Reagan tried not to cry all the way home. After everything she and Karma had went through she thought that maybe someday her friend will love her. Well the dreaming side of her mind had those kinds of thoughts because the reality was that Karma wasn't into girls so she kept only dreaming about it. After they share a kiss her hopes with Karma went crazy; she really believed that they were destined to be together.
But she didn't love her. Karma was falling for Amy Raudenfeld, and besides the fact that she could fight for her what chances have someone against the first love?
This was the first time Karma was falling for someone, Reagan couldn't compete with that.
All started to have sense when she thought about it: Karma daydreaming at school, the weird obsession with Amy's band and of course that night when they seemed like sisters! Or best friends!
"No." Reagan told to herself. "You're the best friend; Amy is the one she loves."
It was torture to keep thinking about it but she couldn't stop. Every word they had said to each other, every hug, and the kiss… that kiss which had meant so much to Reagan even in the awkward situation it had happened, that kiss was special to her. But in the end it didn't mean anything.
She thought about it again and again but she only began to get mad. She was hurt and sad but in all that she couldn't believe Karma hadn't told her before about the whole Amy thing. That made some sense, though.
Karma had been weird when she was close to some girls. Maybe she has been struggling with her sexuality since a while. Still she couldn’t tell her about it. Reagan was her best friend she could help her to understand it.
"Oh, fuck it! It doesn't matter anymore."
Reagan went straight to her room to try to get some sleep. She didn't want to keep thinking about Karma or about Amy or anything.
She just wanted to dream. Karma loves her in her dreams.
Karma went to Reagan's house without stop. The words she had read kept coming to her mind as she ran the faster she could. It would've been better if she'd take the bus or something but she wasn't thinking straight. All she could think now was Reagan.
"I think I'm falling for you."
"No, Reagan I can't believe what I did. I'm truly the worst." Karma said as she finally could see Reagan's house. She went straight to the door but it was locked. She yelled to Reagan to come out but she wasn't there or she didn't want to talk to Karma.
"C'mon, Rae." Karma said trying to call her but she didn't pick up her phone either.
She tried one thing or another but the door was still close. She didn't even know if Reagan was there for real, but her mind was telling her that she was there and that she needed her.
Karma started to throw rocks at her window. "Reagan please! We have to talk!"
There was no answer.
"Fine, you know what fine, if you don't wanna come out just listen at least." Karma said to the window, she was now fighting the tears. "If I'd know what you were feeling I'd never made you read that paper. And I know you're hurt right now and that probably I'm the last person you wanna see but-but I need you to know…" Karma was tearing apart at that moment, tears falling down her cheeks. "I need you to know that I do love you I-I'm really sorry, Reagan, I truly am."
Karma stood there crying softly until she realized that Reagan wasn’t going to go out. She wiped her tears, defeated, and went back to home.
Back at home
Karma went crying to her home. She felt sad like she'd never been before. For her fault Reagan was probably alone feeling sad and it was all her fault.
"Maybe if I'd been honest with her from the beginning this wouldn't be happening now." Karma thought.
Then her phone began to ring. She took it hoping it'd be Reagan but for her surprise it was Amy.
My god, Amy! Karma thought. "I hope she isn't mad at me for leave."
"Hi, Amy." She said a little shaky. She was still very affected for the situation with Reagan.
"Hi, Karma." she sounded worried. "Is everything ok?"
"Yeah, Amy…" Karma put the best normal tone she could manage. "mm, oh and how do you know my number?"
"I asked to your friend for it." She stopped herself. "Karma if you don't want to talk that's fine but I can see that you're not feeling good. Your voice sounds very sad."
"How could you know that for only hear my voice?" She was surprise Amy could notice that just hearing her voice.
"Because since yesterday when I heard you sing, your beautiful voice is stuck in my head and I can tell now that you're sad."
"Amy…" Karma tried to lie to her but she couldn't keep lying to everyone. "I'm sad, Amy. I did something bad."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"It's fine, besides you're at school I don't wanna cause problems to you."
"You're everything but a problem to me Karma."
The brunette girl stood there without saying anything. There was something about Amy, she barely knew her and she sounded really worried for her. She could tell that Amy really wanted to help her.
"I'm on my car if you want I could go and see you. It's really no problem. I have to take care of my little sis right?"
That made Karma smile a bit. Amy was really something.
"Fine, Amy. I'll send you the direction to your phone."
"Ok, I'll be right there in no time."
"And Amy…?" The blonde waited. "Thanks."
Amy's been doing weird kind of stuffs lately. Having "dirty-weird" dreams, asking girls to go on dates, and now leaving the school because she thinks that Karma might be sad.
"What's going on with me?"
But the true was that she was worried. She couldn't be calm with the image of a sad Karma on her mind. Amy took her phone to call her again just to see if she was in the right direction and her phone began to ring.
Oliver was calling her.
She didn't want to answer. He didn't deserve to be ignored like that but in this moment all she could think about was Karma. Oliver will have to wait.
And then she saw her. Karma was outside of a house wearing the same cute dress from before. Her red hair was like a little shine of sun.
She and went to Karma slowly. She was so damn beautiful.
"Oh my god!" Amy's mind yelled her. "Don't look at her like that you idiot! She'll know what you're thinking about!"
"Hey, Amy." She interrupted her thoughts. She sounded sad but Amy could see that she was trying to smile to hide that from her.
