Konoha's Bash

Chapter 13

This is definitely something cooked up by Jiraiya and Tsunade to embarrass us! Sakura thought, eyeing how Jiraiya and Tsunade seemed to be enjoying themselves. Sakura didn't mind one bit though, this was the most fun she'd had in ages. By this time, much of the crowd was either passed out or having the time of their lives.

So, that Hidan guy is an Elvis wannabe, that Tayuya chick is really girly, Naruto wants ten kids...shit, Sakura wants to be a chef...bleah, my life is boring...gotta change that, Hinata trains naked...whoa and Hiashi is psycho, Shikamaru is a future alcoholic and Temari is a rapper...damn, thought Sasuke, rubbing his hands together with a feeling of discomfort.

Hinata was nervously smiling at Kiba from atop the stage and Kiba was grinning at her with a bit of drool hanging off his chin. Naruto was obviously thinking some hyperactive thoughts; like using the crowd as a mosh pit.

"Neji and Tenten to the stage!"

Neji walked up to the stage filled with dread, his palms were so sweaty that Tenten's hand was slipping out of his grasp. He wanted to wipe that idiotic grin off Naruto's face and he just wanted to punch Sasuke for no reason.

"Tenten, what is the one thing that Neji can't stand about you?" Jiraiya asked.

Tenten looked at Neji in shock and Neji grew even more uncomfortable. He had a feeling things were going to get ugly. "Neji, there's something you can't stand about me?" Tenten asked.

"Hey, I'm the one asking the questions here," Jiraiya told her.

"I – I'm not sure...my hairstyle?"

"Wrong! He can't stand how the conversation is always one-sided with you, he is never able to get a word in and you always ask the questions and answer them yourself!"

"That's...that's not true!"

"Well then here is the evidence, courtesy of Gai-sensei," Jiraiya said, pointing to the big screen television. In the video being streamed, Tenten and Neji were sitting at a table, "Hey Neji, you want something to eat?"

"Uh-" Neji began to say.

"Cool, I'll get you some pumpkin and rice!"

"But I-"

It skipped to the next scene, "Hey Neji, wanna go check out those new ninja tools?"

"Um-"

"Sweet let's go!"

Next scene, "Hey Neji, how are you today?"

"I-"

"You're good as usual hey!"

"Wow, she's conversation enough for the both of them," Naruto said.

"I do not always do that!" Tenten countered.

"Yosh! Yes you do, very unyouthful," Lee shouted.

Tenten looked pleadingly at Neji but he just sighed, "Tenten...I hardly ever get a word in when we speak..."

"Hmph, I do that because I wanted to spare you the trouble of talking since you don't seem to like talking much!"

"Okay, okay, break it up here, Neji your question about Tenten is...which ninja's ninjutsu or weapon does Tenten think is the most useful?"

"Obviously the byakugan combined with the jyuuken," Neji said smugly.

Gai pressed his buzzer immedietly.

"Gai-sensei, may I have the opportunity to press this buzzer next?" Lee inquired.

"Sure my student!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Ga-"

"Um yeah, that is incorrect, the correct answer was that Tenten thinks Naruto's weapon of mass seduction – the harem technique is the most useful!"

"Yay," Naruto said, holding two fingers up in a victory sign.


"Gentlemen, I think it's time to abort mission here," Konan said with a sombre look on her face.

"Why?" asked Kisame, who had stopped mopping the kitchen to stare at Konan. She gestured to her fellow Akatsuki members to follow her into the bathroom area.

"Konan-sama, you can't go into the men's room, un," Deidara pointed out. Konan gave him a scathing look and pushed the door open. The Akatsuki, except Hidan, gasped.

"Leader-sama is dead!" Tobi cried, rushing to Pein's side.

"He isn't dead, he's just passed out," Konan said wearily.

"Oh...Tobi is glad! Not glad that Leader-sama is passed out, glad that he is not dead"

"Help me to get him out of here. The sooner we get him out of here, the sooner we all can get out of here!" Konan said.

"Finally...this has been a farce from the very beginning," Kakuzu commented.

Kisame hoisted Pein up and carried him out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen.

"We can't go now," Deidara said suddenly.

"Why not?" Sasori asked.

"Hidan is still participating in the contest..."

"Oh yeah, and where is Itachi?"

"He said something about twister, un," Deidara muttered.

"Twister?" Konan inquired. Deidara just shrugged and went back in the hall to watch the show. Next up was that kid from Suna and his date. Deidara was thoroughly enjoying all the embarrassing stories and scenarios. This was a great party...except for the fact that he was in a dress and getting more attention as a female than he did as a male.


