, "Now all of you listen here – and I do mean all of you. Sasuke, you can come out from behind that flowerpot and round up the rest of your little...team."

The heads of the five kage's turned around in unison to stare at the figure of a young man emerging from behind the flowerpot with a scowl on his face. He was promptly joined by a white-haired boy carrying a sword, a tall orange haired boy and a girl with red hair and glasses.

"Fantastic, attention everyone, I am here to declare-" Madara started.

"War?" Tsunade asked.

"I see, so the fourth ninja war is finally upon us!" said Raikage.

"Wait! Let me finish!" Madara said, annoyed at the interruptions.

"Do go on..." Mizukage said, examining her nails.

"I want to destroy Konoha!" Sasuke yelled, drawing his sword.

Madara rubbed his temples and sighed, "Sasuke, give it a rest and put that thing away..."

"Don't tell me what to do you old - " He was cut short by a blow to the head delivered courtesy of Tsunade. Suigetsu and Jugo looked shocked while Karin looked mutinous.

"Thank you...Tsunade-hime," Madara said while Tsunade visibly cringed at being called 'hime' by Madara. "So, as I was saying, I'm about to be the pioneer of a new tradition in the ninja world...one that will shock you and leave you in awe! Yes this is war, but a war of a different kind, I propose the dawn of the first ever Ninja All Stars Tournament!" Madara declared dramatically.

Everyone present in the room stared at him until... "What the hell?" asked Tsuchikage.

"Have you been driven to senility?" Gaara asked.

"Wait, is this like pop stars where we have to sing and stuff?" Suigetsu asked.

"No and NO, let me explain," Madara said, clearly frustrated, he spent years...no...decades coming up with this and these people had the nerve to suggest that he was insane. He pointed to the kage's, "Gather up your best ninja and then have them sign these." He passed stacks of paper to each of the kage's.

"What are these?" Mizukage asked.

"Indemnity forms," Madara said, "So we don't get held responsible for injuries or loss of possessions."

"So...you're serious about this?" Tsunade asked.

"Do I look like I'm joking? Do you consider me to be the joking type, Tsunade-hime?"

"Well no, and what's with the 'Tsunade-hime'?" Tsunade asked.

"Oh nothing..." Madara said, clearing his throat very loudly, "I have even prepared these information packages for you detailing what's to be expected at the tournament."

More stacks of paper were passed around and the kage's began reading over them. Sasuke was unconscious and his teammates were sitting quietly around him, Jugo spending most of the time trying to keep Karin from groping Sasuke. After a few minutes Gaara finally put his stack down, "This has to be some kind of trick."

"Potato sack race? Egg and spoon race?" Raikage said, leafing through the pages before throwing them into the air. Madara looked highly affronted, "Well if you look on page five, you will see there's baseball and basketball and swimming...among other things."

"Ridiculous!" Raikage said, tearing up the pages.

"Wait a minute, I don't see why we couldn't give this a chance," Mizukage said airily.

"Yes, listen to the lady," Madara said, smiling at her while thinking that from his position atop the table he had a great view of her cleavage. The best part was that neither her nor Tsunade could tell that he was staring at them because of the mask he wore. Masks were indeed handy. "I mean, we all don't want war right?" Mizukage said.

"I'd rather go to war then participate in this farce," said Tsuchikage.

"Mizukage has a point," Gaara said.

"So are you all in then?" Madara asked a bit too enthusiastically, "I mean, uh, what I meant was...whatever, you don't have to join in, I'll host my own tournament."

Tsunade smirked, "Very well, Konoha is in."

"As is Suna."

"And Kiri!"

"Ugh fine, Iwa will be there," Tsuchikage said.

"Raikage-sama?" Mizukage asked.

"Hmph. We will be there and we will win!"

-X-

All the top ninja's of the five great shinobi nations were gathered awaiting Madara's announcement. Madara arrived fashionably late and stood on top of a high podium, "Yes, I have a thing for high places," he said randomly. The ninjas were staring at him, some with wonder, some with irritation, some with murderous intent, and some with boredom. "Now I know why you're all gathered here, but do you know why you're here?"

"For the ninja all stars tournament!" a blonde-haired ninja called out loudly.

Madara turned towards the kage's, "Why did you tell them, it was supposed to be a surprise, I wanted to tell them," he whined, and all the kage's were left wondering if this was really their main adversary that had all the five nations quivering prior to the tournament suggestion.