"Hey, little bird." Amy hugged her just to remind her that she was there to help.
Karma took her hand in both of hers and leads Amy to her house. They went to Karma's room. Amy was a bit nervous but tried to act calm. Karma sat at the edge of the bed and patted the side next to her.
"C'mon, sit with me."
Amy did as what she was told and her mind decided to use that exact moment to remind her that they were both actually in bed. And very close to each other and her parents weren't at home…
"So, tell me." Amy said trying to focus on the subject.
Karma took a deep breath. "I did something bad. I hurt somebody very important to me."
Amy nodded giving Karma time to organize her thoughts.
"Reagan, my best friend, she's in-she…" Karma couldn't keep going. She was crying softly now.
"shhh, it's ok, Karma. You can cry if you need to. I'll hold you." Amy said hugging Karma tight to herself.
"I-I can't believe I'm so stupid." Karma cried.
"You're not stupid. Sometimes we all make mistakes, that's all."
Karma hated to be that vulnerable in front of Amy even when she was so comprehensive with her. She hated to feel like a problem.
"You feel better now?"
"Yeah… you're soft, I mean sweet!" Every fucking time, Karma thought. Why can't I be normal in front of the girl I like?
Amy laughed at Karma's blush. "It's ok, Karma. You're soft too."
Karma's face was red in seconds. She hasn't noticed but she was still in Amy's arms. When she realized that the heat between the girls was growing more and more.
"I have to get out of here." Karma said when she couldn't resist it any longer.
Amy tried to catch Karma but she put too much force in it and they ended up on the floor. Amy was in top of Karma, her face only inches to hers. The smell of her hair was like a drug to Amy and she couldn't think.
Karma's eyes were glue to Amy's lips. Without words she started to beg Amy to kiss her. The blonde's mind was thinking in all the reasons she shouldn't do this, but when Karma closed her eyes just lost it. Karma wanted this. She leaned in to meet Karma's lips…
…but she couldn't.
She stood there, paralyzed. She couldn't do this. Karma was a girl this wasn't supposed to be happening.
Amy slowly crawled to the bed without looking at Karma. She didn't know what to do or what to say. She had never felt a tension that strong, and she couldn't understand it. Her body was begging to her to go down and kiss Karma, and yet she didn't move.
Karma sat next to Amy carefully. She knew Amy wanted to kiss her, she could see it in her eyes but still she didn't kiss her.
"What happened?" Karma whispered afraid of the answer.
Amy put her head on her knees. She was so ashamed of herself for everything. She was ashamed of her for deny her feelings. She really did like Karma but in the moment she just couldn't kiss her.
"I'm sorry Karma." Amy whispered too.
Karma reunited all her strength to keep going. "I thought you-you like me… or something…"
Amy was crying now. Her head still on her knees. She was so afraid. "It's not that I… Karma, I'm not like that. I don't like girls."
Karma was crying too but she couldn't stop talking. "I didn't ask if you like girls, I asked if you like me."
She couldn't keep hearing her. Amy stated to run outside the house to her car. Karma didn't try to stop her. She just saw her leave. She hugged her pillow and cried feeling horrible.
She kept crying softly. At some point she heard her door, and then someone hugged her. It was Reagan.
Karma tried to say something but she was sobbing like crazy.
"shhh, Karms. It's ok, I'm here with you."
Lauren called Amy for the fifth time. And for her surprise she did answered.
"Amy!" she yelled through the phone. "Where have you been? You can't run away from school when you please."
She didn't sound very good and Lauren began to worry. "It's everything ok, Amy? Where are you?"
"I'm just driving."
Lauren knew something had happened but she needed to see her first. "Ok, Amy, why don't you go home and I'll meet you there."
"I want to be alone now."
"Amy, please. I know something happened. You can trust me. We can talk."
Lauren heard a sob through the phone. "Ok, Lauren. I'll go home now then."
"Ok, bye." Lauren was worried now. "Damn it, Amy!"
"What's going on, little one?" Oliver appeared from nowhere.
"Nothing, I just need to go." She started to run to the car when she realized Amy took it.
"That was a very lady move." Oliver joked.
"Oh, fuck you Oliver what's your problem lately?"
"I have no problem! Ok I've been mad at Amy and I've been kind of an ass but I really want to help. So I can take you home if you like."
Lauren didn't want to but she didn't have a choice.
The ride was awkward and silent. Both were thinking in what they want to talk with Amy. When they were outside of the house, Lauren stopped Oliver.
"Look, I know you want to know what's going on with Amy. But know she's really sensitive and it's not the best moment to talk. Just let me talk to her now and when she's better I'll tell her to talk to you, ok?"
Oliver didn't want to leave and more even if Amy was feeling bad but he knew he couldn't change Lauren's mind. He nodded and went back to home to wait for Amy.
Lauren found Amy in her room sobbing as she hugged herself.
"Amy. What's going on?" Lauren said as she hugged her. "Why are you crying?"
"I don't know what's wrong with me, Lauren..."
"Nothing's wrong with you, why you say that?"
"That girl from before? What's with her?" Then Lauren's tone changed. "Did she do something to you? Because I swear I'll kill her."
Amy wiped her tears furiously. "It's not that Lauren! It's me! I-I don't know what to do!"
"What do you mean, Amy? Just tell me."
Amy hid her face in her sister's hair and then took a deep breath. "I think I'm feeling things for Karma. Like romantic things.”