"So Kazekage, your question, what is the one thing that Matsuri is most proud of?"

The serious Gaara spoke softly in the microphone, "It's her accomplishments as a ninja."

"Sure it is..." Jiraiya said with a wink. This time Lee pressed the buzzer and continued to press it for a long time until Kurenai stopped making out with Asuma and smacked Lee's hand away from the buzzer.

"Little Matsuri has a shrine in her bedroom worshipping Kazekage Gaara!" And the picture of such a shrine was being streamed on the big screen in the hall. There was a collage of various photo's taken of Gaara while he wasn't looking, some sand was scattered all over the floor and there were various bottles labelled 'Gaara's hair', 'Gaara's scent' or 'Piece of Gaara's shirt'. Needless to say, Gaara was a bit taken aback and Matsuri was blushing like crazy.

"Naruto, please tell me you don't have one of those in your room dedicated to me," Sakura said.

"Come on Sakura-chan, you've been in my house and there isn't anything like that! But do you have one like that for me?" Naruto asked.

"No!" Sakura said defensively, "Although..."

"Yes?" Naruto asked, blue eyes glowing.

"When I was young and stupid, I did have something similar for Sasuke..."

"What!" that was Sasuke, who was apparently eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Relax, I got rid of it a long time ago."

"Matsuri, how did the elder Ebizou calm five year old Gaara down when he went into fits of rage?"

Matsuri had to think about this, while Gaara was looking disturbed ...even more disturbed then when he found about Matsuri's shrine.

"Um...gave him a teddy?"

The buzzer went off and Gaara grimaced.

"I think the video we're about to stream will speak for itself," Jiraiya said.

The video featured elder Ebizou talking to Jiraiya, "Yeah, so one day, while I was baby-sitting, little Gaara-sama was hysterical, almost going into his Shukaku form and I phoned Yashamaru who told me to play Gaara's 'Happy Pal's Hour' video for him." Ebizou handed Jiraiya the videotape. The scene suddenly changed to some puppets doing some unmentionable acts. People in the crowd screamed and the scene switched back to Ebizou and Jiraiya. "So as you will see once you have watched this, it was a terrible mistake on my part because it appears that Gaara-sama's father labelled his puppet pornography as the title of Gaara-sama's favourite tv show so he wouldn't get caught. It was actually the infamous 'Suna's Blue Ocean' series. I didn't check it beforehand, nevertheless, it worked like a charm to calm Gaara-sama down!" Ebizou chuckled.

"Suna doesn't even have a blue ocean!" Kankuro said incredulously, while wondering how he could get his hands on the series.

"Oh crap, danna, puppet porn, hahaha," Deidara laughed. However, Sasori was not looking impressed.

"Let's get back to business, I call upon Shino and Ino!" Jiraiya announced.

Ino threw Sakura a smirk which caused Sakura ball up her fists. Shino was stoic as usual.

"Shino, your question about Ino is...how many guys has Ino dated?"

Shino was quiet for a while before, "She is a ninja, therefore she has no time to date."

"That was the exact same thing she said when she broke up with me!" Kiba rose and shouted.

"And me too!" a random voice said from the audience.

"What? When did you date her?" Kiba asked.

"In March."

"That's when I was dating her!"

"Whoa, me too," yelled another random from the audience.

"That's impossible, I was dating her back then!" Kankuro interjected.

"This is ridiculous, did you two date her too?" Sakura inquired from Naruto and Sasuke.

"Of course not Sakura-chan, I only have eyes for you!" said Naruto.

"No," said Sasuke.

"Phew."

Then Shino surprised everyone by saying, "Ino-san, we should date."

"I thought you'd never ask!" Ino said happily.

"Enough of this, we're down to one last question before this event is over, Ino, your question about Shino...why does Shino visit your flower shop so often?"

"Hahaha, for some reason that didn't sound right, un," Deidara laughed. Sasori just shook his head.

"Isn't it obvious? To visit me!" Ino answered confidently. Predictably, the buzzer went off.

'Wrong, he likes to bring his bugs to feast off your flowers nectar," Jiraiya said.

Deidara was bent over double with laughter, "That definitely didn't sound right!"

"That concludes the contest for Mr and Miss Konoha, we shall leave the judges to deliberate while Kankuro entertains us with a puppet show. For those who find puppet shows boring...there is a game of twister going on which I will surely be joining! The last item on tonight's program will Oreo the snake charmer backed up by the Sound Five, then we will announce the winners of Mr and Miss Konoha, so don't go anywhere!"


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