"Naruto always manages to worm stuff out of me," Tsunade said with a shrug.

"Damn kyubi," Madara said, and he turned back to the ninja's, "Welcome...to the first ever and the greatest thing ever...since me, of course...the ninja all stars tournament where all of you get to participate in a variety of events for the sole goal of being the number one team. Yes, you may clap and cheer now."

But nobody did.

"Now of course there will be prizes to look forward to for the winners. Who wants to hear about the prizes?" Madara asked rhetorically.

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up and release me so that I can crush Konoha," Sasuke screamed because team taka was all bound together with a rope.

"Heh heh, Sasuke, you're going to love this. The winning team gets to annihilate any person, clan, village or country of their choice!" Madara said, sounding pleased with himself.

"If we win, we're so taking him down," Sakura decided.

"And that's not all," Madara continued, sounding like a game show host, "The leader of the winning team will also win a date with Tsunade-hime..."

"What the – who made that arrangement?" Tsunade asked with blazing eyes.

"I did, sweet pea," said Madara.

"EW!" someone yelled from the gathering of ninja's.

"What if Tsunade-sama wins?" Mizukage asked.

"Then she obviously wins a date with me," Madara said. I'll get you back for defeating me, Shodai Hokage...by dating your precious granddaughter, muhahaha.

"We got called back from the dead...for this," said Sasori, who was standing with all the undead Akatsuki and Kabuto.

"So now, each of the kage's as well as myself will draw our team members from this barrel. Each team will consist of nine people," Madara said, bringing out the barrel, which contained slips of paper each ninja had written their name on.

"Hold on just a minute!" Naruto cried out, "I thought we were entering our names for a lucky draw to win ramen."

"Who told you that?" Kiba asked.

"Nobody...I just assumed."

The kage's surrounded Madara, "So you're saying that we don't exclusively get the ninja's from our own country?"

"Of course not! How are we going to promote co-operation between the nations and promote relations?" Madara asked.

"So you're interested in doing that?" Tsunade asked sceptically.

"If it interests you then it definitely interests me," said Madara, with a wink, then he realized that she couldn't see it because of his mask. Tsunade still felt grossed out because of the tone of his voice and the sniggering that came from Tsuchikage.

"Let's just pick our teams quickly and get this over with!" Raikage said, close to losing his temper.

Meanwhile, while the kage's drew their teams, the ninja's were wondering whose team they would end up on. "What if I end up on a team with only girls and they beat me up? What if none of the kage's even want me on their team? Oh no, what if, my name slipped out of the barrel and gets lost and I don't get to be on a team?" Omoi said, his paranoia setting in.

"Dude, chill out," Darui told him.

But all of the ninja's, including the undead ones, were nervous about which teams they would be on.

"Hey if the team I'm on wins can I come back to life?" Deidara asked.

"If the team I'm on wins I want 999,999,999,999,999 trillion dollars." Kakuzu said.

"That's American money. America doesn't exist in our world." Hidan said.

"What doesn't exist?" Sasori asked.

"Exactly!" Hidan commented.

"If the team I'm on wins, then I want to be named Hokage right then and there. No questions asked...just do it." Naruto demanded.

"What about Tsunade-shisou?" Sakura asked.

"Oh damn. I forgot her old ass is still alive. You know, with her being old and all. I just thought since she's been on this earth since before the color Orange she would be-"

Tsunade silenced him with a thunderous right hook to the face knocking him unconscious.

"If the team I'm on wins then I want an all access pass to... DESTROY KONOHA!" Sasuke said.

"Poor little brother. You are so blinded by your rage that you cannot see the Uchiha's demise was their own fault." Itachi commented.

"I'm blind? You're the one who's eyesight is worse than Tsunade is old and-"

Tsunade pounced on Sasuke and began to beat him mercilessly.

"Well er..." Madara began awkwardly. "We will discuss other opportunities for the winners..."

He narrowed his eternal sharingan and rinnegan at Tsunade. 'And if I win...Let's just say that there will be future ninjas with the name Uchiha and/or Senju running around with the Sharingan and blonde hair...'

Kabuto smiled evilly. 'And if I win, then I can bring THEM back...my greatest inspiration in life...my everything...my significant other...the only person I'll ever love mentally and physically...OROCHIMARU-SAMA!'


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